How did a guy like me
Get a girl like you
Wifey material
Eye candy
Intelligent
The mystical unicorn
Makes me happy
Making me smile
Keeping me horny
The picture of womanhood
In this day and age
So rare
So hard to believe
Still
I wonder
How was I so lucky
To meet
The holy grail
That others want and need
I will take this miracle
Graciously
Thank you
Destiny
From the Chocolatezeus collection 9/2/15. (c)
Friday, October 02, 2015
Relationship Relativity Reality
Now my relationships have been mostly crazy and disastrous. I did have 2 great relationships though. My on going one with my fellow Road Warrior Ru Ru. And my marriage to my deceased wife Chocolate Doll. Now these are and were in no way perfection. But they are and were how relationships should be.
And my current relationship with Lil Red is one of diversity. Because we are like two different alien races without a universal language decoder trying build a planet together. But for me opposite types of females to ne are the ones that tend to work for me. As long as they are in my parameters.
Alright then. I am going to discuss my views about relationships here on my blog. And they will be following Sir Mythos' posts concerning his educational on relationshionships in the MDHL group on fet. So I will be responding more in depth here. I will not quote from the posts because I do not have permission to do so. But I do invite those on fet to go read and discuss.
Here comes the insight of Havoc.
Relationships require WORK to create and maintain them. There is no way to get around that unless you are playing or pretending to have a relationship.
Today's Topic is: SELF CARE The importance and need for it in a relationship. Whether vanilla or D/s.
My view is that self care should be the building block of relationships. Because if you have no sense of self, self worth or understanding of self then it all begins with a farce.
It is the emotional, spiritual and physical aspects that need to be tended to and nurtured.
And my current relationship with Lil Red is one of diversity. Because we are like two different alien races without a universal language decoder trying build a planet together. But for me opposite types of females to ne are the ones that tend to work for me. As long as they are in my parameters.
Alright then. I am going to discuss my views about relationships here on my blog. And they will be following Sir Mythos' posts concerning his educational on relationshionships in the MDHL group on fet. So I will be responding more in depth here. I will not quote from the posts because I do not have permission to do so. But I do invite those on fet to go read and discuss.
Here comes the insight of Havoc.
Relationships require WORK to create and maintain them. There is no way to get around that unless you are playing or pretending to have a relationship.
Today's Topic is: SELF CARE The importance and need for it in a relationship. Whether vanilla or D/s.
My view is that self care should be the building block of relationships. Because if you have no sense of self, self worth or understanding of self then it all begins with a farce.
It is the emotional, spiritual and physical aspects that need to be tended to and nurtured.
- Emotionally. Are you able to allow the flow of emotions and feelings that occur with connecting with someone? This is where you form a bond that either makes the relationship last or dates when it comes to an end. So many are in fear of their emotions and feelings that they doom any type of relationship they have from the beginning. It is alright to form attachment. Even though society tells you other wise. That bond is one that is fully of strength and power in a relationship dynamic. It is where the trust, desire and need have unified. These mental aspects have to be admitted to, understood and accepted within yourself. Without that how can you honestly say you are available to be involved with anyone else? And I do not mean that you have to wait until you know everything about yourself. Because that is a life time journey. Understand that you do and did this or that. That you have pros and cons of the things that you have done and experienced. Understand the reasons why you did those thing and learn from them. Then accept all that has happened and the challenge of making the best decisions and things better along with that you can't change the past.
- Spiritual. This is that essence that allows for a drive and need to build upon your relationship. For me it has levels. There is that ultimate level, which is the immediate, no question what it means and the destination will be. (the very rare and powerful one that I do not take lightly) Then there are the ones that are based on how close the individuals are to me. Since I take relationships so seriously I come off mean, brutish and being the Caveman that I am. I will cherish, protect and love you to the best of your station. But I will also dismiss you without a second thought when need arises.
- Physical. You have to care of your body for you to remain in the land of the living and have the ability to be involved in a relationship. And yes, I have been a culprit to this in my life. I have done better. I have had a big reason to since I wanted to establish a permanent relationship. In this is that drive to have both me and my sub both working on being healthy and living long. So yeah, I started going to the gym and my eating style has changed. I encourage her with her gym and tennis activities that she enjoys anyway. So it is a bit easier.
Just a beginning. Learning and growing are a permanent thing.
