Happiness Is

I was asked what makes me happy.

And I ran down the list of things. From traveling to movies and all in between. But when I say being with the people that I enjoy, care about even love there was that click sound of the disconnect button.

Yes, part of my happiness is when those I actually want and allow in my life spend time, interact and want to make me happy. It is not a constant thing or something that is overused. But it is a simple way of life in a relationship with me. And it is something that many people don't understand or have an aversion to.

I love to be able to laugh, talk, fuck and get pics from them. The different types of interactions show interest, acknowledgement of the relation and desire to interact happily with me.

Of course this is against my introverted, evil ABM personality. But this is the core and basis behind having an personal relationship with me.

And when these things are lacking or not happening. Then according to the scale I adjust myself accordingly. Stepping backwards towards the non relation factor.

I always enjoy and want to be happy. And that is strengthened by those that make me happy. Not dependent on.

So as the song says

Don't Worry Be Happy!!!

The Matter of D/s...Know Your Role

A D/s relationship is when one consents to not be equal and serve another. It is hierarchy that one chooses to enter.

sub·mit

səbˈmit/

verb

1. 1.

   accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person.
2. 
   

This basic principle is how things should go. But naturally most are not able or want to fulfill and be in the submissive role. This is due to teachings, experiences and feelings. The struggle against authority.

I have found those that say that they want to be submissive and will fight against, deny and omit to the service and role of being a submissive.

Now this does not mean that the Dominant has no responsibilities and duties to maintain, manage and act upon this hierarchy.

Through my experience I have seen this occur in so many forms. As a Dominant I have had to establish the destination, the rules and regulations along with understanding and adaptation.  I didn't just know all the answers from the beginning and nor do I have all the answers to future questions. But I have the basis and have grown from them, while continuing to learn and grow. I have always led, protected and counseled. Now, I am just more invested.

The answer is finding the proper combination to the lock.

Topping From the Bottom and All About You

There definitely is a connection with females whether is it vanilla or in a lifestyle. The ones that want, need and are use to getting their way will continue to attempt to do so. Making sure to get their way in any shape, form or fashion.

So, I made some mistakes. I did not put everything in words, on stone tablets and in braille for things to be completely understood and things not claimed to never be heard or seen. Everything big and small needs to be slapped in the face straight from the beginning.

When there are the talks where there are attempts to manipulate and the actions facilitate even more selfish behavior.

But this merely reinforced the Caveman initiative. I stepped away from it in my old age and stuff lately. Now it is time to solidify and magnify.

I know that I am knew. And I have allowed for leeway and understanding because of life's activities. But, I am not the puppet at all. I am the puppet master.

Continuing this journey in D/s relations. Warp Factor 8.

Close In Support

I was watching a video on the conflict with the air force and congress about the use and extension of service for the A-10 Warthog. A plane that has flown since the 1980s at least. Armored, merciless and dedicated. It keeps our ground troops safe from the enemy real closely.

So where does this apply? Glad you thought you asked. lol

In my black and white scheme of things. I will exhibit, show and give emotions and emotional content. Or I won't have any emotions at all. Not even the so called human being ones. After all I am not human anyway.

Emotions are filled with fear, unknown, hurt, pain and joy. So many variables that scare people so much they have to avoid, detest or fight them tooth and nail. There are always a million things said negatively about emotions and how they are dangerous, will destroy you, not logical and only cause pain.

I see you and that side eye bullshit. But he said that "he either allows emotions or not." I appreciate you paying attention. Thank you. Emotions are not for every situation. Nor are every emotion the right fit for times an situations.

I am clear with my emotions. You are in one of my personal circles then you get that aspect or level of emotion. Well, until you change that or create a need to be downgraded. Then you can get less emotional content and even absolutely none.

Examples you say?  I got married after one year to a wonderful woman because of the emotional attachment and that "You Are The One" feeling. This type of emotion was something I did not understand then at all and considering my utter hatred and disdain for emotion back then made for this to be devastating. I fought it tooth and nail but reality set in. I was emotionally connected. Not only with my wife, but myself in a way I hadn't before or accepted. So when it happened again years later with lil red I was shocked but I understood it. Even though me telling her what I want, saw, felt and our goal up front caused every last doomsday apocalypse defense to come up and things to be disconnected.

