Poetic Moment: But I Am the Tin Man

But I Am the Tin Man

my heart

beats and flows strongly again

dead from barely beating for so many years

love was transmuted

into a formulatic equation

once again

but then

the fire got lit again

unexpectedly a connection

came into being

love took hold

and was even reciprocated

this time in

that peace

that comfort

joy and lust

gave way to pure love

the package

what I wanted and needed

received

a heart turned cold

forges steel again

burns the ether again

a cold inside

empty interior coffin

given a chance to

just be again

as I swim in it

free once again

I feel alive

invigorated

invibed

I accept this heart of mine

what was formally denied

now with gates opened wide

a tin man

put away again

from the chocolatezeus collection 7/19/20 (c)

Poetic Moment: Rage Against the Machine

Rage Against the Machine

utter betrayal

blitzkrieg from within’=

total Von Clause shit

unwanted

unexpected

unappreciated

no reason for these insane

emotional outbursts

invading

attacking me weirdly

at the strangest times

lke gorilla warfare

appearing out of nowhere

attacking serenity

still no rhyme or reason

seething hatred boils and festers

destroy, destroy, destroy

this is just not acceptable

further awakening

My inner Dalek

exterminate, exterminate

just exterminate this mess

these emotional betrayals

time to be whole again

from the chocolatezeus collection 7/19/20 (c)

Poetic Moment: Unleashed

Unleashed

mind fucks and mental foreplay

before we ever even touched

even though we had

fucked

sucked

and super fucked

over and over in our mental playground

but you didn’t want to lose control

after that first touch

the first brush of dick

the flames rushed forward

fuck that

pass that

don’t fight the feeling

time to get more than this sexual healing

you had reason to fear

this encounter of us

rope wrapped snug

pussy lips rope cupped

as the knife blade digs into your ass

eruptions

quivering

start up

but we have just begun

the mindfuck was just the pre nut

as dick invades your cunt

fuck my cunt you say

take this dick fucking and sucking

show me what you have tried to keep hidden away

supersize

that slut

that freak

be the ultimate pornstar that I need

UNLEASH!!!!!

from the chocolatezeus collection 7/19/2020 (c)

The Day I Watched Myself Dying

As I sat there. Mind muddled. Unsteady. Shaking. Trying to formulate a solution. Realizing I was helpless. I did not think about me dying. I wasn't panicking about myself. I was thinking about had I prepared Ru, the girls and sunshine properly? Would them and others that care and love me be alright after I am gone? Had I done enough to help them deal with it all?

I have been doing better in taking care of myself and repairing what I could. But in a moment it all meant nothing to me.

Since being married I have been an advocate for preparing for death and the end. The hard subject matter but necessary to have some preparation for the inevitable. It is not easy to do or hear this subject matter concerning your loved ones. But it is a must. And in those moments before the girls came and saved me I was wondering if even did enough at all.

So be prepared. Prepare those that you love and be prepared. No matter what it is hard and will be harder when it happens.

Live life to the fullest. Love to the extreme. And experience everything.

CTX BBQ Virtual edition

The weekend was filled with learning, missing being in Texas and doing it all in person and evolution.  I am glad that they came up with this work around since being in person couldn't be done. It still didn't take away the sting of seeing ass, titties, people and everything in person along with feeling that energy.  But this also allowed for more people to experience CTX that wouldn't be able to come normally. It also helped dispell the interpretations of what it is about.

When it comes to this social platform applications I am like a fish out of water. Hell, I had to have babycakes give a layman''s intro course to dealing with zoom. And still had some network issues anyway. lol

Friday the opening address, Dominant roundtable, submissive roundtable and then the cigar social. A damn lot of knowledge was dropped.

And with people presenting like
Lady D Harrison
TheGoddessIndigo and Dr Bob
Master Beast and slave echo
Wrath Daddy
Master David and slave brynn
and even my babycakes presented for her second time

The cup runneth over with information, reflections, self evaluation and much more. And it wasn't the fully feel good stuff. There was the punch you in the face and you saw it coming type of aspect.

Hell, I didn't know the 1763 place was original where Lady D's PEP was and she helped that.

Well needed discussion about Leather was had each day. Much needed.

As I sat there listening. I realized how things had come full circle for me there on the conference.  People that I had been in the same space with and met in passing at the last Black Beat were here on this conference. Never would have thought about this. Black Beat was my first conference experience. There with the ex, red and cyberdiva I observed and took in a lot.  Hell, that is where I met little one officially from her toy class presentation.

To now be around the people that were there back then, before and now is humbling. Knowing that the journey has grown from there to now.

Still processing
Still humbled
Still mass thinking

My Way Is Not Your Way and It Is GREAT!!!!

In My journey of Life Unscripted it has availed some serious undeniable adventures.

