To Serve Me

The discussion of service to me comes up as a Dominant with submissives. My service is not everyone else's. It is merely my own.

Serving me means and is made up of different things. Depending on talents and skills. There are basic skills like being able to cook, clean, manage affairs and etc though. \

Some of the things serving me entails:

Represent me in the appropriate manner at all times. With respect and focus.
Inform me of things that I may have missed or overlooked
Domestic service
Sexual service

I am not anyone else or using someone else's blueprint to what their service is so I have made mine up based on me, myself and I.

Focus and time are keys to my service. I don't need to micromanage and force anyone to stay on task when it comes to serving me. We are adults and will act accordingly.

I always say if there are questions about what it means to serve me then you need to ask.

The Bright Lights and Red Carpet of Dominance

It is seen that being a Dominant is only about what you want and your way or fucking and playing with whoever you want. Those that think and feel this way haven't bought a clue at all yet.

It takes an awful lot to do this. There is not a magic wand to wave and everything and everyone falls in line. You are going to deal with attitudes, brats, insecurities and defiance. Because regardless of their desire to actually want to submit to you, they have to get to that point first and there are a lot of things, experiences and more that you will have to go through.

We negotiate and vett to decide if we want to go in the same direction. But finding what you think are similar directions doesn't mean that it is the true direction or that it will even happen. Trust has to be established and maintained on both sides of the slash.

When I have mentioned things to the guys and gals at the cigar shop they think it is all about fun and games. And i let them know it is not.

The truth is that is is constant hard work. It is paying attention to multiple things at one time. Soothing, comforting and being direct with them. As much as i show and give love. I will be hard and stick to my guns to create change and achievement.

Though I have been blessed to listen to and observe folks in D/s. I do not just copy cat everything they are doing. I am not working on their play calling. My relationships both vanilla and both lifestyles have been tailor made for me and nothing less. Not what someone else said about how things must or should be.

But here is the key! A submissive has to want to attain and be open to the progress. With the understanding that this is not unicorns, tutus and hello kitty stuff. Things are going to be difficult and things are going to hurt at times. But the point is the betterment of the submissive and the journey.

So when it comes to me:

It is not about getting your way. Because that never works and only gets you on the 5150 list.
It is a hiearchy so the use of the term fair constantly is not applicable.
I am just me, myself and I. There is only one me.
This is something that I have been doing longer than being in D/s


Yes, it is wonderful when I can smile and know mine are happy and moving forward in life. But, I am the Practical Man. There are times I have to be the bad guy to push and break those unfortunate wrong comfort zones that are being held on to falsely.  And even after that I will soothe and continue being proud of them.

The glamour, fame and all are for others. That is not my thing.

And lately the things have been coming up like the Battle of the Bulge. But me and the 2rd Army will be pushing on. No sleep, no surrender, no paying for real estate twice.

Enjoy your morning.

Intense Scenes and Teddy Bear Things

August has been the month of intense scenes and a varied range of my sadistic tendencies. From the physical to emotional pain infliction's the range has been wide and dynamic. From making it feel like skin is being peeled off to being surprised that too much pain was given to the one I thought would laugh at it. But there is also the situation and sub space that has to be timed properly.

So, the magnetic nipple clamp balls will have to debut at another time. The toy bag definitely has grown since it began and I am happy and thankful that it has. Thanks to little one and flower child it has brought a bigger smile to my face.

Learning has happened. To achieve and notice how deep that sub space is for each. Watching for the limits and the incoherency.  Quite an adventure.

Yeah teddy bears I said. Smh let's delve into it


I have been called a teddy bear by lil red, little one and flower child.

red-well yeah it is her so it is just a teddy bear
little one-the teddy bear with claws
flower child-grizzly bear when I am not mad

And there was a bit of shock that I am not the same to each of them or people.  But, relationships are tailor made for me, not the cookie cutter thing. If you are special to me then you are special to me specifically because of who and the way you are. There is no other way.

So this evil, sadistic teddy bear is out here. Unhinged and waiting. Don't let the quiet and for those in one of my circles, my nice demeanor to you fool you. I am the yin and the yang!

Poetry: To Feel, What is that?

To Feel, What is that?

Inside

Deep inside

Emotion and feeling

Lies

The rush of adrenaline

The glow of pride

The fire of

Love and passion

All parts of this whole ride

Definitions to

Reactions and experiences

In our time line

But when you no longer feel

When everything is

Cauterized

What do you do?

What do you attempt to respond to?

Are you dead or alive?

I think I remember

Faintly

What feelings use to be like

They use to mean something to me

Now

Permanently replaced with

Calculated responding

Efficiency has increased

But now I wonder

Why bother to feel

Anything?

From the chocolatezeus collection  8/14/16  ©

Quote for Life

Though I walk through the valley of death. I shall fear no evil. For I am by my motherfucking self!!!