See, I have always been the counselor, confidant, sin eater and protector in many shapes and forms. From physically to the mental battle with the ultra logical lil red. It is the adaptation of each that shows merit and worth. It is those things that create thoughts, feelings and questions. It is a control and a grounding at the same time.

In D/s this is where the connection lies. When I challenge, show and express things that create a link mentally and in thought. Where daily issues and plans are discussed and figured out. It is not always flagrantly obvious. But look at the changes that have occurred. Look at how long this has lasted when I was nowhere near your typical norm.  Your needs mentally, physically or emotionally will not be the same as anyone else. But this is why our dynamic is tailor made to each individual.

So let me grab my red lightsaber so I can prepare for battle once again. Ok, I never stopped battling, but I did take a vodka, everclear, tequila, rum break.  Have a good day. Don't be scared of the emotion and feeling things. Embrace, learn and grow. It is the only way to evolve fully.

I will leave you with some poetry on this long ass post. lmao

Your Ground Support

Havoc

Zeus

Apocalypse

Monikers of change

Nicknames and realities of

All of me

But here is the kicker

The thing that causes

Malcontent resentment

My presence

Even in absence

Has changed your normalcy

Those emotions you battle with

Hate feeling

The conflict of logic to

Emotionally attaching

That’s me

My mind, soul and emotions

Invoking Dominance

Upon you

Your mind running 4 million mph

I am that turbo injection

That will either make it run faster

With my abstract mental effect

Or slower with

A what the fuck moment

That’s me

My mind, soul and emotions

Invoking Dominance

Upon you

My slap to your face

With my direct Zeus style

Eloquence and taste

With simple Caveman ways

Leaves you changed

Thinking

That’s me

My mind, soul and emotions

Invoking Dominance

Upon you

These things and more

Are parts of your support

To create that safety net and availability

For you to

Accept

Soar

Explore

As you feel

Hear

The beating of the drums of

Your heart, mind and soul

Remember

Grounded

My infliction of napalm upon your fire

My destruction of your world

Opened your world

Mission control

This is ground support

I am on the job

From the chocolatezeus collection  3/7/16  ©

The Unsolvable Formulaic Relationship Equation

Seems like the hot topic has been relations. Both mono and poly. And I have no problem giving my position and application.

All relationships, no matter the dynamic are formulas that you have to choose what you plug in to it. The big part is there is never an actual solution so it is a science, math and physics geeks dream basically. There are no constants or necessary reliabilities. Just the application for the moment and what myriad of outcomes will appear from that formula for the next moment.

As I was asked how do you make poly work? Just like you have to make a monogamous relation work. You actually have to have someone that wants a relation and is willing to make the effort to make it work. Terms have to be met or you just don't give a fuck and then nothing matters anyway.

I have enjoyed poly relations until other individuals choose to change things and disconnect the relation. I have loved, cared for, been there for and more with individuals. There is also the converse reality as well. It can be used to maintain complete disconnection and distance from others. Where there is an established ceiling that is capped so there is no room for movement beyond that.

I can and do both of the afore mentioned situations. If you want to be situaltional then I will show you interest when you show some or we spend some type of interaction together. After that I will barely remember. In the other way we can be fully invested in each other and do our thing. You only can make the most out of what is put in.

