Ith the things that I have been able to be positive about lately. There are the things that continue to fuel my rage.
I am done with the parental units. I am unable to suffer anymore because of sense of duty. It is costing me everything.
As I had looked forward to my refuge from the deadly apocalypt storms. Once again ACCESS DENIED.
Fuck I am tired! And definitely couldnt sleep. So here I am at the gym angry with a bad attitude and close to breaking machines and me.
As soon as I eat breakfast I am fixing me a drink or few.
I am sure your day is better than mine. So enjoy your life.
Monday, July 13, 2015
Monstar...Ready For It!!!
Life has always been one filled with battles, trials and tribulations. And either you lead, conquer or get out of the way.
A year ago I truly embarked on this journey. To properly Dominate and lead the way. Attending a conference and getting involved in the community. Plus learning and absorbing information. In person, through conference calls and more growth occurred. I dived into it all. But I took a cautious approach and emphasized learning instead of doing. A bit of a difference for me. But I wanted to do things right and not make a mess of everything.
Since last year I have met some interesting and dynamic people. They have added on to my knowledge in this life in different ways, but beneficial to me. And talks of mentors and classes have shown brightly. And I have and continue to take classes. Finding a mentor is a bit more of a challenge. Because there are differences from each Dom or Master than the others. But I have decided on seeking information and or mentorship from specific ones already. Hell, I have gotten good instructions already. Even the forums have shed light on differences and things. But my path is set. I am merely getting what information and teaching from here and there as I go.
One of the things I realized while dealing with everything recently and through some convo with HQ is that I was trying so hard to do things properly that I missed what I needed to do to make things work smoothly. Learning to observe, learn and apply were keys. But I had to learn recently to stop overthinking and analyzing things. To let my natural Dom return. Instead of what I allowed to happen. To be so concerned about comfort, adjustment and focus while I lost the Dominant aspect all together. The things that I did naturally that made them follow me without thought. That ability to comfortable want to serve and seek commands from me is very key. And in some ways it happens currently. But in the one situation where I was focused on making it happen. It was missing terribly. So, the return to laying down the way and reinforcing it in her will be applied like it should have been from the start. But you live and learn.
I slow walked the relation dynamic and even play. and now I am ready. Chomping at the bit and excited. Prepared to pave the way in unique things. Because honestly when I am involved or HQ. The weirdness is off the charts.
It's Monstar time!!!
And I am more than Ready for the Ready.
A year ago I truly embarked on this journey. To properly Dominate and lead the way. Attending a conference and getting involved in the community. Plus learning and absorbing information. In person, through conference calls and more growth occurred. I dived into it all. But I took a cautious approach and emphasized learning instead of doing. A bit of a difference for me. But I wanted to do things right and not make a mess of everything.
Since last year I have met some interesting and dynamic people. They have added on to my knowledge in this life in different ways, but beneficial to me. And talks of mentors and classes have shown brightly. And I have and continue to take classes. Finding a mentor is a bit more of a challenge. Because there are differences from each Dom or Master than the others. But I have decided on seeking information and or mentorship from specific ones already. Hell, I have gotten good instructions already. Even the forums have shed light on differences and things. But my path is set. I am merely getting what information and teaching from here and there as I go.
One of the things I realized while dealing with everything recently and through some convo with HQ is that I was trying so hard to do things properly that I missed what I needed to do to make things work smoothly. Learning to observe, learn and apply were keys. But I had to learn recently to stop overthinking and analyzing things. To let my natural Dom return. Instead of what I allowed to happen. To be so concerned about comfort, adjustment and focus while I lost the Dominant aspect all together. The things that I did naturally that made them follow me without thought. That ability to comfortable want to serve and seek commands from me is very key. And in some ways it happens currently. But in the one situation where I was focused on making it happen. It was missing terribly. So, the return to laying down the way and reinforcing it in her will be applied like it should have been from the start. But you live and learn.
I slow walked the relation dynamic and even play. and now I am ready. Chomping at the bit and excited. Prepared to pave the way in unique things. Because honestly when I am involved or HQ. The weirdness is off the charts.
It's Monstar time!!!
