Yes, I can admit I get tunnel vision about some things. I don't notice them at all at times. So with that said...here we go.
I am giving, mean, loving, caring, apathetic and completely unusual. My inner circle is like being the Illuminati to me. When I accept your application and allow you in the trumpets blare and the festivities are of royalty. The outside of that I may acknowledge your existence depending on the moment of the day and what is going on with me.
I thrive on that love, affection, support and vibe that I share to those that are close to me. I will never deny or downplay that. My words and my actions should convey that. Sometimes more effectively than others. I have never seen this as a negative aspect or weakness. It has always been strength and fortitude. And I have seen the point HQ made about maybe missing opportunities. But that is outweighed by the diamonds that are more prevalent through all that being picky.
I am the yin and yang of the dark and the light all rolled up into one being. The past has groomed me to be stronger and more stoic. While the future still holds hope for me. I still see it in it's bitter reality. So, I can be a romantic or the evil one with the booming voice for no reason.
By no means will I ever say I am easy to deal with all the time. After all I am a captain caveman, club carrying chauvinist in true form. But I will love you intensely, care for and about you as well as be there with you as much as possible.
I know what I want and even who I want it with. The problem is always that I am not the only one in the equation. So I ride the waves of life to see where they will lead to.
Coming off eye opening revelations, smiles and feeling great. I ponder on the next thing. The movement into more of me.
I have embraced my sadistic and unique ways. From the super horny, greedy fuck you to death happily and try to kill me with orgasms me. To the give me all the pain that you seek and can keep so that I can make you my Pain Masterpiece. And allowing more and more of my Beast Mode out has been intoxicating. I am glad I did it in steps and have been able to let more of it loose. The ultimate beast mode still spars some concern for me but I lick my lips in anticipating it's delicious release. So many skills have to be worked on to reach the peak.
As Ru Ru and I have said to each other. Our sex drives are super crazy. We are not in the best of shape but fucking, sucking and everything for ours is like automatic with us. If I am feeling you and enjoying us fucking. I will gladly fuck you for days, weeks and eternity. They said us old men shouldn't want sex anymore. that at 20 we have reached our peak and fall there after rapidly. Then why does it seem that my need and desire is increasing? It leaves me with that sexual heightened energy. In a frenzy. And I recognize the recipient may not be taking it the way I am. *lol* But it be calling me!
So I am working on the relationships that I want and intend to keep. The ones that are not cutting it will be released. The ones I want I am sinking more energy, passion and everything into them. I guess those recipients better get ready for more intensity.
This months adventure was a blessing. One that I am still basking in and thankful for. Showing me what can be. The vibe and connection that is awe inspiring.
The life of Zeus. Full adventure and notoriety.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Monday, January 19, 2015
Licorice, A Series of Excellent Events
I have to say that the time spent in that A was one of the best ever! It had everything going for it:
- excitement
- ultimate comedy
- thought provoking conversation
- laughter supreme
- plenty of diversity
- Feeding the Need
After such a tumultuous time during the holidays. It was past time. Just to get some quality time and enjoy adult companionship.
And hanging out with HQ is always story provoking memories.
I realized some evolution in all this. The ability to survive waiting and being patient increased slightly. I can say I have been tested and failed repeatedly.
The journey in BDSM and being a Dom continues. Keeping my mind open to knowledge. Solidifying principles and ideology. I took last year to really observe and get some ground floor understanding to what I wanted and required. Though the journey has just begun. I feel better by the moment.
Though I am still not sure about poly right now. Only because I want that established relationship first, instead of adding two in the beginning and possibly making a mess of it all. It is important to give the relationship the proper start instead of just throwing caution to the wind. Even working on my kink has to be done. And I am improving on that as well. I need plenty of rope practice. I need a rope bunny to practice on regularly so I can gain knowledge. I definitely cannot wait for shibaricon. It is going to be another great, first time adventure.
lol back to the time had...
It was peaceful. Just enjoying the moments. Kicking back and relaxing. Getting cuddle time and massaged always makes Big Evil mellow.
The people at the conference were nice and pleasant. Definitely excited and glad to have participated. Many seeing old colleagues and friends.
Time flew by unfortunately. Just never enough time when you are having fun. I received a number of gifts. One that I was hoping for more than others. And ending up being the most pleasantly shocking. Like a kid in a candy and toy store I am happy.
What adventure can be complete without the interuption of the parental units into the equation. Thankfully it was towards the last two days of the willy wonka chocolate factory.
Need to relive this multiple times a day!
