Happy Birthday Chocolate Doll...But Damn!

Another year today. Love and miss my A.S.S.

From episodes at the cheesecake factory in dulles to steak, lobster and shrimp inspired cooking for you. We had some adventures. Hell, you actually got me to celebrate my own damn birthday. Who would have thunk it! lol

And yes you are and evil ole ass for all this shit that has gone on lately. I guess that haunting thing is in effect. Damn, you! lol But all this stuff is not necessary right now.  Especially the est. stuff.

Oh, I had some fourth street deli for you. I did keep my promise. Yeah, yeah, yeah it was a few years late but it got done.

And now that the tattoo has been figured out courtesy my fellow gruntanese, old school scary biker Charlie I will work on finding someone to do that as soon as possible.  You would like Charlie. He is like an older white man version of me. lmao

No, I still haven't had your dress preserved. Even though I know you wanted to trash it. Keepsakes are necessary, thank you very much.


That smile
no wonder why
they called you the
Black Vanna White

That smile that melts steel
and disarms the Evil One
just one of your
super powers


You are in a better place that is for sure. With all this crap going on now I am glad I don't have to worry about you.

Hugs, Kisses and all my Love

-Team Titan Forever-


ASuperWoman and Chocolatezeus for Infinity

Anniversary, Not Fair and the Havoc Way

I hold the universe upon my shoulders as I hold the galaxies in my hands. I am the unorthodox, not what you think Black Man.

I have three beautiful submissives. Each wonderfully talented and dynamic in their individual rights. 

And obviously others see them and want them as I have heard about from them. Fake dumbinants. Fraudulent and messy little boys. The little boy want to fuck and have what is mine. I understand that little needs...that is why they are denied. 

Anyway.

I have heard the phrase used "it's not fair" repeatedly. It may be just a female thing or submissive thing or both. But when it comes to an hierarchy things are not fair. Things are designed to structure, strengthen, lead and support. Which are the principles I stick with.

On to the Havoc Way

I am chaos and change. The basis for ripping apart your heart, mind and soul. 

When I use the word love it is because I have let you into my exclusive universe. It isn't a general statement. It is a very elitist thing. And I understand that you want my love and all to be just like yours but it isn't. Here is where acceptance and understanding come. Where I have given love is because they were worthy enough to be there and join me at that status. There is such an obvious difference between those I love and those that I do not. Why not understand and relish in your elite status?

Interpretation doesn't work with me. Unless you have taken a class with Ru Ru then you are not going to get it right. And to be honest even she misses some things at times. And I know it is a way to try to be accommodating and predict, but it takes a lot of vulnerability for that and acceptance. 

I am a cold hearted, asshole, motherfucker from the pits of hell. But I am the Way. I am the balance. For all the evil side I hold. That blackness is balanced with what I have, feel and do with those that I love and care for. 

In Analysis

I don't understand female's competitive thinking when there is no competition and each one is loved, cared for and handled individually. 

If I give you access to my heart, then you have it to the level that you can handle. Just don't expect me to over extend myself when you are pulling up your drawbridges.

As cut and dry as I am. As black and white as I am. I stick with my relations because I am picky as Fuck! But that doesn't mean that I remove individuals for no reason and without any warning or possibility of them fixing the problem. So if you want to become a monkey bitch I can explain to you the quickest way to do it. But otherwise I don't wait around to figure out when I am going to drop your ass.

There truly is such a huge chasm of disconnect between me and females. When I say something it tends to be interpreted instead of what I said. There is so much attempt to read my tone, facial expression and more that what I am saying is missed and or ignored.  As the skrawny, self absorbed, talk to much white girl amber said last night, "I am stoic." Many times it is just a flat affect as I run the multitude of thought processes in my head. This is why I say ASK ME instead of assumption, female intuition or whatever else. 

Chocolate Doll's Birthday

Tomorrow is her birthday. And I think that it has been interesting that some conversations have come into being lately as this rolls up. 

I love and miss my wife. I am one of the few that doesn't hate marriage or says that they wouldn't do it again. I had a great marriage even with it's ups and downs. But as with most things that just makes me an anomaly.  And because of that deep connection it has inspired fear and in trepidation. 

I do not compare anyone to CD, nor do I look to copy what we had. That would be impossible. 

But, apparently because of my connection, love and all of her she is the measuring stick in a silent auction style relationship. It isn't. .When I have decided to love, be in love and just be with someone it has been because of them. Not the Chocolate Doll Checklist. Do I want a strong relationship like I had with CD? Umm, hell, fucking yeah!!!

She would have been 47 tomorrow. And I guess all this stuff that has been said, done and addressed lately is her A.S.S. fucking with me as usual. 

