Poetry: Gargoyle Serenade

Gargoyle Serenade

Crimson and cream

Permanency in black

Different like atoms

Still similar like

Sisters

I am

The monument to evil

Angry and distant

Yet right there

Misunderstood

Disbelief in my choice in

Originality

Bathed in

Their blood

The blood of their enemies

My duty

My watch

To the end of the campaign

I remain

Etched in stone

Weathered and worn

Simplistically cold

Stalwart complexity

My presence

Each step a stomp to a Masta Ace beat

Even in silence my presence assaults like the 501^st

Intended and unintended intimidation

Flat line

Your heart, soul and mind

For what I represent

Like finding an alien invasion

Yet I remain

Throughout all the storms

Self-destruction and preservation

I am the buckler when you waver

The bodyguard that stands out the way

Tank that rolls through everything

The war that you never have to bring or manage

From the chocolatezeus collection  8/25/17  ©

Uncharacteristic Moment Reveal

This is one of those times where I need comfort. That comfort of talking, laughing, chilling, fucking and play. Everything doesn't have to happen but hell if one happened now it would help.

Arrived in damn awful state of bama this morning at 424am. I rode straight on through the storms and all to get my aunt, her sister and uncle here.

The female parental unit liver and kidneys are at 13 percent. Heart function is at 15 percent. And none of that bothers me.  Yeah, I have been up there to see her today after we arrived.

That black and white view that red and babygirl always talk about me having has about went to straight black now with the way things have rolled. I have managed but now I am wondering why bother managing any of it.

I know it is strange but I actually need some comfort from whoever I am dating or with once in a blue moon to keep things in balance and not be in a murderous rage.  I am looking at the scale and that bitch is broke hard to the side right now.

Yeah, hugs, kissing, cuddling, rub down and that special move lil red does would make things bareable right now.


Angry ABM locked and loaded. Prepared for action!!

The Gravel Pit....Week in Review

lol the title is because I am listening to my theme music and Wu Tang's "Gravel Pit" is playing.

It has felt like operation rolling thunder. The odds have been seriously stacked and the fighting brutal. But hey, it is what I am created for.

The female parental unit is in the hospital again. And things have progressed even worse. But this has been ongoing like I thought when she was hospitalized last year. But dealing with heart, kidney and liver failure issues maybe she will realize not to try to keep this from folks while she is running around being nosey. I will be driving auntie and the other sister down to bama some time soon.

As "I don't give a fuck" plays now...

Strange how people have come to me or accepted my help in the lifestyle. I am after all the anti everything nice and sweet. lol But I don't have an issue with helping now that I have some knowledge and experience to offer help from.

It is entertaining when they pick at me saying that I am really nice and not mean or the shock when they realize that I am more than Evil who is on the conference calls and says what needs to be said regardless.

Honestly I do give a fuck. I give such a fuck that it pisses lil red and lil one off. Because I am overbearing. *shrug* I am not going to change being concerned about those I care about safety and well being.

Bouncing to "X" by Xzibit

My god daughter and the car adventures have continued like I unfortunately thought they would. She wants me to co sign with her father to get her a car. After her and her womb donor bought a car in Texas. smh And can't get it back to Tennessee. I knew this wasn't going to go well she told me they bought a 2013 for 500.

There have been questions of my comfort and needs. And those things use to be factors to me. But after all that has happened I put them away. Seeking comfort from those I am involved with or those I have a relation with just came to a stop. There is no need to put anything on them anyway. They have had more than enough going on. Especially lil red and lil one.

Biggie's "Hypnotize" thumps in conclusion

I have to say this fits. They always call me Biggie. And the stuff that has gone on lately has definitely qualified as some hypnotize description.

Right now I am definitely on the Bizarre Ride! lol

This transmutation of my life currently has been one of unbelievable perspectives.  From the solitude and solitary refinement. To those that have stepped into the fray for different things.

Just going to continue the war until it it time to end it and make my mark.


Have a good one. I hope you had a good week and weekend. If not do something about it. There is still time.

A Burning Hole In Time

Last monday was Chocolate Doll's birthday. A lot was on my mind. From the past to the present and the future. It didn't help that the male parental unit was here. That really fucking made the day horrible. That is why I stay away from the parental units during anniversary, her birthday and stuff.

It took me into thinking about how things were, have been and will be. Chocolate Doll wanted me to live after she was gone. We had that discussion before she died. That live life fully.

I care about, like and appreciate redvelvet and babygirlprincess. They have been who I have been with over these years. Our adventures, our disagreements and more. Even things with my Ru and tigger have have been transmuted into something else. But all have been what was needed.

