Dance With Me...The Devil

My track record and experiences in dating. Have been interesting and colorful to say the least. And that is putting it really mildly.

From the mild mannered nice guy to the Devil incarnate. My journey has transcended understanding. Through the pain and flames. Growing and hardening. Solidifying my strength and unity in being me.

But damn, why does it have to be so difficult to meet, get to know each other and enjoy yourself without the psycho monkeys and drama.

Here and now. And I find myself comfortable. A rarity, but a welcomed one. I have found myself able to deal with dating currently. Through the vibe and communication I have found myself pleasantly content.  Amid the female deterrent. There is still a rare unicorn to be found and coveted.

Dating Harley Quinn

A dark connection

Filled with carnal and erotic sensations

While pain and debauchery

Reign in an

Exorbitant way

Complex Simplicity

Meets

Curvy, feminine audacity

Hard to fathom

Understand even

Standing out to me

While partially combative

Combined in crazy things

Insanity our DSM treat

Twisted heart beats

Like forbidden fruit to me

Oh she is that

Rare unicorn

Legendary, mythical treat

So sinfully delicious

Angelically magnificent

I am lost in her enchantment

Devil and demon

Ready to run rampant

How I have fallen

Became enthralled in

The original chaos

Out of this world thinking

Dating Harley Quinn

Brings

From the chocolatezeus collection 8/24/14  ©

So I will enjoy this rare air up here and ride it's waves until the adventure leads to wherever the rainbow ends. 

DOMINION!!!

I have naturally been a Dom. Embraced myself not that long ago. Understanding being a dominant more and more. An ongoing journey that is picking up speed.

In these last few months. I have been evaluating, experiencing and heavily thinking. Desiring a poly relationship but understanding just how difficult it is to even have a primary relationship. The twists and differences are surreal. I have known and been reinforced through Black Beat workshop the importance of starting off with a sturdy foundation. Making sure the primary and relationship as a whole is strong.

I thought I found the best possible poly relationship that could be created. Then there was clarity. As I realized the instability of one and the unknown of the other. I know the strengths of the union as a whole or even myself one on one with each of them.

Dominant is the leader in the relationship. And that is what I seek to give. Yet, finding the proper one or ones to share that with is mission impossible. But I see the glimmer of hope because of the vibe and connection that I currently have is the holy grail that I hold onto. Still, there are no garauntees or sure things.

Vetting and consideration is where things lie right now. I understand that but it battles my desire for this journey to be completed.To begin a dynamic anew and with purpose and potency. I have seen the possibility and it has reinforced the desire and craving.

Ready for the dominion, security and stability of this strong dynamic that I seek.

Rope, Debauchery and Pain

Many years ago living in Japan I became intrigued with Shibari (japanese rope bondage). Between that and the rituals of pain and cleansing. It became part of my childhood and more. Never knowing then that it would add to my flames of intrigue.

So, when Black Beat came up from conversation with Emerald. I decided to take a leap. To nurture my desire and understanding for the sadistic, bondage and domination that I keep inside. Emerald said that it would be a good way to release the rage and anger that holds my cells together. Between that and the interactions with Lil Red lately have allowed me to let it out. It has been gradually so far but increasing in intensity. As Lil Red calls for more pain. I lick my lips and am thankful. For it will allow me to give into what lies beneath the caged armor.

Choking, slapping and ass smacking have been the tip of sadistic tendencies since the beginning. Here I am at the crossroads of unleashing the reigns and letting the full force of Zeus out.

I watched with contentment, pleasure and pure energy as everyone played in the dungeon. Wanting to strap Lil Red to a St Andrews cross or other apparatus. To flog her into an ultimate glee. But I did unleash more of my need to inflict pain on Emerald and Lil Red while I attended. Watching the reaction as I flogged, slapped ass and face made me relish every delicious moment. Feeling their energy and pleasure at my purposeful pain filled me.

Mr Mentl and Verity's rope work and demonstration helped fulfill and fuel me even further. Just watching them gave me a boost to my need to release more of this Dark Side held in check within.

Lil Red seeks more pain. It is time to let loose more of Zeus the All Father power upon her sexy body!!

To Feed or Not Feed My DarkSide

This journey in

• BDSM
• The Lifestyle
• Relationships

Just kicked up a few notches. It felt like a light came on upon the path of enlightenment. The energy was like I was Sho Nuff in the Last Dragon and I got that glow. Like minded people together socializing, learning and being a part of something bigger than self, made everything stand out. 