Enjoy your weekend. At least I had great fish and chips at the Joyce last night as I looked at myra's titties. 

Just a Quote For the Night

With everything going on I will just leave this quote here this evening as I write.

“Do not sleep under a roof. Carry no money or food. Go alone to places frightening to the common brand of men. Become a criminal of purpose. Be put in jail, and extricate yourself by your own wisdom.” ― Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings: Miyamoto Musashi

Weekend Reunion... The Aftermath

So I went to new jersey with the intention of going to weekend reunion slightly still. But after consideration and the actions of two so called dumbanants I decided handling business and taking of my own was more important.
I did want to meet a few people.

 But I am OK with that didn't happen. I wanted to observe and learn but not at the cost of possible chaos and drama. And after the Atlanta episode and the mess with the Florida imposter I was on alert anyway. But I didn't feel that I missed anything.

So I spent time with flower child. We had things to address and handle. And quality time was spent since we don't see each other often.

So about the trip. I don't know why people let their children run wild. They were running around the lobby and hotel the whole weekend. Between that and the family reunion and wedding people there was constant noise and activity. The yelling, screaming and arguing was more tan enough for me. And the chicks strolling around in pink robes saying bridesmaid on the backs. Smh

So back to reality. Parental units and life has me once again. I am dealing as usual. A lot to handle both vanilla and lifestyle wise.

I am seriously ready for change and a needed vacations.

On My way to New Jersey Drive

The last two weeks have been something else. There have been good times, revelations, unexpected realizations and hot mess.

Meeting lil red while she was on her vacation brought me to a lot of thinking. Between our discussions, time and things that happened during and around that time. This was the beginning of some serious thoughts.

The rift with flower child opened up and had to be addressed. And the last talk and evaluation that I need to have with my subs will be with her this weekend.

The weekend with little one went well and she opened up to a better place now and I am glad about that. She is progressing right along with things going on in her life. As she is supposed to be.

That brings me to this weekend...

This weekend reunion thing that I had no intentions on going to since it is just a play party. But when I saw they were going to have some form of education there I decided to go do that and observe. I am not a pick up play person really. I guess if someone interesting and I talked it might be a possibility but I am not sure at all about that.

My outlook on this event was solidified with the back door, little boy activities that happened with lil red's vacation and with the fool that contacted little one. For someone to not even be boy enough to speak to me about what is mine and you claim the lifestyle is beyond ridiculous. And the boy that claims he knows me while saying that I am not that experienced and maybe they should find someone more qualified like them. Well monkey if you were qualified you wouldn't disrespect an established relationship. So, with these things I took into account about being around the poc people will have to be seriously quarantined and I will keep my distance.

And I am not that happy about how this event seems to be run so far and i haven't even gotten there yet.

Even though there were a couple of people that I was interested in meeting at the event. I won't be going even though I will be right there. It is unfortunate that things are not up to par and that there are individuals that really dont shine an acceptable light on events. but that is reality.

So as I sit here at the Maryland house not really wanting to get back on the road and get on the nj turnpike I remain in contemplation.

Enjoy your weekend. I am sure that there will be more to present soon.

There and Back Again: A Moment in Insight and Poetry

Through conversation, introspection, analysis and experiences lately it was time to merely speak on me and where I am at currently.  It has been a long journey and there is a lot more to go.

My adventures in life and bdsm have flowed and grown. Not without issues, problems, solutions and successes. There are things that have changed and that will be changing as of this weekend even further. (growth and strength are good.)

By now you should know through reading this that I am not what you are use to. My army marches to it's own beat and retains it's own rules and principles. So I will put some things out there that have come up and or been asked.

Do I care?

Yes, I care about those that I have placed in one of my circles of having registered as being important to me. It can and has been questioned because I am direct by nature. Basically an advanced caveman with a huge sledgehammer. But I will ride with you for as long as you are able, ready and actively maintaining your position with me.

Is there love, loving and in love?

It is available if there is that connection, you want it and are able to give it fully in a way that is for me and you are available to it.
I can and will love you. But you are the deciding factor in the conditions, intensity and availabilty for any love at all.  I can be your Dominant, your associate or just the person that fucks and beats you once in a while and give you some love.

Why can't you work in the gray area?

My operational theater is at the ends of the spectrum. Yes, it is black and white. My principles will always be in effect and maintained. I am going to support, push, break and hold your hand into better and greater things. It is not always going to be fun. You are not always going to understand every aspect. It is a matter of trusting that the reality is that I am looking at you benefiting and moving forward.  That is my purpose for involvement for you.

So where have things led?

Even though I believe in marriage and being in love and happily ever after. Those things are not on the table until someone can accept, understand and be that role. So, it is in the vault in the buried fortress of silence under my soul.