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Through the Distorted Microscope
When the talk of chivalry comes up people are stuck on what it use to be. Mainly females. But when you want to go with this "think like a man" mentality you can't have it both ways. So you add to the stupid confusion that is already prevalent.
I have watched the deterioration of relationships for no reason. Well no reason that made any sense outside of their own head. Because when one chooses to change the relationship and disregard what the relationship meant and was then they made a choice that they no longer want to be in it.
This ridiculous mess of staying with someone that you are miserable with and need to constantly argue with is unbelievable. And these individuals will come up with any excuse in the universe to make it make sense to them. Sleeping in separate bedrooms. Pretending children don't know and using them as excuses.
The ideology that females can be males has gotten them and everything thoroughly fucked up. But that has been the goal apparently.
The use of words like family and loyalty have really messed up people that already didn't a clue in the first place. And now they spit this rhetoric like they have knowledge of something but yet have no clue at all.
We are at perpetual war. Blacks are targeted and executed. And the rich have decided to eliminate and/or enslave everyone else so they can stay where they are at and get richer.
I have watched the deterioration of relationships for no reason. Well no reason that made any sense outside of their own head. Because when one chooses to change the relationship and disregard what the relationship meant and was then they made a choice that they no longer want to be in it.
This ridiculous mess of staying with someone that you are miserable with and need to constantly argue with is unbelievable. And these individuals will come up with any excuse in the universe to make it make sense to them. Sleeping in separate bedrooms. Pretending children don't know and using them as excuses.
The ideology that females can be males has gotten them and everything thoroughly fucked up. But that has been the goal apparently.
The use of words like family and loyalty have really messed up people that already didn't a clue in the first place. And now they spit this rhetoric like they have knowledge of something but yet have no clue at all.
We are at perpetual war. Blacks are targeted and executed. And the rich have decided to eliminate and/or enslave everyone else so they can stay where they are at and get richer.
Friday, January 09, 2015
Divergent Puzzle Pieces
Letting the ink speak and spill thoughts of life's experience. So here it is:
Divergent Puzzle
Pieces
Coming from mixed
Analogies and fallacies
Mixed so thoroughly
In our purity
Just seek to fit
Fit, our own intent
Here we are
Linked
Synced
In ways that
Make you wary
Talking to disbelief
Intricate
Fitted
As if we were guided
Honed in to
Piece to piece
Among so many
Other normalities
We are
That niche
Even when we fight it
Deny it
It still remains
We FIT
Stop fighting it
From the chocolatezeus
collection 1/9/15 ©
Thursday, January 08, 2015
Movies and Televisions Shows Today...WTH
Okay I just watched the first episode of this new show Empire with Taraji P Henson. Now she is sexy as hell and I have been wanting to fuck her into a few comas and bring her back for more.
It has Terrance Howard and Malik Yoba in it as well. But it really seems like some housewives of garbage type of show. It is obviously geared towards females and gays from this first episode. And that is fine. But what is the actual plot and where is the content. So called bad bitch gets out of prison and wants what she thinks she is owed by the baby daddy when she went in.
So apparently this is going to be some hood type fantasy where black folks really don't handle business well and take things back to the streets as usual. Or never left the streets. Real black business owners and gangsta's don't run it messy like this. How the hell do you just let someone walk up unannounced into your board and company meeting?
I am going to try one more episode before i nail the coffin.
Agent Carter
Now I am not all that familiar with her character in comics besides knowing her name and she worked for SHIELD. But how in the hell is she getting this run? Once again I know that this is for the females to have their hero who can run around in 50s attire to beat and shoot people while being a spy. So with that said I love a good female hero. But where is a story line that will have and keep me interested. We get brief appearances of Howard Stark. Other than that there really is nothing else at all. She is trying to clear his name but we only get half hazard attempts at something interesting. The most interesting thing is that Jarvis is on here as the actual butler. Which makes for a brief respite. Another note to mention...the camera lens and the fact that she wears colors that stand out against the background and other characters make it interesting.
The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies
Now, I had bee waiting to see this and it did not disappoint at all. It was breathe taking. The scenery, action and details were overwhelming just like it should be. After reading the book this is an excellent rendition of the battle. This movie was decently close to the way the book was thankfully. The skillfulness of the combatants kept you trying to capture everything, while knowing you missed a bunch of stuff.
I will have to watch it again in a little while after writing this. lol
Quality entertainment is hard to find these days.
It has Terrance Howard and Malik Yoba in it as well. But it really seems like some housewives of garbage type of show. It is obviously geared towards females and gays from this first episode. And that is fine. But what is the actual plot and where is the content. So called bad bitch gets out of prison and wants what she thinks she is owed by the baby daddy when she went in.
