Poetic Moments: Close Proximity to Infinity

Close Proximity to Infinity

I watch the tumble weed blow by

Blinking as I gather my thoughts again

Thinking

Wait

I thought we were closer than this

That we were steppers

Twirling and dancing together

Cheek to cheek

To our own beat

The old western barren town music

Weighs in

It’s horning giving my heart

Credence

Left to ponder

The evidence

Then versus now

Undocumented relevance

Apples and oranges

Comparisons

Or was this all a dream

Like Biggie rapped

Filled with dreams and promises

Pink elephants

And the happily ever after

Obituary aftermath

It is hard

Slippery slope

To hold on and grasp

Station keeping

Amid the ultimate storms

All I can do is

Tilt my hat

Pull up my scarf upon my face

Feel the pelt of the

Sands of time

Left to see

Just how the sands of time

Will affect these

Intimate moments and times

From the chocolatezeus collection  11/7/16  ©

Committment: Burger King Style

After a conversation about commitment poly vs mono lifestyle I find myself really looking at the difference and chasm between females and men.

So the ultimate poly people feel that there is no commitment to them if who they are with is married and says their wife is everything. As I stated if the relationship is still what you want and hasn't changed the fact that they have a deep connection with their wife shouldn't make a difference. But then again I am NOT a female. This need and ideology of competition between females gets really crazy most of the time.  Why is there a need to compare themselves to others is beyond me.

Add to that the whole disgust and disbelief in marriage and relationships for most females. And with that you got a wonderful clusterfuck. Now, if you don't want marriage, relationships or whatever then by all means enjoy. Just stop dabbling with and having issues with those that want, believe in and are into those things.

For myself there is a difference. I am not married, but I was. And I had the greatest relationship with my wife in that short period of time. Does that mean that I cannot love and be deeply committed to another female? No, I wouldn't be in the two relationships that I have currently if that was the case. Especially with the way females are and if I let my experiences in the dating bullshit affect everything.

Me, Myself and My Commitment

Loving and being married to my wife was a very precious thing. No one or anything will detract, compare or emulate that. And I do not want any to disrespect me and attempt to.

My commitment is given based on what I feel, see and choose with an individual based on who and what they present. The need for females to do this comparison and competition thing is unnecessary. Just like I am not doing that about males they done had and all that. Either we ride and you accept me for me or you die and get left as a footnote in my history.

You can see it as harsh, unfeeling and uncaring but there is the wall of china there for all to understand and choose what side they want to be on. I can and will be committed to you but that is only if you are down for the same thing and realize I am not you, anyone you know or anyone else and I won't emulate them either.


Sooo..

If you need things your way and to go your way.  Then burger king's motto is "you can have it your way."  That has never and will never work over here.  The references will tell you.

Salud

Poetic Expression: You vs. Them: Winning

You vs. Them: Winning

Each caress of your face

Soothing and comforting

I feel the connection

The energy

Flowing

Your acceptance

Understanding

Abilities

You understand

Your importance

The connection

Your place

With me

I bask in your smile

Feeding off of you

Tethered in

Intoxication

Fully

No one equals

Equate to

What we have

The you and me

Heart beat props

As you dance upon my soul

Our adventure

Soul stirring

Just a few of the reasons

That you stand out

Have been chosen

And remain a part of me

From the chocolatezeus collection  11/1/16  ©

After the Garden...the Aftermath

After the Garden

I knew what I was in for from the beginning

Looking at the damaged petals

Wilted and dead vegetation

Struggled with the decision

Do I want to be bothered

Is it worth handling

Or this just another disaster

Waiting?