My focus has been on making sure the person I date and my subs are happy and furthering their lives. But I am refocused more now on doing the things that I need to do to balance out things going on in my life that can have me properly in balance so I can maintain the dating and submissive relations then get my needs that I require met to my requirements in all ways.

My stress is down and where it should be. I no longer really allow myself to feel much at all anymore outside of my selected situations. My battlefront has changed so my campaign has taken a different direction to fight in.

My restructuring may and will disturb and remove some folks and that is on them. Time has passed on and there is no need to continue being stagnant, continue pipe dreams  or let obstacles deter me.


So the journey is going to be chaotic, not what you think and way out of left and right field at the same time. But I garauntee you it will be Dynamically Unique!

I will leave you with this...

There and Back Again

A Heart

Devoid

A Soul

Deferred

A Mind

Deterred

As I check this flat line

I find that the results are

The culmination of

Experience and time

Waiting

Has found me wanting more

Wondering the cause and effect of

Applications and paths I have

Chose

A heart full of passion and love

Turned carbonite cold

A future prominently proposed

Sterilized by carbon dating

The situation now

No longer at Defcon 4

But merely a

Search and Destroy

Attempts to pinpoint

Where it all began

Flow like lava through

Each cerebellum’s pore

Only leaving

Related situations

Expected role annihilation

Closed doors

Seems like I stood at this precipice

Before

Until I realize the ultimate differences

The pieces that are on the board

A soft chuckle

Escapes me as I realize

My future ideology

Is lying dead on the

Floor

In memorandum

For the things that I

Loved

Cherished

Wanted

Fought for

And more

Left

Like a cadaver

Upon life’s floor

Forever more

Forever more

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/27/16  ©

A weekend in the A

I went to handle some business and had a chance to see the person I date while she was on vacation. It definitely ended up a pivotal weekend in my thought processing and actions.

The heat of course was not my friend. The hotel staff was el hood and inefficient.  But made it through some how.

I hadn't seen the person I dated in a year, so it was way over due. Things were not the same as they use to be and I had no thoughts that they would be. Time changes things.

I learned about titles and roles in reference to being with me fully this weekend. Titles, roles and classifications hold little to no weight anymore.  I realized it was something that I held on to unfortunately and that was silly. The only thing is to take each moment for what it is at that moment and nothing else.

I had a chance to release some of my raging sadist. Meaning more than I would normally. I had a first in water sports. And there were some frank discussions and information over the weekend.

I dealt with ego in giving whoever you are with support to do their thing. Even when males and their egos and messy, fucked up lives do what they visit can to create mess and drama. What do I mean?

I mean so called doms trying to sneak diss, backdoor and be conniving.  It is enough that males do that in vanilla life but in the lifestyle it is an extra level of stupidity. But here it was. After I leave here they come trying their bullshit. Just because you want to fuck, play with and be with females thst are mine or are with me doesn't give you permission to violate who I am dating or my two submissives. But this indidual and some others have recently tested my patience in this. So now I don't need or want anyone that is not approved bothering the one I date or my subs. Kudos to you jack ass!

This weekend ooened my eyes further to why I do things my way and why there are further adjustments and changes.

So after a discussion with my date and two subs the next phase has been implemented.

Welcome to the Terrordome!!!

Countdown to an ATL Exit

I sat and smoked a cigar after working out and eating some egg outside the hotel.  As I watched the clouds of smoke billow, I reflected.  I looked at it all. And came to an understanding for myself.

The heat was definitely still in effect down here as well. It didn't seem as hot as it was back in the port city but hell hot is hot! I didn't get to see the brownskin velma. But oh well. This was just a chill and fact finding mision basically.

I have been asked about me being happy. It is a concept that is locked away somewhere I am sure. I am concerned about the comfort and happiness for my two subs and the one I am dating.  They should be happy.  That is simple.

Still laughing at the smoking hot chick yesterday until she turned around and i saw that thick ass mustache on her lip. WTF

Trip has been good. I got a chance to release 69 percent of my sadist thankfully. That was needed. And some time that hadn't been seen in a year.

So, as I drink my kraken I will get my writing and expression done shortly.

I am sure that you had a good weekend. Now make the week great as well.

