Poetic Memories: Cecidit in Memoris

Cecidit in Memoris

Two tears flow

Like the river Styx

As the stygian witches

Upon the shore

Wax poetic and sing

Hymns of eternity’s existence

She stands as my guardian angel

While haunting in pure devilment

Her promise before death

Kept

The floods of memories

That not even Noah can save me

From drowning in at times

Spill inexplicably

Through it all

I know what is lost to me

The grail that I had previously

My journey since

A question mark upon

Existing

Still I hold true to

What I promised before that fateful day

To continue on this journey

To live life fully

Just to be

Sitting upon this burning throne

Laced with damnating mercury

Soullessly I peer into the deep

Looking for the answers to

Manifest destiny

All I can say is that

Would have

Should have

Could have been

The battles rage

The carnage never ends

As I remain

One of the last of the two

Titans

From the chocolatezeus collection  4/2/16  ©

Cascading in an Emotionless Void

I am tickled that basically my emotions have become non existent. .Save for one person and one family member it is kind of like those rooms are dark and there are only two rooms with lights on in the house.

Rick, Myra and Rich are trying to get me to go to RX with them tomorrow. Since it is the 5th anniversary of my wife dying. And I feel it. I am not crippled by it or anything. I am not crying and weeping all over the place. I am reflective and my tolerance meter is on hairline infraction currently. But hey that is most of the time anyway with humans so that doesn't count.

I need to fuck the whole day to celebrate the anniversary but as usual that is not an option tomorrow. No marathon fucking or pain inflicting session.

Tomorrow will be a day to reflect, smoke, drink and eat.

oh, and avoid any contact with the parental units

The Beginning of an Emotional Weekend

It is strange. How life really connects the dots some times.

I have been going to my cigar shop for about 3 years now. And if you read any posts that I have mentioned the cigar shop life. It is like the show Cheers (look it up if you are too young to remember lol.)

So today is Monroe's last day at the shop. He is elderly and he has been a mainstay working at the shop for a long time. Well before I ever showed up in Wilmington. And he doesn't want to go but his health is not allowing him to continue working. That last fall where I had to help him get up was the nail in the coffin unfortunately. I helped them decorate a bit yesterday at the shop in preparation. It is just weird that it is happening after laughing and talking to Monroe about customers, wackadoodles, Myra's crazy episodes and more. And after today that is done.

Add to that the anniversary is Sunday. And for whatever reason I am feeling it. Things are just impacting me and I have to armor up but I don't feel like it. For whatever reason it has hit home this time more than it has in 3 years of the last 5 years.

Today is a cloudy cascade of memories and emotions.

Another Day in Life Unscripted

It has been some rough times lately. And some of them are still going on. But, hey things are what they are.

Laughter with Charlie the old school biker were on deck as usual. Always entertaining and exhilerating to sit up there and converse. That silent understanding of bad men makes it a stellar adventure.

My sadistic meter has gone beyond it's limit so when I can finally release it then I feel sorry for the subject. Nah, I don't feel sorry I am going to be ecstatic. I can't for that day. But I will have to.

I have been getting some eye candy and needed activities which definitely makes me happier and I get some satisfaction. I love the visual, mental and carnal activities.  Feed me and things will be good and I will keep interest. So yaayy me!

My Ru is fine after her surgery. Plans have been interrupted and redone.  I am glad about that.

Rich and Myra are doing better. They need it with everything they have been going on.

So things are going on and I am still around as the Undead Titan.

Hope you are doing well and seizing life.

I will continue the crazy adventures and my outlook on life the next time.

Till then enjoy.