Man
Dominant
Caveman
aka Lord Havoc


All kinds of different aspects that make up the whole. All for One. All Me.

The issues come up with others when I am just Myself. Because I do not think, act or do what they say, think or interpret. I believe in individuality. Everyone has their own path, experiences, thoughts and feelings in life. I accept that Mine are different and that I may not understand, agree with or even want to understand other's.

But I have experienced and watched the tantrums, attempts to coerce, belittle, victimize and demonize those that do not act accordingly to some other persons thoughts, values, etc.

In my experience in dating and dynamics I have found that females have a need to defend themselves from their past like pretty much everyone. But from socialization they have developed a sense of entitlement in doing so. And they should make the correct choices for themselves and live their life. But not while trying to tell someone to be like someone else.  This dominant does this and it works on me so you should do it too. Or who you are dating gives ultimatums, are withholding and centered on mostly just themselves.  So many are into everything has to be this way for me so I can let You be with me. There is no togetherness or real connection. Just a catering to whatever they need to feel like they are in the right place, even though they obviously are not with this type of action.

These oppressive principles stay rooted and used in the lifestyles as well as vanilla settings constantly. For example in the lifestyle of poly people get in their feelings when poly people hve a OPP (one penis policy.) But if it is agreed upon by all involved and done ethnically then it no different than a non opp poly relationship. But I find most of these people that think this way have chosen to turn into the abusers that they apparently had at some point in their lives.

With everything going especially now it shows even more prevalent in daily existence because if you don't conform to trending thoughts, actions and feelings like supporting rioting and looting then you re not black or in support of black lives and all this other bullshit.


One of my favorite quotes from General George S. Patton really puts this plainly. And is the reason why this country, government and citizens are a clusterfuck!!!

If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking.-General George S. Patton-

From episode to episode I have learned and accepted that most are not going to be able to accept anything but their way and idea to be put upon others. But it does not mean that I will adhere to or allow that be My concern or way.

Be yourself. Live your life. And let others do the same.

And if you are trying to honestly be in relations or relationships with others then let them be themselves and accept them or stay to your damn self!

Landing Day Celebrations

I see it has been a minute but those that have been in the other spots have read the adventures and all.

Landing Day aka my birthday.

Last year I spent almost two months celebrating all over the place. This year was none of that due to the mess the governments have created.

But it wasn't about quantity this year and I enjoyed the quality a lot. I had to cancel my trips I had planned but that was just fine. I still have gotten some travel in this year for sure.

Started with time with sunshine in the ole stomping grounds. Cigars, conversation, connection, food and a wonderful time.

And ended the weekend with little one and babycakes. More cigars, food, conversation and good times.


The reality is that regardless of whether it is girlfriends, submissives, slaves or whatever of mine. It has to be about the connection and all involved needing to be active participants in that. It took a while and trials to get the message but I did.

Thankful for those that love, care, be there and share in this journey with Me.


Lord Havoc the Caveman

Being a Black Man: The Enemy is Me

These days the attention has been focused and brought up because of social media and most everyone having a cell phone now about black men being  persecuted, shot and killed by cops, people and everything.

It is not that things have gotten worse. It is that it never stopped and is being done publicly now more. So, this outrage will burn bright for a moment and go cold once attention has been drawn somewhere else.

Being a Black Man.

Everyday. Every moment. May be my last for no other reason other than that I am a Black Man. Not because I am a criminal or even living a dangerous life. Just because I am a Black Man.

• In my suit and tie on the elevator and the lady clutches her purse when she gets on.
• At a traffic stop and the law enforcement run my plates and licenase. Then see that I am a registered gun owner with Lawshield.
• A child that want to feel like someone so has to do a gang initiation and I am the victim.
• I am the Black Man living in the house on the corner in your white neighborhood.

There are so many variations of this that it is just ridiculous.

But this is not just a black and white thing. Or just a race thing. Because black against Black Men is a daily activity as well. 

• According to their alleged criteria you are not black enough for them.
• Hanging around, having friends and associations with white people makes you an uncle tom.
• Living outside of the hood and urban cities

But wait there's more..

We have the female aspect in all of this to deal with as well. What is that you ask?

• they are not getting their way so they fabricate a charge against you of rape, etc.
• Using your children as weapons and pawns against you.
• Attacking physically and verbally then playing the helpless female card.

So I better watch them crazy females too. Otherwise they will have me locked up or dead.

And the list goes on.

So it is not only a fear of Me being the Black Man. It is a fear of...

• Intelligence
• Individualized thinking and action
• Life experience
• Interests

Fear is there because anything can happen to a Black Man. The only solution is to continue living as a Black Man for yourself and in your own way regardless. Be vigilant and prepared But continue on your journey in life is the only solution.

