These are the Moments

When  reality hits the road. Or things that were possibilities arise.

I try to protect those I care about from as much as possible. Even themselves or myself. I mean well but the negatives have made me rethink and demolish like everything else.

I avoid asking for help or anything because of how I am. I have to get things done. That comes from responses from help and asking as well as my rules.

In this moment I have released the last fail safe in preparation of the next move.

It is time to drop the nuke!

What is the Point?

After a weekend of straight drinking and smoking in VA. Dealing with my injury and sickness. And making necessary decisions. It brought me to this after one of the very few convos I have had over this holiday episode.


I was asked this question about a number of things on the subjects of love, dating and bdsm. As always my answers are my own. Not feminists, not the drones, not whoever else.

Love

I love and I am love. Loving in ways that the recipients have shown that they dont quite understand or anything. Even I do not understand their concept, vision or illusion of love they present most of the times.

But love is looking past how so mentally and emotionally you are fucked up, damaged and beyond repair to see what you hold inside. Those things that if you chose to be make you the dynamic woman that you are meant to be. It is why I can say what I want in someone when I have done my analysis and mean it. Like I could marry you or you are good for some long term part time shit and etc. Yeah, yeah the things that they run from immediately because no one should say anything until 15 years down the line. I am just direct and realize what I want.

Love is being there and supporting even when it means they don't want to communicate, express or interact at all. Giving a safety that they can have if they actually decided to. There are no thanks or acknowledgement. Merely knowing that is who and what you are regardless of all the drama they go throw and how far they push you away.

Dating

It is what it is. It can be something to do. It can be for the purpose to try to find a needle in a haystack and find an actual relationship.

I have dated to find someone to be with forever and ever. And it worked out just fine. But that didn't mean that there wasn't a clusterfuck before and after that.

You either adjust to whatever those you date can handle and available to, set parameters and have no expectations of them or just date because it passes the time. There are plenty of options out there for people. And dating doesn't even mean that you not single anymore either for folks. So there you go. Spin the wheel and make the deal.

Bdsm

There is no other way to say it but that it is hard. When you are doing more than just play and dealing with individuals life, attitudes, issues, relations with others and all it is like fighting the million year war most of the time.

Why do I do it? Because it has meaning to me. Because I enjoy the safe zone, help and guidance that I can provide. It doesn't mean that there are not brick walls, land mines and attacks from them. It means you walk in, set your goals and roll to them like the Battle of the Bulge.

It is the moments that they contact me and we discuss options on things that they have going on or are interested in. It is when we are laid together and things are silent and they are relaxed. The adventures that we endure together in far away and near places.



This walk that I am on is based on my choices. On those that are important to me and their stations in the circles of my life. Even the ones on the edge of the outside circle. Through it all I remain loving, caring and supportive. In the face of all the adverse reactions and adversity. Regardless of all things that go on with me I will stand my ground, defend and attack.

Me and These Old Skool Beats Thanks to DJ L3XX

From the beginning to the end it had me going from song to song.

Remembering dancing with Chocolate Doll as well as mvp doing her dancing.

Poetic Expression: The Climax of Connection

The Climax of Connection

Time

Timing

Distance

Enemies to our being

Broadband

Phone lines

Life lines to our

Growing intensity

Until

The moment

Where it was just you and me

First playfully

The heat grew to an ingested fury

Deep kisses of

Long, passionate exhalations

In that moment

Energy flowed and ebbed fully

Thankfully uncontrollably

Removing some of your

Fear

Nervous

Anxiety

Neurons firing

Souls joined intimately

Our energy eclipsed

Enter the creation of the

Universe of

You and me

Bodies melted into

Delicious, unstoppable

Volcanic eruptions

As I finally

Gave you the last parts of me

Shooting evidence of my craving for you

Creamy emulsifications

To this alter

We had waited to create

We drank

Bathed

Inserted all of ourselves

Into this moment

The moment

I gave you the rest of me

The up close and personal examples of

Everything I said and shared freely

Two hearts began to beat

Love created our melody

You sang and I released

Love’s notes screamed

In that morning’s heat

We created

This one of a kind of entity

No matter how brief

We are now stirred with

A ferocity

Connected

Deeply and fully

In and intimacy that we

Were destined to be

Now

Craving

Desiring for more

Fanned flames that diminish Hades

We are here now

Ready and willing to indulge in our

Destiny

From the chocolatezeus collection  11/25/17  ©

When It is No Longer a Scene...Just Need

you prepare yourself. Thinking that we will do a scene.

I look at you in all your chocolate delight. Until everything turns red and your chocolate smolders upon my presence.