What the Rain Brings...Ode to a Harley Thing
Torrential rains
Bring
Unchained psyche
Your body here upon my alter
Sacrifice to
Pleasure and Pain
Your arched back
Internal silence
The same as other's
Screams
Pinned
Restrained
By rope and hands
Just to be free
Slow derrick churning
Constant eruptions
As I seek
Deeper and deeper
Premium orgasms
Each choke
Each slap
Created
Orchestrated earthquakes
As legs tremble and shake
You gag
Until tears caress me
Choking on the pleasure you need
Insatiable is
As insatiable plays
Insatiable permeates
Our play
Each rain drop
A measure for the amount of
Orgasms you should make
Continuance
Again and again
Bring me
My torrential rain
Creamy magma eruptions
Maybe then
I will give you a reprieve
*EVIL LAUGHING*
Then again
You know me
And my Beast
Must Feed
Feed into and
Beyond
Eternity
From the chocolatezeus collection 9/2/15 (c)
Yes hurricanes make me even more horny. Damn the things I would do right now if I had my Harley!
Bring
Unchained psyche
Sacrifice to
Pleasure and Pain
Your arched back
Internal silence
The same as other's
Screams
Pinned
Restrained
By rope and hands
Just to be free
Slow derrick churning
Constant eruptions
As I seek
Deeper and deeper
Premium orgasms
Each choke
Each slap
Created
Orchestrated earthquakes
As legs tremble and shake
You gag
Until tears caress me
Choking on the pleasure you need
Insatiable is
As insatiable plays
Insatiable permeates
Our play
Each rain drop
A measure for the amount of
Orgasms you should make
Continuance
Again and again
Bring me
My torrential rain
Creamy magma eruptions
Maybe then
I will give you a reprieve
*EVIL LAUGHING*
Then again
You know me
And my Beast
Must Feed
Feed into and
Beyond
Eternity
From the chocolatezeus collection 9/2/15 (c)
Yes hurricanes make me even more horny. Damn the things I would do right now if I had my Harley!
The Yoke of Reciprocity
One thing I learned about dealing with humans, especially females is that there is no need to do more than they have given.
Some will say this is selfish and stuff. But this is basic operation in a world where others want you to jump through hoops for them to feel better.
I have learned in seeking, dealing with relations with females. If genuine interest is shown that they become skittish, unresponsive, combative and crazy. They do not want direct course of action because it is too brutal and overbearing. You have to pretty much ignore them for there to be an interest for them.
It is the way of existing comfortably in the human nature. Where it allows for that measure of control.
When there is nothing invested and the exit option is easily available is when they feel most warm and comfy. When there is no goal or concrete commitment. There are the smiles and sighs of relief.
True I have not always applied this to interacting with the populace. Hell, I did the full opposite when I was married. But that was a miracle case for me. And I am thankful for seeing and living that.
Now, I merely wait. It has that nonchalant feeling. But hey, I learned my lesson and applied it fully this time.
Maybe females will one day speak up and say what they want. Well maybe sooner than when hell freezes over.
lmao
The equal yoke became a fairy tale myth. An entity born of celestial beings.
No problems mon. It is whatever and whatever. Until something might be expressed differently.
Tallyhooo!!!
Some will say this is selfish and stuff. But this is basic operation in a world where others want you to jump through hoops for them to feel better.
I have learned in seeking, dealing with relations with females. If genuine interest is shown that they become skittish, unresponsive, combative and crazy. They do not want direct course of action because it is too brutal and overbearing. You have to pretty much ignore them for there to be an interest for them.
It is the way of existing comfortably in the human nature. Where it allows for that measure of control.
When there is nothing invested and the exit option is easily available is when they feel most warm and comfy. When there is no goal or concrete commitment. There are the smiles and sighs of relief.
True I have not always applied this to interacting with the populace. Hell, I did the full opposite when I was married. But that was a miracle case for me. And I am thankful for seeing and living that.
Now, I merely wait. It has that nonchalant feeling. But hey, I learned my lesson and applied it fully this time.
Maybe females will one day speak up and say what they want. Well maybe sooner than when hell freezes over.
lmao
The equal yoke became a fairy tale myth. An entity born of celestial beings.
No problems mon. It is whatever and whatever. Until something might be expressed differently.
Tallyhooo!!!
