Thursday, April 14, 2016

Poetic Moment: OUr Scorecard Reviewed

Our Scorecard Reviewed



Emotionless
I present to you
What wants and comforts you
The shell of design
The empty heart and mind

It is what you asked of me
What comforts you

Pristine disconnects
Engraved in what is best
Well, what is seen as best

As feelings remain at rest
Intimacy left only to
Superficial and momentary
Temporal effects

Neurons no longer connect
Long term memory
The only thing that remembers

Resemblences of times
Of intwined
Me and you

Then I squint my eyes
Wondering if there ever truly was
An emotional meeting
A feeling that was more than

Good times
Fucking and fleeting

Damn
Will I even remember you

You chose
I agreed with those
Counter balanced relation cues

The moment the music stopped
The heart turned cold
Love went from
Red hot to black and blue

Revealed
Relationship
Played out like an
Episode of Doom




From the chocolatezeus collection  4/14/16  ©

Poetry: Unclaimed Baggage

Unclaimed Baggage




In fleeting moments
You remember me
Claim I am the man you
Love and are dating

As we look into the
Distorted circus house of mirrors
Head turned to the side

Revealing
The disenfranchised
Relation that we are living

With limited access
Brokered feelings and affect

Seems like the delivery
The bond broken

Collapsed in your labyrinth
Is where we seem to be

Denizens of the fallacy
As we dance the clown dance
Of this balsa wood type
Relationship insanity


I agreed
So I am also at fault
In this thing

No emotions
No feeling
Just the

Emotionless
Lustful snippets
Of this prorated
Union

Passports collected
As TSA recheck
Fails to reveal
As we fight the

Feelings
Want and ideals

Unopen
Unwanted

We are left
Spinning around the
Carousel




From the chocolatezeus collection  4/14/16  ©

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Sometimes...

There are a few times I wish I had a woman to spend time with. Then I realize the truth and have to amend that to...I wish for a few times of interest and time spent a year at least.

But it is all good. Quality once in a blue moon is alright. Just time to adjust back even further to balance it all out.

lil red asked if I was happy. No, I am not. I am fine. I have returned to the armored Titan that I should have been instead of allowing feelings and emotions.

They are all comfortable in their places and happy and growing in whatever way they are looking at. I am glad for them. They are in places they weren't when they met me so they have plenty to feel good and happy about.

The Nemesis Enforcer has now been fully relinquished after this talk tonight.

Just the application of Doomsday Apocalypse meets Darkseid remains.

Such glorious things. Such glorious things.

Spec Ops time! Well, if you didn't realize it had already started. There is nothing else I can say.


*snicker*

Poetry of the Moment: Out of Time

Out of Time



I already know
Even though you say
You are mine

That it is merely
A spec of sand in the
Hourglass of time

As time is your
Alpha and omega
And you it’s pi and prime

I understand that
We are merely renting
Within only these moments in time

No future defined
Nothing to predetermine
Our currency
Is the current situation

Our relationship
Unparalleled algorithm
Disjointed and disfigured
Until absolution

Time
The ultimate winner

I hear the chants for a miracle
One of them is even mine
Then I sit back and recline

Just making the most
And the best
Out of this borrowed time

You and I
Integrated currently in our timeline
Until the time cop appears
And says

Out of time



From the chocolatezeus collection  4/12/16  ©

Time is a Flying

I talked to my Ru Ru. Back from her birthday celebration at the aries bash in atlanta. So, yes I got to enjoy her patented adventures. It is what I live for these days and like always. lol

So yeah the fucktastic adventures of life unscripted were revealed to me once again. And I enjoyed every minute of it. Of course I got the usual "I want to enjoy some adventures too" speech from her. But hey what can I say? My life is boring. All I had to tell her about was the dating mess and the stuff that the sister has said out the blue lately.

Gamma energy went off the charts a bit ago. So, yeah I am there in full ABM.

When people look and see my lack of interest, desire and all that. They feel some kind of way. But it's ok. It is merely adaptoid technology. When you are in the right place then it will adapt to what you bring to the table.

But anyway I had to realize when Ru was talking about she will be 40 next year. I was like damn, I have known her that damn long. The last major birthday I had with her was her epic 30th birthday. That right there was off the chain. One to add to the ultra history books of the Road Warriors: Life Unscripted adventure. So, I told her that I am celebrating with her no matter what. Even it means hanging out after and before her fuckfestival activities.  She said that it wasn't going to be like that. But I know better. Between her and red I know the fucktastic chicks personally.  Either way and epic 40th birthday for her will be made. And maybe this time I will find someone to roll with me and I get a chance to enjoy as well. *yeah right! gtfoh* No females are going to go be with me and be my play thing. oh well. I will be entertained.