No pleasure

No joy anticipated

Merely results that were needed

I chose

Fought with the death as a whole

A garden bent on things being

Status quo

So I destroyed each flower

Tore each petal off

Salted the earth

Turned something dead into

Something different

Able to have a future other than

It’s previous fucked up course

My weather turned cold

Realizing that the garden would be gone

Never ready to be my own

No feelings

Project incomplete to my standards

But better than before

Apathy in place

Nothing left to care for

Oh well

Let the garden go

It’s on it’s own

And my learning curve

Has astronomically grown

The death

Warming and comforting

Soothing my soul

From the chocolatezeus collection  11/1/16  ©

So Yeah It Was Some Good Days (Ice Cube playing)

Ice Cube has been bumping along with Ice T and Tupac.

When I finally passed out and got up this morning at 6 I was in a good mood. The music was going and I was dancing around rapping with the music. Hell, I even got my dance on. lol

Why you say? Well, it was a number of things.

I realized that my lil red and little one were in places with me that were more in line than I thought. In a different way that I thought. They have served me and everything. Things have definitely grown over the last 2 and 1 year. Things developed in ways I wasn't interested in at first. I love them and am thankful for them.

A few days in Tampa changed everything. It was a great way to end the week that I had last week. The drive down was decent. And of course it gave me more time to think outside of being here in the port city. I spent the mornings sitting by the river walk outside the hotel having a cigar, talking to the hotel guy that ran the hotel's pier, other guests and enjoying the scenery by the water. There were some sexy chicks jogging and walking the river walk definitely. And it was cute to see the kids and adults dressed up in costumes as well.

Some business got handled as well so it was productive time as well.

The things that are the opposite of what people see with me are what I need. Things like love, passion, intimacy, lust, desire and etc. I got to that point with my girls now and I relish in it when it is available. So yes Evil wants to cuddle, get massage and back rubs and all.

little one's attentiveness has made things better for me to handle. And has been accepted and understood the reasoning and application of our D/s relationship.

lil red has shown me what I saw behind everything when we first started 2 years ago. And bringing out harley the last few days fed my Beast Mode nicely. A must need requirement these days. So as she said I got my Ryback on. lol The lust, slut and the Monstar was out and it tasted and felt so so damn good!

Looking at the two of them I realized where I am, where we came from and the availability of the future. Tempered and realistic i will continue to figure out the possibilities anyway but I am good. And when I felt good today I was glad and pleasantly surprised.

Even watched the Accountant and Dr Strange movies today. And they were good. Better than I expected. Ben afflecks character was definitely interesting. And Dr Strange had some great effects with some action along with mental aspects. Plus it wasn't as far from the comic book thankfully that it was enjoyable as a comic book fan.

So, I enjoyed a rare day. A calm amid the catastrophic storms.

Till next time...Don't do anything I would. lol

By the Waterfront

I have time to reflect. Get things done and deal with things here in Tampa. The weather has been nice and there have been some great sights to enjoy as I have smoked cigars. The boats in the water or passing by. Conversations with marriott workers and people staying at the hotel.

It can be very complicated when as a man you want to support, protect and be there for who you are with. This doesn't change in D/s relations. It only intesifies because of the roles and expectations. Add to that they type of women that I only deal with are extremely independent and self sufficient both in action and thinking and you have a quandry. I have had to really adjust my mindset to understand and apply accordingly to our relationships. Most of the time my support is a matter of just listening. And sometimes I wonder is that just because of the distance or both distance and how things are. Either way it is a juggling act many times to keep from reverting back. It has always been my nature to be there for whoever I was involved with.

I was asked about the release that was done this week. I learned valuable lessons from it. I learned not to accept things like I did then. I learned to be a lot more thorough. Had some good times and bad. The bottom line is that I learned. It is what it was.

Things have shown me to cherish what I have with lil red and little one even more now. Ideal is not something I am not so stringent on anymore but I am still going to be very very picky. I am weird and therefore need weird females to be able to deal with me. But it is a very thin line to tread all the time. I receive different things I need from them. Their involvement with me is completely different. But I am thankful for it. And I came up with an idea for next year for me. *snicker*

I was dissapointed that my restaraunt winchesters was gone. I was looking forward to that. And as usual anything downtown in a big city is always expensive as hell.