And I am more than Ready for the Ready.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Choices and Techniques...My Dominant Mindset
Decisions have to be made as a Dom or even man in the vanilla world. I have always made those decisions regardless.
In my dating experience I have always been picky. Seeking and requiring the females that I was interested in be unique, dynamic and appealing to me. That means the females are a thin line between ideal and improbable. I like them weird and to stand out from the pack. They keep me interested.
So since I am picky it can be seen as an issue because I am not into everyone. Why yes I am a man and I think with more than just my dick! I like a woman over a female. One with intelligence, wit, sex appeal and super freaky.
But most of all it is about that connect. That vibe that I get between us. That is what has me move forward prominently and seek what I want. Throw caution to the wind and take a chance for the best of the best.
It is that caring, understanding and given submission that is only characteristic to our dynamic that holds meaning to me. The things that she can think and understand while knowing that her guidance, existence and security are the things that will be kept and maintained. Even in those moments where I am not doing things properly. She looks out for me. She holds that realm of oddity which is a foundation of our dynamic being who we are exclusively. Growing through each experience and interaction. Journeying down our path gaining strength.
See...
I found exactly what fits. What was wanted. A work in progress. A defined solution sitting in front of me. And I have learned and evolved so that this will be something prominent. But I still won't act like I have even reached the 1/4th way in this. I have somehow worked with patience and understanding through all of this. (miraculous to say the least) Honing talents, techniques, applications and skills regularly on this. Because this dynamic is not easy as the rest. When you deal with the eccentric it will definitely put your fortitude and resolve to the test.
I am happy with what I have. Each moment of confused misunderstanding and mental lament yields just how special and relevant that this relation is. Because there have been moments where I have done more than just scratch my head. lol
In closing I say this. I don't use others complete techniques and philosophies to make my dynamic. I know and have refined what it is that I seek and where things will lead to. Each Dom and Master have their own methods. Each with things that make their dynamic completely unique to them. And that is the way it is supposed to be. Tailor made to each specific family.
Whether single or poly. The same intesity and requirements will remain for me. Established dynamic with trust and applicable journey to the goal seen.
With that said
*you lack of faith is disturbing* in my Darth Vader voice
In my dating experience I have always been picky. Seeking and requiring the females that I was interested in be unique, dynamic and appealing to me. That means the females are a thin line between ideal and improbable. I like them weird and to stand out from the pack. They keep me interested.
So since I am picky it can be seen as an issue because I am not into everyone. Why yes I am a man and I think with more than just my dick! I like a woman over a female. One with intelligence, wit, sex appeal and super freaky.
But most of all it is about that connect. That vibe that I get between us. That is what has me move forward prominently and seek what I want. Throw caution to the wind and take a chance for the best of the best.
It is that caring, understanding and given submission that is only characteristic to our dynamic that holds meaning to me. The things that she can think and understand while knowing that her guidance, existence and security are the things that will be kept and maintained. Even in those moments where I am not doing things properly. She looks out for me. She holds that realm of oddity which is a foundation of our dynamic being who we are exclusively. Growing through each experience and interaction. Journeying down our path gaining strength.
See...
I found exactly what fits. What was wanted. A work in progress. A defined solution sitting in front of me. And I have learned and evolved so that this will be something prominent. But I still won't act like I have even reached the 1/4th way in this. I have somehow worked with patience and understanding through all of this. (miraculous to say the least) Honing talents, techniques, applications and skills regularly on this. Because this dynamic is not easy as the rest. When you deal with the eccentric it will definitely put your fortitude and resolve to the test.
I am happy with what I have. Each moment of confused misunderstanding and mental lament yields just how special and relevant that this relation is. Because there have been moments where I have done more than just scratch my head. lol
In closing I say this. I don't use others complete techniques and philosophies to make my dynamic. I know and have refined what it is that I seek and where things will lead to. Each Dom and Master have their own methods. Each with things that make their dynamic completely unique to them. And that is the way it is supposed to be. Tailor made to each specific family.
Whether single or poly. The same intesity and requirements will remain for me. Established dynamic with trust and applicable journey to the goal seen.
