As I deal with the icu people today I decided to put in writing my review I had been contemplating. So let the shakespearean epitaph begin...
This year has been full of ups and downs. Seems like it has passed by at break neck speed as well. But here we are about to move on to another one.
There have definitely been some trips in there. From going back home to Amsterdam to los angeles, colorado, texas and the dmv plus more. Memories were definitely created.
I also took this year to explore, learn and help more in bdsm. Through discussions, educations and more I have lent my hand and mind to help guide, assure and support those that were available, open to and wanted it. Now, a number of those were some that were not able to or ready to grasp the concepts of this life but oh well. I learned not to be bothered or waste time on them. You can only help those that are willing and open to it.
Roles, Skills and Abilities:
These three things I had a very enlightening experience with this year. In ways that I wasn't prepared for and others that I was prepared for.
Roles:
This is where you have submissive, slaves and girlfriends with their al a carte selection of their role. Where they are this is the way that my submission is and you need to deal with it or fix yourself to handle it. Well, that doesn't work when alignment of wills need to occur for a dynamic to work effectively. But the burger king mentality grows by the minute.
And just being able to be open enough to know your role. To understand that it may not be what you have always thought or felt it was. And not to get angry because you are told how your role is seen from the outside.
Skills:
This is where attitudes flair a lot. Because it is all cute to get a title and feel like you are in there. But if you can't actually be a submissive or slave in actual action or duty then guess what? There are no viable skills and you will be treated as such. The inability to focus, constant backlash or don't wanting to complete tasks simply shows your skill level and lack of dedication.
Abilities:
This is one where as a Dominant you have to be able to listen, observe and factor in what someone is capable of. Can they organize profusely? Are they a science whiz?
I have seen some abilities like empathy and support roles. I have also seen the ability to disregard and disappear because things were not the way they wanted or comfortable for them.
What has been learned:
Distance is the final frontier. It is the comfort zone that many keep in it's many forms. That warm blanket and stuffie for most.
Beware who you try to learn from, interact with or who claim to be proficient in anything especially this lifestyle.
Connection and intimacy are taboo in more than casual, minimal or superficial dose.
Regardless of how people choose to interpret, dissuade and count you and your standards out. In the end the only thing that matters is being true to you.
No matter what there is going to be backlash, hatred, dismissal and more from those that claim to love, be with you and are under you. Deal with it accordingly and in tune to the individual and individuals.
Trusting someone with emotional and deeply personal aspects has pretty much decayed from this years experiences. The vault remains closed with only one access card available to use. Which is sad because it is great to be able to express fully and share fully. But it also has to be something that can be handled by who you choose to share and express to without judgement, attitude, the way they think you need to do it and more.
So...
I look back to see some memorable smiles. The look into some eyes. The abyss. All the things that I had to fight, live and survive through. I can laugh at some more things than I could at earlier times in the year now.
Along with things I am dealing with anniversaries. Preparing for death. Making what moves must be made. Working on everything that comes into play and has to be attended to for next year.
I feel like George S Patton during the battle of the bulge. I want prayers to kill my enemies and we will fight through the day and night to freedom. Freedom being me.
Thank you for joining me on this journey this year. I am glad there have been plenty of reads on the poetry on here. As well as the reads for the blog portion. From the silly to the apathetic so much has been covered.
Wishing you a happy new year. And thanks for riding with me.
