Ballantyne, Nutella and What the Hella

 The year seems to have flown by. Even with all the mess it still has been a unique ride. 

One week to the end of this election bullshit. sheeple can stop assaulting people for not thinking, voting their way finally. one of the two nazi party teams will win next week. Either way nothing will change and shit will continue to get deep.

This is the time of year I would be getting ready to head to Spanksgiving. It is virtual this year due to the corona people. But there will be some surprises at least for this one. Hopefully the rich will stop this ignorance so we can live a life again.

The anniversary with little one was nice. We definitely changed up Ballantyne. The bbq spot was nice. I still don't know what the deal is with them  rich people and damn nutella everywhere we went other than the bbq spot. I had a good time conversing with the old guys that were there at the hotel selling lps and cds. So, again it was brought up that somehow white folks like me. smh It is still shocking that it has been 5 years with little one at this point. Who would have known. But here we are.

The parental unit is getting worst and worst. He seems to have given up on living since he refuses to do much or take care of himself at all. So dealing with that and preparing to do the behind the scenes responsibilities as usual. 

Almost time to end the year with those I love. So I will be seeing Ru, sunshine, little one, babycakes, miko and leave the year on memories. So a few more flights and trips and 2020 will be done. And I am still upset that can't see the gingerbread competition at the grove this year because of the corona people.

Time to get ready for another anniversary. Till the next time nanu nanu!!

Poetic Moment: Loving you: The Impossble

 Loving you: The Impossible Mission

My heart

My love

Given to you since day one

Lost in your dark chocolate

Happily

Wanton and craving

That love

Those feelings

The downfall

I never saw

Your issues fully

The disdain for

Love

Relationship

Connected

Saw the possibilities

The epic future we wuld be

Heart

Arms open wide

Ready and inviting

For us to be forever

I lost a fight that I never knew I was fighting

Stood by her side until she chose to 

fly instead of fight with Me

Like Monifah sang

I know you had to leave Me

It’s Alright

Came to terms

A painful decision

Heart and soul dead inside

Loving you so 

Fully

Deeply

Now having to be

Compartmentalized

Decision you made respected

No contact

Nothing left

A unique ride

Failed mission?

No

Just a Mission Impossible

Realized ride

from the chocolatezeus collectiion  10/16/20  (c)

Anniversary, Shock and WTF

Celebrating the last 5 years with little one. Definitely made Me think about how things were, were supposed to be and how they are now.

A brat's child died while she was at the domestic violence eent. 

Sir Strange dying monday hit hard. I was in disbelief when I was told that by crumbcake. it had to be misinformation. But after checking and getting misinformation. I got confirmation.  No words!

Not that I was close to Him but he definitely helped with the spearheading, understanding and ideologies of this life. The reason I went to Black Beat with red and cyberdiva. A large part of My journey.

The run to braselton, ga wore me out a lot. The driving down with the trailer, loading the volvo and then driving back had me out of it for a while. Not as able as I use to be 67 years ago.

 I never would have thought that the person I saw the rest of my life together vs the person that I figured wouldn't last would end up with this outcome. But a nice quiet weekend to celebrate these years were definitely needed. So Ballantyne we were in you.

About time to see what is going on happen next. smh

The Exclusive Widowers Club

This is really not the club that one wants to join. But it is a support for men that is hard to find or fathom.

 My buddy from the cigar shop called last week and told me his wife died. I was and still am slightly in shock. No health issues other than some bone density problems. Next thing, she is gone 

Another cigar buddy went through the same thing like 4 years ago when his wife died. He still has the phone and facebook under her name. 

They both contacted me because I knew what having your wife die was like. Only difference was that they had been married for decades and I hadn't. I have been supportive as well as going through My things with losing Chocolate Doll again. But there is strength in being able to do this for the guys. 

Most have no clue or understanding about truly loving, caring and being with someone in a relationship or marriage. Too much past trauma, ego, fear and loathing for them to allow themselves these wonders. 

As I have spent the last two weeks helping the latest buddy deal with things. Looking at how young I am versus their age. They are at least 30 some years older. I am glad that I could help. 

