Dead Reckoning: When the gleam has faded

So Ru Ru said it best when she said, "I guess it hasn't been realized that you have disconnected and backed away."

That statement was based on feelings, desire and want. Since she knows me the best and the closest she can pick this out rather effortlessly. And she had picked it out early in the year.

Fear stops most and hinders a few. But fear is something that you can choose to overcome. As a man and Dom I have fear of failure, purpose and goals not being achieved. But I decided not to be complacent or a victim to fear.

My desire and choice in relationship is one of purpose and achievement. So I am always ready to dive in and be vested in making it work out the best way possible. Gung Ho and crushing all the fear, anti emotion and feeling barriers and all. That is until...

Until, I realize that it is not worth it or not felt or wanted. At that point as Ru pointed out. I just go into whatever mode. If we see each other then fine. Keep the effort minimum or possible life support. This is where "it is what it is" remains in play.

The relationship that I want and require I remains the goal. Reality shows me that I just have to shrug and sit back and do nothing. But this is the part of D/s that isn't all glamorous as we have discussed a number of times. This is the mundane and daily, regular maintenance of a D/s relation. And I am managing it as well as it can be. There is no blueprint and in my case it is all weird and crazy fly by the seat of your pants thing.

Here is the key though. You have to want to be bothered with who you are in a relation with even when you are not playing and being kinky. And I have done that and I have branched out to grow my experience through different other aspects of subs. And still my one dynamic remains key and the goal line for me. That D/s with permanency that I want and seek.

There is no breath holding. No, phrase of positivity to be spewed. There is only the realization that it is all out of my hands. All I can do is stand back, stay uninvolved and let whatever happen.

Until something changes and says yes we can. Then i will sit back and watch the waves crash. Get in where I feel like I want to fit in temporarily and just be like "FUCK IT" like clockwork again.

Hmm, reminded shades of the build a bitch program again.

It definitely was an interesting friday the 13th yesterday for show. Ghosts of the past at the cigar shop. Conversations I didn't ever expect. Another level of understanding presented.  And thankfully no aunt I do not like staying here last night. Amen

It is a nice crisp day so enjoy yourself. The fall is finally here. And I am looking forward to anger and destruction again.

Legion of Doom Exclusive

I had to chuckle a bit about just how close and connected Ru Ru and I are as fellow Road Warriors.

Two people joined together by chance and from the actions of the retarded monkey bitch. And years later we have grown to be this close and this intuitive of each other.

One of the similarities that we have is our ridiculous voracious appetite for sex. We both will fuck for hours and keep on going. And neither one of us are in adonis or aphrodite shape. When the beast calls then it is on and it laughs at those that can't keep up. So we want at least 3 or 4 to scratch the itch. The difference is that she can get the dick. Hell she is an attractive woman after all. lol I on the other hand am not getting the pussy like that. If I could have some steady quality pussy then my anger and things would be slightly better. But if I have the pussy that I need to use and have then everything is right in the world. I don't need new pussy or even a bunch of pussy. Just give me quality pussy and a whole fucking lot of it! But I do enjoy listening to Ru's stories of her harem and fucking guys into a coma. lol And yes I have witnessed it in person a few times and I still pick at her about that.

This is as intuitive as I get when it comes to her. We can both kind of feel if something is wrong or out of place. So a untimed call or message will appear promptly to ask what is up. And we may talk about what is going on immediately or it may take us a bit of time before it is mentioned. Either way we will keep each others backs.

She is the sweeter side with the propensity to be mean. I am the mean side with the propensity to be even worst.

She is the one that saves so many from the scorched universe policy.

She is also the one who knows when I love and how deeply it goes. And the point where love no longer matters and there is nothing there for me.

Her focus has always been on the best for me and mine the best for her.

She is the reason why I took a chance on marriage and even considered getting married again. That support was there even when I had already said fuck it.

In my Inner Sanctum. The Sanctum Santorum is Ru Ru. And until someone chooses to accept their role and be there also then there is only her. The place where all of me is open and available. The mark of your importance in my life.

We are the Legion of Doom.
We will fuck you, you and you and still be ready for another 5 or 6 of you.
We are nice until it is time to rip out your heart and feed it to you.
Ready, willing to do whatever we can to help and support you.
The nexus of love and hate is where we dwell.

I love my Ru Ru to infinity and beyond. It still doesn't mean that I don't need the One to be in my inner sanctum with me too.

Recovery Before the Fall

The mortars have been dropping constantly. The sounds are no longer deafening. Merely a wall of silence.