So apparently this is going to be some hood type fantasy where black folks really don't handle business well and take things back to the streets as usual. Or never left the streets. Real black business owners and gangsta's don't run it messy like this. How the hell do you just let someone walk up unannounced into your board and company meeting?
I am going to try one more episode before i nail the coffin.
Agent Carter
Now I am not all that familiar with her character in comics besides knowing her name and she worked for SHIELD. But how in the hell is she getting this run? Once again I know that this is for the females to have their hero who can run around in 50s attire to beat and shoot people while being a spy. So with that said I love a good female hero. But where is a story line that will have and keep me interested. We get brief appearances of Howard Stark. Other than that there really is nothing else at all. She is trying to clear his name but we only get half hazard attempts at something interesting. The most interesting thing is that Jarvis is on here as the actual butler. Which makes for a brief respite. Another note to mention...the camera lens and the fact that she wears colors that stand out against the background and other characters make it interesting.
The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies
Now, I had bee waiting to see this and it did not disappoint at all. It was breathe taking. The scenery, action and details were overwhelming just like it should be. After reading the book this is an excellent rendition of the battle. This movie was decently close to the way the book was thankfully. The skillfulness of the combatants kept you trying to capture everything, while knowing you missed a bunch of stuff.
I will have to watch it again in a little while after writing this. lol
Quality entertainment is hard to find these days.
Wednesday, January 07, 2015
Searching For The Perfect Beat
I have always sought something extraordinary. A woman, relationship that leaves me spent and craving. Lost on an astral plane of existence. Killing me with pleasure is what I want to be my ultimate end.
This search has brought me some hazmat relatinship situations and some very memorable I would love to repeat escapades. From those I dated, played with and my wife. Things have only gotten freakier and increasing the need for more and more. As I look back, now and forward though I wonder if it is just a lost cause. A pipe dream. As my sex drive and desire keeps increasing. There is no outlet for sex or my need to be ultimately sadistic. Last year I finally had a chance to let some of that out and I am even more addicted now. Wanton for the combination of orgasms and responses to the pain I inflict. Enjoying every last time she cums only to make her cum even more. Then to only overload her sensations to the point where she is lost in a haze.
I have kept them cumming past their point of comfort. To feed my need for that super stimulation. They thought it was about them until that barrier of their mind's comfort was destroyed and there was only my pleasure. Draining every last squirt from their body only to make them squirt from some unknown place again. I just keep saying feed me. Feed me what I need. Combine me flogging, tying, padding and caning them. My hunger is ferrocious now.
The results have not always been the best for them. For I have broken the ones that everyone else saw as the females that couldn't be broke. She don't tap out as I laugh at myself because I know she does. Because I have made them tap out and more. To the point when we showed up at swing parties that I had to promise not to make them do it in public. I like breaking the proclaimed boss, diva, superfemale. Makes me grin with enthusiasm.
Unfortunately this formula is broken. Wanting a relationship with a capable woman and sub/slave has become me trying to escape the labyrinth. Even though it has been told to me that I scare prospects off that may be interested in me. I stick to the fact that it weeds out the ones that can't cut it right off the bat. The frauds and ones that are not strong enough to be with or deal with me. I am closed off to those that can't accept and understand that I am just going to be me. I step up to the plate and let my intentions and wants be known. All I ask is to be real and be yourself. Don't fight what you feel, need and want. Dealing with females though that is a difficult task I have seen.
What do I want you ask? A Woman! One that can be stimulating in a multiple of ways. Loving, caring and understanding. Accept me and understand that I treat those I love and care about like the treasure that they are to me. But I don't give a second look at things outside of the circle. So I need them to focus on the glow that is us. She has to feed me sexually. From the many marathon sex sessions, to being my ultimate slut and whore. I want to be taken to the brink. Put me to sleep and make me tap out for once in my life. Kill me with pleasure. I want a woman that is mine and my sub/slave. The whole package in one. Give me the sexy ass woman with the relationship that can't be eclipsed!
After saying all this. I sit back and look at the brick wall with the razor wire still sitting in front of me. Wondering if a woman will have the mental stability and fortitude to join me in this journey and let's be the Legends that we are meant to be. It is hard when you have females that can't be themselves and feed you bullshit visions of themselves. Or the mental blocks that won't let them free themselves to live and love life.
As I sit here amid the rubble and obstacles I wonder what direction if any I can travel? Will I get the woman I seek? Or will I just have to stick with just some play things and let intimate things die peacefully.