Poetic Expression: Defectum Animi

Defectum Animi

Closed casket

No eulogy

Only the aftermath of what was

Or was it ever you ask yourself

The lightsaber that pierced your heart in love

Now the coldness of space in each of your atoms

The effect

You were scared of happening

The moment where memories fade

And your relevance dissipates

Fate

Action and inaction

Reaction

Led to this

But it is what is best for business

What you expect and need

To feel wanted and accepted

So I gift you

This nocturnal side of me

Where we believe the truth of

Excommunication

To be self evident

The purest love and passion

Now the iceberg that sunk the

Titanic

My heart remains

Honored and reverent

Only to the importance of my

Reverence

So I gift you this

Disconnect

This turned off

Switch

The coldness of the Arctic Circle

Cascading in orbit

The gift of

The release from

My emotional connection

From the chocolatezeus collection  3/27/16  ©

Poetic Eroticism: Coiled to Strike

Coiled to Strike

I can no longer remember

The sound of each impact upon your flesh

The contortion and twist of each

Plain infliction

I don’t remember you

With each moment passed

The funeral pyre grows higher

And your sacrifice to me

A deeper offering in

Pain, torture and submission

I don’t remember you

Sting and thud of floggers

The brutality of bamboo and cane

Slaps, cracks and thunder claps

As I choke even your last breath

Among tittie and nipple

Twists, pulls and slaps

I don’t remember you

Time for you to speak

For me to etch this suffering

Upon you and your flesh

My easel and canvas

I don’t remember you

Until your pain comes from the well of insanity

As I relish in each whelp, bruise and scar made

I fist you so deeply

Your cells scream my name

You will remember me

And remember the penalty you have to pay

For making me wait

From the chocolatezeus collection  3/27/16  ©

They Call Me...RETURN TO SENDER

I had a damn time laughing at Ru last night. We discussed things going on and issues and our positions. And then we talked about my adventures together back in Houston. And then I realized it translated to another relation I had.

Why do they call me Return to Sender?

Well, it is because females have a hard tine dealing with me. And they tend to fight, take flight or try to give me off to someone. lol And giving me off to someone is where this conversation was at.

Ru and I met through me dating the retarded monkey bitch in houston. When me and the bitch were swinging I met Ru. And when the monkey bitch started acting crazy and shady she started putting me off on Ru. Telling her to take me with her or asking her to come get me. I guess she thought she was doing something to me. Silly monkey bitch, your tricks are for idiots! Ru and I became close and had a great time.

Ru and I had such a great time that we became close. That is why we are Road Warriors now. Best example of this was when the retarded monkey bitch had Ru come get me so she could violate her rules. And Ru and I hit the swing party and had a damn good time. And that night ran into the next day. Where we ended up partying at people's house until late that day. I didn't come back until that sunday evening. And the retarded monkey bitch was in her feelings and wondering where we had been. lmao

But let me drop another example.

When I was dating the thieving monkey bitch she got in her attitude and would send me off to hang out with shortcakes. Putting me off on her. Only to manufacture a wonderful relationship between shortcakes and I. Plenty of adventures and great times.

So...

These two showed that they needed to give me to someone else so they can have a break, do whatever and all that. lol As Ru said, I would get dropped off to other females with a nice red bow around my neck. lol

Yeah, that;s my Ruthie!

And yes females really do have them issues with me and be ready to send me off and then react crazy afterwards.

So enjoy your night and entertainment. lol

The Final Destination is Yours

I had some great banana pancakes ala foster made for me. And damn, I am in love with them now. What is banana pancakes ala foster. Well bananas obviously and then had a reduction of walnuts, bananas and brown sugar on top of them. Scrumptious!! I didn't even have to think about syrup for once. All smiles.

I got my first custom flogger and I am happy as hell. Ready to put it to major disaster use! The red and black one pictured in my "ingredients for a good time pic" below.

Ok, putting the armored train back on it's track.

Conversations lately have been on what I will called the "final destination situation." This is knowing the destination before you get there. Or the possibility or ability to get to the destination.

In my case this has been about telling someone what I want with them and where I see it going. That would be the final destination.  But as I found out through discussion with lil red. There is a disconnect there because someone can hear me tell them I want them to be wifey and then feel that they don't have to work for it. That there is no challenge at all.

Well, that is very far from the truth. That flip the switch to off style comes about when there is no more interest in and or effort from females.

I can tell you how deeply I love you and you are the one for me. But if you as the recipient of that don't want to make the effort and do the things to keep the interest and the connection then all my love, affection and wants means absolutely nothing!

Part of keeping me are the things like:

• keeping me lusting and desiring you
• quality time
• attention

These are a few of the obvious things. But then you have the complex/simplicity things. The mental aspects of the equation. Where you have intriguing and thought provoking discussions with me. Where you gain knowledge of and are knowledgeable about me.  It is like putting mortar between cinder blocks. The blocks by themselves are strong and will be there until something strong comes by and knocks them over. The mortar between the bricks make them able to withstand the storms of life.

I know there is the generalization that if you fuck and feed a man you got him. But even us Cavemen need more than that for things to last more than a month or two. I have a dick, I am very visually stimulated. But if you want to be remembered or be with me then you have to appeal to the mental aspects. 