I have watched, listened and just been lately. And the information that has been gathered even I had to look at it sideways for a moment. Seeing that pattern emerge against a landscape barren and devoid of content.

I was about to make that mistake again. Letting an internal stimuli surface again. Thankfully, I saw and caught it before it reared it's ugly head.

The desolation.
Application of this station.
Dissapearing affects.

...Life

It has happened
and there is nothing more to be done or said.

empty is the chalice
as each step taken
fire branded
marked with the void
devoid of substance

I am glad I caught this shit before it made a full fledged mark again!

Missed Opportunities, Build a Bear Etchings and Oddities

A monday again.
So I went by the cigar shop to rap a taste and smoke produce a haze. I was welcomed back just like ever Cheers episode. And they had to tell me that I missed Richard Roundtree (the original shaft for those not of age), a basketball player named cliff livingston and some comedians. They said they had a good time laughing at stories. They were here for the willie stargell golf tournament. Apparently the little skinny black news caster's sister was married to him. I saw her in the store before I left. Apparently she knew Tim and he was donating some cigars to the tournament or something as well.  So I missed the opportunity to meet Shaft and others unfortunately and laugh hard. But hey I missed it for a good cause and that is all that counts.

Next comes the hodge podge of reality of life. Cuing Soul II Soul "Back to Life."

Ok, I still don't understand the I need attention and a back to the future past, but won't do what is necessary to have a chance at that happening. It baffles me to keep saying the same thing and then do nothing to facilitate it. I wonder if there is an ability to ever move past this stage. But then it is merely wonderment after all. Truly I held on to a distant past in a fickle future and it did not come out well at all. The human tragedy saga continues on at an uncontested speed.

Which leads me to the aspect of infosec. When I ask someone to open up to me and they do so in strict confidence I adhere to that because I chose. I do not like hearing about someone else discussing who I spoke to or what was spoken on. Especially if you don't know me like that. I find that to be some serious breach. It is a flash back to bitch ass episodes in the past with big giant head, the gary ex and all. And when I heard it I had to re-evaluate any future interactions that may concern this person. Because if you are doing this and you have only met me once or twice then there is an issue and it is not me. And this seems like the messy shit that I had heard about last year. Red flag has gone up and one .50 cal shell has been put in the chamber.

The aspect of what I say to a sub was driven home the last days. In an effort to please I didn't realize that they would do things that went against their core beliefs or deep comfort just to please. And in a suggestion, not even a command. And to be so messed up from it that your anger is off the charts made me contemplate. From D/s relation I continue to foster growth, accomplishment and duty. The things that will help in learning, growth and a subs future. That doesn't mean I have the blueprint or that all subs are the same and apply the formula. It means a tailor made situation for each person that specifically attunes to needs and goals.

And I found the Boba Fett build a bear costume. So I want to add that to the collection with a dark black or chocolate bear with one of the classic Boba Fett lines recorded. I guess I am going to start a build a bear collection then. Who would have thunk it. But it is good and funny to me. Plus letting the good times roll with the memories and meanings.

Some other things going on. But those things need to be addressed in the journal, through poetry posting and the ABM blog.

Enjoy yourself on this titty tuesday. I need them sexy chocolate, curvy, delicious, scrumptious melons in my life right now. And those chocolaty nipples are soooooo damn amazing!!!! I just had a flashback to a couple days ago. Damn I love them sexy things!!!

I guess I need to fix some breakfast and all that on that note though.

Waving as I look for the titty delights!!!

Yanked Out of Warp

I felt like an interdictor class star destroyer yanked me out of hyperspace and warp at the same time last night when I returned to the queen city.  And for those of you not nerdy or geeky enough to know what an interdictor class star destroyer is. Well, it is the big ship Darth Vader was on in Star Wars that was shaped like an arrow.

I had good quality time. Laughing, talking, cuddling. Even the intimacy of closeness came into play. I didn't get out my sex fiend, mega deviant ways. But in other ways the beast was fed for a day. Hell, I even remembered what it was like to lay in a bed with a sexy woman. So it all added up to good positives.

But damn, when I had to come back and wait on their daughter to wake up and come get me. Reality laughed hysterically like an old frankenstein movie. The evil laughter still echoes today as their daughter sticks up tons and tons of christmas decorations for her mary kay event for the next weekend. She is down at least 3 or 4 christmas trees though. So that is a good thing unless she buys more to replace them. (dammit)

Back in the trenches and troughs of hell. We will see what steps forward are made this week.

