oh yeah I am supposed to be happy and feel great.
When the parental units have cost me trips, my birthday, amsterdam and a pile of more stuff.
Remind me why and when happiness is supposed to happen? Because this is some fucking bullshit!
Nothing but anger and rage
Saturday, June 06, 2015
Empty Vessel
a pure numbness
there is nothing left
a pile of hatred
burned into white cinders
happiness
a blocked wish
pipe dream to everything
plans destroyed
efforts dashed against black holes
corporal punishment
the result of laughter's hold
even Ru said something
is seriously wrong
your voice is low and cold
yet I am the one who needs
to be this beacon of smiles and grins
stained glass distortions
emptiness reigns
a thousand black holes
have engulfed my
heart, soul and living
rock bottom
dirty deeds
we are past the red line
everything is mega
empty
from the evil chocolatezeus collection 6/6/15 (c)
there is nothing left
a pile of hatred
burned into white cinders
happiness
a blocked wish
pipe dream to everything
plans destroyed
efforts dashed against black holes
corporal punishment
the result of laughter's hold
even Ru said something
is seriously wrong
your voice is low and cold
yet I am the one who needs
to be this beacon of smiles and grins
stained glass distortions
emptiness reigns
a thousand black holes
have engulfed my
heart, soul and living
rock bottom
dirty deeds
we are past the red line
everything is mega
empty
from the evil chocolatezeus collection 6/6/15 (c)
Friday, June 05, 2015
Messy Ass People And the Lifestyle
I am observant but in this last two years even I had to stop laughing at the monkeys and their activities in the lifestyle. Oh, it is not just bdsm but swinging also.
Don't worry, it doesn't just stop there. They make sure to take advantage of this guys s type every chance they get. Talking about how they love her and all that. When the only thing they are interested in is fucking her sir. And that is the only time she sees him. Of course she has low self esteem and stuff,, but they take advantage of that. But remember those words of love and family. It is sad but hey these are users. So you can't expect anything less.
Swinging means sharing and swapping within the confines of whatever rules couples may have. People really got it fucked up these days with their monkey ass shit. That is why I backed off from hanging out with any of them. Because there are only a few that are true and you can hang out with without the total and utter bullshit.
Thankful for real swingers.
The hot mess I have witnessed first hand in this has been the making of every soap opera.
As with swinging you have poly allegedly in use in dynamics. But it is basically pretend poly. I mean, if you have to creep around on your dom or with a dom that has other s types then you are merely pretending and keeping things messy. There is no need for this creeping mess at all. And the funny part is when the s type that is creeping with the dom that has s types has so many issues with his s types. But smiling in their face and talking to them like everything is alright. Just messy and drama. Just keep it real. You don't like them and you want them gone. So you keep fucking the dom and smiling in his s types faces. And as the dom you keep fucking the side chicks even though you can just get rid of your s types if they are not what you want and or simple do whoever you want and everyone knows about it.
Damn people just keep shit going and fucked up
The Facade of Swinging
From the episode last year of chick talking about she fucked a guy she had agreed that she would leave alone because her so called girlfriend asked her to. But this chick and the guy fuck anyway behind the chick back. And then always hollering about we all family. *snicker* Yeah ok.Don't worry, it doesn't just stop there. They make sure to take advantage of this guys s type every chance they get. Talking about how they love her and all that. When the only thing they are interested in is fucking her sir. And that is the only time she sees him. Of course she has low self esteem and stuff,, but they take advantage of that. But remember those words of love and family. It is sad but hey these are users. So you can't expect anything less.
Swinging means sharing and swapping within the confines of whatever rules couples may have. People really got it fucked up these days with their monkey ass shit. That is why I backed off from hanging out with any of them. Because there are only a few that are true and you can hang out with without the total and utter bullshit.
Thankful for real swingers.
Boisterous and Back Stabbing BDSM
The hot mess I have witnessed first hand in this has been the making of every soap opera.