Lessons being learned throughout all of this apparently

And the Hits Keep Coming

 Everything seems to be going on lately. 

About a week and a half ago the volvo broke down on my way back from ATL. After a weekend with babycakes and time with little one on my way back to the QC. Did stay at the only Hampton Inn and suites that I have ever seen on the property of a winery. Nice hotel. Will have to go back there and check out the winery maybe for anniversary. But the engine has to be replaced now after a clusterfuck of dealing with a towing company and a repair shop since I had to leave the car down there. 

My Ru lost her 2nd cousin in as many months in Boston. Plus one of her girlfriends she found out died as well. So, I feel for her and all that she is going through. 

Today my cigar buddy from the shop calls to tell me his wife died yesterday. I am stunned still about hearing this. I understand and know some of the feelings he is going through since I lost Chocolate Doll. 

My heart goes out to my people.

I have been seeing posts about issues going on in the community as well. But I have no knowledge about any of it because I stay in my cave, to myself. But the human condition means there will always be something. Definitely not a cake walk. 

Been laughing at reading the petty, whining bitching going on from females about their positions and being relieved of the relationships and dynamics that they really didn't want or make an effort to be a part of. 

Otherwise...

Just being Myself and doing Me. Getting ready for anniversaries and quality times coming up thankfully. Overdue for some more adventures and memories made. It is amazing when people actually want to live and do things.

The house in bama is sold. Just have to go down and get the paperwork done and that will be gone thank goodness. 

Missing going to conferences and enjoying the energy there. Spanksgiving would be coming up next soon. But probably won't be able to do any of that until next year still. At least we had SPLF early this year as the last conference attended. 

With all the difficult and rough times there are still the good things going on. Dealing with the parental unit with his health, issues, houses and all. Work and the ignorance of people, government and everything keeps things a fucking mess. 

But it is refreshing to have Ru and My girls to interact with as well as be supported. Even though it is difficult to support me since I tend to just do things Myself. But talking to Ru has definitely been the appreciated staple all these years. Through marriage, the pseudo relationshipsand dynamics as well as relationshps and dynamics.  Now, adding to that is the energy and discussions with sunshine as well as the interactions with the girls. As I enjoy the connection with miko to see how and where things go.

These are unique times

Till the next time

A Walk Through the Multiverse

 Seems like each moment brings more news of things that are really not wanted nor preferred. In the same token this time has revealed so much as well.

Today, Chadwick Boseman who played the Black Panther died. The police state, violence and fear increases daily. People have revealed their true selves throughout all of this or a lot more than they had previously. 

In the same token this has allowed true spectral analysis of all things. It has brought about pieces to fit the hole puzzle as well as reflect on the past. The light has been shown on the path for all it has been, is and can be. 

Growth has been hard at times. Hell, it has been painful many times. Especially in things that involve love, emotion and connection. 

But I had to turn my head to the side when I was asked about if I truly loved my ex. I did and part of me still does. And of course the follow up question of why can't I be friends with someone after we don't work out. I tried that with the ex and she chose against that. And I respected it all as she asked me to and moved on. In that I realized how far I had come in the love department. I wouldn't have ever considered being friends or trying again after we were done in the past. Now, I tried it and the rule remains in place again. But open to extreme circumstance only. 

This reminds me of Bilbo Baggins "there and back again." 

Because this living Life Unscripted is and has been one of legend. From the unbelievable adventures to the what the fuck was that? From learning to play at Black Beat basically to still learning but a ways further down the road. And this Leather life added to this in ways that I had no clue about. 

I miss the regular marathon sex and play sessions, the conferences, travel and getting out living. But, I can't say it is too bad because I have had a chance to do some of that still. And best of all is watching everything come together and fall into place Where I have who, what and things that I need to love, live and succeed 

And I still get to laugh at the attitudes, people that think they know me and those that think that since I am a Male Dominant I am fucking everything and trying to be a collector. So the entertainment remains still. The disdain for the Caveman will remain because I am just me and won't change to suit their ways. Yet, these people are so intelligent. With years of experience, doctorate degrees and all. Yet, truly clueless to living and actually being their own self. 