I had them chuckling at the shop when I said that the girls said that I should get a girlfriend so they are not overwhelmed, thrown off and don't have to get even more emotionally protective. What can I say? I am a difficult, evil, motherfucking asshole.

Who knows. Maybe the whole project needs to be scrapped and I just say fuck it all!


Enjoy your tuesday. I am already drinking and ahead of you. So catch up or fall back. The choice is yours! Even though I pretty much know what you are going to do anyway. lol

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Singing Good Times, Good Times

Singing Good Times, Good Times




Laughter rings like church bells
Hearty laughs and silliness
Prevails

Discussions with Big T
About twin monkey bitch activities
Or the white guy belting out Motown tunes
And skinny dipping depravity
Mixed in with electric bull riding stuck in the corner
Absurdity

Rolling with Big Donnie
Stand up comedy routines
White woman with a lit cigarette, oxygen tank and drink
The original type of comedy

And what can I say
The episodes with my
Ru Ru
Are still cream of the crop things

Making the porn star man see
Blue moons, pink elephants and black stars
The bbw stripper
With the fake eyelash in the middle of her forehead
Then the guys she has fucked to sleep
Yeah Life Unscripted is just
PRICELESS

Can go on and on
But there are too many for
This damn poem

So laugh with me
Or laugh at it
Either the shit is still funny
Forever and on




From the chocolatezeus collection   4/10/16  ©

Coffee...No Filter

lol, yes this was inspired because I didn't put the filter in the coffee machine when I made the coffee. It fits this weeks recap.

My best friend, fellow Road Warrior and the constant in my life had her birthday Friday. Of course she is doing it Life Unscripted style and partying at the aries bash in Atlanta. Can't wait to hear about the adventures since I live through her. (she says it is unfair and my adventures are more than hers. Bullshit. lol) But damn, next year she will be 40. I can't believe it has been this long since that infamous 30th party. Whew! So next year we are going to have to do something that befits her. Well, I won't be at her fuckfest aspect of it unless I can go watch. But I plan on being there to help her celebrate.

Snoop and Doug E Fresh were here for our annual azalea festival. Everyone kept thinking there was going to be fighting and everything because Snoop is a rapper and everything. But as I told everyone he is from an older generation. My generation who have to work and handle responsibilities. I guess they thought I didn't want to go see him because of the possibility of gangs and violence. Nope, I just didn't want to be around that crowd down there in downtown. And sure enough the sheriff that was down there verified the same thing when the cigar shop owner asked him about the concert. I had to chuckle.

A discussion occurred about me finding a girlfriend. I ctfu of course. Hell, I tried that and it has been the ultimate in non fiction looking like fiction, kind of disaster. There just is not anyone out there that can handle, fit the bill or is available. I am ok with that. And I had to laugh even more to think that was even possible.

In a discussion about marriage and being married. I had to laugh again (apparently a theme this weekend and week).  I know most people have had bad marriages and rough ones. Divorces and separations and just the general attitude and actions of females will leave a real nasty taste in your mouth. But,, when I was asked if I would ever want to get married again. The shock was evident when I said yes. I loved marriage. But I am also a realist. I had a miracle then. And like lightning, the probability of it striking twice is near non existent. I never was bitter about marriage. Whether because of mine or the ones I have seen and experienced others having. I did it my way, like the song says and it was good.

Which brings me to a subject that has come up consistently in the week from people. The subject of "settling."  And, this subject is in the connotation of relationships with females.

I make decisions based on my pros, cons, evaluations and analysis. I am a realist. And even though I know what ultimately I would want and need. I also work in the realm of reality and adjust accordingly. Adapt, Overcome and Annihilate!!!  I can see why the concept of settling has come to their minds. Because I stated what I wanted. The marriage, the type of relation and where it was going. See, the thing is that that is all mine. In dealing with a human that doesn't mean they want, know or even feel anything like that.  And at that point I choose what I want to do. What benefits to nothing ratio is in play there. Are there any possibilities? Is it worth anything? Or should I excommunicate and just stick to my Build A Bitch program?  In the beginning I was gung ho about what I needed. Every aspect. I wanted what I had previously in a different woman with a different experience. And somewhere buried underneath 5 vaults it remains. But the thinking and analytical mean remains. And understands the gravity of the situation of life. And therefore adaptation and situational awareness along with tactical thinking will remain the life blood of my existence.

