From Crunk Music to R&B Type of Morning

I am sitting here working and listening to Aaron Hall's "The Truth" album. my first ballad, r&b album I actually liked fully and could deal with. Because we know I don't do that stuff unless a female I am with is involved.  it summed up a lot of things with each song. Even now it holds some meanings still. Love, sex and life through words and music in applicable situations.

the songs:

• Do Anything - I would do anything for you to help, support, comfort and more.
• Open up - Be yourself, let it all out, be vulnerable to me. I got you.
• Get a little Freaky - Be my whore, slut, cunt and more. All the freaky things let us do and more.
• Pick Up the Phone - Communicate with me. Maintain what we have and show that you are interested
• Until I Found You - When I met you i found what I wanted and needed. The things that comfort, make me happy and make life better
• Don't Be Afraid - Through the good and the bad I will be here for you. There is nothing like you. Don't be scared to just be and for us to be together
• Let's Make Love - I want to feel that intimacy that only you and me can have together. Strokes, licks where I can see your soul through your eyes glazed in ecstasy.
• When You Need Me - I will be there for you no matter what as much as I possibly can
• I Miss You - When I am away from you I miss and want you. Even when I don't express or show it. 
• Until the End of Time - That is where we are going and can be found

Enough with the musical, mushy shit.

It has been another trying week. There have been some interesting positive things. There have been a lot of negative ones. And things that only make me think some more. (like I need that)

I definitely got Ru on my mind and sending prayers to her. 

Still shaking my fucking head at that call the week before. I am still like WTF.

Eye opening episode in understanding that I cannot support, be there for anyone that is not open to that happening. As well as my endoskeleton needs a tune up and some restructuring so there are no more lapses, escapes or mishaps.

There was a pleasant surprise of expression that I never ever would have expected. It made a rough day better and made me smile inside.

Black Bike Week is next week and as much as I like going to see ass, titties and great bikes. I don't want to be bothered with the traffic. But then I do want to go to the comic con they got going on there. And of all weekends it would have to be this one. So we will see what happens with that. Plus I will hang out with the cousins and their clubs at Aunties since she is cooking a big thing for them once again. But for the last time she said.

I am waiting to see how things pan out and stabilize. I need to get out of here and go somewhere soon. Preferably with carnal and inflicting pain activities. But at this point who knows. i might even brave the heat and head to hot ass texas to spend time with my Ru. 

Hell, my month is about a week and my schedule is way the hell off. So I am a bit pissed about that. 

on that note I am going to look at these pics of HQ while listening to the appropriate song "Hott in Heere"

nuff said

Poetry in Motion: Moments

Moments

There are

Moments

Where I can’t see the forest for the trees

Because the napalm is burning

Their flames licking my feet

There are

Moments

I want to feel

Give freedom to

Emotions

Essence and soul stirrings

There are

Moments

When rage

Cages me within it’s haze

Grasped

There are

Moments

Where just one mere word

Sexy pics

Kind acts

Calms the raging Beast

Making life livable

Again

There are

Moments

Where everything fits

Joined intricately together

My life becomes

Balanced and better

There are

Moments

When the past meets the present

Battling for

Hypothesis and analysis

Challenge

There are

Moments

Where I can

Smile and laugh

Be vulnerable, happy and loving

Delve deeply into my

Sadistic horniness

With utter abandoned

Glee

There

There are

These

Moments

Where

Me and those things

Just be

From the chocolatezeus collection   5/20/16  ©

Today's Poetic Moment: I Am Not Your Daddy

I Am Not Your Daddy

There is nothing left

That pertains to this moniker

Position vacated

The moment

The disconnect occurred

Realization became

Apparently

Love, emotions, feelings

They were involved

Now the remains of

Cannibalized aftermath

There is no

Ill intent

Merely an experience

Left in the annuals of

Time and experiments

Things change

Life happens

Regardless

I am not

Your

Daddy

Anymore

From the chocolatezeus collection  5/19/16  ©

Part of the Basics

So this will be a look into one of the basics of myself.

The subject matter is...