As I grab you and choke slam you onto the dresser. The barrage of slaps and punches to the stomach reign. Only to be relieved by me pulling off the dresser by your twists to drag you down the hallway kicking and screaming. To be met with a body slam onto the floor.

I straddle you. Pinning your arms above your head as I continue slap after slap. Leaning in to choke you harder and harder. you want to pass out but I won't let you.

I tie you to the door. Beating you with bat and bokken. More punches and kicks rain upon your body. The pain wells and swells within you. But I won't stop.

Only to turn you over and shove my fist in your pussy nice and hard. To fuck you relentless with my fist as I bend you backwards. Holding your hair in my hand and choking you.

turning you over one final time as I grip your neck with both of my hands and squeeze ever so tight. My only words, "remember and understand why you brought this upon yourself. There is always more.'  As you slip into the darkness of unconsciousness.


Merely an intro into what will happen upon the road that you are on...

Poetry: What You Express

What You Express

Actions

Inaction

Words and silence

Blueprints to

Upheaved malpractice

Unchecked boxes

Amid the remnants of

Scattered unpacked boxes

The fresh calla lilly smell

Stale with fetid

Irrelevance

Time

The answer and culmination of

Relevance

So

I thank you now

Stacked

Partitioned

Gulag internment

Happiness and solution

Abound

From the chocolatezeus collection  11/24/17  ©

The Punisher Destroys Justice League...the Reviews

So last week i grabbed a pack of fudge stripes  Lemmy Num-Num (which were damn great by the way) and set to task to binge watch this first season of the Punisher and then watch Justice League.

I am not going to do any spoilers in this but if I slip up then it aint my fault.

Punisher

This is a great series. The character develpment moved along. The plot grew but wasn't fully revealed until later on in the season.

But what I liked most is the showcase of the grit and determination of Frank Castle. The torment felt and seen constantly within him. It was dynamic. He played the hell out of Frank Castle and did it well.  The show of anguish, anger, pain and despair. The want to just kill everyone until they can finally end him.

Now do not expect that things will be along the lines of how the comic book series have gone otherwise you will be dissapointed. And by now you should have realized that they don't do movies anywhere near the great storylines in comics and books.

You can also tell that there was some actually military and police help with the styles used in the series. There wasn't none of that slinging side gun shots or anything. Pretty much precision work like a trained op would do.

I will say this is a must see and enjoy series.

Ok the Justice League

Woosah!

I was hoping for some for of redemption in DC from the wonder woman thing and the rest of the movies since the Dark Knight series but once again...nada.

Apparently there must be a law in these movies to dumb down the villians and make them look like weak, dumb morons at all costs. They did it with Doomsday and especially with Ares. Now they have done it to Steppenwolf. I am afraid when they introduce Darkseid that he is going to be some weak ass nothing.

In an action movie I literally got bored. The plot held little merit. Their integration of characters was minimal at best. I was wondering why did they even bother.

This would have been a whole lot better done by one of the fan made video people.

The most interesting thing in the movie for me was when they jumped back in time to the war against Steppenwolf the first time and who you see in the battles.  After that I was ready to just hit the stop button.

Poetry: Just for this Moment

Just for this Moment

This moment

Where

More than

Culmination was captured

From the moment you entered

You valiantly fought and surrendered

Your mind was entered

As thoughts splashed upon your membranes

Memories of words and feelings exchanged

Carnal and emotional connection

Unchained

Your body entered

Emulsified, oral evacuations

Penetrated strokes of tingling elations

As kisses shifted planetary gravitations

Creating ragged breathing and that pleasure space

Tunnel vision of erotic, sensual, deep

Intimacy

Here is where I wanted to stay

In this existence of eternity

After waiting for this experience

So diligently

Only for it to be gone again

Locked away forever and a day again

Unknown to when it can be felt again

Damn

That honor and responsibility crap

Just Damn

From the chocolatezeus collection  11/17/17  ©

The Ebb and Flow of Energy

The flow of energy and connectivity is important to me. Hell, it is important to others as well. The energy is more universally acceptable than the connectivity though.

en·er·gy

ˈenərjē/

noun

1. 1.

   the strength and vitality required for sustained physical or mental activity.

I sought and craved that energy. It led me to pitfalls at times as well as led me to be happily married. That energy is what sustains, maintains, creates and gives power to actually having a relationship or dynamic with someone. 

So when you no longer communicate or interact and basically guess or estimate what the other is doing, feeling or anything then there is little to no energy there. 

There are times where the energy is bottle necked or stopped at the source. 