As with swinging you have poly allegedly in use in dynamics. But it is basically pretend poly. I mean, if you have to creep around on your dom or with a dom that has other s types then you are merely pretending and keeping things messy. There is no need for this creeping mess at all. And the funny part is when the s type that is creeping with the dom that has s types has so many issues with his s types. But smiling in their face and talking to them like everything is alright. Just messy and drama. Just keep it real. You don't like them and you want them gone. So you keep fucking the dom and smiling in his s types faces. And as the dom you keep fucking the side chicks even though you can just get rid of your s types if they are not what you want and or simple do whoever you want and everyone knows about it.
Damn people just keep shit going and fucked up
Wednesday, June 03, 2015
Today's Apocalypse Training sponsored by Rage of an Angry Black Man
Well I hit the gym this morning. After the culmination of things this week and last night. I probably shouldn't have went to the gym today. I over did everything. I am in pain. And more pain than normal. I might have hurt something but fuck it. It will have to die and I will continue on.
lol I getting more eye opening revelations as the year progresses. And it really is looking like personally going old school again.
lol I am going to do the gray area as people love to be in. But it will be attached to the old me.
Fuck it!
Unloading a clip in she ceiling.
On to the next Hellish episode
Tuesday, June 02, 2015
I NEED!!!
I need to fuck someone's brains out.
Flog, cane and paddle them until my inner self says "that is enough"
Fuck Kym Whitley, Kim Eternity, Carmen Hayes, Menaja and Jill Scott for starters. Until they are all passed out twice.
I need my fix to be feed to astronomical proportions now! The situation and answer to it are unfortunate.
and I still need to fuck Salt n Pepa until they are just melted piles. Especially Salt with her big ass titties and thickness.
I need to fuck and break someone. Basically
Flog, cane and paddle them until my inner self says "that is enough"
Fuck Kym Whitley, Kim Eternity, Carmen Hayes, Menaja and Jill Scott for starters. Until they are all passed out twice.
I need my fix to be feed to astronomical proportions now! The situation and answer to it are unfortunate.
and I still need to fuck Salt n Pepa until they are just melted piles. Especially Salt with her big ass titties and thickness.
I need to fuck and break someone. Basically
Cold Stone Living
Sin Eater
The Coldest Winter yet
heart set in concrete
burning in a brimstone set
ripped and torn flesh
skeleton and muscle
cleaved to a senewed
remnant
but Evil never rests
And the Death is merely
living
*evil laughter*
Apocalypse
the Alpha and Omega set!
The Coldest Winter yet
heart set in concrete
burning in a brimstone set
ripped and torn flesh
skeleton and muscle
cleaved to a senewed
remnant
but Evil never rests
And the Death is merely
living
*evil laughter*
Apocalypse
the Alpha and Omega set!
In that BACDAFUCUP Mood
I am on that angry black man music.
Letting the pen maim and kill.
Immersed in the current situation fully
Giving and taking
The Last Ride!
Locked and loaded
Evil's Last stand
LoL
Yeah right!
Letting the pen maim and kill.
Immersed in the current situation fully
Giving and taking
The Last Ride!
Locked and loaded
Evil's Last stand
LoL
Yeah right!
Black Hole Slam
There was the beginning. Fun, excitement and anticipation. Now there is merely a matter of "it is what it is."
I have always been just me. The one that is strange, stands out and off. I always thought being your own person, an original was important. Making a distinction between those you held in high regard, esteem and connection and those that were simply the public.
Apparently being yourself is frowned up on and wrong when it comes to relationships. So I have been wrong from the start. I am supposed to treat everyone nice like the willy wonka chocolate factory and then shove them out the airlocks. Fine.
Those that I love and I am close to are parts of me. Meaning they make me happy, sad and all that stuff. the things that the public won't get from me. I know what makes me happy and when. with these comments of I would be so much better if I am nicer to the humans going on. I am supposed to do for everyone and make everyone feel wonderful.
Being married really spoiled me. To thinking that a woman could understand, appreciate and accept that I treat them unlike others because of her place and meaning to me. That whatever way I interact with others was no where near as important. My wife understood, accepted and laughed about it many times. My happiness and being content is really simple. It is not complicated. Others make it complicated.