-CZ-

Just Poetry: A Heart with No Fear

A Heart with No Fear

From the moment

I first told you

I love you

I am in love with you

I want you as my wife

The foundation was set

I knew from the beginning

What I wanted and sought

What made my heart

Beat and stop

Even as you used

Every comparison

Of exes and friends

And their strange tells

What I wanted from you

Never changed

Vulnerability

Let me say it again

I made myself completely vulnerable

To begin with

So you could sit back comfortably

Try to grasp the plot

Take it all in

The seriousness of

My plan

Chance given

A welcoming door open

Regardless

I am prepared either way

Good or bad

I made my stand

Only later to be

Placated

Challenged

A need for assimilation

Still

I stand

Amid all the

My way

I can’t believe your that way

Interpretive

Inability to accept and understand

This is

Love

Passion

Affection

And more

At the intense level

But her there is always

Burger king instead

Have your way

I will remain on my path

No guts, no glory

My heart speaks

As loud as my attacks

From the chocolatezeus collection  8/14/16  ©

Poetic Heartsrings: My Love is

My Love is

I have

Fell in

Been in

Loved

And in love

Given

Heart

Soul

Future

All vulnerability

Why is it so hard for you to

Accept

See

Feel

Oh

Through my potent

Direct sledge hammer

Love skills

Or

That it isn’t done to your

Checklist

Is that the reason why

You just don’t

And won’t feel

Words

Actions

Actions

Words

They have remained constant

To love’s dismay

Now love merely

A waxed coroner’s stain

It seems

When there is only the deafening

Essence of

The love I

Bring

From the chocolatezeus collection  8/14/16  ©

Poetic Expression Incarcerated Comfort

Incarcerated Comforts

Bloody entrails

Lead to the closed vault door

Staining the very fabric of existence

All emotional content

Crushed beneath and in

This vault door

That fire survives

Somehow burning white

Deprived and starved

Purposefully

That emotional edict came

Decreeing

Survival of the fittest

In this death match

Relation

Once such an

Integral and necessary part

Of me

Those drops and movies in time

Of comfort and need

Concluded with

Emotional

Serial killing

Genocide

And now it’s time

Where freedom rings

As the vault door closes

And the tumblers

Give that death lock sound

Stoic resound

Death howls

Invigorated with life

Unchained

Blood dripping from restraint

There are no more

Comfort strings on me

Carnage and chaos

Unfettered

Smiling

Remnants

Unchained

From the chocolatezeus collection 8/14/16  ©

Happy Birthday Chocolate Doll...But Damn!

Another year today. Love and miss my A.S.S.

From episodes at the cheesecake factory in dulles to steak, lobster and shrimp inspired cooking for you. We had some adventures. Hell, you actually got me to celebrate my own damn birthday. Who would have thunk it! lol

And yes you are and evil ole ass for all this shit that has gone on lately. I guess that haunting thing is in effect. Damn, you! lol But all this stuff is not necessary right now.  Especially the est. stuff.

Oh, I had some fourth street deli for you. I did keep my promise. Yeah, yeah, yeah it was a few years late but it got done.

And now that the tattoo has been figured out courtesy my fellow gruntanese, old school scary biker Charlie I will work on finding someone to do that as soon as possible.  You would like Charlie. He is like an older white man version of me. lmao

No, I still haven't had your dress preserved. Even though I know you wanted to trash it. Keepsakes are necessary, thank you very much.


That smile
no wonder why
they called you the
Black Vanna White

That smile that melts steel
and disarms the Evil One
just one of your
super powers


You are in a better place that is for sure. With all this crap going on now I am glad I don't have to worry about you.

Hugs, Kisses and all my Love

-Team Titan Forever-


ASuperWoman and Chocolatezeus for Infinity

Anniversary, Not Fair and the Havoc Way

I hold the universe upon my shoulders as I hold the galaxies in my hands. I am the unorthodox, not what you think Black Man.

I have three beautiful submissives. Each wonderfully talented and dynamic in their individual rights. 

And obviously others see them and want them as I have heard about from them. Fake dumbinants. Fraudulent and messy little boys. The little boy want to fuck and have what is mine. I understand that little needs...that is why they are denied. 

Anyway.

I have heard the phrase used "it's not fair" repeatedly. It may be just a female thing or submissive thing or both. But when it comes to an hierarchy things are not fair. Things are designed to structure, strengthen, lead and support. Which are the principles I stick with.

On to the Havoc Way

I am chaos and change. The basis for ripping apart your heart, mind and soul. 

When I use the word love it is because I have let you into my exclusive universe. It isn't a general statement. It is a very elitist thing. And I understand that you want my love and all to be just like yours but it isn't. Here is where acceptance and understanding come. Where I have given love is because they were worthy enough to be there and join me at that status. There is such an obvious difference between those I love and those that I do not. Why not understand and relish in your elite status?

Interpretation doesn't work with me. Unless you have taken a class with Ru Ru then you are not going to get it right. And to be honest even she misses some things at times. And I know it is a way to try to be accommodating and predict, but it takes a lot of vulnerability for that and acceptance. 

I am a cold hearted, asshole, motherfucker from the pits of hell. But I am the Way. I am the balance. For all the evil side I hold. That blackness is balanced with what I have, feel and do with those that I love and care for. 