The subject of being a Dominant.

Everyone thinks it's easy. It's about fucking and replacing pussy and bitches. It really isn't. It is about helping, supporting and leading growth, better living and achievements for your submissives. And you best believe it is not a cake walk. You have subs that want to grow. You have subs that you have to enter the labyrinth of the Minotaur to get them to open up. Subs that fight you to be submissive to you even though they want to fully.  It is not all bad and negative either. They are plenty of times I am happy of and with them. Times when I am proud of them of their achievements and accomplishments.

Oh, and that whole it's all one dick and a bunch of pussy thought? Yeah well they all have someone and or someone else's so yeah I dont' get that either. I am just doing my job.

So that fame, glitter and ticker tape parade. It is not the thing. It is not even relevant to this position or lifestyle. On my side of the slash I think and maintain the outlook and responsibilities. Even against their push back, denial and stubbornness.

I just remain...

Other than that. I am looking forward to making some plans to leave the country and celebrate my birthday this year. So, if you have some ideas and recommendations then let me know. I got my eye on Amsterdam since lil red had all the fun last year. I am thinking about doing that. But I also know Jamaica and the Dominican republic is calling me.  Either way, I am finding a trip or hopefully two out of here. The air force brat bug is screaming. Plus, getting back on the road again soon. It is time to make moves, move on and disappear.

Well, there goes the comedy, the reality and this thing called Life Unscripted. All straight, dark, strong coffee. No filter and no cream. I am too sweet not to have sugar though as I beat you with some bamboo. *evil laughter*





Our Contorted Meaning



I hold you closely
Even when you

Can’t understand and see
You feel nothing
You buck against me

I don’t have every answer
No Professor X precognition

Yet, I hold reverence
In what we have chosen together

I look past
The apathetic, ambivalence
The emotional and mental defiance

I see the results
The attainment that can be
The culmination that we seek

No blueprint
No crystal ball

Simply
Will and determination
Dedication

The desire for us
This relationship

I will simply continue
To just
Be



From the chocolatezeus collection   4/10/16  ©

Friday, April 08, 2016

Dedicated to my lil red

This is what the males and females feel dealing with lil red. I had to chuckle as I listened and looked at the lyrics and it fit superbly. Even had the red dress and all.

The Black Widow

lmao


Poetry Button Up: It's Time or Battle

Button Up It’s Time for Battle



The metal thud
Followed by the mechanical clicks
Locked in

Now I am locked and loaded
Protected from
Emotions and feelings

The boom, boom, boom
Of heavy duty 300mm barrel
The nonstop sounds of the machine guns

My heart is solid
So loving
Yet encased in vibranium

No how
No way
You will get me with
Another end run on me

I am Ashford and Simpson’s
Solid
Solid as a
Frozen, petrified, asteroid planetary rock

No more feelings
Is what I got
Pockets full of
Empty emotional content

As the battle rages
The memories of my heart
Available in triage
Steels me for one more eternity

I see
Understand and feel

Love
Heart
Soul

Rolling over dead
Hearts and souls
Crushed beneath me
My grin and smile glows

I can’t stop
Won’t stop
Until I have destroyed all enemies

And love and my heart
Can rejoice freely
Free to be the loving entity
Free to once again be a
Super Nova

Instead
I just battle on



From the chocolatezeus collection   4/8/16  ©

Thursday, April 07, 2016

A Look at the Decisions

I took a hard look at the decisions today concerning human interaction. I got a nice reminder today of making sure to play the long and short game of this on going battle.

My prediction was true and correct. Another mistake on top of the mistakes was made. And I capitulated in it's creation unfortunately.

I allowed something to escape from my internal prison again. And of course there will be even more prices from this to be paid.

Lessons of realized ignorant stupidity.

Yeah, you got me.

Time to regroup, dig deep and bring out the scorched earth reality.


Thank again for another reminder in reality. And why I am and have to be more of who and what I am.

Tuesday, April 05, 2016

Poetic Expression: Intimate a Peril

This idea and concept popped in my head with the billions of other things as usual. and I was actually able to get this one out of my head in time before it died under the information rubble. I liked the thought when it came up but I am not sure if it came out as well as I felt it should.