I make decisions that others choose to take time and forever or never to do. I analyze with my pros and cons and go from there with whether it is acceptable or not. I have no problem working towards a future with getting to know and building things. But damn this day and age they want you to jump through a bunch of hoops for them. I met my wife and a year later got engaged and then a year after that got married. I move with purpose and knowledge of what fits and what doesn't. Even when things surface later it is workable because the foundation. And this intense purpose works for me when it is someone that I choose to be involved with permanently. When I really don't have any permanent feelings about them then who gives a damn.
I was on the event horizon last year. I moved away from the black hole. Now I seem to be sitting in the middle of it. The crux of the nonchalant, emptiness.
Things this year have really revealed themselves. Threat level is at Alpha and response is at the Omega level. This ebb and flow has been unbelievable.
Yeah, the phrase "it is what it is," sums up feelings, experiences, the year and all.
oh well fuck it
I have always been just me. The one that is strange, stands out and off. I always thought being your own person, an original was important. Making a distinction between those you held in high regard, esteem and connection and those that were simply the public.
Apparently being yourself is frowned up on and wrong when it comes to relationships. So I have been wrong from the start. I am supposed to treat everyone nice like the willy wonka chocolate factory and then shove them out the airlocks. Fine.
Those that I love and I am close to are parts of me. Meaning they make me happy, sad and all that stuff. the things that the public won't get from me. I know what makes me happy and when. with these comments of I would be so much better if I am nicer to the humans going on. I am supposed to do for everyone and make everyone feel wonderful.
Being married really spoiled me. To thinking that a woman could understand, appreciate and accept that I treat them unlike others because of her place and meaning to me. That whatever way I interact with others was no where near as important. My wife understood, accepted and laughed about it many times. My happiness and being content is really simple. It is not complicated. Others make it complicated.
I make decisions that others choose to take time and forever or never to do. I analyze with my pros and cons and go from there with whether it is acceptable or not. I have no problem working towards a future with getting to know and building things. But damn this day and age they want you to jump through a bunch of hoops for them. I met my wife and a year later got engaged and then a year after that got married. I move with purpose and knowledge of what fits and what doesn't. Even when things surface later it is workable because the foundation. And this intense purpose works for me when it is someone that I choose to be involved with permanently. When I really don't have any permanent feelings about them then who gives a damn.
I was on the event horizon last year. I moved away from the black hole. Now I seem to be sitting in the middle of it. The crux of the nonchalant, emptiness.
Things this year have really revealed themselves. Threat level is at Alpha and response is at the Omega level. This ebb and flow has been unbelievable.
Yeah, the phrase "it is what it is," sums up feelings, experiences, the year and all.
oh well fuck it
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
From the Valley of Death
Still a living hell here. Stressed, tired and no peace. And especially no way to get things done that need to be done while the parental units are around.
Lately has really made me thinking about missing my wife and someone that I can have that peace with. That person that buffers the humans from my wrath. And makes me laugh, calm down, think and feel the calm. It can be an intense position for a woman. But it is adventurous, entertaining, fun as well as educational. That peace is what I really need right now. The thing I cherish with that special person and I am eternally grateful for their ability to provide that. Whether is is merely grabbing my hand and looking at me. Or fixing me a drinking. Or Giving me a kiss as they go read or watch a program. Those simple things keep me from using 5 Deathstars on the planet.
I am still angry, disappointed, agitated and stressed. I was supposed to be enjoying learning, energy and a first time experience. Instead of stupidity and disaster.
In this current situation I really wonder about the worth of Duty. Even though it is my core I really hate that I use it with the parental units. I do what I must even though I can't stand it.
I need a serious full fledged release in a Natural Disaster way right now. I need to fuck, suck, beat, torture and more. To release the Ultimate Dark Lord of Havoc. It would greatly improve things. Including my disposition, health and the life expectancy of others.
