Among the razor edge brambles
between close spaced mines
while dancing between mortar shell landings
I am here
While the chaos consumes
the mind overflows with thoughts and information
experiences and observations are braved
I am here
Our experiences and what we come in contact with help define us. But it is your mind and ability to understand, accept and be yourself that paves the way.
I have never been accused of being one to follow the leader. Well expect for the parental units, but they have no fucking clue about shit.
I am merely the land mass that stands against the water and the sand. Changed over time but still the same.
There are moments where that special, modern monastery would be really Perfect!!!
Friday, October 23, 2015
Thursday, October 22, 2015
A Cerebro Kind of Week
I have to say I feel like I have been sitting in cerebro many times this week with the interactions, thoughts and analysis. And believe me I am not complaining. Hell, I couldn't anyway as much as my brain runs around the clock anyway.
Discussions on the conference call this night about people understanding and their application of the words honesty and transparency was interesting. I never thought about the fact that humans may have no concept of that when I ask them to just be honest with me. Their honesty may be telling me what they feel comfortable with only. Not the total truth. And that is from upbringing, socializations and experiences. The light went off when it was explained. And of course Lil Red agreed that there was no common meaning to things. Everything is subjective. And considering her that is a pure law at all times.
There was also a conversation about long distance relationships. The need for rituals and service. The things that allow the dynamic to be close and have meaning. And honestly this application is difficult because of how her brain is wired. I have had to be creative and work at a pace that I am not use to honestly. But the Master spoke on his experience and about his slave and dynamic. I can feel that because of the similarity that I have currently. Long distance is difficult but I am looking at the goal. The being together goal in the end, in the dynamic that is us. The obstacles right now are there and being worked on daily. But I feel the same way that he did. I found the right one. The one that I have trust in, that connection that sets her apart and the relationship that is beneficial and that I want to have and grow. It was definitely a hopeful inspired message of what I seek. The dynamic and the wife and family. Simply the things that I already said to Lil Red and put on the table prominently.
Lil Red and I have talked quite a bit this week. I guess naked time helps and her mother being gone most definitely. Working on the stumbling blocks of communication. Really have to always keep in mind how she thinks and perceives things so that there isn't a disconnect constantly. I don't have to lie about needing my quality time with Lil Red. It is part of helping things with me. She brings a peace and calm that allows for my life to take a moment to breathe. Then I can work on things in a better mind set and more effectively.
There is always a discussion about Doms listening to their subs and slaves. Honestly I trust Lil Red implicently. I know she keeps my best interest at heart and I always am glad and appreciate of that. Even when she may think I dont' listen to her. lol But just as I remain concerned about her I am thankful that she remains concerned about me.
This week has opened the doors to understanding dynamics more intimately. With rituals, concern and dissapointment all in the mix. But this week has been really monumental in the aspect fo dynamics.
Right now I seriously need my FIX! Like a car's tune up and oil change to make things handle rightly again.
Discussions on the conference call this night about people understanding and their application of the words honesty and transparency was interesting. I never thought about the fact that humans may have no concept of that when I ask them to just be honest with me. Their honesty may be telling me what they feel comfortable with only. Not the total truth. And that is from upbringing, socializations and experiences. The light went off when it was explained. And of course Lil Red agreed that there was no common meaning to things. Everything is subjective. And considering her that is a pure law at all times.
There was also a conversation about long distance relationships. The need for rituals and service. The things that allow the dynamic to be close and have meaning. And honestly this application is difficult because of how her brain is wired. I have had to be creative and work at a pace that I am not use to honestly. But the Master spoke on his experience and about his slave and dynamic. I can feel that because of the similarity that I have currently. Long distance is difficult but I am looking at the goal. The being together goal in the end, in the dynamic that is us. The obstacles right now are there and being worked on daily. But I feel the same way that he did. I found the right one. The one that I have trust in, that connection that sets her apart and the relationship that is beneficial and that I want to have and grow. It was definitely a hopeful inspired message of what I seek. The dynamic and the wife and family. Simply the things that I already said to Lil Red and put on the table prominently.