Parental units birthday today. And I guess he is tired since he was discussing with the sister about getting her moved before he is gone.  So I guess it won't be too long now.

As I remain vigilant and prepared for the things that are unfortunately coming next with those I love. I can only pray peace for them and continue My Thunderbolt type of close support. 

The multiverse really needs that gauntlet snap right about now lmao

The Puzzle is Comming Together Now

 Let's see...

Been kicked off a plane.

People still acting stupid about this corona shit.

Working on my travel and insurance company.

People still stuck on stupid about presidents, candidates and political party bullshit.

Things are definitely interesting.

This year has been Rolling Thunder for sure. The year is near it's end and seems like it just or never even started. 

Parental unit and sister apparently talking about moving since he apparently doesn't have too much longer it seems. I just need them two to have themselves covered with the legal stuff no matter what they are going to do. I can't continue saving them from things. He is getting worse and there is no telling what is going on with her falling apart.

Work is a clusterfuck with the democratic and republican fuck sticks making sure to show they give no fucks about anyone but themselves. Between the episodes with the CDC and changing guidelines daily along with each directive being countermanded or stalled. Nothing is getting done really. Well besides these dumb asses patting themselves on the backs, spending money on stupid things and giving themselves raises. 

As I listen to my theme song 'Blow the Whistle."

There have been plenty of good things through this time as well. 

The girls have excelled and came even more into their own. Proud of their strides and growth. Especially with how trying things are currently.  Still weird to believe being with little one will be 5 years shortly and babycakes 2. Damn

It is amazing when there is a deep connection and someone can truly accept you without all the issues and carrying on. And that has been found in sunshine since we started seeing each other. Definitely created a breath of fresh air. What I needed outside of the lifestyles.

Then enter miko. Shocked at this one but glad because she fits. Time works in weird ways. And letting time show itself with this thoroughly since this has happened now. 

So, the table is set....

Now I just need a massage, to fuck for a couple of days and beat ass for a while.

Till next time....

Don't need your Comparative Analytics in Love and Relations

 I need a love like my daddy/mommy gave me

You need to do like my ex boyfriend/girlfriend/dominant did.

These and many other scenarios are what people use to compare and tell others how and/or what to do concerning them. Reality is these people are stuck in the comparison situation because it is their defensive comfort zone.

If you are claiming that this old way works then why are you not with these individuals that did this or with someone that is just like it? That would be because it is unrealistic.

In the past I fell prey to trying to make these scenarios work. Until I stepped back and looked at it all objectively. These individuals didn't want a relation, relationship or dynamic to succeed. They were not ready for it or possibly never would be. 

It is okay. People are people and their lives are theirs to choose.

I listen now and give my advice and leave it where they choose to receive it or not. Unapologetically.

My comparison days ended a long time ago before meeting Chocolate Doll. And has remained in effet afterwards. .They will show me who, how and what they are. All I have to do is listen and observe. And there has been times where I didn't listen and ignored the actions.

Here's the PSA:

If you are going to love, have a relationship or dynamic with someone then let that past go and see what you can build from that moment with those involved. Put down the ball and chain. Be free to love and live. 

A Caveman in a Jetsons World

 

Life continues on and on in this fucked up world we live in currently. The corona mess still runs crazy creating more crazier humans than before. Hell, NC had an earthquake this morning during this early hurricane season. So the examples of craziness keep on ticking. 

The parental unit still is deteriorating. Not taking meds or checking his sugar level. But eating constantly and the wrong items. No telling if this is his way to go out the door or what. 

The girls are having a rough time with all this things they are dealing with in life. So support has been on deck along with prayer and peace energies.

Work is an ultimate clusterfuck with the way these idiot democrats and republicans screw up everything on and hourly basis. 

Getting the travel agency going among the many other things I am working on. This is going to be interesting indeed. 

