Most send and keep their representative in the forefront when they attempt to get to know or claim to date people. This is where they feel comfortable at. Nothing invested means there is less likely of hurt and feelings. The disposable faux relations that are the rage of this day and age.
But in talks with folks lately in what I have called the *Full Disclosure* discussions there has been a diverse response to say the least.
There are those that are glad to be standoffish and not invest anything. They don't want to be hurt. They don't feel that anyone can live up to standards like husbands, boyfriends, fathers etc. So there is this automatic insurmountable wall that will always be there unless a miracle changes their mind. Any type of intimacy, closeness or involvement of emotions and feelings creates a shut down, sabotage and attack/defense mode. It is their ptsd of the past, present and future that creates their position. So these are the ones that may want to be pursued to the ends of middle earth and still may not get past the ramparts of their cold dead heart.
The next set of individuals that spoke on this were those that were one foot in and one foot out. They have their defenses up and there is going to be a long journey to get past them. But their actually want an intimate connection but they are wary because of many different reasons. They begin with their representative and then allows their true self to show up at some point. There will be plenty of starts and stops but patience can possibly when them to be themselves fully with you at some point.
Lastly, there are those of us that have no need for representatives. We know what we choose and want and make it known and make it happen. It is blunt force trauma for those that are not in this situation. Believe me I have had deep experience with this since I am blunt force trauma and was told I should not be forthcoming at all about how I feel or what I want until others have reached their comfort zone. But for me it is informational. That is all. As Lipz and I were talking about it, we just find it as refreshing knowledge instead of playing the hinting, guessing and assumption game that so many want. As we discussed though when we present ourselves, where and how we are it brings about a desire for many to put their defenses up higher and run for the border. lol I have definitely been privy to that first hand a couple of times.
As discussions have evolved from all sides. I still stick with the prevailing fact that vulnerability in achieving your goal is strength and knowledge. When I tell you exactly how I feel, what is going on and my position. It gives you information to understand and be connected to me in a more profound way. It is not some around about way or deceitful path to circumvent someone. Especially if you are honestly interested, investing, caring and loving them.
But vulnerability and the pursuit of love, happiness, connection and life are like kryptonite to most. The mere mention of it will send many into a panic attack or attempt to create the biggest defense ever seen by anyone. That fear of rejection or a return of negative things from the past are the shackles that you choose to keep. The burdens that you choose to make sure that you will not have any growth in this area.
I am no guru or expert. I am just me, myself and I. The lone entity that will always just be ME. Vulnerability is part of being able to lead. Those that have severe issues with vulnerability show it most evidently.
But like ms 82nd airborne and Black Sheep has said...
THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!