Crossroads
Land mines
and the abyss
This search has brought me some hazmat relatinship situations and some very memorable I would love to repeat escapades. From those I dated, played with and my wife. Things have only gotten freakier and increasing the need for more and more. As I look back, now and forward though I wonder if it is just a lost cause. A pipe dream. As my sex drive and desire keeps increasing. There is no outlet for sex or my need to be ultimately sadistic. Last year I finally had a chance to let some of that out and I am even more addicted now. Wanton for the combination of orgasms and responses to the pain I inflict. Enjoying every last time she cums only to make her cum even more. Then to only overload her sensations to the point where she is lost in a haze.
I have kept them cumming past their point of comfort. To feed my need for that super stimulation. They thought it was about them until that barrier of their mind's comfort was destroyed and there was only my pleasure. Draining every last squirt from their body only to make them squirt from some unknown place again. I just keep saying feed me. Feed me what I need. Combine me flogging, tying, padding and caning them. My hunger is ferrocious now.
The results have not always been the best for them. For I have broken the ones that everyone else saw as the females that couldn't be broke. She don't tap out as I laugh at myself because I know she does. Because I have made them tap out and more. To the point when we showed up at swing parties that I had to promise not to make them do it in public. I like breaking the proclaimed boss, diva, superfemale. Makes me grin with enthusiasm.
Unfortunately this formula is broken. Wanting a relationship with a capable woman and sub/slave has become me trying to escape the labyrinth. Even though it has been told to me that I scare prospects off that may be interested in me. I stick to the fact that it weeds out the ones that can't cut it right off the bat. The frauds and ones that are not strong enough to be with or deal with me. I am closed off to those that can't accept and understand that I am just going to be me. I step up to the plate and let my intentions and wants be known. All I ask is to be real and be yourself. Don't fight what you feel, need and want. Dealing with females though that is a difficult task I have seen.
What do I want you ask? A Woman! One that can be stimulating in a multiple of ways. Loving, caring and understanding. Accept me and understand that I treat those I love and care about like the treasure that they are to me. But I don't give a second look at things outside of the circle. So I need them to focus on the glow that is us. She has to feed me sexually. From the many marathon sex sessions, to being my ultimate slut and whore. I want to be taken to the brink. Put me to sleep and make me tap out for once in my life. Kill me with pleasure. I want a woman that is mine and my sub/slave. The whole package in one. Give me the sexy ass woman with the relationship that can't be eclipsed!
After saying all this. I sit back and look at the brick wall with the razor wire still sitting in front of me. Wondering if a woman will have the mental stability and fortitude to join me in this journey and let's be the Legends that we are meant to be. It is hard when you have females that can't be themselves and feed you bullshit visions of themselves. Or the mental blocks that won't let them free themselves to live and love life.
As I sit here amid the rubble and obstacles I wonder what direction if any I can travel? Will I get the woman I seek? Or will I just have to stick with just some play things and let intimate things die peacefully.
Crossroads
Land mines
and the abyss
From Holidays and Beyond!!
From the aftermath of:
- the holidays
- parental units
- relatives
- relationships and lack there of
- analysis
Comes the re-certified and reconstituted me.
Apocalypse: Crown of
Chaos
Tendrils of light
Encased by the all
encompassing
Hues of darkness
Light
Dark
Separate reigns
Held in my same hand
Lightning clashes
Tranquil wave
splashes
Simply put
I am the calm
As Hell is unleashed
Time
Beings
Fighting their life’s
fallacies
Both my enemy
My duty
To show and teach
Through the hatred
and fear
Of me
All hail
Be consumed
For in your
imprisonment
I will set you free
Chaos Reigns
That chaos is ME
From the
chocolatezeus collection 1/7/15 ©
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
2014 A Year In Another Universe
The last night of the year. I look back and even I have to really wonder about all the things that have happened this year.
This summer I traveled and had a good time. Adventures Zeus style. Plenty of laughter and enjoyment. Met someone I didn't even get along with at first. Interestingly enough that is the opposite now. I also had the curtain lifted on the fog and parlor tricks to me. Ultimate realization that I dearly miss my family.
I grew exponentially in my bdsm learning. Indulged and finally found some sadistic release. Found the relationship I would like to have and enjoy for eternity. Went to Black Beat and saw first hand the different aspects of individuals in the lifestyle and how they can be. The good, bad and ugly. It all helped me refine what I wanted and understand what I didn't need.
