A Great is Gone...Prince

It is hard to believe that he has died. A true musical genius. I may not liked every single thing he made but a whole lot of them. Hell, I grew up listening to many of his songs.

This is the song that holds most meaning from him to me. A song that was on the Chocolate Doll and Chocolatezeus theme album.

Dedicated to you Chocolate Doll. At least you will have someone to sing to you now there.

Rest in Peace

Poetic Moment: San Andrea Fault

San Andrea Fault

Never saw the warning

Bullshit

I ignored them from the start

That blaring Ultraman beeping alarm

Cracked foundations

Permeated with rotten corpses

Holes punctured in Noah’s ark

Desolation the only constant

Fraudulent fantasies

Centered on

Dating and relationship

Ideologies

Swallowed whole

By 26 on Richter scale of the heart

Chasms opened wide

A black hole swallowing hole

Heart, soul and positive vibe

Mistakes

Monkey Bitches

My fault

Like Dr Dre’s Aftermath

Devastation

Unforgettable applications

Death Row is it’s name

Such wonderful art

Ending in

My laughter

Unshocked flat line

And a fuck you

And your mind

Take your time

I will enjoy your

Rigormortis of heart, soul and mind

Until

That permanent flat line

My smile gleams

All bright

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/21/16  ©

Can You?

Can You?

Make me want you

Remember who you are

What you can do

Create that unparalleled lust for you

Where your body and skills

Are wanted constantly

Create an astral link

Where mentally I stay with you

Thinking, caring and concerned

For you

Getting to know me and you

Where we grow closer

Wanting to be permanent

Together as two

But I see

Staring blankly

Inability

Lack of

Importance to

You

So

Thank you

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/20/16  ©

Dating: The Clusterfuck Adventure

So Ru and I are talking about dating and what is and has gone with us. Truly, a part of our Live's Unscripted. lol

Ru has wanted me to show her how to compartmentalize and turn off feelings. I have promptly said no to that repeatedly even though I understand the reasoning. The compartmentalization doesn't always work. There are times when I allow a specific feeling for someone come up. But it is rare thankfully. She needs to continue to feel and live.While my feelings are not there it makes it difficult for others.

Even our scenarios now are beyond the norm of our Life Unscripted. We are at our crossroads with our timeline and looking at things wondering. WTF  But the battle, war and clusterfuck continues. We have talked about it and wanted the best for each other. But we are looking at the reality of our situations. *hysterical laughter*

I always hated dating before I got married. And after having a great and successful marriage I detest dating even more. It is such a quagmire when it is not necessary. The hiding and fear in attempting to have something of a meaningful relationship is at huge proportions.

My dating adventures have been fucking disasterous. Ru and I have sat back laughing at all of them. Because after realizing how badly things are when it comes to dating all we can do is laugh at the shit and just be ourselves and enjoy what we can out of life and FUCK the rest.

More laughter for the Road Warriors. Always on deck

Dating...yeah I guess it is still something people claim to do


*laughing hysterically*

Kiss from the Other Side

Kiss from the Other Side

You rest in peace

Within my heart and mind

My soul still yearns

The tears now dried

Thankful

Amidst the longing

Just missing you

For who you were

And what you brought

You showed

What womanhood was about

Blueprint to

What a woman is and should want

I smiled at the memories

The things that are forever imprinted

You became your symbol

Eternity

Countered experiences

Broken disbelief

You ended

The impossibilities

Your replacement

Will never be

And I will never ever

Seek

But you left the

Benchmark

The ultimate level

Acceptance of less

Means that there is nothing

Merely the enjoyment

Of whatever is taken

As I see your smile

Hear your laughter

You still surround me

Reaching to the sky

Cupping your face

For just one more kiss

With

The Best of the Best

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/20/16  ©

Health Update

So they did blood lab work and injected me with my anthrax this morning.

Amazingly I got the results back a moment ago.

My diabetes is a little better.
Blood worst.
Some other stuff that I have is still worst.
And my cholesterol and stuff are lower than normal again.

So I will see the doctor next week and have him explain everything to me as always.

I will be glad when I can get back to the gym again. Still fucking strange to say regardless.

So good news basically.