Thursday, October 01, 2015
Left Turn At Alberquerque
Morning. It definitely has been an interesting night aka morning. So this post as well as any other post today that I do will be weird. *you've been warned*
If you don't know I am not a huge r&b fan unless I am with a female. That doesn't mean that I don't like it. Just that you won't find me listening to it much by myself.
Considering I once again am paired up with another human jukebox. How in the world did I end up with Chocolate Doll and Lil Red both in my lifetime as the ultimate djs? Just my destiny apparently. Anyway, because of Lil Red now I have come back to some r&b and she has tirned me on to some stuff that I hadn't listened to like Hozier. And "take me to church" has a very big connotation and theme for me.
Ok, semi back on topic.
Well I just started listening to Janet Jackson's Unbreakable album. I actually had to say that I liked and saw some application through a few tracks.
If you don't know I am not a huge r&b fan unless I am with a female. That doesn't mean that I don't like it. Just that you won't find me listening to it much by myself.
Considering I once again am paired up with another human jukebox. How in the world did I end up with Chocolate Doll and Lil Red both in my lifetime as the ultimate djs? Just my destiny apparently. Anyway, because of Lil Red now I have come back to some r&b and she has tirned me on to some stuff that I hadn't listened to like Hozier. And "take me to church" has a very big connotation and theme for me.
Ok, semi back on topic.
Well I just started listening to Janet Jackson's Unbreakable album. I actually had to say that I liked and saw some application through a few tracks.
- the title song Unbreakable
- Shoulda Know Better
- After You Fall...for D/s reasons obviously
- No Sleeep...because no sleep is a theme when time is spent with Mr Wolf
But yes, I am the hardcore, gangsta rap and heavy metal with a dash of big band and classical type of man still.
And yes, I am jamming to a Prince song called This Could B Us. lol it fits. and X's Face has me doing the two step. And then after listening to HardRockLover I am horny and need to make a woman just cry and scream as she has a 5.6 earthquake.
I did laugh at this show The Best Time ever with Neil Patrick aka dougie houser and the white guy amid the brotherhood on Undercover Brother. Lil Red said she had been laughing at it and suggested it. She was correct the first episode had me ctfu.
Total Drama: the redonkulous race. They have continued to be some crazy cartoon creating fools over there. I have never been into the amazing race or any of those shows. But this one definitely will have me laughing.
Ok I tried the second episode of Minority Report. Umm, ok the little black girl has a cute little ass and they keep her in some tight pants. But I am trying to understand why this show is even on. I understand that it is relevant to us because it is showing us what the gubberment wants and will do to the citizens. But beyond that...wtf.
The Bastard Executioner. Ok I like Kurt Sutter because of how great Sons of Anarchy was. But this show has me contwisticated (I know that is not a word). I love medival stuff. And it has my baby momma Katey Segal that I want to fuck to death. But damn the plot, storyline and character development is so convoluted that Confucius is confused.
Ok this went longer and crazier than I thought. So I am going to throw it up as I ride out to that Scarface "Exit Plan."
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Within The Terrordome
The week has been marred by the parental units and their attempt to ply their selfish montra upon me.
Sitting here listening to s types speaking on service. And I realize that service is for both s type and Dom. But I really don't think that it is productive to complain and carry on with or without the Dom about the service that they are requiring. If you are not into service then it is best not to enter into those relationship. It doesn't appear to me to be true submission if it always has to be about something that you enjoy. Things are not always what makes you happy. It is about responsibility and duties on both sides of the slash.
Submission is more than service. It is being part of the guidance, goal achievement, service, loyalty, trust and respect. But as with all things I need the whole or as much as the whole as possible versus the tiny pieces here and there. Submission just like Domnance is about growth. So it is a work in progress. As trust and the connection grows then things increase and evolve. Just as a sub serves, me as a Dom looks out for my sub. Making sure of health and other aspects while pushing growth and accomplishments.
I think Bruce Lee's quote best fits D/s when it comes to growth.
Sitting here listening to s types speaking on service. And I realize that service is for both s type and Dom. But I really don't think that it is productive to complain and carry on with or without the Dom about the service that they are requiring. If you are not into service then it is best not to enter into those relationship. It doesn't appear to me to be true submission if it always has to be about something that you enjoy. Things are not always what makes you happy. It is about responsibility and duties on both sides of the slash.