Lil Red and I have talked quite a bit this week. I guess naked time helps and her mother being gone most definitely. Working on the stumbling blocks of communication. Really have to always keep in mind how she thinks and perceives things so that there isn't a disconnect constantly. I don't have to lie about needing my quality time with Lil Red. It is part of helping things with me. She brings a peace and calm that allows for my life to take a moment to breathe. Then I can work on things in a better mind set and more effectively.
There is always a discussion about Doms listening to their subs and slaves. Honestly I trust Lil Red implicently. I know she keeps my best interest at heart and I always am glad and appreciate of that. Even when she may think I dont' listen to her. lol But just as I remain concerned about her I am thankful that she remains concerned about me.
This week has opened the doors to understanding dynamics more intimately. With rituals, concern and dissapointment all in the mix. But this week has been really monumental in the aspect fo dynamics.
Right now I seriously need my FIX! Like a car's tune up and oil change to make things handle rightly again.
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
A Dream Differed...Road Warrior's Conference
I needed to touch base. Connect to the person that grounds things for me since candidates are not able to handle this duty. We keep each other sane.
We talked about the changes. How I have managed to be in a relationship for a year this way. Honestly we are both rather shocked about things. Hell, our relationships tend to be the things of Legends. (lol...honestly)
We love and care deeply. And can be nonchalant, cold and everything.(well I am better at the evil things. after all she is sweet)
So we talked about our situations with our usual brutal honesty. We found something we wanted and needed in who we are seeing. She also brought up the past points and fallacies while reminding me not to repeat the things that further angered the Beast. She noticed the place where I have gone currently and commented on it. Giving me perspective from a valued source.
Yeah, I realize the duty and calling of a Titan. The chaos and void will continue to be and keep pace with things.
We talked about the changes. How I have managed to be in a relationship for a year this way. Honestly we are both rather shocked about things. Hell, our relationships tend to be the things of Legends. (lol...honestly)
We love and care deeply. And can be nonchalant, cold and everything.(well I am better at the evil things. after all she is sweet)
So we talked about our situations with our usual brutal honesty. We found something we wanted and needed in who we are seeing. She also brought up the past points and fallacies while reminding me not to repeat the things that further angered the Beast. She noticed the place where I have gone currently and commented on it. Giving me perspective from a valued source.
Yeah, I realize the duty and calling of a Titan. The chaos and void will continue to be and keep pace with things.
A Dream Differed
Hope
Luck and chance
Axis of enemies in
this corporal punishment
I tried
Played their game
Capitulated the drone
intensity
But I am merely
That devil dancing in
the pale moonlight
I wanted that miracle
again
This time times 10
Marriage and a D/s
dynamic
All the trappings
that would me
Happy, happy
Joy, joy
Then reason hit me
Road Warrior
conference thinking
As I heard Biggie
sing “It was all a dream”
But my dream is a
penalty
Here I sit in
congress with Reality
As this bitch laughs
at me
I wonder if this is
The culmination of
finality
Looking at the dream
Through the door’s
partial opening
No longer hoping
Dreams
My mortal enemy
From the
chocolatezeus collection 10/20/15 ©
love and relationships are a bitch that does a living autopsy on you and then you die
Clarity
Sometimes it comes in little bites.
Sometimes in streaming lines.
And then at times overwhelming landslides.
There are times when it cuts quick and deep. Moments where it last forever or you just missed it.
It's results:
understanding
consideration
resulting responses
Will this cause me to think and act?
Or will this merely be a shooting star style flash in the pan?
When life is merely reenacted uncertainty. You have to choose your path.
Active or passive.
I hear and feel the rumble of my army. The natural selection and order of things. As I have experienced and witnessed abnormalities, changes have occured and may happen. But only to attain the goals that I need. Wait are those goals even relevant anymore? Or are they merely dead corpses of what was, could have been. The myriad of fantasy and pipe dreams.
