Yaayyy, for snow at the beach

Yes, it snowed here at the beach. I hadn't seen it like this since Chocolate Doll and I were here visiting. But damn it was beautiful and I have enjoyed every bit of it.

female parental unit still in the hospital. Nobody in or out of the hospital still since they put it on lock down yesterday. So she is there by herself. This stuff with the hospital will still be dealt with.

I have sat back and absorbed everything since I hit the red button at the end of last year.  Distance has become the living heart beat. And the silence has become life's existence.

My leg is better so I don't need to cut that off still. lol

Working on things and making it happen amid the natural disasters that are going on.

So I chuckle. Prepare and take things as they are.

Let me watch Under the Red Hood and Batman & Superman Apocalypse.


Love
Life
Being Me and only Me



Have a blessed one and love those who actually love you

The Last Shots of 2017

I have thank all those that contributed the good and the bad. Those that I have met in all the travel this year and those that I just met.

As I finish up another bottle and work on a new one to bring in the year I have reflected, I have dealt with the loss, understood why people have to be moved like a fire sale and laughed at some great memories.

I have been drinking and smoking like crazy pretty much since I got back from texas and got over losing my leg and my life.

As I deal with the parental units and the situation here I will say that I hope you take your mortality and those you choose to be involved with or care about  seriously for whatever you have with them is worth.

I am ready for the next chapters.

The new additions.
Back to traveling like I use to.
Strength in me and those that actually have a real connection with me.
And prospering through this adversity.


As I flip through the picture collage of the good times this year. I will say thank you again for your participation.

And strap in because 2018 is going to be a wild, vicious, dangerous, No Holds Barred ride. So beware. And if need be follow the exit signs now.



Happy New Year and have a great one.


PSSINTA

No Resolutions...Just an OverHaul

The usual questions about resolutions are floating around.

My answer...

No resolutions at all. I already started overhauling, compartmentalizing, destroying and imprisoning things.

Dating has sucked.
D/s and M/s has beyond testing and trying
Distance is the new life blood
Solving, supporting and being there is seriously costly

Due to the lack of being able to talk to anyone about anything of meaning or have good intellectual conversations I have revised things down to a level that others can understand and be comfortable with. Their love and communication languages if you will. lmao

If there will be no effort, interest or anything to maintain a connection, relation, relationship or dynamic then we will deploy RRP (rapid response protocol.)  This year so much leeway was given like it was candy land for them.

Rekindled the need, requirement and necessity of True Connection. So, it has shown light on things like the Hubble. Thankful.

But I do have to say I had the best cannoli cream and cheesecake ever yesterday in N Raleigh. Wooo I am going to have to hit that spot up again. lol

You saw me this year.
Now you think you see me.
The tank is buttoned up and rolling...

And Now for the Highlight Reel

I was sitting up talking to Charlie today at the shop and he threw me for a loop. My fellow gruntanese , mean and outcast is going to be moving early next year. I am like damn. So it made me think about the adventures of this year.

The year was brought in with red on our first time bringing the new year in ever. A lot of chill, laughing, watching and I finally got to sample the food she cooks and gives to everyone but shipping me some.

bgp and I hit my favorite air & space museum. she got to watch me enjoy and be a kid in there. That is one of the places that I never get tired of and always excites me and brings me joy and happiness. Along with so many lasting memories and important things to me.

Hit Amsterdam with red and it brought back memories of being a kid in Belgium as well as new adventures created and the memories of the whole thing. But I loved the torture museum. Sex museum was alright. Watched her do some science and the Nemo science museum. We walked a lot but there was so much to see and had some good food as well. Looking forward to me going back there soon.

tigger and I hung out at the river poetically pontificating. Chilling and smoking.

The Booty review. Man o man you had to be there to understand. You had big gorgeous, big booty judy and map together twerking and dancing. It was like a smorgasbord of ass from big to normal size. And the twerking class that never happened was great!

Had my first pick up play scene that did not end well but that is due to drama and issues of them.  But my next pick up play scenes went well. Two pre negotiated and one negotiated during the cigar social which went well and gave her what she needed. And that made me glad I could help and be of service  to the things she was dealing with and getting past.

The episodes at the golf course. Laughing about that thai wife thing.

The drink and smoke fests that I have had more than a number of times this year. lmao and probably going to squeeze in one more before we out of here. lol

Hitting the basketball games and seeing them play their hearts out.

Once again dressed to the T's for the gala. I miss them days of being dressed up like that and just strolling in like "what? Motherfucking what?"  lmao

I was reminded about the importance of and why true connection was needed and that made me smile and set my protocols accordingly.

This year I got back to traveling some. Not as much as I use to or want. But that is about to go back to standard next year with everything else from the old school me. Let the good times roll!


So I have just been sitting over hear smiling and laughing. Remembering different things that have happened and made me be glad for them.

As the music plays though I am just laughing to myself and about to write the final epitaph in the journal.


Make sure you look at the good times and enjoy them.

Welcome to the Turning Tide

As I deal with the icu people today I decided to put in writing my review I had been contemplating.  So let the shakespearean epitaph begin...

