Can't Lead a Horse to Water and Make It Drink

If you are someone I care about I am with you through the good and the bad. We can and will walk together.

But when you offer your ear, support and all but they still won't take it. Then there is nothing that you can do. You are merely a spectator then.

I feel sorry for lil green. I do. But I don't have any other options but watch and leave it alone. I would gladly help her with anything that she needs. Love means standing by no matter what. But it doesn't change the pain and sorrow of watching this stuff happen. I am just having a hard time understanding why can't you let go of the people that are bringing you down, restricting you and causing you pain. Change is hard and chaotic but it is a necessary proponent of moving on.

I want to start my poly house. But, the difficult of relationships period these days really make it a far fetched ideology at this point. I found the two women that I feel are excellent candidates for the relationship. We get along together. Have some of the same interests, commonality and sexual delights. I have loved lil green for many years. Our time has been great, bonding and priceless. She has opened the door and eyes to things. While meeting lil red has brought up a bond that can fit as snug as a glove. Both combined can be the nova of relationships. Exactly what I need and want. The issues are the focus, knowing what is wanted and the commitment. If these things can be overcame then as close to perfection as possible is achieved. I can give myself to this D/s/s relationship. So we are at a crossroads. I honestly have come to a halt and left it to whatever happens is whatever happens at this point. I can envision, guide and support but that is about it.

I am ready to attend Black Beat for the first time. To be around like minded people and enjoy the experience. Learn and observe different techniques. My first event of this size and magnitude. So this will be one for the books definitely. So, come wednesday baltimore here we come!

YCMB...Young Crazy Monkey Bitch

The chick that I talked to. As we talked about being together and getting married and having a family. We use to talk daily and want each other deeply.

Kept saying that people and her family said she was crazy. Believe a monkey bitch when they say things like that. She sure was.

From communicating daily to excuses of I have been busy and hearing from her ass sporadically. But yet she posting on facebook all day long. Wanting to call one time, once in a while to start out "but baby".

But after all the attempts I made to see her and everything. She says she wants to meet on the 4th because she is driving her girl to Columbia, SC. And then to get a week before and she tells me she is coming and bringing the fucking kids she babysits. Get the fuck out of here bitch.

Cute and sexy but another dumb monkey bitch. I guess age is a factor when you are just dumb!

I have to laugh at her dumb ass posting questions about communicating, relationships and people lying and being fake. Her bitch ass is the epitome of all of those plus.

Revelations...Dynamics in Realization

I sometimes wonder the reasoning behind the relations between beings. Especially this gender thing. Females wanting to be, think and feel like males. And males that have no clue about being a man.

Age matters not. *In my Yoda voice*
For regardless of being young or older. They remain, really fucked up!
The standard of individuality has fallen to commonality and follow the leader mentality.

The status of relationships and marriage has definitely died some decades ago.

Emerald and her life have me concerned beyond all recognition. But you can't carry a horse to water and make it drink. No matter how much I love and care for her. She is going to choose how she does and won't do things. Sad but simply the facts. I am going to have a sit down talk to her but that will be that.

I fell for Lil Red. She had the things that I am attracted to and want. The uniqueness. Ability to laugh and understand things. Enjoyment of sci fi and cartoons. Plus sex was great! I guess all I can say is *it is what it is* and move on.

The realization of these lessons learned, especially this year. I hold no hope for much other the desolation of existence.

What is love? It is that true feeling and understanding that was killed by the humans long ago.

As feelings, emotions and love become guarded like nukes. It is time to let loose with the anger and hatred that is asked for.

Red and Chocolate

Who would have thought this combination would ever happen. For the longest I have been at odds with the dust sisters (delta sigma theta). Now I have a friend that is one and a romantic interest. Oh, how life throws you curve balls. The conflict has gone on for almost two decades now.

After our adventures in Atlanta, I had to see Red again. The time spent definitely didn't disappoint at all. I flew into Indy and took a cab to the hotel. Embassy suites is a nice hotel to frequent even though they are pricey. But you get good service and a great breakfast.

The room had a conference table which we happily used for our needs. She is a sexy something as I got to see again. We got something to eat at firehouse subs and then came back to the room and relaxed. Just talking and laughing as we have communicating online and on the phone.

Gem and I had spoke about what possibilities may occur with Red but no need to put eggs in that basket at all until something is concrete. Even about us being in a poly relationship. Which would be outstanding for me. I would get to have two women that can handle me being greedy and my quirks. They both have high sex drives and wonderful submissive personalities. Red is into the 50s sub style and Em is a total submissive. Add to that our ability to communicate and enjoy each other. Talk about the things that others have issues with. And the love of cartoons is a serious compatibility.

We had some great sex. I ate and fucked her on the conference table in the room. We video taped us in the bed going at it. I am still mad that I didn't video tape us on the conference room table. The video came out well. I am just mad I haven't been able to download the first part her camera took.

I had a great trip to Indy. Red made it exceptional. I wanted and needed more but she needed to go be a good daughter so I didn't get a chance to see her before I left after Wednesday morning.

The Red and Chocolate show was definitely UNFORGETTABLE!!!

Entrance Into a New Era

There has been so much that has occured since my wife died. Much of it has become a how-to in what not to do.

The dating disasters. As much as I hated dating before getting married. It is at an all new level after getting married.

• The 6 ft 2 charleston monkey. Who whined multiple times daily while we were in Jamaica for my birthday. 
• The schizophrenic/bipolar twin monkey from raeford. Who was a total drunk. Gold digger with delusions of grandeur.
• The psycho red springs monkey bitch. Who couldn't even come up with a reason that she needed to break up. But wanting to see if it work out if she changes her mind in two weeks. 
• The big booty norfolk chick. She stopped talking. I guess she realized I am not the one to be changed. 
• The infamous milwaukee trip where the confused monkey bitch couldn't spend time with me all of a sudden because the baby daddy that never spent time with their child all of a sudden shows up. But I am not supposed to feel any kind of way about it. Especially since I wasted time and money to spend time with the monkey.