Spoken Thoughts: Head on a Swivel

Head on a Swivel

I have to pray

Before I even leave out the door

That I will not run into or

Be accosted by

Hatred, evil and the law

My skin tone

Intelligence and all

Puts a bullseye

Upon my

Existence

Even though

My license and registration

Gun carrying

Regulations are

Legally obtained and kept

I am rolling legit

But that still doesn’t stop

A disgruntled person

Officer or not

To reserve my slab in the morgue

With their ill intent

Each day I spin the wheel

Pray it doesn’t land on that

I will never return type of

Deal

Always on the lookout

For black, white, Mexican and more

Blue lights flashing

Means be careful even more

Even though it is supposed to be

A comforting support

I don’t think every cop is

Ready to break the law

Shoot me full of holes

But with things lately

I cannot ignore

The black and blue

Coroner

Suspect DOA

Case closed

So I watch intently

The black cop who is trying to make

A name and recognition for themselves

Or the white one with a chip on his shoulder

And coming up gun unholstered

Should I be on guard?

No, but I don’t pretend that

Treachery is not out there

Each day showing me

Just how dangerous it is

To just be

Me

So

I will remain

Vigilant

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/17/16  ©

The Muse Speaks: Relational Effect

I hadn't put a poem up in a while and the muse has been active so here you go...

Relational Effect

We have

No past

No future

Even current movements

Are apparitions

If you look closely

Microscopically

Oh there love is

Still hanging there

Love and in love

Barely existing

A chuckle

A grin

No there is no

Beginning

Or

End

Does that mean

That there is

Nothing?

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/17/16  ©

Alone is My Home

I walk alone. Whether by myself or within a crowd. No fear in this situation or even the realization. Merely the way it is.

No, it hasn't always been this way. There have been a couple that I wasn't alone with. Chocolate Doll and Ru Ru had me not needing that.

Why yes, it is contrary to the fact that I do not let someone I like feel like or be alone. But this is not about being fair or equality.

Even when I get the comparisons to exes, people that others have known and the unknown I still keep rolling on. Alone.

What is my preference?
Well, it is not being alone. But I live in reality instead of a piper dream that is personally grown. Not being alone is great. It is the Great Connection, where you can be around someone else and just chill and it is great. Or be doing things together and enjoy it tremendously.

So, as I sit here looking at the distance between me and those in the outer circle. I see the ramifications and options. My feeling has flat lined. Empty ekg recordings.

I continue to walk talk. Gladly ready and able to smile at someone that can be next to me on this ride along. Taking away the concept of being alone.

I conclude with this smile. And don't be over there where you are being alone.

Business is Business (yes it is a rant)

In this day and age of racial, economic and intelligence profiling. One thing I am rather anal about is business.

This whole support black businesses, organizations and all is fine. All good.
Until...

Your fucking, service, product, event and business ends up being BULLSHIT! And you can call it being an uncle tom and or another bullshit you want. But if you are not providing a com probable and good product or service. Then I hope you need to file bankruptcy soon.

I don't give a damn if you are fucking african, a mex, a towel head or black. Provide quality product and services at a competitive price.

And these fees by the airlines, gubberment and huge corporations are beyond ridiculous. And then you make a mistake and tell me that of sorry we can fix that at the new rate since the rate has changed since I booked it. Really bitch! Really!

And if you tell me in your correspondence that the hotel will call you to schedule your reservation. Don't fucking charge the reservation and you haven't even contacted me.

Yeah black lives matter. The matter of fact need a better business acumen in a bunch of them.

*crushing the mic*

The DMV and flower child

I had a good time in the DMV with flower child. We hung out and chillled. I spent the time relaxing and everything.

Thursday we went to my favorite place to go The Air and Space museum at the smithsonian in Chantilly, Va. It is where I go to enjoy the pleasures of being a kid. Growing up wanting to be a pilot that bombed and shot people to their death as I flew over was one of the things I wanted to become. But here is where I go to be in aww of planes, weapons and history. As well as memories of some of the planes personally. I was plainly in my element and an enjoyable place.

Friday we did dcsails. We got on a schooner at the wharf in dc and went down the river and back again. Looking at the land from the water. Very nice adventure. And the entertainment was provided by the drunk females and lawyers that were also on the boat. Special shout out to the oriental little lawyer and the other skinny chick trying to hoist the main sail up. Pure comedy! There really wasn't any wind going on so we motored along. But I was thankful for the breeze we got from motoring along because it was hot.

We attended our first party together and played publicly for the first time together. Definitely an experience. I am not sure how long we played but it was good. Hell she got to play and little one got to play the weekend so they both should be happy.

Ate at a nice greek spot day one and I had a chance to enjoy my Maggianno's again. So good food was had. Plus enjoyed breakfast and happy hour at the hotel. The bartender definitely was personable.

Wasnt' happy about the cigar shops I wen to in bmore after flower child went to her littles event. Everyone had said it was a nice spot to go to and they barely had 20 boxes of cigars in their walk in humidor.

Even with all the heat and the traffic. A good time was had with plenty of adventure, thoughts and more.