There's the key. You have to choose to use it. 

Hmm, I think I want some ice cream now since there are no donuts here to go with it. 

Until the next episode...Keep their heads ringing!

A Morning Chuckle

With the way the week has been. I really needed this chuckle this morning.

still laughing

Boba Fett... He can even look badass when dancing󾌴I need to play this game though.
Posted by EverythingGaming on Thursday, March 10, 2016

 https://www.facebook.com/GamingNews0100/videos/558889887622237/

Templar Life Unscripted

"The erosion of principles is not an immediate process but a slow creeping beast."
unknown


Pauperes commilitones Christi Templique Salomonici, Latin for the Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon. Aka the Knights Templar. Warrior priests with upheld vows, who most notably fought in the Crusades for the Holy Land in history. Each dedicated to serve and protect others as well as uphold their principles.

Why do I give this history style beginning? Because I was watching the movie Ironclad. Where a templar returns from the Holy Lands to end up being denounced with the rest of his order by the pope and the church. It is a test of the templar's life, faith and reality.

Principles of the Warrior Priest

Stoic

Doesn’t mean that I do not feel

In truth I feel too much

But all things must be organized

Placed accordingly

Each conflict and disagreement

Many times met in silence

Others in voiced catharsis

My purpose

To be the one you pray to

When you need comfort and protection

The escape from your daily life of sublevel involvement

As you balk at my

Position, thoughts and principles

Whisper and scream the differences

My principles, thoughts and feelings

Remain

Strengthened even

Against the storms that you bring

Coated and covered in blood

Weary from each assault by you and them

I continue to stand

To be the chapel and priest that you need

Even when only your

Hatred

Disconnect

Fight

Is against me

I am

Always will be

My duty

My honor

And my principles

Even when you have chosen

To come against me

Permanently

From the chocolatezeus collection  3/15/16  ©

So, with my analytical self I found things that spoke to me and my journey. In essence who and what I am. 

When I say there is a light and dark side of the force in me. Believe me it is seriously like that. When lil red talks about I don't believe in a gray area. Personally for myself there isn't one. I understand that there is for others, but not for me. My evil combats my nice each and every second of the day. 

Like the templar I do what is right and commit the attrocities that others won't and cant because it must be done. 

Let's translate this to D/s and relationships.

Being Dominant is not skipping down the yellow brick road. It is constant attention to details and possible readjustment. It is accepting that everything cannot be predicted necessarily. But it is also creating a dynamic where the base is sound enough to weather the changes and chaos.

I will be your shelter, your creator of the infliction of pain and comforter. I am weird, difficult and not what you are use to. 

As you challenge me about every single thing or just one or two things. Remember! Remember, what I said from the beginning. How I am and remain. What I want, need and require. Look at things currently.

HAS THAT CHANGED?

What I want.

My principles.

Who I want and their position in my life.

The answers are obvious. I remain me. My principles, goals and desires remain cemented in place. 

STABILITY

Can you say the same thing? Can you accept reality?

Not to worry, I won't change. I am a constant. Chaos will continue to reign.

So just...

Cry Havoc!!!!!!

This Is Not a Cake Walk...So No Free Passes

I speak my mind, my wants, needs and desires. Yet, that doesn't mean that when it comes to being involved with a female that it will be simple.

This stems from communication with little red and her feeling that there really is no need to work to be with me once I have informed a female of what I want with her and her position. It is also Ru and i have discussed in our Live's Unscripted experiences.

I will tell you the simple facts. That feeling and outlook is far from the truth.

My words and actions will tell you how I care, love, want and need you. But if you are not keeping my interest, lust, passion and desire fed. Then your presence will begin to wane quickly and then dissapate into the ether.

We can have the best sex and scenes ever together. You can be the one that is very similar to the things I need for my extreme fuckery, sadism and insanity.  Being my comfort, source of pleasure and passion and bubble from the rest of the world.

But if you can't hold the things that help me even remember any connection to you then all of those things fall null and void.

Examples you say? Alright, alright, alright.


Make an effort, show interest and take some innitiative about spending time, seeing or communicating with me.

I am a superhorny and sadistic motherfucker. Reminders that stimulate my constant increasing craving helps keep a flame lit. Feed my lust and things will be better. And...it saves the humans!! lol

Communicate, communicate, fucking communicate! And this is not about quantity, this is about quality. If we have an actual relation then step from behind your Rochester castle walls and let's meet to know and meet each other. 