I wish people would understand and focus on the relationship aspect of what we do and seek. I enjoyed Mythos class on "Playing For Keeps". The relationship dynamic in bdsm. As was illustrated at the conference along with before the conference. Many Dom/Master and sub/slave relations are totally fucked up from the beginning. This is due to a lack of foundation. The ability to establish, solidify and manage the foundation is the only way that a relationship can be created and remain strong. And that is whether poly or not. 

Mr Mentl's rope class was crazy. I would never thought that it would turn me on so much. I have been fascinated from the aspect of seeing it done and romanticized in Japan. But I watched him tie up his sub and the next thing I knew my mind had gone into arousal. Literally getting hard while watching her suspended in the booty basket. I drank in of this intoxication and began my rope journey. That first day of class I couldn't even tie the introductory knot at all. But that second class I practiced and practiced until I actually could do it. Made me smile all proud as my diligence paid off. Even used it during a personally applied scene later. *still high*

I have been in play dungeons before. And I enjoyed the ambiance it created. I watched as each applied their personalized technique of play upon their bottoms. The sensory experience is one that cannot be quantified or explained. Whatever your kink you felt something there. And to watch Lady Lash dance and strike her subject on beat was exhilarating!! I was mesmerized by that. She would be a great casting for the Xmen villain Spiral. All she would need is 4 more arms to dance around and strike with.

All events have their hiccups and issues. But from my experience now there really needs to be better organization. To allow as much fluidity and access to information as possible while there. Because the mind and souls are open to absorb and obstacles can diminish and give that unfocused feeling.  For example avoiding having popular classes running at the same time. I know this was one of my dilemma. I was in the rope class and I wanted to attend the hand torture class as well. And yes I did get in my feelings about it. Even though I was told it was better off I wasn't armed with that information. *lol*

From beginning to end the experience was one of a kind. Leaving me in a nice high. Dom/Master round table to discuss needs, journey and future of our design led to thought provoking comments and revelations. While I am sure that the subs/slaves had their own in their round table respectively. I became fed and full off of knowledge, presence and relations. 

I came to a better understanding of Dom/sub relations. Strengthening my importance of properly establishing the relationship from the beginning. Making sure that the sub/slave is ready, not crazy and destructive. 

All I can say is this: 

Maintain your integrity to the relationship you choose to be in. Understand, act and support the relationship so that it may be all that it should be

Growing in the darkside of the force

LORD HAVOC

Within the Labyrinth

Sometimes I have to wonder what is the purpose of relationships. In this day and age it seems like it is a total waste. Females have no clue how to be a woman. Lost in past relationships. Damaged goods.Caught in a tornado of evil intent and distance. But screaming I want a relationship while killing anyone that genuinely approaches them.

Lately I have reflected. Thought about past, future and present. I have been happily married and I am so thankful for that. Hated coming back to dating. Realizing the dating scene is like being locked up and repeatedly murdered. Meeting females that are disconnected and crazy. The adventures and stories are of epic proportions. Females are confusing. And modern females are beyond confusing. They are contwisticated.

With that said I have adapted and learned to compartmentalize things. Regardless of being a loving, caring romantic I have to adjust to the times of females that want to be males. Trying to stay out of the quagmire of their confusion is like running from the Minotaur in the labyrinth. But it is the only way to stay semi sane.

Getting ready for Black Beat. My first time being around this many people in the bdsm lifestyle. This should be interesting and educational. The energy at the conference should be bananas. Plus it's time to let more of my sadistic side out. Especially since it seems that Red is for real about hurt and pain. I have always reigned in the amount of pain inflicted because of fear it will be too much. But it is time. And with everything going on and inside of me I need it.

I would rather be in a relationship. But it doesn't seem like that is a possibility. Plus wanting to have bdsm household and relationship has been a mythological reach in all this. Have I given up? Not completely. Just no longer actively trying.

I need to finish up this packing and get to moving.
Next stop the baltimore area. I am already strapped.

Quagmire of Intricacy

One of my favorite books is Eric Van Lustbader's Ninja. The story of an occidental gaijin in japan. The son of a prominent veteran of World War II. It shows his journey and submersion into Japanese culture. Specifically ninjitsu.

I grasp an understanding and kinship to this book because of the clash of cultures and experiences mentally.

Having grown up around the world. I have seen and experienced things that most citizens of this country could never truly understand. The thought that the world revolves around Americans is diminished drastically with travel abroad.