Deconstructed Formulaic Relationship

Chalk and eraser in hand

Upon the blackboard

We call a

Relationship

I guarantee you

That you will be perplexed

The answers will never be met

And the outcomes will be in a

Constant state of flux

Like beginning the periodic table

Like a game of chess

The only importance is placement

Whoever is winning

Changes the answers to the tests

E=mc2d

Wait a minute that is unfair

We cannot have constants

In a relationship

Misapplication of

Pythagorean Theorem

Nothing is meeting or joined

Especially not the heart and mind

Even the physics

Of the physical moments

Leave the equation

Unsolved

Neither x, y nor z has been solved

Even Pi is not allowed

Fundamentally we have broken the answer

1+1=2

1+1+1=3

And there is where that damn Pi

Should be

Oh well

Broken formulas

Mathematical fuckery

In the end

There is only

Improbable

Impossibilities

From the chocolatezeus collection  3/6/16  ©

So I will tell you this. If you don't know what you want. Need to be secretive and cower in your own soul. While role playing that you want a relationship or more. Just stop! And play only with those that are happily in your same boat. 

It is not that dating, relations, even marriage cannot be solved. It is the factor of do you want things solved or do you want to stand in your own way so you can feel that false since of safe.

Relationships work. I enjoy watching and reading the interaction in D/s, M/s and vanilla relations. When they are working well and they are into each other even if they are apart or don't spend a lot of time together. When they can argue and disagree and that same energy doesn't change. That is what a relationship is made of. When through the good, bad, silent and disconnected moments you can smack her on the ass and she turns and looks at you to say, "yeah, I know. miss you too."

Be true and don't be scared to step our of your comfort zone and live. Unless like me no one will ever be safe if you do. 

lmao

Get the fuck out of here and enjoy this weather. As Sargent Slaughter would say, "And that's an order!"

Spoken Reality: I See Why

I See Why

Those motes smolder in your eyes

You’re so twisted, gnarled and mangled inside

The rivulets of love, passion and soul burn like napalm

I see why

Chivalry died upon a cross of your design

Where you are only worth the pussy you are attached to

Your proclaimed abilities are miniscule

I see why

Giving a fuck about you is the deadliest sin

You are the disease and creature that all must kill

Like the plague you spread your cancerous cells

I see why

My heart, soul and mind have self-erased

Why I stand at the center of hell and now it well

My Caveman mentality is the only thing that won’t fail

I see why

You chop the head off of those that are not in the inner sanctum

Pitch their body and soul upon a pike as a trophy edifice

I laugh at the so called expressions that hold the weight of an astral projection

I see why

Fuck it

I just fucking see

And seeing is believing

So fuck it all

And welcome to

Where

Hell meets Hades

From the chocolatezeus collection  3/5/16  ©

Spoken Relation: Dynamic Unity

Dynamic Unity

Have we begun

Oh yeah

There is that

Mind fuck

Where my words

Actions and commands

Have changed and altered you

In ways you hadn’t seen

You fight me

With every bit of grown up angst

Every subversive

Submissive stance

Embrace it

The lust

Need for me to inflict

Peace and release

Upon and within

You

The trust

That tells you I won’t let you

Fall into the pit of despair

Be broken beyond repair

Without me reeling you back in

Whispering melodious in your ear

As your mental and physical aftercare

Bring purpose to

Subspace universe

Life’s mental curse

Each bruise and trophy occurred

You step

We step

Consent

Wills us to purpose

This D/s universe

Is based on only

Our tailor made purpose

So come

Let me show

Explain

Hurt and transform

As we are transfixed upon

The goal that is maintained

Give me your

Lust

Heart

Body

Mind

So I make the insane tame

This relationship

This dynamic

D/s molding

Will never be plain

Together

Our dynamic

Glistens and glows

Insane

Paved upon the ethos

Stellar like

Purple Rain

From the chocolatezeus collection  3/5/16  ©

I Need to Hurt and Fuck You Unconcious

In my sadistic lust and enjoyment I have gone to a place where I am wondering if I am going to seek full fullfillment in.

The last time I came anywhere near some serious impact, humiliation and fuckfest situation was last year. And since then the beast, need and beating of the drum of Hades has only increased to broken ear drum levels.

I love that look of shock, fear and despair I see when they are cumming too much. Or I am hitting them or slapping them in the face. The sounds of the floggers smacking their skin and their cringe in anticipation as they hear the sound of the flogger's tails going through the air. The wack of the cane makes me smile.