Submission is more than service. It is being part of the guidance, goal achievement, service, loyalty, trust and respect. But as with all things I need the whole or as much as the whole as possible versus the tiny pieces here and there. Submission just like Domnance is about growth. So it is a work in progress. As trust and the connection grows then things increase and evolve. Just as a sub serves, me as a Dom looks out for my sub. Making sure of health and other aspects while pushing growth and accomplishments.
I think Bruce Lee's quote best fits D/s when it comes to growth.
“Do not be tense, just be ready, not thinking but not dreaming, not being set but being flexible. It is being “wholly” and quietly alive, aware and alert, ready for whatever may come.”
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
D/s aka The Executive Branch of the Lifestyle
I cannot make it clearer. When the playing is done and you are working on, building or maintaining a D/s relationship it is not a cake walk.
Of course I realized that in talking to the experienced and conferences. When they talk about the financial, world applications and lawful ramifications of doing this.
The initial process is one of playing chess with both hands tied behind your back until you progress more and more. It is like sending out force recon to the unknown and wondering if any of them will come back alive.
For someone that is a direct and immediate type of person originally. I find it interesting to look back on this last year and realize that I had to do that patient thing and all that I hated previously. It has definitely had it's moments throughout that time.
I can look at the growth within the labyrinth of Lil Red. As I hear the phrase "there and back again," from the Hobbit. *lol* A relation that was opposing forces at best in the beginning. Now something closer than distant.
With Lil Red I have been thoroughly challenged. From the weird things each of us bring with us to the communication gaps at times. This is where the choice of whether or not things are important and you can focus come to bear fully.
Why did I use the phrase "executive branch of the lifestyle?" Because this is the non glorious and always fun part of bdsm. This is the management and responsibilities part.
And believe me when you get one of the stellar unicorn types management can be like riding a bronco while doing your 1090 at the same time. lol But it is worth it. I see Lil Red looking at me side ways but it is the truth. lol The challenge keeps me interested and makes it all worth it.
The apply this fix and formula to solve everything. Doesn't work here. It is always on the job training and observation that you have to use to succeed. The traditional guidelines are there and they set down the basis and guide you. But Human nature is never that simple. And of course the adventure is always more memorable and exciting when it is not the same old boring things that you do.
Well I have to get back to reading my manual. More management to do.
And damn my play time is calling me too.
Till the next time. Adieu
Of course I realized that in talking to the experienced and conferences. When they talk about the financial, world applications and lawful ramifications of doing this.
The initial process is one of playing chess with both hands tied behind your back until you progress more and more. It is like sending out force recon to the unknown and wondering if any of them will come back alive.
For someone that is a direct and immediate type of person originally. I find it interesting to look back on this last year and realize that I had to do that patient thing and all that I hated previously. It has definitely had it's moments throughout that time.
I can look at the growth within the labyrinth of Lil Red. As I hear the phrase "there and back again," from the Hobbit. *lol* A relation that was opposing forces at best in the beginning. Now something closer than distant.
With Lil Red I have been thoroughly challenged. From the weird things each of us bring with us to the communication gaps at times. This is where the choice of whether or not things are important and you can focus come to bear fully.
Why did I use the phrase "executive branch of the lifestyle?" Because this is the non glorious and always fun part of bdsm. This is the management and responsibilities part.
And believe me when you get one of the stellar unicorn types management can be like riding a bronco while doing your 1090 at the same time. lol But it is worth it. I see Lil Red looking at me side ways but it is the truth. lol The challenge keeps me interested and makes it all worth it.
The apply this fix and formula to solve everything. Doesn't work here. It is always on the job training and observation that you have to use to succeed. The traditional guidelines are there and they set down the basis and guide you. But Human nature is never that simple. And of course the adventure is always more memorable and exciting when it is not the same old boring things that you do.
Well I have to get back to reading my manual. More management to do.
And damn my play time is calling me too.
Till the next time. Adieu
Monday, September 28, 2015
Beast Mode In Poetry: At War With The Beast
This is based of a true daily story and ongoing struggle. Because the pleasure in pain is real. Real, real damn good to me! lol But I have to do it safely and make sure that who i play with will be alright after I am done.
But Beast Mode is really REAL!!
But Beast Mode is really REAL!!