Intimate a Peril



In your bra and panties
Your camisole and baby doll
Even your g string and
Thong, tha thong, thong thong

You have your armor fully on
Buttressed in more than a
Shaper or corset
You wear your Bismarck style
Fortress always
From dusk past dawn

As you sing and hear
Me ‘Shell Ndegéocello and India Arie
Sing about hair and being yourself naturally
The prominence in the word and meaning of
Natural and naturally
Evade you craftily

No evasion
Just your Dale Earnhardt impersonation
Of the fast and furious
Leaving behind
Invulnerability

Replaced with
Things that are fleeting
You continue to drive in circles
Clamped to this dream

Know me
Be with me
Stay away
Get away from me

The see saw moods swing
As intimacy lies on the whims
Of this Sybil style
Creatine mix

Tailor made
Blueprint and mold
One of a kind

Your wear it well

Inability
Fear of vulnerability
Long distance feeling

This intimate a peril
Sells so well
It is always coming off the shelves



From the chocolatezeus collection  4/5/16  ©

Monday, April 04, 2016

I Understand that You Have No Clue

Here it is Monday the 4th. A weekend that definitely held keys, turning points, surprises and culminations.

I am thankful for those that showed interest, sought to help and support me and those that did nothing at all concerning the anniversary of my wife's death.

It is understandable that people were concerned that I would be emotional and feeling things. That is what they do. For myself I was fine. It was a time for me to remember the good times and understand what the deal is right now. And that is what I did.

Friday was the departure of Monroe from the cigar shop so that held some significance. It was a bartender leaving Cheers.

Saturday was the changes in things with lil red, little one and the flower child. Things were said and I made my decisions as usual. I know the obvious results and reasons for the external things now. The differences between relationship, relation, dynamic and D/s relation were defined fully.

Yesterday was the day of drinking and more drinking and some eating. Oh and counseling and consoling on top of that. lol

Rick, Rich and Myra said I didn't need to be home yesterday because of the anniversary. But as I explained I was fine. But, they insisted. And I decided to go and try Rick's favorite restaraunt RX. The shrimp and grits were good. Which is rather shocking. Most of the time it isn't good. But it was very well balanced. So just like Rick has always bragged it was good. That and my bourbon and ginger beer drink and whatever else was in it was really good. So from there we head to Rick and his wife's house for more drinks and cigars and music out on the balcony.

But the day didn't stop there. Rich and I headed to Myra's for more drinking and smoking. And here is where they felt that I should be crying with them about things. Rich losing his wife and everything. Myra and everything that has been going on with her. I had no need to cry or be sad or anything else. So I merely talked to them and supported them as I kept drinking and smoking.

So, people may think that I was feeling this or that. Or holding things in. I am fine. I have been fine for a long time. I am proud and happy to have met, married, loved and been loved by a woman.  lol she spoiled me into the idea that women like her were out there. With her stankin ass!! lol

There will be some more things said and some poetry expressed here and in other places. But I am going to drink this drink and eat some lunch.

until then.

Just be You!

Sunday, April 03, 2016

The Bell Tolls in Memory of My Chocolate Doll

It was about this time on this night five years ago I was trying to revive my wife there on the floor next to our bed in our apartment. The time where the paramedics worked on her for an hour.

I sat in the living room stunned and quiet. So deep in shock that I looked at myself from the outside and the inside at the same time. Observing.

I can still laugh to this day about how she died. In the only way fitted for the one with the name Superwoman. She had two massive orgasms which caused her to die. Going and cumming at the same time. That was the way of my wife. The oxymoron.

There were some rough, crushing days of tears, pain and disbelief.

After a day of work, ice cream, burgers and fries and great dick riding sex. Never would have thought my wife would end up dead.

I am not crying right now. I miss when things made sense. When I had that miraculous solution to everything in life and nothing could change that.

I had waited and found the answer after a long battle and struggle. And to have it taken from me in a mere slow motion moment. Yeah, rather devastating.

And the aftermath! I was ruined for eternity with such a good thing apparently. I use to seek that same powerful woman to be with. Then I realized the reality.

Lightning had already struck. My miracle used up.

But hey Chocolate Doll. As you play guardian angel and haunting diety at times. Just as you told me. I wouldn't take back a moment of time spent with you. All the things that showed womanhood, marriage, love and relationship were more than possibilities.

I miss you baby. and I always will

My Chocolate Doll