This year has been full of ups and downs. Seems like it has passed by at break neck speed as well. But here we are about to move on to another one.

There have definitely been some trips in there. From going back home to Amsterdam to los angeles, colorado, texas and the dmv plus more.  Memories were definitely created.

I also took this year to explore, learn and help more in bdsm. Through discussions, educations and more I have lent my hand and mind to help guide, assure and support those that were available, open to and wanted it. Now, a number of those were some that were not able to or ready to grasp the concepts of this life but oh well. I learned not to be bothered or waste time on them. You can only help those that are willing and open to it.

Roles, Skills and Abilities:

These three things I had a very enlightening experience with this year. In ways that I wasn't prepared for and others that I was prepared for.

Roles:

This is where you have submissive, slaves and girlfriends with their al a carte selection of their role. Where they are this is the way that my submission is and you need to deal with it or fix yourself to handle it. Well, that doesn't work when alignment of wills need to occur for a dynamic to work effectively. But the burger king mentality grows by the minute.

And just being able to be open enough to know your role. To understand that it may not be what you have always thought or felt it was. And not to get angry because you are told how your role is seen from the outside.

Skills:

This is where attitudes flair a lot. Because it is all cute to get a title and feel like you are in there. But if you can't actually be a submissive or slave in actual action or duty then guess what? There are no viable skills and you will be treated as such. The inability to focus, constant backlash or don't wanting to complete tasks simply shows your skill level and lack of dedication.

Abilities:

This is one where as a Dominant you have to be able to listen, observe and factor in what someone is capable of. Can they organize profusely? Are they a science whiz?

I have seen some abilities like empathy and support roles. I have also seen the ability to disregard and disappear because things were not the way they wanted or comfortable for them.


What has been learned:

Distance is the final frontier. It is the comfort zone that many keep in it's many forms. That warm blanket and stuffie for most.

Beware who you try to learn from, interact with or who claim to be proficient in anything especially this lifestyle.

Connection and intimacy are taboo in more than casual, minimal or superficial dose.

Regardless of how people choose to interpret, dissuade and count you and your standards out. In the end the only thing that matters is being true to you.

No matter what there is going to be backlash, hatred, dismissal and more from those that claim to love, be with you and are under you. Deal with it accordingly and in tune to the individual and individuals.

Trusting someone with emotional and deeply personal aspects has pretty much decayed from this years experiences. The vault remains closed with only one access card available to use. Which is sad because it is great to be able to express fully and share fully. But it also has to be something that can be handled by who you choose to share and express to without judgement, attitude, the way they think you need to do it and more.


So...

I look back to see some memorable smiles. The look into some eyes.  The abyss. All the things that I had to fight, live and survive through.  I can laugh at some more things than I could at earlier times in the year now.

Along with things I am dealing with anniversaries. Preparing for death. Making what moves must be made. Working on everything that comes into play and has to be attended to for next year.

I feel like George S Patton during the battle of the bulge. I want prayers to kill my enemies and we will fight through the day and night to freedom. Freedom being me.


Thank you for joining me on this journey this year. I am glad there have been plenty of reads on the poetry on here. As well as the reads for the blog portion. From the silly to the apathetic so much has been covered.

Wishing you a happy new year. And thanks for riding with me.

Poetic Reality: Unbreakable

Unbreakable

Sitting here in a perfect storm

Holding onto a typhoon and monsoon

Within two black and white holes

Each moment exposes another

Astronomical quantum singularity

Watching the tribulations unfold

From strangers to those

That claim proximity and a connect to me

Caustic wormholes are shown

Informing me

How I feel, act and think

Or the things that I have been through

And what they mean

Your simple minded fallacies

In thinking that you actually know me

Overt and topping from the bottom attempts

To change and mold me

Furious with my non conformity

Desires that I would be

Just like everyone and everything else that you have seen

To make it easier on cookie cutter mentalities

Fear is your friend

Your lover and spouse

Even your religious sermon on the mount

Your need to project this

So you done your weapon and come after me

As your heart, soul and body

Rebel frequently because of me

Because my disdain for this commonality

While destroying alleged

Politically correct activity

It bothers you

Enrages you that I won’t just give in

That you are feeling me, what has been done and said

Your turmoil and quandaries showing

So obviously

Still

Maintaining with n capitulating

I remain

UNBREAKABLE

From the chocolatezeus collection  12/26/17  ©

These Are the Moments I Wish

These Are the Moments I Wish

Even the Untamed One has His moments

Where time and the universe convey

The need to divert from

The onslaught

Moments where

Peace reigns

Rest, relaxation and respite

Are gained

When I can just

Lay on your

Chest, ass and stomach

As you rub my head

Letting the Rage take a break

The moments

You look up at me with those eyes

With concern and care

And I say thank you

When our connection is two strong heart beats

Dipped in titanium

With nuclear, molten lava

Coursing through and between

Us

Our adventures and experiences

Whether silent and intimate

Or the loudness of life’s orchestrations

The times where we are the

Twilight Zone

The longing and craving for

A marathon fuck and play fest

Where the Beast gets a morsel of

Your body, soul and flesh

Where there is a bit of comfort and solace

Then

I look and remember

There are no more

Wish sandwiches

From the chocolatezeus collection  12/26/17  ©

The Subjectivity of Knowing Me

It is interesting when the ideology, action and concept of "knowing me," is claimed by others.