Damn, I miss traveling. My trips out of the country had to be canceled this year because of all this. Hell, I had a hard damn time getting contractors back in the country with everything happening. Though I am still considering going to Jamaica since people are going there currently. But will have to see.

Been enjoying time with My sunshine. It has definitely helped and been a blessing. Still a bit shocked how this worked out. And the similarities to the history with Chocolate Doll are very weird. But connected, weird and different are what I am attracted to and what works. 

The trending talk seems to be getting back with exes, being friends and all the sensitive people views. As I explained before I tried that mutual ending to a relationship with the invitation to get back together if they wanted to do better than we had previously. That was a huge melt down. So back to the original rule I went. Love, great sex and some common interests are not enough to keep nobody.  But I leave that in the sheeple's capable hands. 

Watching things change into Hal 3000 joined with skynet these days has me extra concerned. But it doesn't seem that many of us are seeing this. Alledged coin shortage to force digital currency. Mandatory tracking and lockdown procedures in place. And so much more. Yet it is dismissed without a thought. The man behind the curtain is definitely winning. 

But then again...

I am just a Caveman

Poetic Moment: But I Am the Tin Man

But I Am the Tin Man

my heart

beats and flows strongly again

dead from barely beating for so many years

love was transmuted

into a formulatic equation

once again

but then

the fire got lit again

unexpectedly a connection

came into being

love took hold

and was even reciprocated

this time in

that peace

that comfort

joy and lust

gave way to pure love

the package

what I wanted and needed

received

a heart turned cold

forges steel again

burns the ether again

a cold inside

empty interior coffin

given a chance to

just be again

as I swim in it

free once again

I feel alive

invigorated

invibed

I accept this heart of mine

what was formally denied

now with gates opened wide

a tin man

put away again

from the chocolatezeus collection 7/19/20 (c)

Poetic Moment: Rage Against the Machine

Rage Against the Machine

utter betrayal

blitzkrieg from within’=

total Von Clause shit

unwanted

unexpected

unappreciated

no reason for these insane

emotional outbursts

invading

attacking me weirdly

at the strangest times

lke gorilla warfare

appearing out of nowhere

attacking serenity

still no rhyme or reason

seething hatred boils and festers

destroy, destroy, destroy

this is just not acceptable

further awakening

My inner Dalek

exterminate, exterminate

just exterminate this mess

these emotional betrayals

time to be whole again

from the chocolatezeus collection 7/19/20 (c)

Poetic Moment: Unleashed

Unleashed

mind fucks and mental foreplay

before we ever even touched

even though we had

fucked

sucked

and super fucked

over and over in our mental playground

but you didn’t want to lose control

after that first touch

the first brush of dick

the flames rushed forward

fuck that

pass that

don’t fight the feeling

time to get more than this sexual healing

you had reason to fear

this encounter of us

rope wrapped snug

pussy lips rope cupped

as the knife blade digs into your ass

eruptions

quivering

start up

but we have just begun

the mindfuck was just the pre nut

as dick invades your cunt

fuck my cunt you say

take this dick fucking and sucking

show me what you have tried to keep hidden away

supersize

that slut

that freak

be the ultimate pornstar that I need

UNLEASH!!!!!

from the chocolatezeus collection 7/19/2020 (c)

The Day I Watched Myself Dying

As I sat there. Mind muddled. Unsteady. Shaking. Trying to formulate a solution. Realizing I was helpless. I did not think about me dying. I wasn't panicking about myself. I was thinking about had I prepared Ru, the girls and sunshine properly? Would them and others that care and love me be alright after I am gone? Had I done enough to help them deal with it all?

I have been doing better in taking care of myself and repairing what I could. But in a moment it all meant nothing to me.

Since being married I have been an advocate for preparing for death and the end. The hard subject matter but necessary to have some preparation for the inevitable. It is not easy to do or hear this subject matter concerning your loved ones. But it is a must. And in those moments before the girls came and saved me I was wondering if even did enough at all.

So be prepared. Prepare those that you love and be prepared. No matter what it is hard and will be harder when it happens.

Live life to the fullest. Love to the extreme. And experience everything.