At War With The Beast
My inner sadist
He detests and hates
me
We battle in earnest
constantly
To secure some form
of foothold
Rigorously
He needs to feed
He has tasted
The blood and tears
Of my play things
The mental chains
Now barely containing
him
While the other part
of me
Wants him to be fully
released
So we can both
Smile with glee
Enjoy the high and
rush
Of tears, marks and
anticipated
Inflictions of pain
The Beast is what I
have always
Held in place
But after this last
year of tastes
It is like krispy Kreme
The Hot Now sign is
on
And now the feeding
frenzy
Has become a stellar
lunar eclipse
All the waiting
The controlled playing
When I want to render
my pain slut
Inert and pulsating
With the energy of my
Beast
Like a zombie
This urge grows more
and more
Deeply and maddening
I must feast
Should I eat enough
to
Keep the hunger pains
at a measured peace
Or should I unshackle
and unchain
The Beast
To let him gorge
himself fully
In a incandescent
color of pain
Moans, crying and
writhing
Where I harass every
bruise made
To reintroduce the
memory of pain again
The Beast
My burden
This stain upon me
The Power Extreme
within me
From the
chocolatezeus collection 9/28/15 ©
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Prominent Principle
I equate being a Dominant as being a manager.
Why you ask?
Why you ask?
- You have to set goals
- Be transparent
- Gain trust and cooperation
- support and guide
- remain vigilant
- Understand, learn and grow
It was said best last week about the lifestyle. It is all fun and games until it is not sexy anymore. That means when you are dealing with people on a regular. Day to day or whatever the intervals. It isn't about how well you can flog or single tail them. It is about if you can stand them. How they are as a person.
So many vanilla and people claiming to be in the lifestyle have the thoughts that it is about play. And there is an area about play. But when you are claiming D/s or M/s it isn't about the play. It is about a journey that is taken. Responsibilities and trust that must be handled..
See, there is no overconfidence in what I say. I remain humble. Searching for mentors and learning what I can. But I have come into contact with diverse people who have been able to express to me what their homes are like. The traditional aspects as well as the tailor made things.
One fix does not apply to all. Especially when you are with someone like Lil Red, who is completely and uniquely different in so many ways that I have lost count. Truely a test of learning, evolution and teachings applied at all times.
So veterans don't feel like all of us newcomers dismiss what you say. You can't fault the whole for some of the parts. Just as some us don't feel like every veteran has turned their back on instruction the newer people.
I have spent this last year seriously learning and applying myself with D/s. Some faux pas, some victories. But through it all there has been nothing but growth and strengthening. I will continue to stick to being involved in my community and look forward to travelling to other communities to partake soon as well.
Bottom line is the principles that you choose to uphold and value.
I value my desire to inspire growth, goals and an experience that gets better and better. A relationshp that is way better than when it began. At a place where we can look back and say, "we came a ways from there, clearly."
I remain steadfast in my principle and journey. Thankful for those that have imparted wisdom, views and more to me.
Spoken Word: Here and Now
silence grips
the meatiness of
nothingness
a potent culmination
of raw emotions and realization
standard bearer
infantry assault
No recon
relationship
quicksand
the only choice
in stand your ground
sunken
unfurled
stained
left with the vibe
vibration of synchronization
destiny
abound
glory found
through staccoto expression
a miracle is found
from the chocolatezeus collection 9/27/15 (c)
the meatiness of
nothingness
a potent culmination
of raw emotions and realization
standard bearer
infantry assault
No recon
relationship
quicksand
the only choice
in stand your ground
sunken
unfurled
stained
left with the vibe
vibration of synchronization
destiny
abound
glory found
through staccoto expression
a miracle is found
from the chocolatezeus collection 9/27/15 (c)
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Living It Instead of Playing It
My journey in bdsm has been one of profound experiences and accounting.
I am still new. I will continue to learn. To look for a mentor and everything.
As it was said on the conference call tonight by Kore. The aspects of this lifestyle is not all that sexy when you are doing the relationship things. Not just the beat me and make me feel good episodes.
It is important to have that connection and binding that you need outside of playing with someone. But as it has been said what do you do with each other when there is no play. It is about being able to talk and do things that are basically considered vanilla.
My journey with Lil Red has been one filled with uniqueness an weirdness. But it has been a journey in fundamentals and a dynamic that holds a serious weight between us. We talk and are able to function in and out of the lifestyle. Defining being a Dom and a sub together on a journey into mystery.