There has been a serious influx of thinking, feeling and emotion. Things swirled around and manifested in force ghosts and more.  The storms have been crushing and the eyes of them have been like a library.

So with everything changed. I have reached out and gave invite to what is now.

I finally met up with Charlie after all these months he has been gone from the cigar shop. I know there is more than he is telling that happened but I can respect that. Just was good to see him for a minute and just shoot the shit and chill. That old, white biker guy is definitely a brother to me.


Well, the next major issue to deal with has happened tonight. So it is time to deal with things.


Wish you well. Don't let experiences and life past you by.

I Walked Into the Minefield and the Minefield Won

So here we go with a week review...

It has been a long week. Fatigue, not sleeping, eating barely and a little bit of everything has gone on. Life was covering it's bases apparently.

I will and have walked through the bottom of hades and hell for those I love. Even when it is them that are the current enemy. Right now I am bloody and battered beyond recognition. But still love, caring and concern remain my mission.

Things with babygirlprincess opened my eyes to things with everyone that I was involved with. The factors, miscommunication, mistakes.  One of those things was that I asked them to be and do something that was strictly for and of me. So I had to apologize for that.

Definitions of needs, comforts and feeling have changed. An full metal alchemist transmutation.All from experience, miscalculations and observations.

I ask you
Just take my hand
Let Us stand
stand together
once again

this evolved
relationship
a 3rd Bass
Product of the Environment



Maybe it is time to call Amanda Wahler. Ready taskforce x.

Send the Suicide Squad in


And I missed Charlie at the cigar shop wednesday unfortunately. I haven't seen him in like 3 months. Missed him by 30 minutes.

The Joker and Apocalypse symbol in the air
Is Mr Wolf dead?

Hip Hop Made Me...44 Years after the birth of hip hop

Yesterday was the 44th anniversary of the birth of hip hop. A music genre that changed things, illuminated and created so many new aspects.

Growing up in Japan and Germany started my immersion and development in hip hop. It is where I began being a head phone and music lover. Always with my headphones and music going. Even up to this day.

I can remember watching the Tomblin twins mixing and scratching back in the YHS days. The music rocking and the fascination. Hell, the japanese would have all the new music to enjoy. It was wear I bout my first vinyls at. Some Kurtis Blow 8 million stories, aj scratch and basketball being playing from vinyl on my boombox. lol

Artists like:

• Afrikan Bambatta
• Dougie Fresh
• Kool Moe Dee
• the Boogie Boys
• Just Ice  (that damn Latoya is still the business)
• BDP
• Mantronix

and the list goes on and on. I may not have been able to dance but I loved some music. From gangsta to mob music and the southern style. 

Hip hop inspired changes into all aspects of life. Now we hear hip hop songs in commercials that back in the day would never have let that get in the building. Or to hear white girls doing Sir Mix a Lots "baby got back." Is still hilarious. 

Today I am still jamming the old school hip hop. Key to my ABM most of the time especially with some Onyx, Tupac, DMX and stuff. 

So yesterday I went through videos and posted on facebook. From my lust over big tit Lisa Lisa from lisa lisa and cult jam to the lyrical greatness of KRS1. Had me dancing, bobbing my head and thinking about memories. 

Memories like listening to 3rd Bass and 2Live Crew on my way to Ibiza Spain from Germany.  Or all the tommy boy records from jammig on the westside of Yokota Japan. 

It made me feel good, smile, laugh and grin at so many things as I just went through them all and lived. 

It still makes me laugh at the young boy at the airport talking about gucci man is old school. Damn, I must be more ancient than I thought. lmao

Well, enjoy yourself and the music move you. 

Social Experiment: the Perception of males and females

Ok so I was messing around and decided to do a google image search for quotes with the subject of men quotes and women quotes.

I found it interesting that no matter whether it was the search using women quotes or men quotes that the results remained the same. And I am not talking about the same images. I am talking about the types of images that showed up.

Basically the images all seemed to vilify or make the man seem to be the unintelligent brute while the women is the being that can do no wrong and is being exploited and destroyed by the man.  From men cannot love a woman to men are gods and so forth. On the other side it was things like it will be alright, you will find a real man out of the masses that will make you a queen and etc.

This is the perception of men by women? This is what society enforces and teaches?

Feel free to look for yourself.

Tell me your thoughts.

The Cliched Man

As a man and a Dominant there are so many generalizations that it is funny. There are thousands of them but I am just going to throw some out there so I can continue laughing.

