I think a lot. Well a hella lot!
I feel. Even though you won't see it or know it.
I put my loved ones and those I care about first.
These factors are always in play. While at the Movenpick a couple of weeks ago I truly delved deeply into my relations, what they are, what they mean and what they represent.
I stepped back to observe, not say or do anything really or express myself. It helped me see and listen more clearly to red and bgp. Some things are similar because of the style of woman I am interested and deal with. But each are so complex that Confucius would grin at the challenge.
Yes, I love my submissives. I care about them and I want the best for them and them to be happy (even if I get it wrong or they are not seeing it). I am not doing D/s to make them do what I say but to maintain an established tpe dynamic in what form I have chosen with that person. red and bgp are not the same type of people, subs or relations. And I dont' treat or act on them that way.
My heart is cold as space
My love burns you like a supernova
I am the most difficult thing for you to
comprehend
understand
be with
But what I bring with my intensity are things that have a deep and long lasting meaning to me. When i say I am with you then I am with you until you have chosen that is not acceptable.
I am not trying to replace my wife.
Not asking for someone to be anything past their ability
I deal in reality and not the ideal or fantasy
You can choose your journey with me
It will be something completely unique.
I give you what you can handle and as best as you can deal with.
Deep in thought about relations and things. So speak up if you are ready and able!
Wednesday, April 05, 2017
Message to My Plaything
I know that I am your Teddy Bear, Daddy Dominant that loves you. Wants you to be happy, achieve and live to the fullest.
Understand the sadist that I give you is because you are not ready to handle the sadistic desires that I hold within me.
Each of those times when we began playing so long ago and you were frustrated were due to some serious safety. Your safety.
And as we play a lot harder now I still hold tight on the choke chain of my depravity. Where I rest fully and securely.
I don't want to break you. I want to destroy you completely. Re purpose you for my complete needs. Take away all the defenses, strengths and real life things. To hold your raw essence in my hands as you look up at me sobbing and heaving.
Then and only then will we be where we should be!
Understand the sadist that I give you is because you are not ready to handle the sadistic desires that I hold within me.
Each of those times when we began playing so long ago and you were frustrated were due to some serious safety. Your safety.
And as we play a lot harder now I still hold tight on the choke chain of my depravity. Where I rest fully and securely.
I don't want to break you. I want to destroy you completely. Re purpose you for my complete needs. Take away all the defenses, strengths and real life things. To hold your raw essence in my hands as you look up at me sobbing and heaving.
Then and only then will we be where we should be!
Tuesday, April 04, 2017
A Superwoman (Chocolate Doll) Poetry tribute
One Year Ago
One Year Ago
Not an anniversary but a birthday
No one else gets multiple birthdays but I did
A day of birth, no more like a rebirth
Days of faith renewed
It’s the day we met
It’s the day I realized I loved you
It’s the day we got married
(To be sure a date that went down in infamy)
Most importantly its
The day you and me became we
No longer just you
No longer just me
Clasped hands
A sign of Unity
Wedding bands touching
The symbol of infinity
Striding off into the sunset
Leaving behind pasts we’d just as soon forget
To adventures, always full of love and seldom with regret
Here is to many more years together
365 delightful days
8,760 happy hours
525,600 memorable minutes
As I tip my crown to you
As I stand by your side
As I look upon you with pride
I Love You Zeus
Happy Anniversary Husband
2009
~ASW~ ©
Titan Fall (in memory of my Chocolate Doll)
Titan Fall
I became
A black hole that was
Sucked into another
black hole
And supernova’ d at
the same time
That moment I turned
To see you roll off
the bed
For you not to stir
There was no word for
the shock
The numbness
It is where I stayed
for so long
That there was no way
to
Quantify it at all
Wait this can’t be
This is supposed to
be me
Not you laying here
dead
You were the one
That was the bright
ray of sunshine
People’s daily bread
With one orgasmic
explosion
You came and went
My anchor
Their savior
My love, war and
peace
Taken from me
Team Titan
The yin and the yang
My bitter and your
sweet
A fairytale
Loving relationship
fallacy
Dispelled
Brought to beyond
reality
We defied
Everyone and
everything
Titans
From face to face
Towering on that November
day at the beach
To
Five guys and ben and
jerrys
Type of ending
Two mythological
beings
Contracted and etched
Into your
ETERNITY
From the
chocoltaezeus collection 4/4/17 ©
Six Years After
I did not do anything to honor it or celebrate it. I spent my time, completely alone around other people. I drank for some hours. Went to a meet and greet i said I was going to go to and came home and realized i hadn't eaten anything at about 11pm and had apple pie.