With that said
*you lack of faith is disturbing* in my Darth Vader voice
Thursday, July 09, 2015
Wednesday, July 08, 2015
Spoken Word: Lost In Vapor Trails
Lost In Vapor Trails
I look to the sky
Where dark now pushes
light
I see your smile
Bright
As the northern
lights
The gleam
Resides
I slowly wave
Mind and soul
Pitted and decayed
Wondering
Which efflux
Is your path
To fun and adventure
Longing
Wishing
I was there
To share in
You and the
experience
I stand
Beholden
Sad
Just glad
That you have this
chance
To enjoy and be able
to
Live and experience
Your smile
Now worldly
From the
chocolatezeus collection 7/8/15 ©
Friday, July 03, 2015
Reconstruction and Renovation
I need to play. I need to look at a sexy body tied up in rope and me doing all kinds of things to that body. Alas...oh well. The playground is closed or not available until whenever.
Just getting back in. Solitude, water and solitude.
Well all of you are getting ready for or on vacations, trips and fun and all that. Have a good time and have plenty of fun, sex and everything for me.
*shooting up the ceiling*
Just getting back in. Solitude, water and solitude.
Well all of you are getting ready for or on vacations, trips and fun and all that. Have a good time and have plenty of fun, sex and everything for me.
*shooting up the ceiling*
Wednesday, July 01, 2015
3 am
it has been quiet.
not a word.
interesting
I guess I will try and lay down then
*tossing grenades*
not a word.
interesting
I guess I will try and lay down then
*tossing grenades*
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Gym, Anger and Unbelievable Ass
So I was at the gym. I might as well break something while I break me and everything else. Even the older white guy asked me if I broke the machine.
But damn I went to the water fountain and there is this skinny white girl. Little titties (at least she wasn't boy looking flat chested). And I look down at her size 4 body and she got an AZZ!!! Fuck the dumb shit this little skrawny broad had a round, soft looking fucking ass. I immediately wanted to fuck her on the weight benches and all the equipment. Beat her pussy, mouth and ass to death. And then tie her to the dead lift rig and beat her to death with everything I could. Now I wanted a skinny little chick I would do one like that. At least have that ass or some great big ass titties. And it is known that no matter the race I have only started finding skinny broads attractive in the last few years. Before that I was never ever attracked to anyone below a size 12 basically.
I used the hydromassage and massage chair for the first time and i needed that. Put everything on maximum harshness so I can feel something. And the guys working there laughed at me because I was like let me try this stuff out so i can have some sense of something.
Well I guess i will fucking find something to eat. Then shower. Grab the knife, gun and machete and hit the streets.
Pray for the fucking humans today!!!!!
But damn I went to the water fountain and there is this skinny white girl. Little titties (at least she wasn't boy looking flat chested). And I look down at her size 4 body and she got an AZZ!!! Fuck the dumb shit this little skrawny broad had a round, soft looking fucking ass. I immediately wanted to fuck her on the weight benches and all the equipment. Beat her pussy, mouth and ass to death. And then tie her to the dead lift rig and beat her to death with everything I could. Now I wanted a skinny little chick I would do one like that. At least have that ass or some great big ass titties. And it is known that no matter the race I have only started finding skinny broads attractive in the last few years. Before that I was never ever attracked to anyone below a size 12 basically.
I used the hydromassage and massage chair for the first time and i needed that. Put everything on maximum harshness so I can feel something. And the guys working there laughed at me because I was like let me try this stuff out so i can have some sense of something.
Well I guess i will fucking find something to eat. Then shower. Grab the knife, gun and machete and hit the streets.
Pray for the fucking humans today!!!!!
I Have Come To Destroy Heaven and Hell
Here at the gym.
I don't want to think or feel. Because there is no relief in sight.
I guess I need to kick shot off into bersrrkrr mode to deal with this. Flashbacks to someone getting kicked off train platforms to the tracks. Crushed humans beneath my presence.
My anger has gone beyond rage with everything that has been going on. And I had to realize how I could gain shelter from this aka the soliude of peace is not how it use to be. And there in is the problem for me. That thing that would calm my world war beast is not understood or has thr ability to see the ramification and applicable need. This is what I get from himan contact.
Hell has opened and the devil and demons better underdtand just how they need to fear me
I don't want to think or feel. Because there is no relief in sight.