I can only laugh at the affect of the effects of this adventure. Give tribute to an elusive tribulation. the baptism has cauterized me. Has it made me barren or was it so that things could be bared openly for only me to understand, comprehend and be?
Has this clarity merely brought and defined fully a calamity. And i am not jane with my rifle to turn the tide of body and mind.
One shot, one kill. Nevermind that was a waste of time. I should have bought a havoc tactical nuke mine. Then everything would be supremely fine.
I bow my head in reverence to the messages that have been allowed into my soul and mind.
Unchained only to be changed. There never was a use for frame of mind. That was just another technique to be used to play with my state of mind.
Yet still, I Decide
Sometimes in streaming lines.
And then at times overwhelming landslides.
There are times when it cuts quick and deep. Moments where it last forever or you just missed it.
It's results:
understanding
consideration
resulting responses
Will this cause me to think and act?
Or will this merely be a shooting star style flash in the pan?
When life is merely reenacted uncertainty. You have to choose your path.
Active or passive.
I hear and feel the rumble of my army. The natural selection and order of things. As I have experienced and witnessed abnormalities, changes have occured and may happen. But only to attain the goals that I need. Wait are those goals even relevant anymore? Or are they merely dead corpses of what was, could have been. The myriad of fantasy and pipe dreams.
I can only laugh at the affect of the effects of this adventure. Give tribute to an elusive tribulation. the baptism has cauterized me. Has it made me barren or was it so that things could be bared openly for only me to understand, comprehend and be?
Has this clarity merely brought and defined fully a calamity. And i am not jane with my rifle to turn the tide of body and mind.
One shot, one kill. Nevermind that was a waste of time. I should have bought a havoc tactical nuke mine. Then everything would be supremely fine.
I bow my head in reverence to the messages that have been allowed into my soul and mind.
Unchained only to be changed. There never was a use for frame of mind. That was just another technique to be used to play with my state of mind.
Yet still, I Decide
Monday, October 19, 2015
The Evening's Main Course
I figured I would go a little strange before I post some other stuff this evening.
Yes I am a bkack man that can cook. Because I like to eat and enjoy food.
Well everything except things like soy, ground turkey, vegan and vegetarian crap. Lol
So tonight I decided to do it healthy and fix some shrimo and beef stir fry for dinner. (Shut up it is healthy)
I hope you had some real food too!
Yes I am a bkack man that can cook. Because I like to eat and enjoy food.
Well everything except things like soy, ground turkey, vegan and vegetarian crap. Lol
So tonight I decided to do it healthy and fix some shrimo and beef stir fry for dinner. (Shut up it is healthy)
I hope you had some real food too!
Sunday, October 18, 2015
The Cable vs Apocalypse Syndrome
I reflect on where I have come from and where I head to. Still I remain the same. Just some things here and there have been processsed and applied.
It is amazing that I used that patience thing in the last year in dealing with a relationship. I am not use to doing that. It showed me what is part of this modern day age of so called dating thing.
My allocation of my sadistic part has increased to a point where now I am prepared and happy to be at. It is merely a matter of when I might be able to apply more of just me. It felt good to release more of me with Lil Red in Toronto but now I need to feed more fully and purposely. That sadistic need is beating the kokoro drum to me constantly.
I have learned, applied and experienced in this year things that I had no clue I would previously. And even though I am questioned about who and what I am. I remain steadfast and vigilantly me. No longer with shared outlook. But merely goals that are oriented and set ahead of me. The question only remains who will be there in the end with me or not.
Now there is a poly aspect. Giving way to experiences of whole new things. I haven't sought any of this. I merely let it happen. Thought, communicated and chose the possibilities. Now, there is only actions and what ends up happening.
I drew my line in the sand a long time ago. I am not afraid to say what I want and act upon it if there is a true reason. I want that D/s wife and relationship to happen. But, I am not chasing anyone or anything. I merely shrugged and laughed at the application. That woman that I can restrain, inflict pain, be my slut whore submissive to me. Maybe it is a pipe dream, maybe not. I know what I seek and want. That is all that is important to me.