Sitting here at Tampa Humidor getting work done is nice. A big humidor. A bar. Plenty of seating. This is a nice place to come. Still love my Davis and son tobacconist at home though. lol

Let the debauchery, thinking and life unscripted continue then.

A Break Equals Break Up

I am over here laughing at the fact that people actually think a break in a relation is healthy.

I have heard it before and one did try that mess with me. Lmao

If you need a break it means that you don't want the relationship in the first place. You are not wiling to work and maintain the relationship so you use the facade of taking a break.

The third episode of Blunt Talk showed how true this is. Celia says she needs a break from dating Jim and then it is a matter of them breaking up after that.

Why can't individuals merely tell whoever they are with that they are done with the relationship and don't want it anymore?

Answer: Because being fraudulent is better feeling for them.

So, if you are told that who you are with needs a break from the relationship. Then end the relationship and anything intimate with them. Make them some pussy to fuck if you want. But when you are done fucking them, give them a pop tart on their way out the door.

The new ideologies of people in modern dating, relationships and all are really fucked up these days and only getting worst.

Poetic Moment: Another False Positive

Another False Positive

Calculated risks

Calculated vulnerability

Taking a long shot

For a man like me

I looked at each ribbon in the sky

When I decided to try

An experiment of my design

Each outcome cascaded through my mind

It wasn’t my standard

So much damage

Still, I calculated and chose

Chose the experience I would find

Was I dumb for doing this?

Allowing an atom of that nice guy bullshit

To return

It would be shown to be self evident

In the future of irrelevance

Bratty

Whiney

Complaining

I need to get my way

Evidence

Showed the case

Proved the realizations

When you are constantly saying

Don’t it my way

I see your topping from the bottom

Notate and take action

I put in so much into this experiment

To get it to work and having lasting effect

But the experiment had their own issues and things

To use to circumvent

In conclusion

Notating the data from the experience

Checking another city off of the list

Oh yeah

The list of cities of females not to ever fuck with

Unless they are just a fuck given

Long live

Compartmentalization

And indifference

from the chocolatezeus collection  10/25/16  ©

Havoc and Chocolatezeus Reboot

Since the AD era i have been letting a lot of things slide. I have been allowing some of those old nice guy issues show up again. Just because of who I have been involved with.

So, I went back to the grassroots today.

I will and can give you my all. If you want and are able to accept it. My ways are not yours. And I have and will adjust to those that I am vested in. But there has to be acceptance. Which I have found to be an issue for others.

I will stick to my rules of engagement. Focusing only on those things that are viable and workable. That means that I will take a chance with people as always but I will not hold on forever to see if they can get to the same place.

When it comes to communication I will only speak my mind and not do all the sugar coating that others want to be comfortable. Continuing to be straightforward is my only way.

When it comes to females I will continue to give them a blank slate to show me who and what they are. But I will not do whatever dance they have concocted in their heads to make them feel better about themselves. In require a female to be able to decide if they want to do with me. There will not be episodes of me chasing them or breaking a through defenses to get them to realize things.

I love deeply and I will continue to do so. But I am going to further streamline who recieves and has the opportunity for my love, affection and caring. Making sure that the worthy are thrones in the right spot only. Love will make things work and I am not scared of or fighting it like others. I believe in relationships that both of us want to and are working to maintain and keep the relationship working. Those that don't want to put forth the effort I don't want.

If you know me and have a relationship with me then you know how I treat you differently than the humans. Most cannot and will not appreciate that. And that is fine. I will continue being the evil, mean, asshole bastard that I am to everyone. I am not here to please everyone and make them happy. But if you are or were in one of my close circles then you were special and important to me.

So the cromagnon man is in FULL effect.


I thankall that have contributed to the learning experiences both personally and by proxy.


Say hello to the bad guy!!

Reaffirmed, Realized and Reapplied

Life Unscripted definitely will run you through the gauntlet more times than not. And lately that has definitely been the case.