This year females that haven't even got near one of the circles of acceptance in my life were brazen enough to claim they knew aspects of me based on what they perceived as relations with parental units and others. Umm, wrong bitches. Very wrong.

It isn't about me withholding information or any of that from those that are deemed worthy. But the simple fact that if you haven't opened all of you to know me then you won't have a clue. Even those that claim closeness and all that other stuff.

Those that I date know their parts of me that they can handle and try to know in their way. Won't be as much as they claim to think or know but it is ok.

Folk at the cigar shop know aspects based on conversations and experiences concerning me. So they have some knowledge.

Those I work with know pretty much only business type of stuff concerning me outside of general things.


I tell you this. It is beyond great words when someone actually knows you and can continue learning and getting to know you. They become really especial. And damn I enjoy that. Some have even asked them for information concerning me. But being able to do it is an unbelievable blessing.

Knowledge and knowing are Key!  But there are also the dealing with the defenses, fears and combativeness that people have against letting someone know them truly as well.

I am just saying.

Choose wisely.
Be practical.
And stay on alert until and if true interest, action and maintained efforts of knowing and getting to know  you are solidified.

A CD Poetry Moment: Home

Home

A place I long to go to

Memories and memoires of a comfort zone

Long gone

My head resting upon immaculate pillows

Tailor made curves

Peace and calm energy

To infinity and beyond

The world spins on

With the Home coming gone

The day the home going was done

Where your energy and presence

Allowed me to

Just be

Relax and unwind

Acceptance of just me

Like the missing link

Or the Loch Ness monster

Now this just seems like a myth to me

Home

A place I long to go to go to

Memories and memoires of a comfort zone

Long gone

Now there is only

Paid homage and respect

For the blessed experience

Of an amazing temperance

Left with

Within a

Temporal rift

Missing

Home

From the chocolatezeus collection  12/15/17  ©

Poetry: Part Time Lovers

Part Time Lover

Most days

Strangers day and night

Together and lovers

Only when

The schedule

Timing

Feeling is acceptable

And right

Among others and no one

The hawk blows right through us

A demonstrotize

Apparition of something

We once thought of

And claimed allegiance to

Now like a car engine

Turn on and go

Turn off and stop

Disconnect

Chasing absolutely nothing

Related, solo selective freely

I just hit the switch

Wait until its time again

Another turn on this part time merry go round

As Ratt’s “round and round”

Plays in the background

Nothing like

Part time lovers

They keep things

Regular and infamous

So glad for the project thing

Insert part time lovers

Mix and create

Now you got the

Recipe

From the chocolatezeus collection  12/13/17  ©

Poetic Moment: The Message

The classic related to things going down and I used it as muse.

The Message

Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five

Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge

I'm trying not to lose my head
It's like a jungle sometimes
It makes me wonder how I keep from goin' under

Inspired this...

The Message

Invisible forces

Push and pull

As the marks are left

Each moment passes

As the chasm grows

The moon rock floats further away from

The sun

Your actions

Now like the Hubble telescope

Revealing more and more

As words of

Affirmation

Love

Relational

Fall like politician’s

Lies

My eyes wide open

As eyes remain

Wide shut

As the epitaph is written

Upon the left ventricle

In the most intimate of care

Sayonara

Arrivederci

Au revoir

Where was once there

Is now

Where you chose it to be

Thank you

From the chocolatezeus collection  12/13/17  ©

Run Silent...Run Deep

A submariner buddy of mine said this to me the weekend I was in va and him and his wife were in Italy. A term they use in their submarine warfare.  It dawned on me that this has applied since I came back from amsterdam this year. Not successfully at all times but it applied fully.

I stood back, observed and let things unfold this year. Distances, inadequacies and shifts in importance were shown. In my helping and teaching others revealed fraudulence in beings, so called subs and so called slaves.

The hatches were battered down and I have been on my voyage this year. To myself. I did make the mistake to come up to look around, attempt to communicate and things about 3 times. But after those attacks I learned not to do that and to leave the idea of communication in the funeral home pile.

Through the pain, infections, trials and tribulations, pleasures and adventures, me, myself and I have endured, experienced and lived. The journey has left it's marks. I am fine.

All I know is that I walk into this next year like the High Plains Drifter. And that once sliding scale has become a drop down box with limited choices now.

Back to violence and music.

I am sure you had a great weekend. Make sure to have a great week as well

These are the Moments

When  reality hits the road. Or things that were possibilities arise.

I try to protect those I care about from as much as possible. Even themselves or myself. I mean well but the negatives have made me rethink and demolish like everything else.

I avoid asking for help or anything because of how I am. I have to get things done. That comes from responses from help and asking as well as my rules.

In this moment I have released the last fail safe in preparation of the next move.

It is time to drop the nuke!