Oh and it is sunday. It is time for some football!  So eat, drink and be merry as you watch the nfl do something today. lol

Enjoy

Power Fist and Intoxication

Well, it is time to head back to reality of the port city. Yeah, the excitement and thrill is bouncing off all the walls.

It was short. It was brief. And it probably was the last trip I will take for a while.

Even standing amid the flames as they did not lick at me constantly. I still gained some peace and purposeful thinking, feeling and meaning. Totally unexpected.

lil red get's smaller and more curvy with each time I eventually see her. her working out, tennis and eating has paid off well. She is definitely even more sexy chocolate now than before. Hershey's better watch out!

Had my first true fisting. It was hot. I never would have thought about doing it decades ago. But yeah that is a serious turn on. The pain and the reaction was intoxicating and electrifying. The feel of the working of my fingers and then my fist inside. The stretching and the pain inflicted with each thrust and stroke. Tittilating! The way that her body contorted and moved across the bed spurred me on further.

True, the scene I had planned didn't happen. But I do feel that another role was attended to. One that is a rarity to do and behold. The role of comfort and support. It wasn't outwardly evident like a volcano eruption or something. It was punctuated with sleep and cuddling. Quietness that allowed for a selective calm to occur.

The simple aspect of comfort is a powerful entity. One that if ignored or used recklessly leads to some devastating results. And even I, the evil one needs some comfort in order to deal with everything that is going on. And my outlets and solutions for the comfort required are extremely specific.

My comfort lies more strongly in those that are closest to me. When I interact with them and feel their energy it helps me tremendously. That is not to say that there are not other outlets. It is meant to say that those work the best and in the strongest ways over everything else. Travel, food, cigars, drink, movies and things help out quite a bit. But nothing beats communication with those that can change it all no matter what.

Energized. Throbbing internally and externally. I road my high. That feeling of crackling energy that says, "FEED ME MORE." And that is that energy that makes me hornier and not want to stop until the planets align and I create a reversew wormhole. The potency is like a serious narcotic. If i did drugs that were illegal and strong.  whoooop there it is!

And on a final note. As a man ye our fragile egos like to be and feel wanted and needed. Something to validate feelings and emotions. And damn it just feels damn good. Even to the evil, archangel types.

I hope you had a good weekend.

I did so as well.

As I wait around for this delayed plane. let's see what happens

An Expression Through Music Courtesy of Prince

I am sitting here listening to music as I get business done. And let's be honest I tend to listen to rap and stuff that makes my blood boil. I am not the r&b listener unless it is inspired by my women.

So with that said. I decided to listen to the unreleased funk of prince this morning. Go figure! My woman lil red is the gate keeper of knowledge of all things Prince. I am merely someone that has enjoyed some of his songs. 

Yet, here I am and some things were said without me vocalizing. 

Focus and the reality of you and me.

Song: Just As Long As We're Together

The simple aspects of comfort, brief respite and even as simple as the energy exuded. Leads to renewed vigor, a new universe, opening up eyes and doors. It is here where things can stand still, be embraced or explode. Regardless it is the simple solution to the complex, complicated effects and actions that life takes.

My need to satisfy my carnal, kinky and horny cravings to the nth degree. Because you are a bombshell:

Song: Tick Tick Bang

This insatiable craving grows with the need that only can be satisfied when you feed me your mind, body and soul. Where the universe opens up with just us and then supernovas and implodes.

It is time to let go. Release that control and just be open to being you when we are together and it is safe for you:

Song: Turn It Up

Ready to feel, experience and enjoy you turned up and at the level that you hold there inside of you. That checked level that you can have with me. 

The sultry, seductive, fun and mental stimulation of curved body and egg head mind.

Song: D.M.S.R.

Your body contorted in predicaments combined with the curves of your body speaking to me. The screams, whimpers and sounds of elated excstasy given to me. The components of great sex and romance.

With all of that said. I am going to just meander off in my own world and state as I take this all in

The End of the Road

Back from woodbridge and fellowship with like minded kinky people of color. I enjoyed the talk and laughter. The demos and play were interesting as well.

But with everything that has happened and been experienced I have decided to go old school ultra. No need to leave things to the way that they are.

I no longer strive or work on anything other than what is personally important to me. As has been said, expressed and shown just let things go whatever way and hold nothing in regard other than just the moment. Now the way that I am but the way the world is now.

As I have been talking to people there is no need to hold relations kn a position of importance. I guess that was one of my issues previously.  Working towards making a relationship work or in high regard only alienates and makes a mess of people's brains and dlebels of comfort.