After having one of the worst years ever and horrid holiday memories. I realize that there had to be a quantum leap in being me. To not only regain the things that I have lost but to surge forward in a nuclear intensity.
From relationships, lack there of, and the one wanted. Made me realize how am just like Halo's Master Chief. Duty bound even when I disagree. The one that leaps in and fights to the teeth. Yet, vulnerable as I await my peace.
Into the void I leap.
Strapped to the teeth.
Declaration of War
Lost in a year that
will live in
Infamy
Cauterized
Lycanthrope releases
Seething
I challenge the
future
We will battle for
eternity
My intensity
increased to
Super Saiyan times
ten
I take back and
ascend
Into the darker side
of me
Regaining and
surpassing
What use to be
Never again will
these memories
Be repeated
Giving all and
everything from here on back
Their eulogy
Battle cry
2015
Opens with this
Determined ferocity
No weapon forged will
stop me
For I am the ultimate
weapon
Let the
Carnage
Chaos
My breathing
Begin and increase
Ready or not
The battle is coming
From the
chocolatezeus collection 12/31/14 ©
Sunday, December 28, 2014
The House of Havoc!!!!
This year solidified a lot of things. Open my eyes to things and people I thought were real. So let's let the Borg free shall we!
There use to be individuals that were constants in my life. Ones that I looked out for and gave up for. Love and caring were second nature. Now, like the rest there is merely apathy. When you make our relationship a memory instead of a priority. Then I merely dismiss you and see you as something and some memories. And there was a surprise there for me. Because I never would have thought it until the discrepancies and all floated to the surface of our dead sea. Or when a friendship takes no relevance until you might remember that we were once friends and call out the blue again.
Relationships have always been mission impossible for me because females just can't seem to function, think and become a woman like they should be. With each encounter there was a diminished capacity for the probability of true relationships because of females and women being inept terribly. Step forward, explain what you want and are looking for. Slap them in the face with it. If I am feeling you tell you that and all. But that brutal honesty and truth are too much for them. Intensity and knowing what you want, while expressing it. Causes the fright and flight tendencies.
Even with BDSM. The things I have seen and experienced this year got me to seriously considering and thinking. The want for poly family. Having a sub/slave and all. In a supposedly more open lifestyle it is harder to find one suitable to start a relationship with. The only thing that is prevalent is the attitude of "just come play with me." So, I will just entertain that until I get bored with them being nothing. I looked forward to growing and establishing something of meaning....a relationship. Looking at the messy people and their so called relationships. Maybe this is the ultimate mission impossible situation. Full of facades, lies and unnecessary things.
I am captain caveman. A modern day chauvinist in this day and age. I lay it on the table if you are in my circle and you have all of me. Outside of my circle you will see and hear the tumbleweeds. So when I say just be yourself. Then that is what I mean. No need to fight for something that the other parts of the equation don't want to keep. Spouting words out of their mouth. While saying and showing nothing.
So looking back on 2014. I see two constants. Ru Ru and Munchkin for the year. HQ for allstar. It is what it is!
Messages heard.
Lessons learned
Assimilation occurred
Just have to sum up 2015 in the hook of Redman and Meth.....*Whatever Man!!!!
There use to be individuals that were constants in my life. Ones that I looked out for and gave up for. Love and caring were second nature. Now, like the rest there is merely apathy. When you make our relationship a memory instead of a priority. Then I merely dismiss you and see you as something and some memories. And there was a surprise there for me. Because I never would have thought it until the discrepancies and all floated to the surface of our dead sea. Or when a friendship takes no relevance until you might remember that we were once friends and call out the blue again.
Relationships have always been mission impossible for me because females just can't seem to function, think and become a woman like they should be. With each encounter there was a diminished capacity for the probability of true relationships because of females and women being inept terribly. Step forward, explain what you want and are looking for. Slap them in the face with it. If I am feeling you tell you that and all. But that brutal honesty and truth are too much for them. Intensity and knowing what you want, while expressing it. Causes the fright and flight tendencies.
Even with BDSM. The things I have seen and experienced this year got me to seriously considering and thinking. The want for poly family. Having a sub/slave and all. In a supposedly more open lifestyle it is harder to find one suitable to start a relationship with. The only thing that is prevalent is the attitude of "just come play with me." So, I will just entertain that until I get bored with them being nothing. I looked forward to growing and establishing something of meaning....a relationship. Looking at the messy people and their so called relationships. Maybe this is the ultimate mission impossible situation. Full of facades, lies and unnecessary things.