This journey has taken on such a mark of the dichotomy of what exists in me. That combination of everything. the light and dark that maims and loves with insanity.
The relationship that I want with Lil Red is laid out like a fillibuster in the House. No blueprint or guide like our military mission statements. I have my objective in sight. And I am glad for what she has shared and can provide.
My addition brings me to use of and application of concern, control and tasks that I haven't been able to use that much previously. I look forward to the learning that ensues.
it is not about the play for me first and foremost. It is about the relationship. the D/s relationship that is a large key. And I stand by my decision, what I want and with who it should be. The roles are very clear. I speak simply and honestly for me. I don't hold the mind, heart or soul of any other so I cannot do anything but maintain the choice that is for me. The one who I know is key. let that be the relationship foundation that I seek and we need. from which to evolve and blossom into great things. And from this great dynamic that I feel and see with her I know that it will be epic. That is just the way we can be.
I will continue my journey. Whether the players change or leave. I am Kwai Chang Caine on my journey to enlightenment. The only difference is that I chose the one who will best serve me on this journey.
It is Time. As things are caught in Time!
It is amazing that I used that patience thing in the last year in dealing with a relationship. I am not use to doing that. It showed me what is part of this modern day age of so called dating thing.
My allocation of my sadistic part has increased to a point where now I am prepared and happy to be at. It is merely a matter of when I might be able to apply more of just me. It felt good to release more of me with Lil Red in Toronto but now I need to feed more fully and purposely. That sadistic need is beating the kokoro drum to me constantly.
I have learned, applied and experienced in this year things that I had no clue I would previously. And even though I am questioned about who and what I am. I remain steadfast and vigilantly me. No longer with shared outlook. But merely goals that are oriented and set ahead of me. The question only remains who will be there in the end with me or not.
Now there is a poly aspect. Giving way to experiences of whole new things. I haven't sought any of this. I merely let it happen. Thought, communicated and chose the possibilities. Now, there is only actions and what ends up happening.
I drew my line in the sand a long time ago. I am not afraid to say what I want and act upon it if there is a true reason. I want that D/s wife and relationship to happen. But, I am not chasing anyone or anything. I merely shrugged and laughed at the application. That woman that I can restrain, inflict pain, be my slut whore submissive to me. Maybe it is a pipe dream, maybe not. I know what I seek and want. That is all that is important to me.
This journey has taken on such a mark of the dichotomy of what exists in me. That combination of everything. the light and dark that maims and loves with insanity.
The relationship that I want with Lil Red is laid out like a fillibuster in the House. No blueprint or guide like our military mission statements. I have my objective in sight. And I am glad for what she has shared and can provide.
My addition brings me to use of and application of concern, control and tasks that I haven't been able to use that much previously. I look forward to the learning that ensues.
it is not about the play for me first and foremost. It is about the relationship. the D/s relationship that is a large key. And I stand by my decision, what I want and with who it should be. The roles are very clear. I speak simply and honestly for me. I don't hold the mind, heart or soul of any other so I cannot do anything but maintain the choice that is for me. The one who I know is key. let that be the relationship foundation that I seek and we need. from which to evolve and blossom into great things. And from this great dynamic that I feel and see with her I know that it will be epic. That is just the way we can be.
I will continue my journey. Whether the players change or leave. I am Kwai Chang Caine on my journey to enlightenment. The only difference is that I chose the one who will best serve me on this journey.
It is Time. As things are caught in Time!
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Why I Love MY Harley Quinn So...
Harley Quinn is a female antagonist from DC comics that is basically the Joker's lover in the comic world. It is a complicated and twisted affair. And very weird and unorthodox. The video will give you a brief rundown of her.
But I post this not only because I like Harley but it pretty much fits MY Harley Quinn. That weird dynamic that requires 4 or 5 triple doctorates to have a chance of figuring out.