But when the energy is flowing and abundant it can be like a high or a lifeline. This shows through in properly functioning relationships, group events that go well and all. 

That connected energy makes me happy, smile and feel alive. I enjoy it. I miss it. I need it. 

It has been a long time since i have enjoyed, relished in and felt that energy fully. I have felt and gotten really brief glimpses once in two blue moons.

It is not about simply only a need of energy from others but a balance to maintain. I realize I have been out of balance for a very long time now. The complete disconnect, compartmentalization and removals have shown the light.

Whether it is laid up on titties and ass.

Fucking your brains out at last.

Or just quietly in each others presence

When the energy is present then things just run better. 

The flow gives way to life, purpose and the pursuit of happiness. 

As I stand here in the void I realize that those strands of energy are depleted, gone, hanging on by a wet noodle even. The ebb of energy staunched and choking. 

So I cue my music. Smile and say thank you. 

Understanding has been the key!

Poetry: The Same but Unequal

The Same but Unequal

I am just another black

But to them

I am not black enough

Set adrift on continental, color divide

While maintaining

The same imprisoned qualities

No matter what those judging me

Decide

As I ride

Will they think I am committing a crime?

Or

Will that black chick clutch her purse?

When I am not in my suit and tie

I didn’t grow up in the hood

My family didn’t struggle to get by

But you are telling me

Those things disqualify me

From dealing with the same things

That other black people have in their lives

No matter what other races

I know and socialize with

Doesn’t change the regular attacks and assumptions

Because of my deep melanin hide

And that especially includes

Many and their so called

Black pride

I don’t fit into your thoughts

Of what being black Is meant

Yet, I deal with the same

Injustices, surveillance and shit

Since my blackness is unequal

Don’t look to me for that

We family or brother man

Filibustering façade

Remember

I am not black enough to be black

But black enough to get

Wrongfully accused and shot

Yet

I am the same in others eyes

But to many of the blacks

I am just in no man’s land

I am the

Divide

From the chocolatezeus collection  11/16/17  ©

The Kraken, Ares and Zeus Triumvirate Week

It is just me, myself and I. Keys to universal truth.

So this past week...

One of the discussions has been about how stubborn I am. And in some things I am stubborn. Ru has been on my case about asking for and accepting help for years. But hey I am me. But stubborn was brought up because of me not treating the outsiders the same as those that are supposed to be in one of the circles in my personal life.

As much as I have helped and tried to help folks this year. Both subs, slaves and others has not really been as positive as it should have been. There was a lot of super over sensitivities, facades, attempts at manipulation and more. More valuable lessons learned.

Stress has increased and the battles intensified. More and more enemies and less and less allies. But "Army of One" is what it is about.

Hard to believe that the year is almost over. It is like where the hell did time go to? I have to get ready to get on the move and disappear as much as possible next year. Time to get back to my old ways and get my travel on. The list is already kind of active. Will have to get my new passport as well. And I am going to head out of country a few times so I can chill and pay homage. Still can't believe it will have been 10 years next year.

The way the journey began years ago is nothing like what was planned, expected or wanted. It is not a journey that requires Oyabun attention and actions versus that purpose I had what seems like so long ago now.  But I have adapted, overcame and gave them what they wanted.

As I listen to the music as always. DjL3xx and MilkMan got me over here jamming and remembering being in Japan.

The silence
The time
The actions

They comfort me as I Semper Fidelis.


Have a great week. And prepare for the violent changes that are coming.

*wink*

Poetry: Welcome to the Here and Now

Welcome to the Here and Now

My arms outstretched wide

The warmth of love and passion emanate like a fire

To realize

The chasm that is open wide

A red sea that even Moses puzzles upon

Quizzically

Duct taped

Feelings

Emotions and intimacies

Like a mummification scene

No longer a bridge too far

Now merely

A bridge no longer seen

But I am content

For I gave you what it was that

You wanted

The ambiance that you sought

Multiple destinations that you want

Logic

Defenses

Distance

Reigns Supreme

As I stand back

Appropriately

My services

Complete

From the chocolatezeus collection  11/5/17  ©

Poetry: The Final Disconnect

The Final Disconnect

From the beginning

To here

Fully connected to

Well…

Bathed in

Silence

Puffs of air

Even the noise of empty vacuum

Each connection

Laid prostrate

Not defective

Or even worn out

Merely

The current state

The hisses

The clicks

One by one

Or a bunch at once

They all

Fall away

No longer committed to

Togetherness

Merely

The full separation

There is no

Death and decay

Or

Remnants to remain

There is only

The power

Essence of

Unity

In this final

Disconnection

From the chocolatezeus collection  10/31/17  ©