I am captain caveman. A modern day chauvinist in this day and age. I lay it on the table if you are in my circle and you have all of me. Outside of my circle you will see and hear the tumbleweeds. So when I say just be yourself. Then that is what I mean. No need to fight for something that the other parts of the equation don't want to keep. Spouting words out of their mouth. While saying and showing nothing.
So looking back on 2014. I see two constants. Ru Ru and Munchkin for the year. HQ for allstar. It is what it is!
Messages heard.
Lessons learned
Assimilation occurred
Just have to sum up 2015 in the hook of Redman and Meth.....*Whatever Man!!!!
Tuesday, December 09, 2014
Today's Anarchy of Relations
I have read and listened to the way relations are today. And all I can do is look wide eyed and shake my head.
Females want to have all the love and everything like they are in a marriage but want it to be not a relationship but a condition when they are in the mood.
Males that have no idea what being man is about. Thinking that pussy rules everything. Standard issue to stupidity.
This whole unnecessary confusion because females can't be women and males can't be men. So much pretending and jockeying for position that it is all a quagmire of bullshit.
Yet, people wonder I have positioned myself where I don't take the nonsense and I am picky about it.
*shrug*
Let the apathy reign
Females want to have all the love and everything like they are in a marriage but want it to be not a relationship but a condition when they are in the mood.
Males that have no idea what being man is about. Thinking that pussy rules everything. Standard issue to stupidity.
This whole unnecessary confusion because females can't be women and males can't be men. So much pretending and jockeying for position that it is all a quagmire of bullshit.
Yet, people wonder I have positioned myself where I don't take the nonsense and I am picky about it.
*shrug*
Let the apathy reign
Sunday, December 07, 2014
Trustworthiness and Relationships
After listening to another dynamic discussion courtesy of Sir Mythos. I once again looked at the aspect of relationships and their applications to me.
One of the points Sir Mythos brought up was about each individual in a relationship or seeking one needing to be trustworthy and not looking for trust. It made so much sense. Because everyone has trust issues due to life experiences. But if you make it so or show that you are not trustworthy the relationship is dead regardless.
I applied this to those that I tell all things to and have become close to. My ride or die Ru Ru and I are the Road Warriors. Trust her with all things without a half a second thought. Munchkin and I can get our monkey slap and laugh on. The adventures solidified the love and trust that we have with each other. Shockingly I have come to deep trust with Lil Red. It is a shock because at this point in my life I am like the ivy league when it comes to those I choose to be bothered or involved with. And of course there is Auntie my only family left since my wife's death. She knows everything within reason. No need to give the christian lady a heart attack no matter how understanding she is. lol
Hell, I don't have trust or any relationships with the parental units or the ex best friend anymore. I don't ask for much but if you can't respect and ride with me. Then you are nothing to me.
My relationships evolved just like me. With emphasis on a two way relationship instead of a just me and you receive type of relationship. I had enough of those over my life and especially since my wife died. people tend to forget a relationship is work on both sides. Not just one or a do nothing and let things work itself out type of situation.
My desire for a bdsm relationship doesn't change of that. Wanting a slave or sub doesn't mean I am going to change the principles. So I have been evaluating things as usual. And I realize that findind someone for this type of relationship may not occur. I am fine with that. I will just do what others do and play and leave it at that. For many that is all that bdsm is. *shrug* I am a realist about situations. What I want is not necessarily anything else wants and I am fine with that.
As far as the love life. After almost cussing the parental units and the cousin out over that thanksgiving holiday mess. I realized just how far into the void I have gone from having a loving marriage and believing in love and relationships. To this point of absenteeism and isolation because of the meaning won't be the same for someone else like it is to me. I have wondered if miracles can happen more than once and then I look at things now and laugh. What I want is there but that is only my desire. No telling if there is anything there or reciprocation. It is all good things are assimilated as always.
People need to understand their relationships and either put forth effort or do nothing and face the results. The whining and complaining while you sit there stagnant and silly is comical. Make moves to betterment or shut the fuck up and enjoy your bereavement.
As for me I make my intention known. Show what relationship means to me. And leave the choice o what the other part of the relationship wants to do to them. I am not making anyone do anything or sway their thinking. I will merely mark them off as an associate.
Relationships
a lost dynamic
in this current climate
One of the points Sir Mythos brought up was about each individual in a relationship or seeking one needing to be trustworthy and not looking for trust. It made so much sense. Because everyone has trust issues due to life experiences. But if you make it so or show that you are not trustworthy the relationship is dead regardless.