As much as I am an evil, asshole bastard. But it truly is shocking to others that i don't have this disdain or horror stories for marriage. I hear these horror stories all day from everyone and how they feel so negatively about those things. Hell, the girls have their experiences and versions of negative relations and effects.
I hate dating and all the versions of it. But when it came to my wife everything was right, felt right and was right. Through the ups and downs there was love, support, connection and unity. It personified what a loving and caring relationship and marriage should be like. I am thankful that. Love that I had that and miss it thoroughly.
In the same token because of that I have a higher standard than the masses when it comes to that deep of a relationship, commitment and love.
For someone to have those part of me fully that i had when I was married they have to be able to accept, understand, handle and bring all of themselves to the table!
There have been thoughts and comments about the idea that I compare and trying to find a replacement to my wife. Well I am not. There is no one that will ever be her or be close enough to replace her. Nor would I set some chick up for failure that way either.
In the aftermath I still hate dating even though I have been doing it for 3 years now. Because it is not all that it can and should be. But I also came to understand the modern female truly has been twisted into some gnarled root that they trip over into thinking and acting negatively when it comes to dating. With that information I formulated my safeguards, parameters and estimated outcomes.
I have two girls that love me. I love them dearly and appreciate them. I know they love me how they can, the way that they can and to the best they are capable of right now. I don't push them or ask them to be or do more than they are capable of. Even the idea of marrying lil red remains in place if she ever decided that was something of interest.
My evolution has been one of realizing limitations, societal stigmas and how I am the anti dating, relationship and love person. I can give the girls all the love they can handle but I can't give them more than that because it will only end in negative outlooks for them. or anyone to be exact.
The way that little one and red are probably are ChocolateDoll's damn doing anyway. She would send me something like this to make me suffer. lol
As i listen to our theme music, browse pics of how it use to beand think about my relation with red and little one I laugh at the contrast. I am thankful for the learning. Glad that I quarintine and compartmentalize really, really well! lol
Damn you Adrienne!!!!!!
lol Love You ChocolateDoll
Poetry: Where Sensations Came to Die
Where Sensations Came to Die
With each tick of the
clock
Emotions and feelings
Die
Crumbling
Cascading down the
drain
Gone from half life
To full choke
Denial
A heart barely
recognizable
Dark and cold
Standing bold within
The blood dripping
Remnants of life’s
Existence
The light dimmed
Then died
Embracing the black
hole
Left in the wake
Apathy
Uncaged
Now
A different kind of
Feeling
Emotion even
Hysterical laughter
At the transmutation
Uncaged
Unfeeling
Unemotional
Living
I am
Here
From the chocolatezeus
collection 4/4/17 ©
Sunday, April 02, 2017
There and Back Again
As I sit here listening to E 40 and Too Short.
Amidst thinking, contemplation and analysis. *yeah the usual...lol* I have pondered, explored and made decisions.
As deeply as I love and give apathy in equal intensity. Because of attempts to be close to some people it has detrimental effects on them. Ie lil red and little one being submissives or Ru being my fellow Road Warrior. The experiences from this year and Amsterdam made me really decide to stand on the rampart alone. That being a Dominant means I cannot say, share or express too much. And being a friend and someone's man I still have to measure what I give out. It makes me miss the days of being married and being able to talk openly and we dealt with whatever was felt without issues and all. But this is the modern age.
My focus has been on those I am close to having support, help with whatever and them being happy. It is part of the basic core of me basically. Thus it is something that will always be the case. I do take time for myself more than I use to but still not as much as I am repeatedly told I should.