As a Dominant:

You are just a pimp trying to sell girls and fuck them.
Well actually they do what they want and they are not selling pussy unless they wanted to.

All you want to be and are is a player. You are playing with all those girls heads.
Actually they know of each other and some have actually met. lol

You just want them to do what you say. Be your slaves.
Actually I would love to have a slave. And submission is their choice to submit to me. Once again THERE CHOICE. lol


As a Man:

You are just running up in all the pussy you can get.
Actually I have a lot less sex with the exact same partners than you do.

Just a man whore.
See the previous answer.

Just can't settle down and be committed.
Actually my committment takes a lot more work than your one on one and vanilla situation.


There is always almost the great redundancy in these things when it comes to people. But wait this is not only vanilla folks but also folks in the lifestyle.

Because I like titties, ass and pussy. I love seeing naked females with great bodies. And I am more prone to have a relationship with someone that we decide to fuck each other on the first date than someone that won't do that (lol I got married that way.)

These cliched views ar like constant bombardment but at this point I am use to it all. We will just fight in the shade as the Spartans would say.

Poetry: Just Me and My Friends

Just Me and My Friends

Despondent

Like a cruise ship

Tossed like salad at sea

While being eaten

By the Kraken

There is just me

Only me

One-man army

Aka Bad Company

Sitting and drinking

Lost in comradery

Empty

Base line

Unmoving

Feelings

Perched on this

Gilligan’s island to the extreme

With no one else

Or rescue to be seen

Feeling

Loyalty

Forward thinking

Investing

The enemies

So I hang out

Spend time with the friends

Because in the end

They won’t

Bullshit me

From the chocolatezeus collection  8/9/17  ©

Poetry: Holding These Truths to be Self Evident

Holding These Truths to be Self Evident

Venomous spit

Of the ones

That mention

Love and caring

Leaving me to

Smile at them

Read their intent

Understand the long list of

Self and self service

As I contemplate

Designate their existence

Original flames

Either

Extinguished or diminished

Regardless

Contained

Still

The final curtain call

Remains

Their decision to be seen

From the chocolatezeus collection   8/8/17  ©

Send In the Clowns

Sir Bear had posted about songs that represented your dynamic as well as how you are feeling today and got me to thinking.

My song for the dynamic is...

https://youtu.be/O_1ruZWJigo


The title, actions, adventure pretty much sums things up.

But it made me think about how things are with red and babygirlprincess lately. The issues, interpretations, miscommunications.  All are part of what is going on in their lives as well as mine. It has been trying. There has been very little level of comfort at all. But weathering the storms is what I do because I know the possible goals at the end.

After reaching into the abyss, allowing death to grip and comfort me I made decisions. Deciding to give both red and babygirlprincess exactly what they both want and need. They can be happy, content and live to whatever they choose to.

I embrace the journey that has began. The changes that have happened this year through experience, being around proper people, seeing slaves and submissives living and enjoying. I have been graced with eye opening things this summer especially. And I look forward to even greater things from this point on.

From the depths of Hell I sit. Comforted and understanding.


*cue the Long Kiss Goodnight*

Insecurities...the Relationship Killer

People have things that they are insecure about. That is part of most of their lives.

Due to actions, activities and discussion though I had to say a few things on this.

Insecurity is an issue when it is used as a tool, weapon or defense system. Like when someone is stretching to find something to compare to a bad experience they had previously. Or I can't put any effort into being with or interested in until you make me feel comfortable is said.

And for those in the feminist, female and perpetrators of the use of their inseurities in the way I described above I am NOT saying that you can change immediately or even more than 10 percent. But damn, every bit helps and effort has true VALUE and MEANING.

It can be hard for people to address, understand and especially deal with their insecurities. Hell, even when I try to help with their insecurities there is backlash, attitude and all out combativeness. So yeah I am good.

As with most things you have to make a choice on where you will stand. What will be accepted and the next necessary action.

It's all good, without a doubt though.

Poetry: As the Gavel Falls Upon Related Remnants

As the Gavel Falls Upon Related Remnants

The death toll

Of my heart and soul

To infinity and beyond

Populicide

Is all that is on my mind

Iceberg slim cold

Remains too warm for me anymore

Recipient

Participant

In these cryptic faux episodes

As I cock my head

Stare into the abyss

As their words and actions

Give way to fraudulent hieroglyphs

Aspects of

Feelings

Caring

Alleged importance

All and more

Forever held in the

Ultimate contempt

Well court is in session

Handing out death sentences

Penalties of life non existences

Removal of

United citizen ship

Court is adjourned

From the chocolatezeus collection  8/6/17  ©