I guess I need to kick shot off into bersrrkrr mode to deal with this. Flashbacks to someone getting kicked off train platforms to the tracks. Crushed humans beneath my presence.
My anger has gone beyond rage with everything that has been going on. And I had to realize how I could gain shelter from this aka the soliude of peace is not how it use to be. And there in is the problem for me. That thing that would calm my world war beast is not understood or has thr ability to see the ramification and applicable need. This is what I get from himan contact.
Hell has opened and the devil and demons better underdtand just how they need to fear me
Spoken Rage: Daemonite Fear of Me
Transmuted
Transfixxed
Bound in emotionless
expressiveness
Reached threshold of
union and dysfunction
Lycanthrope reaction
caused by lunar placement
overwhelming
rage
Seeking needed answer
for a question already
prevalent
understood
Flames
melting hellions
as I stand amid the brimstone
watching the flames
Processed avoidance
Flames stained
with essence of me
cringing
seeking a life line
as I cause the flames to
die
Transfixxed
Bound in emotionless
expressiveness
Reached threshold of
union and dysfunction
Lycanthrope reaction
caused by lunar placement
overwhelming
rage
Seeking needed answer
for a question already
prevalent
understood
Flames
melting hellions
as I stand amid the brimstone
watching the flames
Processed avoidance
Flames stained
with essence of me
cringing
seeking a life line
as I cause the flames to
die
Monday, June 29, 2015
Spoken Word Impact: Masterpiece Theatre of the Mind
That need to fed. leads to me thinking about the next time and moment. Combinations of impact play and rope. The Beast finally being free to be. The things that have never been available to be shown, experienced and seen. The true and full sadist of me. I need to hurt you so badly.
Masterpiece Theatre of the Mind
I look at you
You feel my malicious
intent
The evidence
That you are my whore
tonight
My palm downward
You kneel
Prostate your
Nakedness
To me
You are my canvas
And my creative
juices flow
Tonight’s masterpiece
In pain and markings
Are you my whore
She looks up at me
Answering with
appropriate
Intensity
Her response too slow
The slap I place
Stings
We have just begin
Pulling her up by her
hair
Dragging her to the
table
Let us begin then
Rope binds
As I tighten
Into preventive
position
As flesh bulges
between
Each roped section
Reverence achieved
The sound of the cane
As my swing lights
fire to her skin
Lashes mark my
beginnings
Automated flinches
My teeth bite skin
Digging deep
Deep imprints
Left in your chocolate
skin
My canvas gains
A basis
Floggers
Whirl as they pound
Rope and exposed skin
Raised chocolate
Braised like a
Jamaican black cake
My flow crescendos
As cane and paddle
Strike in their
furious battle
My strokes bring
forth
Twisted contortions
Writhing, raised
proportions
As channeled pain
Caves the mental
walls
Into released bliss
My bliss
Amid sounds of smack
Slap
Crack
My artwork
Handiwork
Here and present
before me
I stand back
Marveled
Caught in my newest
Tormented piece
As I admire
Sit and drink
Admiring another
Masterpiece
From the chocolatezeus
collection 6/29/15 ©
The Day After Another Year
A day after my birthday.
Moments pass. Time is marked.
I cant say much about this weekend. It happened. There was nothing spectacular or memorable this time. Merely the ticking of the second hand as it passes each mark.
I watched the moon leave it's mark upon me. The sunrise and sunset flow back and forth. Beast mode is out of control because of the moon and what has happened.
I was told I think too much and I need to stop doing that. And I agree. My mind never ceases. Question is...how do I do that?
This walk. This journey. The trip into the unknown.
A break must happen. An end around run. Making happen is the only goal. And as usual I will unleash hell!
Standing at the beginning. A greymalkin beginning. Alpha omega. Apocalypse beginning.
Still giving thanks. Messages assimilated. I won't pay for the same real estate twice like Patton said.
Celebration...maybe another decade
Moments pass. Time is marked.
I cant say much about this weekend. It happened. There was nothing spectacular or memorable this time. Merely the ticking of the second hand as it passes each mark.
I watched the moon leave it's mark upon me. The sunrise and sunset flow back and forth. Beast mode is out of control because of the moon and what has happened.