I applied this to those that I tell all things to and have become close to. My ride or die Ru Ru and I are the Road Warriors. Trust her with all things without a half a second thought. Munchkin and I can get our monkey slap and laugh on. The adventures solidified the love and trust that we have with each other. Shockingly I have come to deep trust with Lil Red. It is a shock because at this point in my life I am like the ivy league when it comes to those I choose to be bothered or involved with. And of course there is Auntie my only family left since my wife's death. She knows everything within reason. No need to give the christian lady a heart attack no matter how understanding she is. lol
Hell, I don't have trust or any relationships with the parental units or the ex best friend anymore. I don't ask for much but if you can't respect and ride with me. Then you are nothing to me.
My relationships evolved just like me. With emphasis on a two way relationship instead of a just me and you receive type of relationship. I had enough of those over my life and especially since my wife died. people tend to forget a relationship is work on both sides. Not just one or a do nothing and let things work itself out type of situation.
My desire for a bdsm relationship doesn't change of that. Wanting a slave or sub doesn't mean I am going to change the principles. So I have been evaluating things as usual. And I realize that findind someone for this type of relationship may not occur. I am fine with that. I will just do what others do and play and leave it at that. For many that is all that bdsm is. *shrug* I am a realist about situations. What I want is not necessarily anything else wants and I am fine with that.
As far as the love life. After almost cussing the parental units and the cousin out over that thanksgiving holiday mess. I realized just how far into the void I have gone from having a loving marriage and believing in love and relationships. To this point of absenteeism and isolation because of the meaning won't be the same for someone else like it is to me. I have wondered if miracles can happen more than once and then I look at things now and laugh. What I want is there but that is only my desire. No telling if there is anything there or reciprocation. It is all good things are assimilated as always.
People need to understand their relationships and either put forth effort or do nothing and face the results. The whining and complaining while you sit there stagnant and silly is comical. Make moves to betterment or shut the fuck up and enjoy your bereavement.
As for me I make my intention known. Show what relationship means to me. And leave the choice o what the other part of the relationship wants to do to them. I am not making anyone do anything or sway their thinking. I will merely mark them off as an associate.
Relationships
a lost dynamic
in this current climate
Saturday, December 06, 2014
Weight of the Multiverse
Enduring and survival have always been who I have been. Holding the wait of worlds upon myself so many times. For periods I cannot remember. My nickname Zeus came from my overwatch, protective nature. One of the few things I held onto from college days.
Now things have changed. Invulnerability has lessened. Maturity, evolution and change has come. I am still on Overwatch. I am just not as young and foolhardy as I once was.
I have been husband, man, counselor, protector and so much more. I realized that was part of my life from an early age. From the moments where I was the boy with no girlfriend and all the girls talking to me. Loved and hated for just being myself.
As we come to the here and now. The universe as well as myself has expounded. Things are not as simple as they use to be. The complications have grown and risen to all new heights. My nice guy persona died. Evolution allowed me to grow and become the Havoc that I was supposed to be.
Now I am known for cold, concise, uncompromising intensity. I'll be dat!! All of that look at things from others points of view is irrelevant for me when it is my principles that are most important. Their feelings, thoughts and views do not define me. Like I tell females. My switch is either on or off. There is no in between. I know what I want and need. Nor am I afraid to speak it and be specific about picking properly.
But my strength remains most evident when you move past that view and concern about everyone else. With me I will love and care for you until the end of existence unless you decide to destroy that or walk away. My circle is small and tight but those within get every aspect of me. My love is just as potent as my disconnect.
So when I seem indifferent. Or merely observe and don't use fake phrases like family and friends where it is not appropriate. You can truly understand. I laugh constantly at the lies people say when you talk them or are in a group and they are hollering out the lie that we are all family. Especially when I know how you betray and turn on your so called friends and family.
No matter. I hold this weight of all things upon me. Because it is my destiny. The loss of my family. And dealing with the parental units. To the apparent end of a loving destiny. Each day something else is added. It is part of my whole existence. Transmuted into my eternal damnation and endurance.
Now things have changed. Invulnerability has lessened. Maturity, evolution and change has come. I am still on Overwatch. I am just not as young and foolhardy as I once was.
I have been husband, man, counselor, protector and so much more. I realized that was part of my life from an early age. From the moments where I was the boy with no girlfriend and all the girls talking to me. Loved and hated for just being myself.
As we come to the here and now. The universe as well as myself has expounded. Things are not as simple as they use to be. The complications have grown and risen to all new heights. My nice guy persona died. Evolution allowed me to grow and become the Havoc that I was supposed to be.