These things are not hard and they are not easy when it comes to me. It means that you have to feed my needs.

• Be my unbridled personal porn star whore in person and not
• A woman that I can take to events with the money makers and be proud
• Be able to melt my ice cold heart and soul then appreciate it frozen
• Understand how compartmentalized I am but that your place in my existence is the most important thing
• My love is the mirror image of my disconnection and apathy. Strong and intense.
• Your position in my life and effective use of it will make my human reactions better for them.  (Reagan era trickle down economics here.)
• Engage me on the intellectual, creative and humor categories. Keeping me there often is a big plus. lol

I am a modern day Caveman. We are a bit more sophisticated and refined now!  *patting my black club and laughing*

So in closing. I am easy to disconnect and compartmentalize relations. I have a high standard when it comes to my relations. I will give a lot to those that can be at and maintain that level. What level you are at with me is based on what you have chosen. Not me. 

I laid out the blueprint and the plan. You will still have to work for it. Regardless of how society, past experiences and everything else makes you think. 

I am Zeus! Meaning something to and being with me is what you have to work for! Even when the door is wide open and I beckon you to come in and be part of this debauchery and intense dynamic.

Well, warp factor 10 to you. And may your day be filled with knowledge, entertainment and adventure. 

The Smile of Apocalypse

The chuckles have happened for a moment now. When you are shown and verify then there are no questions. Today provided the things that needed to be said, done and notated.

Another talk with Ru and my dose of entertainment of course was needed to have those simple old school moments. What is left of them. Also reinforces why there is an inner sanctum and then there are those that choose to sit outside for whatever reasons they come up with themselves. As I notate in the journal I chuckle even more at the outstanding choice in a deficit of thinking.

I am still off of the high of the information from the educational last night. And then I can look and see what we discussed last night and how it applies. And the available outcomes are as were predicted.

I am watching the black arrows rain down upon me. And all I can do is laugh as they attempt to destroy me. For they have no clue the wonders of the darkness bring me.

lol Knowledge is power. And using knowledge and power equals making personal progress.


I know I said I was going to finish the other post. But I have a lot to write in the journal and in the poetry file. So I will make it up to you later.

Start your week off wonderfully.

Life Unscripted...The Lead and Deal with it Week Recap

Well now that I am done with eating a stuffed pork chop, bacon and some eggs. I am ready to write a little something for now.

It has been a very hard hitting, interesting, annoying and good week. lol

Had the parental spike in issue at the beginning. Dealings with relations. Got good news and that definitely helped me make some decisions. And then there was yesterday...

Yesterday I was in a good mood still. I get to the shop and the guy whose wife died last year that I talk to was there. And damn, he was upset because he had to put his old dog down at the vet. The dog was that last vestige of what was part of his wife that was living and breathing since it was her dog. And the dog was old as hell anyway. But I understood and felt him. As he remembered at times and would laugh and the tears come out I totally understood. So, I expressed my support and understanding in the man way. We laughed and talked about things. He smoked 3 cigars which is a lot for him while at the shop. But it was for coping and not going to the house. He didn't need another hit like that. But I remain supportive and everything. He is good people.

Oh and yesterday the UNC tv were filming in the shop. So I am apparently going to be on tv again. I guess I better get my autograph signing practice going. lol The lady directing was from england and been in raleigh for decades and still hasn't lost her accent. But Tim broke a bunch of historical stuff down as they interviewed him. After all the shop is a tobacco museum as well. There is so much in there and so much history.

Last night I attended an educational in jacksonville. It was a great educational. Mister Emm presented a direct and well thought out processing of Effective Discipline in D/s Dynamics. It was about discipline, relations as well as motivations and connections. I had great dialogue with him about some things and asked questions. I am thankful that I decided to go.

Oh and Friday I went to Tastee Thai. A very nice restaurant. Merle and Rich from the shop were there and we hung out and ate. Merle is still trying to get Rich to go to thailand next year for a couple of months. Merle must forget most are not as rich as he is. smh  I had some thai sausage that was very little pork with a lot of vegetables in it. It was called Chang Mai sausage. (I a sure the spelling is probably off) It was very close to vegetarian so I had angst. I had the drunken noodle which was excellent and seasoned nicely. I could have gone up at least one more level on the spicy side though.

hell, I got to continue this later.

Until then  BE WELL!!