Or treating her like a worthless fucking whore that is good for nothing but a fuck as I drag her by her hair and fuck every opening she has with wreckless abandon.

That energy, feeling and flow is what I crave. It is what brings balance to my Force.

Hope still remains.

Maybe I will finally get to enjoy myself fully with lil red one day.


Fuck it!!!!

Torrential Rains and Typhoons...Welcome to Life

The say when it rains it pours. That is bullshit it doesn't rain it does ten perfect storms at once.

What I need right now to retain balance is kept from and not available to me.

Woosah!

I am going to need it bad right about now


Enjoy

My Book of Five Rings

Ok, so I thought I had posted this days ago. lol 

This is my personal take and journey using the template of Miyamoto Musashi's "Book of Five Rings."  He was a Japanese swordsman that traveled and learned and grew upon his life journey.
The Book of Five Rings

Life and Living

Life is full of ups and downs. Like the waves of the ocean crashing upon itself and the shore. Many things we can't control throughout the journey and things that we can. 

My life has been filled with the obscure, unique, weird and more. I have died on the operating table a few times. Been able to use the combat flight simulator and feed my inner nerd.

When Ru and I talk about Life Unscripted. It truly is unbelievable when you look back at it.

Push the envelope and seize each moment, because it is your last rules supreme. The travel, adventure and created memories come in abundance mostly.  Where I have tried things that I would never have seen or been.

Be and remain unto yourself. Meaning do the things that you want to do and try. Open up to the unknown and embrace it. You find different meanings, understandings and inspirations that way.

So I have made choices and like the Battle of the Bulge, kept right on rolling. No matter what.

Love and Happiness

I believe in, cherish and am Love. My heart beats love and passion in a very intimately, deep way. Which is always a contrast to my apathetic, asshole ways.

My love is the thing that knows what I want and need from you and that it is possible to have. The heart beat that still pounds even when you have every obstacle in the way and your fighting your feeling.

As many episodes that would and should and have made me not want to and question love. I have found strength and purpose in it. To give and gain that connection that genuinely energizes and increases your existence. It is a dwindling thing among humans now but it is still there hidden somewhere out there.

My happiness is made up of traveling, eating good food, enjoying time with those that care and love along with reciprocate those things. They want to spend time with me and have a great time. To enjoying movies and books. There are many things that make up my happiness. And there are a few things that trump everything else and keep me happy. Those involve another individual so that is definitely a needle in the hay stack or long shot timing type thing.

Relations

Relationships hold a strong meaning to me. They always have. My circles of trust and their hierarchy within. From friends, lovers to my wife and candidate for my wife. They all have been deeply rooted and considered. Even at the wife and candidate for wife status has been so deep when I get that YOU ARE THE ONE connected feeling that I deny it myself until I have to face reality. 

But I believe in being there for each other. Through the good and the bad. The one that will be your sin eater, counselor and cheerleader. I believe a relationship has to be worked on, managed and actually cherished. Otherwise it is not a relationship. It is just something to do. And I realize that is popular these days in society with situationships and the need to remain disconnected. But there really is no need to be scared if you are honest and true about it.

Whatever type of connection it is. It is there for a very good reason or reasons. Immerse in it. Learn, grow and enjoy it to the fullest. I have been deeply blessed for some relationships. They have stood the test of time. And yes there are those that didn't. But you have to learn what is proper and best and that is not all sugar and sweets.


BDSM

My journey in bdsm and D/s specifically. It is a release and acceptance of self. The things that have always been there, lingering in the corners. Now brought out in the light. The things that I didn't realize I was doing or the reasons behind them until I embraced and learned more. 

Here is where hierarchy, leadership, manangement and kinks come together to form such a powerful and needed entity. 

From the impact, rope, breath, forced orgasms and more play it has only enlightened me further. And it is has provided a much needed release and purpose. 

When I know that you understand that I am looking out for you as your Dominant it makes me feel good and makes me need to do the best in our dynamic. The times are difficult, but they hold a distinct meaning within me that I must do better and better. And make you better than when it all began. Provide structure, release, comfort and your ability to just be. 