Apocalypse Training is going. I am still dealing with the shock of doing it. I feel like a fucking health nazi now with working out and eating healthier. It just doesn't feel right or natural. But when evil ages I guess you have to deal with these changes as well. But, I have done decently. I haven't been to the letter but I have been at least half way there. More exercise than eating.
With my face and head hurting. I await the next episode of "This is Some Bullshit." Till the next time folk.
As I lay in the valley of death. I fear no evil, for I am the Evil and evil fears!
Lately has really made me thinking about missing my wife and someone that I can have that peace with. That person that buffers the humans from my wrath. And makes me laugh, calm down, think and feel the calm. It can be an intense position for a woman. But it is adventurous, entertaining, fun as well as educational. That peace is what I really need right now. The thing I cherish with that special person and I am eternally grateful for their ability to provide that. Whether is is merely grabbing my hand and looking at me. Or fixing me a drinking. Or Giving me a kiss as they go read or watch a program. Those simple things keep me from using 5 Deathstars on the planet.
I am still angry, disappointed, agitated and stressed. I was supposed to be enjoying learning, energy and a first time experience. Instead of stupidity and disaster.
In this current situation I really wonder about the worth of Duty. Even though it is my core I really hate that I use it with the parental units. I do what I must even though I can't stand it.
I need a serious full fledged release in a Natural Disaster way right now. I need to fuck, suck, beat, torture and more. To release the Ultimate Dark Lord of Havoc. It would greatly improve things. Including my disposition, health and the life expectancy of others.
Apocalypse Training is going. I am still dealing with the shock of doing it. I feel like a fucking health nazi now with working out and eating healthier. It just doesn't feel right or natural. But when evil ages I guess you have to deal with these changes as well. But, I have done decently. I haven't been to the letter but I have been at least half way there. More exercise than eating.
With my face and head hurting. I await the next episode of "This is Some Bullshit." Till the next time folk.
As I lay in the valley of death. I fear no evil, for I am the Evil and evil fears!
Friday, May 22, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
Memories of Team Titan
Well I started the day with a workout. It went well. At least I got up and went. I came back to try and take a shower and eat. The parental units were not having none of that. I needed to outside and work in the yard. Since there is so much they can and should do in the house. But hey the flower bed in the back apparently was important. So I did it, came back in to shower and eat and leave. I had to hide and detox at the cigar shop. Being near them is toxic, destroying and stressing.
Smoking JFR 770s as I tried to relax. People coming in and talking to Tim. So many come in there regularly. And today was no different. We know each other by face and me by what I smoke. lol So one of the older men came in with another guy called Don. Found out that his wife died a few days ago. My mind went out to him. He said he was trying to resusitate his wife with the 911 operator on the phone. And it all brought back memories.
Reminded me of Team Titan. My wife and I were and are Team Titan. That night I will never forget. Her riding me and orgasming so hard twice and me getting up to turn the fan on for her and turning around to watch her roll off the bed to the floor. I was stunned. Like I told the elderly man today. It is like you are in a tunnel and everything is in super slow motion. I felt numb and dead until after they took her body away. But I can always laugh at she went out in a way that only she would think of doing. She died having a seizure from a massive orgasm. I want to be fucked to death too. It is on my bucket list.
Even my evil heart goes out to the good folk that have to deal with someone they are close to dying. It is a disheartening and traumatic feeling. With HQ I wish I could be there for her. But things are what they are. All I can do is be available.
Interestingly enough my excitement died. Realizing possibilities and how things are going have been the contributing factor to that. I am ready anyway. I need to get away. Seek some comfort. See how things go this time.
Like Gears of War....I am the Coalition!
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Live From the Pits of Doom
Well, Apocalypse intensive training started this week. I am doing better with the workouts, weapons than I am with eating. I am not eating enough. Just like my doctor keeps telling me. Hell, I just don't want to eat most of the time. Which is really crazy.
The trip to and from getting the parental units was hell on steroids. I still am tire and sore. Maybe that might also be to working out and not eating enough as well. But damn that. This trip helped increase the pain.