In Analysis

I don't understand female's competitive thinking when there is no competition and each one is loved, cared for and handled individually. 

If I give you access to my heart, then you have it to the level that you can handle. Just don't expect me to over extend myself when you are pulling up your drawbridges.

As cut and dry as I am. As black and white as I am. I stick with my relations because I am picky as Fuck! But that doesn't mean that I remove individuals for no reason and without any warning or possibility of them fixing the problem. So if you want to become a monkey bitch I can explain to you the quickest way to do it. But otherwise I don't wait around to figure out when I am going to drop your ass.

There truly is such a huge chasm of disconnect between me and females. When I say something it tends to be interpreted instead of what I said. There is so much attempt to read my tone, facial expression and more that what I am saying is missed and or ignored.  As the skrawny, self absorbed, talk to much white girl amber said last night, "I am stoic." Many times it is just a flat affect as I run the multitude of thought processes in my head. This is why I say ASK ME instead of assumption, female intuition or whatever else. 

Chocolate Doll's Birthday

Tomorrow is her birthday. And I think that it has been interesting that some conversations have come into being lately as this rolls up. 

I love and miss my wife. I am one of the few that doesn't hate marriage or says that they wouldn't do it again. I had a great marriage even with it's ups and downs. But as with most things that just makes me an anomaly.  And because of that deep connection it has inspired fear and in trepidation. 

I do not compare anyone to CD, nor do I look to copy what we had. That would be impossible. 

But, apparently because of my connection, love and all of her she is the measuring stick in a silent auction style relationship. It isn't. .When I have decided to love, be in love and just be with someone it has been because of them. Not the Chocolate Doll Checklist. Do I want a strong relationship like I had with CD? Umm, hell, fucking yeah!!!

She would have been 47 tomorrow. And I guess all this stuff that has been said, done and addressed lately is her A.S.S. fucking with me as usual. 

Enjoy your weekend. At least I had great fish and chips at the Joyce last night as I looked at myra's titties. 

Just a Quote For the Night

With everything going on I will just leave this quote here this evening as I write.

“Do not sleep under a roof. Carry no money or food. Go alone to places frightening to the common brand of men. Become a criminal of purpose. Be put in jail, and extricate yourself by your own wisdom.” ― Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings: Miyamoto Musashi

Weekend Reunion... The Aftermath

So I went to new jersey with the intention of going to weekend reunion slightly still. But after consideration and the actions of two so called dumbanants I decided handling business and taking of my own was more important.
I did want to meet a few people.

 But I am OK with that didn't happen. I wanted to observe and learn but not at the cost of possible chaos and drama. And after the Atlanta episode and the mess with the Florida imposter I was on alert anyway. But I didn't feel that I missed anything.

So I spent time with flower child. We had things to address and handle. And quality time was spent since we don't see each other often.

So about the trip. I don't know why people let their children run wild. They were running around the lobby and hotel the whole weekend. Between that and the family reunion and wedding people there was constant noise and activity. The yelling, screaming and arguing was more tan enough for me. And the chicks strolling around in pink robes saying bridesmaid on the backs. Smh

So back to reality. Parental units and life has me once again. I am dealing as usual. A lot to handle both vanilla and lifestyle wise.

I am seriously ready for change and a needed vacations.

On My way to New Jersey Drive

The last two weeks have been something else. There have been good times, revelations, unexpected realizations and hot mess.

Meeting lil red while she was on her vacation brought me to a lot of thinking. Between our discussions, time and things that happened during and around that time. This was the beginning of some serious thoughts.

The rift with flower child opened up and had to be addressed. And the last talk and evaluation that I need to have with my subs will be with her this weekend.

The weekend with little one went well and she opened up to a better place now and I am glad about that. She is progressing right along with things going on in her life. As she is supposed to be.

That brings me to this weekend...

This weekend reunion thing that I had no intentions on going to since it is just a play party. But when I saw they were going to have some form of education there I decided to go do that and observe. I am not a pick up play person really. I guess if someone interesting and I talked it might be a possibility but I am not sure at all about that.

My outlook on this event was solidified with the back door, little boy activities that happened with lil red's vacation and with the fool that contacted little one. For someone to not even be boy enough to speak to me about what is mine and you claim the lifestyle is beyond ridiculous. And the boy that claims he knows me while saying that I am not that experienced and maybe they should find someone more qualified like them. Well monkey if you were qualified you wouldn't disrespect an established relationship. So, with these things I took into account about being around the poc people will have to be seriously quarantined and I will keep my distance.

And I am not that happy about how this event seems to be run so far and i haven't even gotten there yet.

Even though there were a couple of people that I was interested in meeting at the event. I won't be going even though I will be right there. It is unfortunate that things are not up to par and that there are individuals that really dont shine an acceptable light on events. but that is reality.

So as I sit here at the Maryland house not really wanting to get back on the road and get on the nj turnpike I remain in contemplation.

Enjoy your weekend. I am sure that there will be more to present soon.