Poetry Moment: Caveman Deliverance

Caveman Deliverance

I exist

come in contact with me

the experience will

be unique

challenging

provoking

My being is not what you are use to

non predictive experience

unique

I am love

I am apathy

caring with unrelenting passion

even when it is not your way

or in your ability to understand yet

assassin

protector

advocate

speaking and acting in ways

that are uniquely only me

so come

let me make you

think

feel

explore

and live

walk with me

on the wild or mild side

open your heart, soul and mind

attacks against

your comfortzone

societal norms

Have you been

will you be

touched and delivered

Caveman style

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/11/20 (c)

Mothers day poetry: To Baby Momma

To Baby Momma

seems like so long ago

those words came

I am pregnant

that moment filled me

pride and joy erupted

thoughts of a future unfolded

our love

a miracle created

for both of us

in dark days and nights

love fertilized

a beating heart

that united us forever

thoughts flooded

boy or girl

no matter love would be

unreserved

love flourished

further

Impatiently waiting

ready to see our love

in your arms for the first time

my cold melted heart

fully raw

linked

etched in history

then

the result

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/11/20 (c)

Mothers day poetry: Mother's Day Reality

Mother’s Day Reality

it hits hard when they are gone

when those that held the title

are no longer available

from the beginning

all I knew was Big Ma

matriarch and patriarch

of the clan

held it down

held it together

for what seems like forever

never realized till she was gone

just how intregal she was

collards and dumplings

smoldering hot ass house

listening to her drop knowledge

respected

loved and beloved

then there was the other half of

Team Titan

My Chocolate Doll

Been mother without having her own child

years and years of taking care of

her womb donor, sister, neice and more

Ther perfect compliment

to my extremist

as we looked forward to

making a part of us

to live beyond us

to love to death

many talks and discussions

of how we would raise our own

making sure that they are better than

we ever would been

both of our dreams

of making a family

blazed so fiercely it burned the ether

perfecctly, imperfectly positioned

then fate intervened

like a brazen theif stole our dream

the day the doctor told us

we could do what we need to get pregnant

but it would be rough

and I high chance that

we would have to chose between

My love and our child in the end

disbelief

ripped into atoms

a pain that lasts forever

tears that still sometimes come

our only argument

get pregnant and save the baby

let the woman I loved with my being go

No!!

fuck fate

fuck destiny

they took from me

marked permanently

mother’s day will never be

what it should have been

lost in molten tears

and a hole in my soul

from the chocolatezeus collection 5/11/20 (c)

Life Unscripted, Travel During this Imprisonment

The Caveman has been a few places since this all has started. I am in atl now and was just in houston again the other week. I love travel. But the joy has really come out of traveling after 9/11 and now this corona shit. So many restrictions and dampeners put on everything instead of fixing the problems.

Dfw airport must have gotten a discount on moving walkways because they stick them like 3 or 4 in a row trying to get to different parts of and different terminals. I literally got tired of them. Enough that you are walking 6 miles but damn. I was really tempted to unplug one of the many carts that I passed that were recharging and drive instead.

There is no food or beverage service on flights under 5 hours. So basically no flights in conus have service. And you can't get drinks through security so they are making sure to shaft you right there. The good thing about this has been that there isn't any overbooking, crowding or need to upgrade seats since everything has to be spread out.

Spent time with and served by sunshine. Had a good time together. It is always good to be able to be yourself without others or someone having a bunch of issues. But it was definitely a different houston with the whole imprison yourself at home situation. But cigar smoking, chilling and great energy was the move.

This also got me a chance to spend time with my Ru on her birthday. She wanted me to cook for her like always so I ended up cooking on the grill. The steaks came out great after a fight with the charcoal lighting (it has been a long time lol.) So she ended up having me do steaks, shrimp, lobster, corn and something else on the grill. Even though everyone that was invited, including her cousin who I have had a lust crush on for years now couldn't come. The Life Unscripted members and jason were there on her birthday. So many adventures together with my Ru lol.

Trips to greensboro and here to atl to see the girls, work and get stuff done. This has taken a toll on them since they need to get outside and do their people thing.

Oh and american airlines first never put my bag on the plane leaving houston. Then couldn't find it. So when I got it back three days after I arrived back it was delivered. And there was a big hole in one of the corners where the 360 wheel use to be. lol

The weather is still schizo. Cold one minute and hot the next. And everything is still up in the air with events trying to be rescheduled.

Interesting times indeed.

Poetic Moment: Before it Gets There

Before it Gets There

when love turns sour

I love you turns to who are you

when memories are all that you have left

when connection has already faded to black

wondering why you were fighting for nothing

what is it good for?

Absolutely nothing

from the chocolatezeus collection 4/14/20 (c)