The things you do for and as duty. Duty is doing what you have to or are charged to do because of whatever factor or factors. I am not a fan of the parental units but I have to do stuff because if I don't it will be a disaster anyway or even worst. It doesn't make me happy and I am very happy in my solitude.
Hmmm, I will just say things are weird right now. A weird place at a weird time. Isn't that normal, you ask? Not to this level funny person. Anyway, chalk it up with the mountains of everything else.
Well with what is going down. Some music will speak louder than I need to.
Until the next time
The trip to and from getting the parental units was hell on steroids. I still am tire and sore. Maybe that might also be to working out and not eating enough as well. But damn that. This trip helped increase the pain.
The things you do for and as duty. Duty is doing what you have to or are charged to do because of whatever factor or factors. I am not a fan of the parental units but I have to do stuff because if I don't it will be a disaster anyway or even worst. It doesn't make me happy and I am very happy in my solitude.
Hmmm, I will just say things are weird right now. A weird place at a weird time. Isn't that normal, you ask? Not to this level funny person. Anyway, chalk it up with the mountains of everything else.
Well with what is going down. Some music will speak louder than I need to.
Until the next time
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Dawn of Chaos
Well I started the workout and eating program from the fitorbit site. I definitely have no been looking forward to this but it must be done like so many other things in life. The eating part did not go as well as the workout. I didn't get a chance to go to the store until today so my menu wasn't available until the evening. But I did eat three meals though. Two of those were halves of my club sandwich from harris teeter.
I am ready for my therapy. What does that consist of? Marathon sex. Travelling. Infliction of a lot of pain. Plus comfort and relaxation. That tends to be mixed in with laughter, great convo, good drinks and great food. Alas that is missing as usual. I miss the days when it was a lot more abundant. But when it happens I am all over it.
When needs come a calling:
Sex has to be wild, rough, mixed and passionate. That fuck me to death type of ordeal. When she is ready to go the distance and let it all go. That orgasmic domination that is my specialty.
Connected. When we interact there is a mutual interest. That spark that flickers into a flame quickly. Blazing and keeping the desire there. Because I can enjoy your titties and nipples but if there is no connect then you are just a body with nothing attached to it with me.
Sadism. The need to bend you to my pleasure. To provide myself with the most enjoyable pleasures of your pain. Each episode a lasting string in the whole net.
Comfort, pleasure and passion. The keys to smiles, grins and memories. The things that bring peace and tranquility. If you have these things and can apply them properly to me. Then you will be in the winner's circle prominently.
The journey continues...
Will try to do better with this menu today. And I think I will try and hit the gym again since I probably won't be able to workout again until the weekend with all this mess that is going on.
Beam me up Uhura. I am going to fuck them sexy curves off of you!!!
I am ready for my therapy. What does that consist of? Marathon sex. Travelling. Infliction of a lot of pain. Plus comfort and relaxation. That tends to be mixed in with laughter, great convo, good drinks and great food. Alas that is missing as usual. I miss the days when it was a lot more abundant. But when it happens I am all over it.
When needs come a calling:
Sex has to be wild, rough, mixed and passionate. That fuck me to death type of ordeal. When she is ready to go the distance and let it all go. That orgasmic domination that is my specialty.
Connected. When we interact there is a mutual interest. That spark that flickers into a flame quickly. Blazing and keeping the desire there. Because I can enjoy your titties and nipples but if there is no connect then you are just a body with nothing attached to it with me.
Sadism. The need to bend you to my pleasure. To provide myself with the most enjoyable pleasures of your pain. Each episode a lasting string in the whole net.
Comfort, pleasure and passion. The keys to smiles, grins and memories. The things that bring peace and tranquility. If you have these things and can apply them properly to me. Then you will be in the winner's circle prominently.
The journey continues...
Will try to do better with this menu today. And I think I will try and hit the gym again since I probably won't be able to workout again until the weekend with all this mess that is going on.
Beam me up Uhura. I am going to fuck them sexy curves off of you!!!
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