From Cinderfellow experiences to outcast relevance. My journey has brought me down a road where there are no roads. Disconnected from the normalcy that others went through. I have forged my way through the lava and brimstone to arrive at this point. Brandishing a badge of defiance and indifference.

Relationships hold important to me. Yet, their number remains very small for pure quality. That general aspect of look out for and help everyone and everything completely....died within me a long time ago. That is why the oldest friend has said she misses the old me. As I look at her distantly, now that she has fallen from the best friend mantle piece. This thing called relations has a different hierarchy to me. All of it makes me stand out because I haven't traveled the same path or hold the same thoughts as everyone else.

Understanding and accepting the difficulties and aspect of being me unflinching. It has strengthened me. To the point where I am contradictory to mass thoughts and beliefs.

Still all the things that makes them gawk in disbelief. Make me a stronger being.

Can't Lead a Horse to Water and Make It Drink

If you are someone I care about I am with you through the good and the bad. We can and will walk together.

But when you offer your ear, support and all but they still won't take it. Then there is nothing that you can do. You are merely a spectator then.

I feel sorry for lil green. I do. But I don't have any other options but watch and leave it alone. I would gladly help her with anything that she needs. Love means standing by no matter what. But it doesn't change the pain and sorrow of watching this stuff happen. I am just having a hard time understanding why can't you let go of the people that are bringing you down, restricting you and causing you pain. Change is hard and chaotic but it is a necessary proponent of moving on.

I want to start my poly house. But, the difficult of relationships period these days really make it a far fetched ideology at this point. I found the two women that I feel are excellent candidates for the relationship. We get along together. Have some of the same interests, commonality and sexual delights. I have loved lil green for many years. Our time has been great, bonding and priceless. She has opened the door and eyes to things. While meeting lil red has brought up a bond that can fit as snug as a glove. Both combined can be the nova of relationships. Exactly what I need and want. The issues are the focus, knowing what is wanted and the commitment. If these things can be overcame then as close to perfection as possible is achieved. I can give myself to this D/s/s relationship. So we are at a crossroads. I honestly have come to a halt and left it to whatever happens is whatever happens at this point. I can envision, guide and support but that is about it.

I am ready to attend Black Beat for the first time. To be around like minded people and enjoy the experience. Learn and observe different techniques. My first event of this size and magnitude. So this will be one for the books definitely. So, come wednesday baltimore here we come!

YCMB...Young Crazy Monkey Bitch

The chick that I talked to. As we talked about being together and getting married and having a family. We use to talk daily and want each other deeply.

Kept saying that people and her family said she was crazy. Believe a monkey bitch when they say things like that. She sure was.

From communicating daily to excuses of I have been busy and hearing from her ass sporadically. But yet she posting on facebook all day long. Wanting to call one time, once in a while to start out "but baby".

But after all the attempts I made to see her and everything. She says she wants to meet on the 4th because she is driving her girl to Columbia, SC. And then to get a week before and she tells me she is coming and bringing the fucking kids she babysits. Get the fuck out of here bitch.

Cute and sexy but another dumb monkey bitch. I guess age is a factor when you are just dumb!

I have to laugh at her dumb ass posting questions about communicating, relationships and people lying and being fake. Her bitch ass is the epitome of all of those plus.

Revelations...Dynamics in Realization

I sometimes wonder the reasoning behind the relations between beings. Especially this gender thing. Females wanting to be, think and feel like males. And males that have no clue about being a man.

Age matters not. *In my Yoda voice*
For regardless of being young or older. They remain, really fucked up!
The standard of individuality has fallen to commonality and follow the leader mentality.

The status of relationships and marriage has definitely died some decades ago.

Emerald and her life have me concerned beyond all recognition. But you can't carry a horse to water and make it drink. No matter how much I love and care for her. She is going to choose how she does and won't do things. Sad but simply the facts. I am going to have a sit down talk to her but that will be that.

I fell for Lil Red. She had the things that I am attracted to and want. The uniqueness. Ability to laugh and understand things. Enjoyment of sci fi and cartoons. Plus sex was great! I guess all I can say is *it is what it is* and move on.

The realization of these lessons learned, especially this year. I hold no hope for much other the desolation of existence.

What is love? It is that true feeling and understanding that was killed by the humans long ago.

As feelings, emotions and love become guarded like nukes. It is time to let loose with the anger and hatred that is asked for.