Letter to You, Yes You

I opened up and gave you the impossible gift of my vulnerability. Expressed, showed and told you things that only the person in m inner samctum knows.

Trust was allowed with you, a female. Another astounding feat. But, it is what was called for.

From the moment I stopped fighting and made my decision to date you I saw past everything. The weirdness, the closed off, emotionless actions as well as the holy grail things.

Your vision is clouded in this fog of inability to believe. The fear of vulnerability. A loss of control and previous experiences.

You as a whole is what has been sought. Your passion, attentive, love and submission. And in this journey the struggle has been most evident. Your walls have been to the heavens and your deadly traps have been the deadliest.

So against my better judgement. I agreed with you to let time pass. So, maybe you could grow into and with me.  As much as it caused me to lock up everything. It helped you a bit, just as you had said. At least to a point of considering something.

Never have I wanted or asked you to be anyone other than yourself. Even when it seemed that you were pushing me somewhere else. Or saying that there is someone better for me every now and then.

Still, I see the possibility and benefit if you choose to see it also, accept and feel it. That is a choice that you will have to make. Mine has been made and implemented in all aspects. The outcome lies with you now.

Connected of mindfucked. There are aspects here and there. The tendrils lay between us. Just not as strongly as either of us want it apparently. It is something that both of us have to do our part to make happen.

I wanted my woman, my companion and my submissive. All in one ultimate effect. And what I wanted with you is still there somewhere present. Ready if you are ever ready.

As we sit here in your time after time progression. I understand now only time will let you move forward and nothing else will help that. I am not full of patience. I know what I want and am willing to achieve it.

Until something happens I will be here like George Gervin.

Your Submission to Me

When it comes to submitting to me it is not strictly about serving me. It is about the whole journey.

What do I mean?

Concern about your growth, learning and evolution is key and necessary for me.
It means that you have to want to, be open to and make the efforts to achieve the goals available.

How does this happen?

I challenge you to understand, feel and change To see where you are now and then see where you have gone to in the future. This is not an easy process. I have them fight me because they tell me that they dont' have the necessary mental Dominant connection that they need. Or that they are stuck on their previous relationships and want to apply everything they have experienced to me. in a negative way.

There are the ones that have invested feelings and emotions as a submissive and then there is the completely disconnect from emotions and feelings.

Each of the submissives and involvement with them has to be tailor made. Designed to see if it is going to work at all. So I have had to implement a time limit for things to work out. Check the progress of the submissives and attend to their needs.

Communicate with them daily in order to affect the proper attention that is required to them. From the micro managing aspect to just dealing with them concerning our dynamic and a few outside things and then just absolutely nothing concerning D/s at all basically. So the Gage is constantly on the move and adjusting.

So...

This thing is not about pussy or just you doing what I want. It is about a dynamic that has meaning and you have chosen to serve me as well understand my lead and goals that I have placed for us to seek.

If you are not feeling submission with me...then tell me.
If you are fighting against being submissive to me then...tell me and we can part ways.
If you want to be and be called my submissive then...open all of you, understand and make the efforts require to be.

D/s is not the easiest thing. And mistakes are made. Learning never stops. And there are bad times that go along with the good. But when you are dedicated, committed and focused.

D/s is a beautiful, wonderful and exemplary thing.

Love Poetry: Results of Love: Tanjian Style

Results of Love: Tanjian Style

I fell in love with you

The ultra-crazy and weirdness

Combined with

The sexy chocolate intelligence

In a blink of an eye

From strenuous

Analysis and evaluation

I fell

Wanted

Wanting

Even through hell’s kitchen

That lingering remained

A tiny bit laid beneath the

Fortress of solitude

I don’t begrudge

Or take back

My choice of vulnerability

For unlike others

I take action

I looked past

The mote, walls and labyrinth

Saw the things that

I want and needed

The things that are not

Evident

Especially to you

Apparently

Instead the beat remains

The beat of the kokoro drum

As I the Tanjian

Remains

Encased in carbonite

Titanium expression

Dining upon

Your heart, soul and blood

Love and passion

The train undone

Still the eye of agomotto sees

The sight remains

Revealed to me

I am just keeping the

Bands of cytorrak in place

Until and if

You actually

Choose to

Feel and see

It’s a Tanjian thing

From the chocolatezeus collection   4/17/16  ©

Happiness is

With the questions, concerns and other things from individuals that have come my way. I figured it would be best to give the Big Evil understanding version.