Trust, Connection and Expressed Feeling

I am one that doesn't give these things out without some serious thought, reflection and proven worthiness.

I love, care and connect deeply with who I choose. But when those things are not wanted, reciprocated or taken for granted then I will remove those things and excommunicate.

My feelings may be strong but so is the opposite side of the equation. And this last year and especially lately I see that I have  to stick with pure apathy.

I accept individuals as they are. Their fucked up, mentally disturbed, weird and psychotic selves. But I give them a chance since they start off with a blank slate. But if you want to write bullshit on that slate then that is your choice.

Oh well...

And then there was ONE!!

when You Use the Light Switch

Relations are about connection.

Wben there is not connection then there is nothing that I care or concern about when it comes to those involved.

When you tell me that you are no longer connected to me, then I will adjust things accordingly. I will make sure that you are just like the other humans.

Disconnection means I really don't care unless it involves me.

Well damn Ru. It isn't even the end of summer yet. lmao

I totally understand why I only express myself and deal with Ru. I can be myself, get angry and make mistakes and things will be alright.

Oh well it's hard out here for a fucking asshole!!

Right Now...

WWE's natalya in that cat suit was just wrong. I want to fuck her little brains out. The new dana chick looks like she got a decent body on her. And stephanie mcmahon I want to fuck her and break her down completely.

With all the shit going on lately. I seriously need my FIX.

I need a fuckfest. Where she cums so much that she needs ivs.

Inflict so much pain that that head forensic scientist i used to fuck here is like "what the fuck."

Luagh, talk and repeat the fuckfest and havoc pain expedition until I am sated.

Yeah I need one that will satisfy all of that and not try to displace or tell me I can get that by joining a bunch of folks together. I don't want the fake voltron. I need my FIX!

The engines are blown and the fuel inside of me is burning brighter than the sun. We are past the point of rational thinking and actions.

Fuck, fuck, fuck where is Ru Ru when I need her. At least it would take my mind off this shit from listening to her adventures.

I am going to have to continue drinking and smoking instead.

Fuck it.

*atomizing the mic*

I Am What I Am

I am about to run it down for you.

Basically I am just me. The moody, mean, passionate, steadfast Dominant man.

I am singular in purpose. I stick with what I think and feel. Other's ideologies remain subservant to mine. I do incorporate things.

I am simple if you know me with complex living and thinking.

My love and feelings are there only during the situations and people that warrant it.  So, everyone and anyone are not going to get anything but distance from me. I don't spread love and cheer to the humans. That is not my department.

Support is my nature. Unless and if you turn your back on me and take it for granted then that support will be you falling down a cliff.

What I am not...

I am not your wait until you get ready, fall back plan.

That be nice to everyone so they can see you as something comfortable for them.

The do it your way man does not reside here.

The change me type of man. If you are looking to change me you already failed.

Nor am I the give you everything so you can do absolutely nothing type of man.


In closing...

I am loving, caring, funny and protective of the very few I actually allow in any of my circles. If someone ever could enter my inner circle they can have my heart. If a super anomaly happened and a woman actually met the standards to be in the inner sanctum, then she is the Queen!

It is not hard to ask me things. Just don't expect the answer that you want me to give to happen. But don't be scared and ask.

I am simply a Dominant man that lives life the way he sees fit and plans.

You know what to do!


*mic drop*

Over here dancing to...

yeah I am over here watching this and enjoying myself.

I Came to the Fork in the Road and Went Straight

I have always done things the way that others steered clear from and were against.

In the past year it has been monogamy vs poly. Newbie vs the more experienced. So many things.

I walk my own path. I think and act for myself.

Since I want both monogamy and poly. I am going to have them. And add to that some other things just for me.

It is clear there has to be more applicable adventures, times and more concerning me.

It's time!

Ground Support

This is a term used in battles and fighting conflicts. And it applies well here.

I have always been one to support, listen and be there for those I cared about, loved and was in love with. That means listening when they just need to vent or release. Or talking things through with them.

So yeah someone I care about is going through things. I want to be there for her but that is not going to happen. I was bothered by it at first. How would someone that I care about not want me to help them through everything that is going on with them? I asked if she needed me. If I could support or help her. The answers were a resounding no each time.