Red and Chocolate

Who would have thought this combination would ever happen. For the longest I have been at odds with the dust sisters (delta sigma theta). Now I have a friend that is one and a romantic interest. Oh, how life throws you curve balls. The conflict has gone on for almost two decades now.

After our adventures in Atlanta, I had to see Red again. The time spent definitely didn't disappoint at all. I flew into Indy and took a cab to the hotel. Embassy suites is a nice hotel to frequent even though they are pricey. But you get good service and a great breakfast.

The room had a conference table which we happily used for our needs. She is a sexy something as I got to see again. We got something to eat at firehouse subs and then came back to the room and relaxed. Just talking and laughing as we have communicating online and on the phone.

Gem and I had spoke about what possibilities may occur with Red but no need to put eggs in that basket at all until something is concrete. Even about us being in a poly relationship. Which would be outstanding for me. I would get to have two women that can handle me being greedy and my quirks. They both have high sex drives and wonderful submissive personalities. Red is into the 50s sub style and Em is a total submissive. Add to that our ability to communicate and enjoy each other. Talk about the things that others have issues with. And the love of cartoons is a serious compatibility.

We had some great sex. I ate and fucked her on the conference table in the room. We video taped us in the bed going at it. I am still mad that I didn't video tape us on the conference room table. The video came out well. I am just mad I haven't been able to download the first part her camera took.

I had a great trip to Indy. Red made it exceptional. I wanted and needed more but she needed to go be a good daughter so I didn't get a chance to see her before I left after Wednesday morning.

The Red and Chocolate show was definitely UNFORGETTABLE!!!

Entrance Into a New Era

There has been so much that has occured since my wife died. Much of it has become a how-to in what not to do.

The dating disasters. As much as I hated dating before getting married. It is at an all new level after getting married.

• The 6 ft 2 charleston monkey. Who whined multiple times daily while we were in Jamaica for my birthday. 
• The schizophrenic/bipolar twin monkey from raeford. Who was a total drunk. Gold digger with delusions of grandeur.
• The psycho red springs monkey bitch. Who couldn't even come up with a reason that she needed to break up. But wanting to see if it work out if she changes her mind in two weeks. 
• The big booty norfolk chick. She stopped talking. I guess she realized I am not the one to be changed. 
• The infamous milwaukee trip where the confused monkey bitch couldn't spend time with me all of a sudden because the baby daddy that never spent time with their child all of a sudden shows up. But I am not supposed to feel any kind of way about it. Especially since I wasted time and money to spend time with the monkey.

With those issues came the change other relationship dynamics. The ones that I was there for them. Ride or die. Like cupcake. Who knows what turned her from loving and passionate to standoffish. But who or whatever the deal was. I was done. Especially when she still asked me to help her financially.

Learned that the Demon had blatantly treated my wife wrong at that one party we went to. Plus that she is a chronic liar and nothing she says can be believed. Along with the episode where I found out she loved me and wanted me to be with her and was angry because I had the twin monkey bitch with me during mrs c's funeral weekend.  Funny how the person that needs to be the center of the universe responds when they realize they are not.

I have come through and below the pits of hell in this journey. So much has happened that bewilderment would be an understatement.

Your Crippled Loving

Told me you loved me
claimed you wanted to be with me

somewhere crossed wires
led to electricution

alleged engagement ring
claims of betraying them

arrive at
distrust
loveless fuss

my heart
still open wide

until
the shit piled too high

verbal attacks
spanish inquisition
questioning

while listening to
stories of who she
is with

realizing
all the things that
she let all them
get away with

but want to be mad
distraught with me
when I was the one
that even gave a damn
about the ignorance

final straw
you don't want to work on us
or give us a chance

door closed
won't fight you
since your heart is apparently
closed

your past is what
who you choose to
love and hold

behold

alone

marriage to yourself
relationship greatness
angered frustration

all to yourself

your choice

priceless

from the chocolatezeus collection 1/19/13  (c)

Females Vs Women

Its an epidemic.
females thinking they are
women

who told them
gave them false hopes

unable to comprehend
be real
gain esteem
of their
mother fucking self

dynamically stupid
heartless sycophants
delving in their own
self destruction

claiming
independence
strength
reality

when they look in the mirror
hating
disbelieving
reveling in the lies
they keep

woman

yeah right
please

your a child
in a woman's body
unable to accept
your not ready

from the Chocolatezeus collection 1/19/13  (c)