I love when MY Harley arrives. That means it is play time. It is time for her to be be a rope whore, pain slut and all out whore. The moments I relish her letting go and I administer and encourage it to climax over and over again. The sights, sounds and feeling of each twist and turn. Each moan and groan. Each sound of my hand, flogger or cane touching her flesh. In these moments sadist and masochist connect and merge into a strong, pulse of powerful energy. I feast upon her until she is a carcass and then I eat some more.
This lays some foundations in a general round about way.
Damn, now I really really need to FEED!! Badly
But I post this not only because I like Harley but it pretty much fits MY Harley Quinn. That weird dynamic that requires 4 or 5 triple doctorates to have a chance of figuring out.
I love when MY Harley arrives. That means it is play time. It is time for her to be be a rope whore, pain slut and all out whore. The moments I relish her letting go and I administer and encourage it to climax over and over again. The sights, sounds and feeling of each twist and turn. Each moan and groan. Each sound of my hand, flogger or cane touching her flesh. In these moments sadist and masochist connect and merge into a strong, pulse of powerful energy. I feast upon her until she is a carcass and then I eat some more.
This lays some foundations in a general round about way.
Damn, now I really really need to FEED!! Badly
Thursday, October 15, 2015
I Really Wonder Sometimes
I can't even make this up...
Who cooks a store bought pizza and leaves the cardboard underneath it only to be discovered when taken out of the oven?
Who can't remember what is in the refrigerator right after they went into it?
Who doesn't know what a non perishable food is?
Who puts pecans on a cheese pizza?
yeah their daughter does.
Woosah!!!
Klingon Thought Processing
Just things come to mind.
The lack of. That constant distant, position of ostracism. Unity in being a singularity.
Expression has it's place. Right there next to those things that have little meaning.
Considering the source I can see just empty things are and will be.
Burning questions laying their like festered, mortal wounds. Unanswered.
when you basically are the Master Chief you become use to this even when you don't want to. A quantum singularity against the forces of the multiverse.
As I watch the denial and appeasement of anti things like emotion, feeling and representing shared things of importance.
Here to just watch and shake my head. As I realize now that the information has been assimilated.
lol
Time for the next episode!
The lack of. That constant distant, position of ostracism. Unity in being a singularity.
Expression has it's place. Right there next to those things that have little meaning.
Considering the source I can see just empty things are and will be.
Burning questions laying their like festered, mortal wounds. Unanswered.
when you basically are the Master Chief you become use to this even when you don't want to. A quantum singularity against the forces of the multiverse.
As I watch the denial and appeasement of anti things like emotion, feeling and representing shared things of importance.
Here to just watch and shake my head. As I realize now that the information has been assimilated.
lol
Time for the next episode!
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Must Be Something in the Air
They saying goes, "when you are with someone everyone comes out of the woodwork," And that has been true.
I have had a couple females that have become interested in talking to me. Both bdsm wise and semi vanilla wise. Even a blast from the past.
Lil Red commented on I am in denial and ignore that it happens. And honestly that is true. I am just me. Nothing more and nothing less. But apparently something has interested some to want to speak to me even though I am mean and evil. And yes, I do not understand it at all.
Even a blast from the past during the thieving monkey bitch era has come to the forefront. Telling me that she said she was interested the last time I saw her in philly when I had gone there for my wife's second funeral. I missed all of that. I know she was cool and interesting when I was up there with the monkey bitch. But I was with the monkey bitch and she was dating someone at the time. We played together and hung out a lot now that she made me remember. I liked her because she was an amazon and cool. I didn't realize how much younger she was though.
I am oblivious to it all normally. I am attractive and everything but I don't sit around being narcissitic about it or anything. I just do me and keep it pushing. But something has attracted them to me and I am not for sure what that has been.
And no I am not oppose to poly relationships because I have done them before in the vanilla and swing world. It is important to me to have my main and first relationship to work and be strong though regardless.
Well, I have been blindsided now. I won't complain. I just find it interesting.