So with the help of Bad vs Evil playing in the background. Just going to give you the blunt force trauma now.

My happiness is situational since I am an adult and have to handle responsibilities and more. My happiness is a part of my scale as a whole. A check and balance system. So yes, when it is way out of balance things reflect it fully.

The list of things that make me and keep me happy:

• The Road Warrior Adventure
• lol the woman I love (yes this use to be first)
• travel
• sex, attention, passion
• traveling
• eating, drinking and good times
• my god daughter

Times change. People change. Even as I remain Bugs Bunny in King Arthur's court. (old school cartoons there for the younger ones).  But regardless of the changes there is a frame work that remains in place for me. 

lil red, little one, flower child and others have asked me if I am happy. I am fine is my answer. Maybe happiness will come again in time. If it doesn't then I will take the joys from the distant moments when they occur and then I will have more memories.

My happiness it not yours. Nor, it is something you will truly understand. Well everyone except Ru that is.

The last time I stayed happy was being married. Regardless of the ups and downs. Happiness was on deck. 

Now my happiness is cherished when it happens, since it has been few and far in between. 

But don't worry. I am not miserable or anything. It is like  a flatline. No activity until necessary. And I will be returning to part of my happy balance when I am back to disappearing on my travel trips shortly.  And it is time for the Road Warriors to get together before another benchmark event next year.

So, if you want me to be happy then set up your time to spend with me. LMFAO uh huh, I know better but I am just saying. 

I have my destination list going and I have already enjoyed the places i have already been. 

I am fine. So what does it take to make you happy?

I am the DISCLAIMER

So this will not be politically correct at all.

I am a man.
I am a Dominant.

I date. Doesn't mean I date everyone. And doesn't mean I fuck any pussy. Those that know me and have been with me will tell you how extra picky I am.

I am and believe in love and marriage. I have been happily married and would marry again if another miracle woman showed up.

I am loving and caring or you are just part of the environment when it comes to me.

Yes, I am emotionless currently unless it involves one individual for the most part.

With me you get what you give and according to your staion in my world.

There is only one person that knows me enough and is authorized to tell me about me. So if you attempt to act like you are Ru then I will resoond accordingly.

Statuses with go like this:

• The inner sanctum
• Inner circle
• Outer circle
• Humans

I am direct and I move quickly with purpose and understanding. 

I think constantly. Analysis and evaluations occur every second.

So...

I love, care and like to fuck and play. Or I just don't give a fuck and you don't ean a damn thing to me.

Your choice

Either way, I am real damn good!

Defining Moments

I was talking to Cutie Pie last night and we were candid as usual since we have been talking. She asked me what type of Dominant am I? And I know the answers are varying for others from daddy dom and all the other labels.

I answered. I am just a Dominant. I have done well in striving to promote, encourage and grow my submissives. Providing structure, protocols, outlet and ability to focus on attainable changes and goals.

Looking back it is a far place from where I tried to start with lil red. The difficulties and things that wouldn't come together. With little one and the flower child it opened up other experiences. Gave way to applying who and what I am  exponentially.  And the things that I have gained and learned from those with lasting dynamics as well as my continue learning has developed into something for sure now. And I am thankful for that.

I had to realize that their submission is only capable of what they mentally can handle, will give and choose to be. Absolutely nothing more. So, I don't try to make them submissive. They have to already choose to be that to me. Some know their journey in that and others don't. lil red has her type of submission that she is still trying to define and tie in with me. little one works on her submission in conjunction with her poly lifestyle. And flower child works to learn a new understanding and role in her submission from what it use to be.