Battling everyone and everything has been my duty since before I can remember. It took a long time but change occurred during all of this chaos. The silence has returned with a new purpose.  Leaving behind ideologies that are only my view and importance.

ABM returns and I embrace it all with a vengence. The battle of llve and hatred continues as I bridge the gap. Just. On  the light side is diminished completely.  Reached a point where I have concluded the renaissance part of life for me. Cold and self edifying is the mainstay of life it seems.

Looking at the vault door closing. I see the memories behind the door and smirk. So many things and experiences. Now a distant memory.

Rabbit holes destroyed. Simple ending.

Roll the credits. I am hearing boyz to men send the end of the road. And I envision this alternstive ending.

Goodbye and homage to what use to be.

ABM Board Chairman Representing

This meeting will come to order on this page before we head to the ABM page for proper dissertation of events and aspects

I have to say I have witnessed and been party to human events that make me want to serve the extinction plans early.

Right now I am really pissed at everything. But I caused this with the introduction of feelings, emotions and concerns. I fucked it up and now I am pissed because I made it that way.

Time for the Battle of the Bulge, Big Fucking Evil style!



Let the fucking meeting get the fuck started!!!
ABM's come to order...exit into hell

A Caveman and His Death Star

I have been up front about emotions, feelings, activities and thinking. I thought that was what the right thing was to do. Apparently the humans find that to be really, really wrong.

With everything that has gone on. I have tried to develop relationship, show what is important, be cordial and keep everything above board. And honestly I am wondering what for and if there was a fucking difference?

My disdain for humans and this unnecessary nonsense has crescendo'd. Between the parental units and everyone else. I am gravitating to full development of the Negative zone prison for humans.

I am on my way back. And I didn't think things would get worst but they have. And now I am  taking it back old school.

It is time for the EXTINCTION LEVEL EVENT.  Move over Havoc and Zeus. APOCALYPSE IS HERE!!!

Hell with this nice guy, humanoid compassion shit. Let's do this!

When the Well Runs Dry

I give chances. I am supportive of those I once cared for until they have fallen completely off. Meaning, that they have chosen to widen the chasm that they created with me.

There are fears of them becoming monkey bitches with the rest of the crew. But here is the thing. You have to earn your monkey bitch name by deciding to disregard the issue that I brought up to you and not giving a fuck. So there is your choice. Enjoy. As I told bgp this week. There is no need to worry until you do something and I address it with you and you choose not to do anything to fix it. l

There was talk with lil red about being around folks that you no longer feel the same way about or care for in the same way. There isn't a need to do it. It was something to do. Was.

Tonight...

I came face to face with the end of the road. I always have tried to keep the safety of the female that I was with at parties or out in effect. With sub space and females getting that high from endorphins and alcohol it is very very dangerous. Tonight showed me just how much. I have no idea what the teenage dream was thinking. But when I say, let me know before you play. I mean let me know. And it is not because I don't want you to play. It is to make sure of the state of mind that you are already in. But when you disregard that and attempt to argue with me about it. Then you said what needs to be said. I don't have to give a fuck about anyone but me. But as a Dom and those I am with I maintain safety and concern. But hey as the song said, "tonight was the night."

There once was a brighter light within me. The reason why the war between the light an dark use to be so vicious. Now the battles are less. The dark is obviously winning.

From everything that has been said, done, not said or done. I am merely going to pull a Spartan 117 now. No need for the interactions, decent expectations or anticipation.

As the dust settles in the well.

Let my silhouette in the sunset be left in my haze. Knowledge assimilated and actions taken. It's just me against the universes!

I Am Borg

Of course resistance is futile. But that applies to you not me. lol

Ok so the week has been one of a little bit of everything. From being lost in thought to thoughts being lost in thoughts.

Conversation with lil red has been interesting and informational collective. As kore would say we handle the not so glamorous or sexy part of D/s relationship. And there are times when it is a challenge and other times that it is not. The key is working through things, learning and moving forward. When that stops everything is DEAD!

Me and my overthinking self:

I have been bred and trained to constantly think. Think even when there is actually nothing immediate to think about. It is a good thing and a bad thing.  It is in overdrive especially when I feel that something or someone is important to me. I will want things to work out for the best. Think about possible, probabilities of outcomes and results. These things don't paralyze me. But I have witnessed how frustrating it is for others courtesy of lil red. I have done whatever crazy things I needed to achieve goals and the future. In this regard I am normally Gung Ho! With the way that things are recently and currently I have modified things so that it is better for this current operational theater. And even though it has been tweaked a number of times, it still evolves. What was, no longer is. And what could be, has disintegrated.