Going to Amsterdam really showed me that the thing that was important was lil red and little one being happy and doing their thing. I have avoided being selfish most of the time. Not sure if that is from the situations or merely feeling. I stepped back and compartmentalized things even more efficiently. I looked at their needs, wants and happiness and said ok let me see what I can do to facilitate that. And yes, I have heard the protests from them about me being happy but my happiness is something that really doesn't equate well to theirs or anyone else's. My decision was to do what was required of me as Dominant and man that cared about them, Make sure to the best of my ability they are good and doing their own thing.
Can't hold onto things that are intangible and archaic anymore. Relations are what they are today. I chose and decided.
The good and evil have morphed into this darkness. Filled with emotion, feeling and thinking. Yet, everything has to remain within the vault of my existence.
As I cherish what I have had I place everything into their monoliths.
More later
Amidst thinking, contemplation and analysis. *yeah the usual...lol* I have pondered, explored and made decisions.
As deeply as I love and give apathy in equal intensity. Because of attempts to be close to some people it has detrimental effects on them. Ie lil red and little one being submissives or Ru being my fellow Road Warrior. The experiences from this year and Amsterdam made me really decide to stand on the rampart alone. That being a Dominant means I cannot say, share or express too much. And being a friend and someone's man I still have to measure what I give out. It makes me miss the days of being married and being able to talk openly and we dealt with whatever was felt without issues and all. But this is the modern age.
My focus has been on those I am close to having support, help with whatever and them being happy. It is part of the basic core of me basically. Thus it is something that will always be the case. I do take time for myself more than I use to but still not as much as I am repeatedly told I should.
Going to Amsterdam really showed me that the thing that was important was lil red and little one being happy and doing their thing. I have avoided being selfish most of the time. Not sure if that is from the situations or merely feeling. I stepped back and compartmentalized things even more efficiently. I looked at their needs, wants and happiness and said ok let me see what I can do to facilitate that. And yes, I have heard the protests from them about me being happy but my happiness is something that really doesn't equate well to theirs or anyone else's. My decision was to do what was required of me as Dominant and man that cared about them, Make sure to the best of my ability they are good and doing their own thing.
Can't hold onto things that are intangible and archaic anymore. Relations are what they are today. I chose and decided.
The good and evil have morphed into this darkness. Filled with emotion, feeling and thinking. Yet, everything has to remain within the vault of my existence.
As I cherish what I have had I place everything into their monoliths.
More later
Poetry: In the Distance
In the Distance
Closeness
Connectivity
A sliding scale of
De-evolutionary
Experience
Words expressed
Claiming
Desire
Need
Want
To come together
Be something other
Than one against each
other
I snicker and laugh
At the charade
The obvious division
In what they say
Versus what they mean
They are comfortable
where they are at
But they do not want
it to seem
That they don’t want
to be close
It is like a
helicopter
Hovering 15 feet off
the ground
High enough to jump
But high enough to
Get killed
In this kill zone
Is where relations
lay
Where the minefields
Reside
It is my choice
To attempt to navigate
Get blown up
Or say no thank you
Distance
The necessary piece
of
Relationships and
dating
From the
chocolatezeus collection 4/2/17 ©
Saturday, April 01, 2017
Mr Wolf's Amsterdam Adventure...Life Unscripted
Man, I was lost when it was time to go down to the restaurant to eat and drink mimosas, only to realize I was back at the house. lol And looking out my window now is depressing in comparison to the view from the hotel room overlooking the water, ships and city.
I haven't been back to Amsterdam since I was a young kid. And the experience was one to remember for a number of reasons. And I suggest you take a trip there if you haven't for the culture, sights and everything. Had some great food, went to some great museums and had some good quality time with lil red.
The Movenpick hotel was great. A great view and pleasant staff. And an enjoyable breakfast. And I do mean a great view from the 20th floor. Definitely made me mad I missed it 2 years previously. The staff was courteous and helpful which always makes me happy. So yes, I suggest staying there if you are going!
Each day was an adventure in sight seeing, eating and quality time together. And I love quality time! We hit a number of museums. From my favorite torture museum to the van gogh, sex museum and the rijks dutch museum. There was so much to enjoy and see and I took it all in. Hell, I never even thought to try the Belgium waffles there. lol But I did have great calzone and burgers and stuff.