I was upset and bothered about it. I am supposed to be there for support. I am always the troops from hell to come eradicate, bolster and cull the enemy. Or just be the counselor to listen.

In my being pissed I had to realize that I do not let anyone in to support me unless they are in the inner sanctum really.  Those outside can support in tiny ways but mostly that is temporary and slight. It is not their fault. I am closed off. Especially since I no longer have someone that I am in love with to be that part that I can always seek and recieve some form of comfort that I need. I sought that comfort once again. Seeing all the signs but the one important one. They weren't able to understand or give that willingly.

So in realization I backed up and dropped it all. Leaving my natural instincts and being in a coffer. As hard as it was it was accepted with everything else that was vaulted away.

As much as I want to support others. I can't when they fight it, don't want it and deny it. So instead I stand back at a distance. Ready by a miracle chance that they change their mind. But basically leaving it all alone.

The Havoc ground support is always ready!

It is Crowded Beneath Your Rug

lol I see you wondering what the hell is he talking about? (well, you probably think that most of the time.)

When negative, hurtful and harmful experiences happen to people, there are those that want to *sweep it under the rug*.  Meaning they just want to forget about what happened and act like it never occurred.

This is dangerous for them and those involved because that doe not mean that a solution or learning experience was ever reached from the episode. And as the saying goes, "if you do not learn from the past, then history is doomed to repeat itself."

I noticed this on the call last night with a girl that has been victimized by a boy calling himself a dom. It is unfortunate that she wants to just drop it and get past it with all the grief and distraught feelings that are obviously weighing her down from the mistakes that she made and her being violated.

The same thing happened last year when red and I were talking to diva about what was going on with her and the past episodes. The inability to deal with making mistakes, jealousy and everything was prevalent with all the instances she kept saying "let's just move past this." The so called moving past things or forgetting about them doesn't address, solve or teach you about what happened.

Personally if I bring up what you did or said previously. It is for a learning or clarification experience.  Because if i am saying something about it, then apparently something is still a foot from the original occurrence.

As they say though, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

Poetic Answers: Exactly What You Need

Exactly What You Need

You asked me to destroy you

To obliterate

All feeling, connection and intimacy

That involves you

Let me rip out your soul

Ground your heart beneath my boot

Dismiss your existence

At every turn

I know you haven’t seen

The way your mind has

Warped and twisted

Battling jealousy

Heighten desires

Conflicting with your need

To be a relationship

Apparition with me

That twist of each knife

You feel and see

Creating that desire

Both

Fighting and binding

You slip

The rabbit hole entrance

Is now a long gone remembrance

Right there

That aching

Thought

Feeling

Need

You have been brought by me

To disembowel your everything

As you fight for the last vestiges

I will continue to feast on you

Internally for eternity

I am merely the Beast

Answering my needs

As you ceased to mean anything to me

So long ago

I cannot remember a thing

Come

Die for me again

So I may spill your blood

That hardened cerebellum

Smashed to pulp within my

Hands

This is what you asked for

Sought

Congratulations

From the chocolatezeus collection  5/10/16  ©

Just Poetry: Weightless

Weightless

There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for you

Until

I realized the emptiness

The impenetrable wall

Between us two

Left with a snapshot of

The last time

I touched your face

Kissed your lips

Basked in your smile

Looked into your face

Left with

Memories

Thankful appreciation

Dissipated love and electricity

Trips of adventure and debauchery

My heart still beats

Love buried in hell

Deep, deep, deep

You

Me

Alternate universes

Different time and different place

I am sure there would be

The ultimate you and me

You continue to reside

Within me

Even as the chasm of motes

Isolate me

I see

So clearly now

It blinds me

With all the ferocity of

Love and destiny

Stained

The molten lava caresses me

It’s void

Soothing the aches and pains

Returning to my mentality

Feasting on pictures and video

Keepsakes that keep me

Thank you

As I sink into the

Endless deep

My heart

Soul

Existence

Submerged

Weightless

Is what is left of me

From the chocolatezeus collection  5/10/16  ©