With those issues came the change other relationship dynamics. The ones that I was there for them. Ride or die. Like cupcake. Who knows what turned her from loving and passionate to standoffish. But who or whatever the deal was. I was done. Especially when she still asked me to help her financially.

Learned that the Demon had blatantly treated my wife wrong at that one party we went to. Plus that she is a chronic liar and nothing she says can be believed. Along with the episode where I found out she loved me and wanted me to be with her and was angry because I had the twin monkey bitch with me during mrs c's funeral weekend.  Funny how the person that needs to be the center of the universe responds when they realize they are not.

I have come through and below the pits of hell in this journey. So much has happened that bewilderment would be an understatement.

Your Crippled Loving

Told me you loved me
claimed you wanted to be with me

somewhere crossed wires
led to electricution

alleged engagement ring
claims of betraying them

arrive at
distrust
loveless fuss

my heart
still open wide

until
the shit piled too high

verbal attacks
spanish inquisition
questioning

while listening to
stories of who she
is with

realizing
all the things that
she let all them
get away with

but want to be mad
distraught with me
when I was the one
that even gave a damn
about the ignorance

final straw
you don't want to work on us
or give us a chance

door closed
won't fight you
since your heart is apparently
closed

your past is what
who you choose to
love and hold

behold

alone

marriage to yourself
relationship greatness
angered frustration

all to yourself

your choice

priceless

from the chocolatezeus collection 1/19/13  (c)

Females Vs Women

Its an epidemic.
females thinking they are
women

who told them
gave them false hopes

unable to comprehend
be real
gain esteem
of their
mother fucking self

dynamically stupid
heartless sycophants
delving in their own
self destruction

claiming
independence
strength
reality

when they look in the mirror
hating
disbelieving
reveling in the lies
they keep

woman

yeah right
please

your a child
in a woman's body
unable to accept
your not ready

from the Chocolatezeus collection 1/19/13  (c)

Why Why Why

Why do women i know have to be so damn thick and sexy?
Dammit I want to just do them in and make them squirt all over the place.
Fracking torture. lol

I am just saying

A New Year...Chaos Continues

Year ended
they say it's
time for a new beginning

I merely state the obvious
Change was already happening

what are your new years resolutions
None
for I am already deep in
Revolution

Those that rode with me
care and loved me
without selfish ignorance
remain true with me
I remain to do
Anything

while the apathetic
alleged friends and lovers
to me
taste my Ignoring ability

its all about ME
and those close to me
the circle is small
and closing tighter I see

standing here
World War Hulk
my current temperment

pay back is a bitch
and I don't forget
as people stay on the list

the chaos continues
beginning in a new instance
for change makes me
Better than

So bring it on
Hate me then
You can't understand
or believe in me
A Real Man

slapping the needy
with Reality

I said

Live
Let
the Chaos

Continue to be



from the chocolatezeus collection 1/3/11

You Gotta Get Away

Funny
how the truth
Explodes brightly

your way
or your gone today

your way
or you run away

Love for you
is only when it is
Completely your way
without any deviation

Your expectations
to hell with anything else
only your twisted heart and soul
dedication to self

self
selfish
nothingness

no wonder you are
there in a quagmire of
whatever

Can't be a girlfriend
a wife
or anything else

when you always
have to

fight and
deny

true
feelings
and self

Keep on running
eventually you will
see you still running
from yourself

LMAO


from the chocolatezeus collection (c)

Your Way...The Retarded Way

You tell me so much
claim to speak your heart
your soul cold and dark

that's right
I see right through you

your mad
upset that
you can't control me
tell me what you want me to do

destined to fail
you failed the moment
you thought you could
change me

loved you
inspite of you
because of you
without you

with your man
your husband
even alone

still you couldn't
grasp the strength of
purpose I brought

mad because
you didn't act
wouldn't act
sat back

now you look back
curse me
for I opened you
your heart and soul
mine alone

hatred welled up inside you
because you waited too long

a waste
naw

just doing it

your

retarded

way

from the chocolatezeus collection (c)

The Folly of the Melting Pot

We live in the United States of America.

The Melting Pot.

But it seems like the pot has been corrupted thoroughly.

Our nations language has become second or third to other languages. Which is totally ridiculous. Every other country on the planet forces you to speak their language except for us. As we cater to everybody and everything.

People from other countries getting loans and health care and monetary funding that is not even an option for american citizens.

If we look at the Katrina episode. We go around the globe lending aid to everyone. Where was the aid for the country that does the most on the planet? All the claims of we will send aid. And I don't recall seeing anything coming to help those people.

America the mighty fell to the watering down of catering to the world.

You can't have sense of pride and conviction when you work hard and are a citizen and everyone not from your country gets everything to get a better start than you ever have.

We need to get back to helping our own first and foremost. Just like every country we help and let their citizens come here.

Aphrodite Strain

I shake my head

sadded at your confusion

dumbfounded by your choices

you had me

I stood by your side

through everything

all you had to do was

take a step forward

be with me

Instead

the defenses remained

determined to stop

world war three from happening

the whole while

telling me how your love for me

was there plain as day

blocking our own destiny

friends you want to be

get all the things I give lovingly

while you push me away

fighting your feelings

I watch

as you do all the things

you should have done with me

with everyone else

after me

Priceless

showing me

the true definition of you

flawed goddess

unable to be

I shake my head

saddened

but this is what you wanted

how you wanted it to be

from the chocolatezeus collection (c)