Now I am known for cold, concise, uncompromising intensity. I'll be dat!! All of that look at things from others points of view is irrelevant for me when it is my principles that are most important. Their feelings, thoughts and views do not define me. Like I tell females. My switch is either on or off. There is no in between. I know what I want and need. Nor am I afraid to speak it and be specific about picking properly.
But my strength remains most evident when you move past that view and concern about everyone else. With me I will love and care for you until the end of existence unless you decide to destroy that or walk away. My circle is small and tight but those within get every aspect of me. My love is just as potent as my disconnect.
So when I seem indifferent. Or merely observe and don't use fake phrases like family and friends where it is not appropriate. You can truly understand. I laugh constantly at the lies people say when you talk them or are in a group and they are hollering out the lie that we are all family. Especially when I know how you betray and turn on your so called friends and family.
No matter. I hold this weight of all things upon me. Because it is my destiny. The loss of my family. And dealing with the parental units. To the apparent end of a loving destiny. Each day something else is added. It is part of my whole existence. Transmuted into my eternal damnation and endurance.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Me: The Bridge Too Far
I watch the mental informational analysis of me stroll through my mind every second. The ultimate multi thought pile up. Constant crashes and all.
I was married and I miss that. I loved being married. Being with someone that understand and accepts me. And loved me. All the things females are incapable of. Add to that my sadistic and increasing high sex drive. Then I have come to the top of the realm of impossibility.
So I have attempted to find a miracle. To actually find a woman. It is a completely devastating and losing battle. The type of female I am attracted to is a matter of hodgepodge of aggressive, anti natures with male mentalities and combative nature when it comes to being a female. They fight being a female while being able to enjoy being a female and the rewards. It basically is like stabbing the bull in the shoot 300 times and then jumping on to try to hold on for a second.
I normally break the so called aggressive boss bitches. I take who they are and break it down to the point of them having emotions that they fight to not allow. They then do something to make sure they get their own monkey bitch name. They come to hate me and fear the fact that I made them feel. I merely don't care about them after they violate.
Lately it really seems that all that there is left is dealing with females. The day of woman is apparently completely dead! They are now only a tool apparently. Something to fuck and hang out with to keep down the boredom and anger. And the fact that I just can't find a woman or a female to truly keep up with me and my needs only further compounds things. I am super horny and my sadistic tendencies are in overlord watch. It has been a long time of holding back. Wanting and needing full release.
That human style caring and feeling switch is off and might be permanent. My apathy has even shocked itself from the increased intensity. But with experience and life currently the only applicable way things could be is the OFF switch. The cold flow of space is all that seems to tether myself to the humans. And it gets colder and colder.
Settle for what it is right now? Females to fuck and let some of me out?
Continue to attempt to find what I need? The mission impossible and miracle.
Is it possible to find one that can even handle me? Be able to provide half of what I need? Or will I forever use the build a bitch program and keep putting a couple together to make half a woman.
I was married and I miss that. I loved being married. Being with someone that understand and accepts me. And loved me. All the things females are incapable of. Add to that my sadistic and increasing high sex drive. Then I have come to the top of the realm of impossibility.
So I have attempted to find a miracle. To actually find a woman. It is a completely devastating and losing battle. The type of female I am attracted to is a matter of hodgepodge of aggressive, anti natures with male mentalities and combative nature when it comes to being a female. They fight being a female while being able to enjoy being a female and the rewards. It basically is like stabbing the bull in the shoot 300 times and then jumping on to try to hold on for a second.
I normally break the so called aggressive boss bitches. I take who they are and break it down to the point of them having emotions that they fight to not allow. They then do something to make sure they get their own monkey bitch name. They come to hate me and fear the fact that I made them feel. I merely don't care about them after they violate.
Lately it really seems that all that there is left is dealing with females. The day of woman is apparently completely dead! They are now only a tool apparently. Something to fuck and hang out with to keep down the boredom and anger. And the fact that I just can't find a woman or a female to truly keep up with me and my needs only further compounds things. I am super horny and my sadistic tendencies are in overlord watch. It has been a long time of holding back. Wanting and needing full release.
That human style caring and feeling switch is off and might be permanent. My apathy has even shocked itself from the increased intensity. But with experience and life currently the only applicable way things could be is the OFF switch. The cold flow of space is all that seems to tether myself to the humans. And it gets colder and colder.
Settle for what it is right now? Females to fuck and let some of me out?
Continue to attempt to find what I need? The mission impossible and miracle.
Is it possible to find one that can even handle me? Be able to provide half of what I need? Or will I forever use the build a bitch program and keep putting a couple together to make half a woman.
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