Expectations and anticipation:

I am asked what do I expect. And especially lately. Back in the day I had a list for each circumstance. Then I realized my expectations needed to be realistic finally. So my answer...I expect you to act, do and only be concerned about what you want and is of interest to you.  Point blank, if it is not important to you then you don't give a damn about it and you won't do anything about it.  When it comes to expectations they only apply to me, myself and I. Because those things I can believe in and understand without some mystical eye of cytorrak to help me. This doesn't mean I wouldn't like for things to happen in ways that I would like. It just means I am being realistic.

There were times where I was and have been giddy with anticipation. Chomping at the bit to reach a destination and be with someone that I cherished. It is an overwhelmingly powerful energy. And there is nothing wrong with it. Well for others, that is. *lol* I have had to temper that from existing within me. Apply a net mask over it and lessen it's imprint upon the world. I can look forward to something but more than that is simply not appropriate until there is a time that it is the right thing to do. (not holding my breath lol*

Well here we are at the weekend.
For me it is off to woodbridge for a play party. I look forward to hanging out and enjoying demos and speaking with fellow Doms So the halloween party will be tomorrow. Damn, I would love to hit the air and space museum while I was there in the morning.

Next week will be one of the occasions in the year I will get to see lil red. I look forward to enjoying her company, fucking her senseless and unleashing this altered sadistic rage upon her. It is most definitely needed. And with time and the full moon I will reach an all new level of pain infliction and over stimulation. And I want to enjoy the nerdy, geeky and quirky convos we have in person. Plus her signature smile with those eyes is one of those world wide mesmerizing things.

There is a full moon out and nobody is safe!

Interact at your own peril. But enjoy your weekend and have a nice day.



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An Erotic Short Story: The Mood You Bring

In need and a lot horny. As I think about the things I want to do to lil red. I end up letting my mind be as devious as can be. But I couldn't post that here just yet. lol

The Mood You Bring

The rain came down slowly outside. I lead you naked to the deck. Rain drops fsll upon your bare skin.

I ask, Harley are you ready? You nod at me as my hand squeezes your throat. I guide you to sit down in the chair left there on the dick. Positioning you in a semi doggystyle position. Your titties resting over the back of the chair. Your cocoa ass raised prominently.  

I begin to tie you in that position. You want to shift and gift comfortable. As you feel the cold rain continue to hit your skin. Uncomfortable you remain, transposed like a piece of art.

I pinch and twist your nipples. Slapping them gradually harder. As my teeth bite into your skin. Only to be replaced by my hand smacking your wet ass. Each slap stings and heats your ass only to be cooled by the rain droplets.

I stand back to hit you with my new heavy flogger. Each thud striking you from the back to your ass. Beating you with the rhythm of my desire. You fall into your rhythmic gate. As I introduced the sting of paddle mixed with the cane. You are such a fucking slutty cunt to me. And today I will only consume you that way.

I feed my expression of pleasure through your pain. As we are lost in deep energy of our scene.

Flogger.

Paddle.

Cane.

Mixed with ass, face, titty and pussy slaps.

Your anticipation of each swing makes me laugh. You think you are slick. Trying to prepare for me. So I alternate hits. Hand then paddle. Cane then flogger. I feel the heat of your skin cascading off of you.

You like that you filthy cunt. Don't you? Your nod is all that you can manage. So I pull your head back by your hair and smack you hard in the face. Speaking you fucking bitch! Tell me you are a good, fucking cunt and love this shit! I only pull harder as you barely get it out.

As my dick presses in your hot pussy. You are soaking wet, both inside and out. I press slowly in your cunt. Making you grip it. Yes that is a good slut. Pulling harder on your head as your body is arched nice and awkward. Gripping your throat. I keep my slow strokes as your body explodes like the rain upon your skin. Your grunts make me squeeze your throat harder and harder. Cum you fucking whore! That is all that you are good for! Your grunts and spasms keep going.

I pull out and slide my dick in your ass. Your pussy is filled with my favorite dildo to use on you. The ridges pressed in you. All you can feel is me hot and hard in your ass with the dildo rubbing against my dick. Your screams feed me. I fuck your ass without mercy.  Only to hear the buzzing as the Hitachi rests on your clit. Your screams are all that are left. As I fuck you well after you pass out. Only to wake you again and fuck your mouth. Slamming mu dick in your throat making you gag and throat as I keep fucking your mouth over and over again.

I touch your face as I walk away.  That is my slutty ass, whore of a cunt.

From the chocolatezeus collection 10/28/15  ©