I was graced to see lil red in her completely submissive state. To see her free and how she wanted and needed to be was incredible. She was with her dom and they played as I worked on the computer and talked to people. But I saw how she was and it truly was dynamic. I was glad that she got her fix. The submission that she needed.
Seeing her submissive and our talk afterward made me think and solidify things with my D/s and poly. I have my feelings and things but reality is that lil red and little one have to be happy and growing in their journey regardless. I fully support that even when they may disagree with it. I saw the things and reason that had to be shared. The place where lil red was at peace and floating. And she floated for the rest of the trip on her high which I was very happy for her. She was in subspace and out of her head and thoughts where she floated free. Exhilarating.
A trip that started out on a dark cloud note ended with a lot of learning for me along with great sight seeing and time spent in museums with lil red.
Hell, I ended up getting a tattoo that says Mr Wolf on top and harley underneath. My first tatt that related to someone that I was with. But it marked the memory of being in Amsterdam together as well as the connection of me as Mr Wolf and when lil red becomes harley. We both were shocked at my choice in the shop but it was important to me and purposeful.
The airport on the way out was something else though. They had a runway closed and we waited on the tarmac before take off. And security was long and tedious since they had one entrance. And having to take out all electronics and wires was not a happy time for me either.
I embarked on a journey. To get my military brat, lust and adventure needs fed. And that was mostly handled. And very memorable.
Along with learning and digesting even more about my D/s journey. Decisions and analysis about having submissives and taking care of it all. Putting everything in it's place to make things appropriate.
I am very thankful for the experience, understanding, enjoyment and adventure.
I haven't been back to Amsterdam since I was a young kid. And the experience was one to remember for a number of reasons. And I suggest you take a trip there if you haven't for the culture, sights and everything. Had some great food, went to some great museums and had some good quality time with lil red.
The Movenpick hotel was great. A great view and pleasant staff. And an enjoyable breakfast. And I do mean a great view from the 20th floor. Definitely made me mad I missed it 2 years previously. The staff was courteous and helpful which always makes me happy. So yes, I suggest staying there if you are going!
Each day was an adventure in sight seeing, eating and quality time together. And I love quality time! We hit a number of museums. From my favorite torture museum to the van gogh, sex museum and the rijks dutch museum. There was so much to enjoy and see and I took it all in. Hell, I never even thought to try the Belgium waffles there. lol But I did have great calzone and burgers and stuff.
I was graced to see lil red in her completely submissive state. To see her free and how she wanted and needed to be was incredible. She was with her dom and they played as I worked on the computer and talked to people. But I saw how she was and it truly was dynamic. I was glad that she got her fix. The submission that she needed.
Seeing her submissive and our talk afterward made me think and solidify things with my D/s and poly. I have my feelings and things but reality is that lil red and little one have to be happy and growing in their journey regardless. I fully support that even when they may disagree with it. I saw the things and reason that had to be shared. The place where lil red was at peace and floating. And she floated for the rest of the trip on her high which I was very happy for her. She was in subspace and out of her head and thoughts where she floated free. Exhilarating.
A trip that started out on a dark cloud note ended with a lot of learning for me along with great sight seeing and time spent in museums with lil red.
Hell, I ended up getting a tattoo that says Mr Wolf on top and harley underneath. My first tatt that related to someone that I was with. But it marked the memory of being in Amsterdam together as well as the connection of me as Mr Wolf and when lil red becomes harley. We both were shocked at my choice in the shop but it was important to me and purposeful.
The airport on the way out was something else though. They had a runway closed and we waited on the tarmac before take off. And security was long and tedious since they had one entrance. And having to take out all electronics and wires was not a happy time for me either.
I embarked on a journey. To get my military brat, lust and adventure needs fed. And that was mostly handled. And very memorable.
Along with learning and digesting even more about my D/s journey. Decisions and analysis about having submissives and taking care of it all. Putting everything in it's place to make things appropriate.
I am very thankful for the experience, understanding, enjoyment and adventure.