Through the issues though I have realized how slack I have gotten. How far I have let the balance in the force go askew.

I realize people have their issues and comfort zones. But I am not damage control inc. or a submissive. I help and guide as best as possible but if individuals want to fight that and attempt to dictate then I am not the one.

I take chances in involvement because I can analyze and look past all the bullshit, defenses and everything they keep up front and see the quality. That is what I work to nurture and support.

Through the OPP events, failures, miscommunication and all. I realized I had allowed myself to drift off into the these unnecessary minefields.

So after last night and this morning I have reaffirmed the rules, principles and actions that will keep repeats of the things that have happened.

Lessons learned.

WELCOME TO THE HALL OF DOOM!!

Poetry: Find My Heart in Davey Jones Locker

Find My Heart in Davey Jones Locker

Blood cascades from my soul

My heart an empty pot

As I am trapped in

Davey Jones locker

They beseech me to

Give of myself

To make all feel welcome

Give love deeply

The Kraken scoffs

Dragging a dagger across

A filleted open heart

Emotions

Held on the dark side of the moon

Love, passion and caring

Placed in an

Unraidable tomb

No matter these aching feelings

The broken sign still blinks

No vacancy

No rooms

From the chocolatezeus collection  10/24/16  ©

Poetry: the Unclaimed Key

The Unclaimed Key

Needs and wants

Wants and needs

They are not too separate things

They are the key to

Me

Culminated in you

Each delicious morsel

To each moment I need you to comfort me

Connected commitment

The Holy Grail to me

As I look into your dark eyes

See the soul and the universe alight

Trace your curves amid each cuddle

Lose myself in your smile

Just want mission control to say

Ground control to

Major Don

Turn your smile on

She is the one

Let us dance within the

Pitch black moonlight

Leaving our mark on the fabric of the universe

Just you and I

Leaving the so called experts

Naysaying and prognosticating

Enemies

Outside our life

You and I

Me and you

No longer

A want

Or a need

Just

Where we need to be

What we need to do

The

Pinnacle

Me and you

From the chocolatezeus collection  10/23/16  ©

O.P.P. is Not for Me

O.P.P.

I hear you singing Naughty by Nature’s “OPP.” But this is not about Other People’s Property. This is about…

Other

People’s

Perception

In this world of follow the trend and thoughts of everyone else. It truly is frowned upon and hated when you choose to stand outside that box and just be yourself.  Conformity is the only thing so many understand and feel comfortable with that it is like a low level hive mind at times almost.

Add to that the issue of how small the community is. Especially when you are talking about black people. Then the conformity issues and feelings increase dramatically.  In a community that is different from vanilla folks there is still an overwhelming need for everyone to be the same.

I have heard the commentaries. These alleged perceptive people asking those I am with why they are with me because I am mean, evil and hate everyone and everything, plus much more. And this has been through vanilla, swinger and now the bdsm lifestyle. So, I always find it interesting that they feel the need to address whoever I am with. Apparently those I am with either are under my evil spell or are not getting treated as badly as these alleged perceptive people think and want.

Here is the difference:

If you took time and effort to interact and know me, then you know the differences.

If you know me on a deeper level than that then you should know how much of a contrast there is and your benefits.

Now if you have entered into one of the two inner rings then you would already have a retort for the alleged perceptive people.

I am not down with OPP

My movement is one of originality and establishing things of meaning. Meaning I am not Capt. Save a Hoe or Mr. Roger’s neighborhood.

What I am is the one that you will see clearly as just being me. No false pretense, no need to be in the spotlight gleaming while falling in line with everyone else to the tune of “follow me.”

Your Impossible Mission if you choose to accept is:

Step out of the drone flight path. Develop your own actions, thinking and feelings. Get to know the unknown personally.  It is wonderful to stand out from the mainstream.

Only then you will be free.

Until then I will be a Boba Fett Bounty Hunting bastard. Continuing to be the antithesis to your issue of OPP.

10/21/16   ©