So laugh if you want or be entertained. Hell, I can't call it!
I have had a couple females that have become interested in talking to me. Both bdsm wise and semi vanilla wise. Even a blast from the past.
Lil Red commented on I am in denial and ignore that it happens. And honestly that is true. I am just me. Nothing more and nothing less. But apparently something has interested some to want to speak to me even though I am mean and evil. And yes, I do not understand it at all.
Even a blast from the past during the thieving monkey bitch era has come to the forefront. Telling me that she said she was interested the last time I saw her in philly when I had gone there for my wife's second funeral. I missed all of that. I know she was cool and interesting when I was up there with the monkey bitch. But I was with the monkey bitch and she was dating someone at the time. We played together and hung out a lot now that she made me remember. I liked her because she was an amazon and cool. I didn't realize how much younger she was though.
I am oblivious to it all normally. I am attractive and everything but I don't sit around being narcissitic about it or anything. I just do me and keep it pushing. But something has attracted them to me and I am not for sure what that has been.
And no I am not oppose to poly relationships because I have done them before in the vanilla and swing world. It is important to me to have my main and first relationship to work and be strong though regardless.
Well, I have been blindsided now. I won't complain. I just find it interesting.
So laugh if you want or be entertained. Hell, I can't call it!
This Morning's Funny
So I went and had lab work done and did some grocery shopping. I pull up in the driveway and start unloading the food in the garage. The car is still on and E 40 and Too Short and rapping "Back it up like a dump truck."
The two elderly, white females are shocked and stunned at the lyrics as they walk past on their morning walk. lmao The looks on their faces priceless.
But hey that shock gave them extra cardio on their morning walk so they should be thanking me.
The two elderly, white females are shocked and stunned at the lyrics as they walk past on their morning walk. lmao The looks on their faces priceless.
But hey that shock gave them extra cardio on their morning walk so they should be thanking me.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Manly Things
It is acceptable to feel, love and care. Even though society tells us that we shouldn't do those things because they make us weak.
For me I embraced who I am. Both the dark and the light. I love just as hard as I am apathetic to people.
My love runs deep, strong and beats very passionately. Even for the one who avoids and kind of fears it. It is that love that makes me need that FIX that only she can provide. The peace, comfort and pleasure all rolled up in one.
My strength lies in my purpose and convictions. Those things that make me anamoly, weird and strange. I am just baffling that way.
It has best been said by different people. "you are so nice and sweet, you don't have to be so mean.
The reality is that I am both.
This trip to greensboro was needed. and it allowed me to experience, think and reflect on things.
A closer understanding and journey of Daddy/Dom me and all my sadistic things.
My connection to Lil Red is strong as hell. even though I know I can't let it be stronger until she is ready.
Relations are a serious episode in super abnormal psychology.
between the relationship questions from mdhl and the conversations last week. It gave me plenty of things to think about and I will express myself here after I get back to the house today.
The few relationships that I have are there with true purpose and my concern and desire to have them flourish and grow is strong.
For me I embraced who I am. Both the dark and the light. I love just as hard as I am apathetic to people.
My love runs deep, strong and beats very passionately. Even for the one who avoids and kind of fears it. It is that love that makes me need that FIX that only she can provide. The peace, comfort and pleasure all rolled up in one.
My strength lies in my purpose and convictions. Those things that make me anamoly, weird and strange. I am just baffling that way.
It has best been said by different people. "you are so nice and sweet, you don't have to be so mean.
The reality is that I am both.
This trip to greensboro was needed. and it allowed me to experience, think and reflect on things.
A closer understanding and journey of Daddy/Dom me and all my sadistic things.
My connection to Lil Red is strong as hell. even though I know I can't let it be stronger until she is ready.
Relations are a serious episode in super abnormal psychology.
between the relationship questions from mdhl and the conversations last week. It gave me plenty of things to think about and I will express myself here after I get back to the house today.
The few relationships that I have are there with true purpose and my concern and desire to have them flourish and grow is strong.
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