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Just Me Against the World
The Black Man…Public Enemy Number One
With a life
expectancy
Less than it should
be
Imprisonment of
Mind
Body
And soul
For each day
Each breath he takes
They want
Need to lock him in
A hole
In a suit and tie
Or jeans and a t-shirt
Their thoughts and
feelings
Revealed in their
eyes
Not relegated only to
Whites or blacks
But some black
females
Have gotten in on the
act
With life
expectancies
Less than a quarter
Roadblocks at every
Portal
So
Grip your purses
Hold tight to your
disdain
Claim that you
understand
No matter what
It remains
The hunted
Disenfranchised
Prisoner of war
Journey of a black man
From the
chocolatezeus collection 3/28/17 ©
It is cute to think that the world is this more equal and better place but I am a black man in the modern day and I can tell you that things have not changed that much.
Even with education there is the need for society and others to keep their boot on the back of my neck as much as possible.
Add to that the struggle, conflict and same type of responses from some black females only drives home the plight of being a black man even more.
I am educated.
World traveled.
Diverse.
Skilled.
Articulate.
These traits make them cringe and cower in fear because I am not the hood black guy with the pants off his ass slinging drugs. I am the man giving others instructions, while maintaining multi million dollar projects.
When we as black men move beyond what they see us as being in our place it creates a need to destroy, wage war on us and cage us to make themselves feel better. To maintain their class and economic system.
But the problem is that you can't stop us from growing, evolving and achieving no matter how many roadblocks you set up. Some of us won't be the complacent, endentured servants that you seek to keep
I am a black man.
The one thing you hunt and fear so deeply that it makes you secure everything and anything of yours because you won't always keep us underneath..
Saturday, March 18, 2017
Knowledge Is Power
This has been a very educational week. Filled with learning new things as well as reinforcing analysis that already were in place.
Amsterdam has been nice. I have had a chance to step back and look at things. To be out of the country and pay homage to my past.
Relations and dynamics became fully defined this week. Without a shadow of a doubt. When evidence is presented then there leaves no room for doubts.
I am in a prepared place now. One that was forecasted and I made ready.
This week's word for both of the girls is SHARED.
Learning has been the key and here I am.
Till then...enjoy.
Amsterdam has been nice. I have had a chance to step back and look at things. To be out of the country and pay homage to my past.
Relations and dynamics became fully defined this week. Without a shadow of a doubt. When evidence is presented then there leaves no room for doubts.
I am in a prepared place now. One that was forecasted and I made ready.
This week's word for both of the girls is SHARED.
Learning has been the key and here I am.
Till then...enjoy.
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Moment in Poetry: Avatar of Hell
Avatar of Hell
My blood pumps to the
beat
Of a slim shady and Royce
5 9
Lyrical beast
But my heart and soul
Are not in the
Fastlane
But in the dead end
Vicinity
As I spit
Venomous lava
From my very
Existence
Anger and hate
Lay in the corner
Whimpering
Unable to understand
Accept
Fathom even
I am something
Another thing
The epitaph of Death
Hela’s granddaddy
Wondering if
There are any
Feelings even left
I turn to
The right
The left
Welcoming
The emptiness
From the
chocolatezeus collection 3/15/17 ©
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Boba Fett at the Movenpick
Well, made it to Amsterdam yesterday.
I haven't been back to Europe since when I was in college and flew back to Germany to spend time with the parental units and their daughter.
The room has a great view of the city and where the cruise ship docks next door. Looking out the window definitely makes things better. It is a nice hotel. I would recommend it.
Flight was fine since the plane wasn't full. There was plenty of space to stretch out. And they gave you meals which seems foreign in these days of flights.
Besides the sights I saw on the way to the hotel. Plenty of architecture and everything to enjoy. Plus they are doing their elections today so this should be interesting.
Much is on my mind. The apparent modifications and need for more has been fully established. So, I have done quite a bit of writing already. Documenting and analyzing things to their fullest conclusion.
I see why the isolation has increased and dropped. Why I have remained steadfast on my rampart. From Ru to everyone it has been time to just observe now.
Definitely interesting.
Life Unscripted leaves things unbelievable.
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