Learning and learning and learning. I have made mistakes and thankfully they have not been suncrusher style mistakes. But I accept my faults and will continue to grow. Looking at dynamic with intensity and desire to make it better and tailored to what my dynamic must be. 

BDSM is simple life and existence to me. Part of the whole I am and always will be.


Balance

Ahh, one of the trickiest things of all for me. 

It is tricky because the balance is not all centered or reliant upon just me. There are other people involved and that brings in other mentalities, time tables and thinking.

What provides me balance:

• Stability
• Love and caring from those that I am with
• Attention from those that I am with
• Regular sex (this saves the humans)
• Regular kink play (keeps me off of americas most wanted)
• Traveling
• Food and drink
• Time and adventures spent with those I am with

These things help keep the balance of the Force. My Force!  Where I am not all ABM constantly or just don't give a fuck about humans completely. 

Balance is the key to moving along freely and competently. It gives way to your ability to adapt and overcome things more easily. And when it is off things are that much more difficult. 

In Summary

This is my style of the book. And I have read the book and will continue to re read the book. But these things fit me currently. And very well. 

As K Ci had the album "My Book," this one is simply just me.  Well parts of the whole. The rest you have to decide to come and talk to me! lol Yeah, come find out for yourself and I will show you the gateway to being me. 

Passing Through Cities and Memories

As I pass through RDU and GSO it brought back memories of days gone by. Adventures and things that linger, laugh and rest within my mind.

RDU

Full of budding adventure and my first established home with my wife. The place that I call home still even though I am no longer there. From expensive cook your own meal at the Melting Pot to a super damn delicious birthday cake from the Mad Hatter in Durham. (I super greatly recommend them, even if they are near duke...lol)  My life of joy and happiness started there fully I can say honestly. Through the trials and tribulations the simple constant of comfortable and happy remained steadfast. My family literally began here. People got to know me at harris teeter and rite aid. It is nice when people know your name and face. I realized the appeal of that type of customer service and attention to detail.

GSO

This is the town I attended many a swing party at the Proximity Hotel. And that penthouse presidential suite was gorgeous. I spent many a time there enjoying drink, food and more drink. Even put on a few shows. lol This town is also where I had part of my poly relationship at. She was the superstar of the swing groups and I basically broke and tamed her. My first public displays of dominance occurred with her at parties. *snicker* And it made the males rather upset, jealous and hatred for me. (biyatches!!) The soaked box springs and mattresses of the hotel from our adventures. (still shocked they didn't charge me for those...lol)

This is also where I came to watch the ACC women's basketball tournament for years. To enjoy my baby momma's Dawn Staley and Tora Suber. Watching quality and skilled basketball and enjoying myself. And that is what is going on right now. And I miss it. But there is always next year.


As I sit here and reminisce and skip over the negative things I have to laugh and smile. Truly more examples of Life Unscripted.


Good morning.

Poetic Mentality: Flame Out

Flame Out

Destination set from the beginning

Autopilot and gps double checked

And verified

I kicked the afterburners

Ripped time and the mind

Clearly my mission and goal was defined

Make you mine

Give, hold and feel love

Establish

Relationship Prime

After that brilliant ignition

Seems like the results of the

Last challenger mission

Boom

Boom

Boom

Like the human torch

Engulfed with a dark matter dwarf

Snuffed out

The touch

Beacon of hope

Predestined course

Now

It just seems like

A bad episode of the

Fantastic Four

Here I am

Johnny storm

Dead at love’s

Door

From the chocolatezeus collection  2/29/16  ©

Being Within my Circles

If I allow you in. To be in one of my circles of the personal me. You need to understand the importance and meaning. Especially if I tell you specifically your status. I do not allow anyone in without seriously vetting and wanting them to be there. And the closest circles how the deepest parts and access to me.

It still doesn't mean that you cannot opt out, not accept or be demoted to irrelevancy. But as the Black Sheep said, "The Choice Is Yours."

Message!!!