I was told I think too much and I need to stop doing that. And I agree. My mind never ceases. Question is...how do I do that?
This walk. This journey. The trip into the unknown.
A break must happen. An end around run. Making happen is the only goal. And as usual I will unleash hell!
Standing at the beginning. A greymalkin beginning. Alpha omega. Apocalypse beginning.
Still giving thanks. Messages assimilated. I won't pay for the same real estate twice like Patton said.
Celebration...maybe another decade
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Entrance Into My Day
Another year turned. And unlike last year and previous years it wasn't filled with travel, fun and excitement or new adventures.
It was filled with contemplation, realization and just life. As I sat there all night among the waves on the beach. I just dealt with it all. Well, as best as possible right now. There is so much going on.
I am thankful for Ru and keeping me sane, functional and helping me even when I am stubborn. She has been a life saver and more over and over again.
I can't say that everything has been horrible. I found what I wanted and I have worked towards it. Seeking to cross that finish line. I have had a moment of peace, pleasure and enjoyment this year. (I am beyond in need of one of those again to try and get back to being able to maintain). But I did see that momentary glimpse of me smiling happily.
My actions have always been gung ho towards that goal that I want and I am passionate about. It has always worked out well. Now, there is doubt. There is apprehension. And I had to realize just how deeply it went.
I have always led. Whether I needed to use my booming voice and presence or my natural way of quietly effecting change and action. Never have I questioned my Dom and dominance. It is difficult when you encounter something that doesn't work out the way it has though. I will always have those that are enveloped in my world covered with concern, support and guidance.
My journey has been one of pure hell lately. But as is my nature I journey on for I am the Valley of Death. What I looked for to comfort, console and give me respite wasn't there. And it perplexed me. Then I realized the difference. The factors of now instead of how it should be. Understanding came and I had to close off alot of things with me. It has brought about unknown and familiar territory at the same time. And some of that concerns me.
I am looking right at what I want. The thing that will make me happy and give me a better outlook towards the future and growth. And I have to laugh because it is right out of reach for me. Can see it and almost touch it. But it is laughing at me.
The key has been understanding. And I have come to more and more of that. But I am wondering if the adverse of that will come to pass.
I think I am going to stop rambling here for now and return to thinking.
But I am thankful for those that have recognized another year for me. And glad for the things that have made me smile, laugh, crave and be happy.
I think it is time to go sit back on the beach and do my Atlas rendition again.
It was filled with contemplation, realization and just life. As I sat there all night among the waves on the beach. I just dealt with it all. Well, as best as possible right now. There is so much going on.
I am thankful for Ru and keeping me sane, functional and helping me even when I am stubborn. She has been a life saver and more over and over again.
I can't say that everything has been horrible. I found what I wanted and I have worked towards it. Seeking to cross that finish line. I have had a moment of peace, pleasure and enjoyment this year. (I am beyond in need of one of those again to try and get back to being able to maintain). But I did see that momentary glimpse of me smiling happily.
My actions have always been gung ho towards that goal that I want and I am passionate about. It has always worked out well. Now, there is doubt. There is apprehension. And I had to realize just how deeply it went.
I have always led. Whether I needed to use my booming voice and presence or my natural way of quietly effecting change and action. Never have I questioned my Dom and dominance. It is difficult when you encounter something that doesn't work out the way it has though. I will always have those that are enveloped in my world covered with concern, support and guidance.
My journey has been one of pure hell lately. But as is my nature I journey on for I am the Valley of Death. What I looked for to comfort, console and give me respite wasn't there. And it perplexed me. Then I realized the difference. The factors of now instead of how it should be. Understanding came and I had to close off alot of things with me. It has brought about unknown and familiar territory at the same time. And some of that concerns me.
I am looking right at what I want. The thing that will make me happy and give me a better outlook towards the future and growth. And I have to laugh because it is right out of reach for me. Can see it and almost touch it. But it is laughing at me.
The key has been understanding. And I have come to more and more of that. But I am wondering if the adverse of that will come to pass.
I think I am going to stop rambling here for now and return to thinking.
But I am thankful for those that have recognized another year for me. And glad for the things that have made me smile, laugh, crave and be happy.
I think it is time to go sit back on the beach and do my Atlas rendition again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)