This is not originally what I wanted or looked for. I wanted just one submissive that could handle things and be the woman that I needed to be with and serve me. That started out with lil red. And due to circumstances just wasn't an interested position for her. So when she kept talking about little one and flower child interested at the time I was just like whatever. And then I decided to prove her right. I was wrong and not even interested in them in anything. But I decided to gain knowledge and learning from them. It led eventually from no interest at all to submissive undertakings.

lil red asked if I was happy. No, I am not. When I get a chance to enjoy a moment with her I will be in that moment. I will ride that happiness until we see each other annually.  Happiness has become like a Halo construct. It is appreciate and taken instride when it is available. My happiness will be found shortly when I am back to my travel and time spent away with those that want to see me and places I will enjoy freely.  Until those moments and the recipient of the journey join. I am merely the practical machine.

Cutie Pie and I discussed poly and relationships. Their meaning and applications.

Poly works one of two ways. It has all individuals involved fully and committed to the established relationship or it is a business like relationship decision of what is best possible joint venture. There are other variables like emotional attachment and love. In my case there has been some emotional attachment. But I also learned that with lil red there has to be limited to extremely little emotional attachment involved to allow her to be comfortable and interested. I wasn't use to turning the emotional attachment switch off when I was interested in someone unless they were never to be encountered again. For her it allowed her to be a step comfortable after all these years. little one and flower child need the aspect of emotional attachment to feel a more whole form of connection. And flower child I have been the life guard in her journey into exploring and understanding her emotional ability, skill and the need not to fear it.

Relationships are extremely tailored made. With little one and flower child I am always in contact with. We are engaged and I make sure things are running as smoothly as possible with health, life career and interests. lil red and I dont' do those things. She has had to decide to develop things herself first and foremost. lil red is not mentally connected like that. A work in progress or maybe something that will never be. Her time will show it in the end.

So when Cutie Pie and I were talking about the relationship I wanted for myself. I simply replied honestly.

I started out and sought one woman to be the all I needed. And it was possible and attainable. I choose lil red since she was the correct choice for that. But, the one thing I can't factor in is her wanting, seeing or being that to me.

Maybe only my wife was the only woman to be able to fulfill that role. But I know better. What I saw was simply the formula for success and an extraordinary thing. But I cannot make anyone feel, see, understand or accept anything.

So instead I have a poly relation where the females do their thing. My involvement is on a sliding scale accordingly.  And it's position is definitely interesting. I am not out fucking everything like it is thought and believed. This wasn't about pussy. And yes it is not what I wanted and needed from the start. But I made the executive decision and adapted to this moment in time only.

Who knows. The three of them may be gone and unable to be with me. And I am not pissed and upset about that. As long as they didn't violate those sacred rules I have they are fine. I just want them to be better females, submissives and individuals than whenever we started. To have their experiences from interacting with me and move forward appropriately.

This may all blow up this summer and I will be the new Dominant that had the females with over decades of experience each no more. But, I will take it in stride. As I have already looked at the possibilities and realities in play and in mind.


So with all that said

Talking to Cutie Pie was fun as always. And I hope it allowed her to understand more and get closer. She is an interesting and unique type. Plus us newbies need to stick together right! lol

My positions on love, relations, relationships and D/s dynamics have all taken a drastic MasterChief type of restructuring. It has been an impact on the girls. There has been some unpleasantness and I think that some hasn't caught on to them yet.

But the MasterChief application of me is present. The cold, calculating man of action. Even though their words claimed they didn't want it this way. It is the only way that responses and achievement has been attained.

But hey the nice side is available for the right applicant!
lol Cutie Pie thanks again as always. The interactions are always interesting.

Poetic Moment: OUr Scorecard Reviewed

Our Scorecard Reviewed

Emotionless

I present to you

What wants and comforts you

The shell of design

The empty heart and mind

It is what you asked of me

What comforts you

Pristine disconnects

Engraved in what is best

Well, what is seen as best

As feelings remain at rest

Intimacy left only to

Superficial and momentary

Temporal effects

Neurons no longer connect

Long term memory

The only thing that remembers

Resemblences of times

Of intwined

Me and you

Then I squint my eyes

Wondering if there ever truly was

An emotional meeting

A feeling that was more than

Good times

Fucking and fleeting

Damn

Will I even remember you

You chose

I agreed with those

Counter balanced relation cues

The moment the music stopped

The heart turned cold

Love went from

Red hot to black and blue

Revealed

Relationship

Played out like an

Episode of Doom

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/14/16  ©