This relationship and hierarchy is not easy. It isn't a simple turn the corner and be there. It is about the building of trust and communicating. The connection that is established and grows. Hell, I can tell you in this short amount of time I have learned from leaps and bounds on things. And I am still in the very first steps of this.
There were the question of whether Lil Red was the right one. How did I know and understand that she was the right one. And my answer was and is: Because I evaluated, analyzed and got to know her. It comes from teh times where we have agreed, disagreed and shown who we truly are. But the beginning was that vibe and connection that was undeniable to me.
Here we are in the here and now.
Everything is not krispy kreme sweet with Lil Red and I. Our journey is not complete or even fully defined. But it is what it is and where it needs to be.
This lifestyle. This choice. Is not for the faint of heart. Or even for those that can do it if it is easy. It is overcoming, the overwhelming things that won't come easy or make sense.
Minus the glamour and glitz. I enjoy Lil Red and the things that we do and share. Add to that the D/s and the destiny that I have planned. Then things are just Perfect!
The Journey...
Mr Wolf and Lil Red
I am ready, willing and committed.
Be Prepared.
I am still new. I will continue to learn. To look for a mentor and everything.
As it was said on the conference call tonight by Kore. The aspects of this lifestyle is not all that sexy when you are doing the relationship things. Not just the beat me and make me feel good episodes.
It is important to have that connection and binding that you need outside of playing with someone. But as it has been said what do you do with each other when there is no play. It is about being able to talk and do things that are basically considered vanilla.
My journey with Lil Red has been one filled with uniqueness an weirdness. But it has been a journey in fundamentals and a dynamic that holds a serious weight between us. We talk and are able to function in and out of the lifestyle. Defining being a Dom and a sub together on a journey into mystery.
This relationship and hierarchy is not easy. It isn't a simple turn the corner and be there. It is about the building of trust and communicating. The connection that is established and grows. Hell, I can tell you in this short amount of time I have learned from leaps and bounds on things. And I am still in the very first steps of this.
There were the question of whether Lil Red was the right one. How did I know and understand that she was the right one. And my answer was and is: Because I evaluated, analyzed and got to know her. It comes from teh times where we have agreed, disagreed and shown who we truly are. But the beginning was that vibe and connection that was undeniable to me.
Here we are in the here and now.
Everything is not krispy kreme sweet with Lil Red and I. Our journey is not complete or even fully defined. But it is what it is and where it needs to be.
This lifestyle. This choice. Is not for the faint of heart. Or even for those that can do it if it is easy. It is overcoming, the overwhelming things that won't come easy or make sense.
Minus the glamour and glitz. I enjoy Lil Red and the things that we do and share. Add to that the D/s and the destiny that I have planned. Then things are just Perfect!
The Journey...
Mr Wolf and Lil Red
I am ready, willing and committed.
Be Prepared.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Predestined Destination
Yesterday brought to mind a plethora of things at the cigar shop.
If you didn't know my wife died 4 years ago. Instantly from a seizure from orgasms and I couldn't save her.
I mention the above because there is an older white guy that is a retired teacher that had his wife die a few months back. And he was trying to resusitate her like I was until the emts showed up and it didn't work. His name is Rich.
Rich and I conversate and laugh. We have joined in a bond because of losing our wives. His after many years together and mine after over 2 years. So when I saw that down look on his face the first time and the confusion I understood fully. That time when you are at a loss. Dealing with a part of you dying that you weren't expecting or ready to happen. The chaos that ensues while you don't have a moment to think through the fog that surrounds you and you breathe in is outlandish. People say and do things that make you want to murder them immediately.
So yesterday Rich came in to the shop and he broke down at the counter. It was something about a picture that he found in a drawer of his wife. it was short but it was a break down. And I totally understand and have been there plenty of times. Times where I have been driving and something reminded me of Chocolate Doll. And as Rich mentioned, certain things happen like his wife was sending a message. I have had that with Lil Red and the whole conversation about finding someone to be happy with after Chocolate Doll was gone instead of me staying to myself. There will be moments where you cry, get angry and or don't understand why.
Two very different individuals. But it is like God set in place me to be at the shop at this point in time to give support and guidance in a time where Rich needs it. And I am one that can understand it more closely than anyone else. So the Evil One is glad to help and be supportive to someone that needs it in a specific way. Helping him as much as I can from knowing the type of pain that he is going through is something else.
In this thing called life. Things like this is what makes life acceptable at times. The ability to be helpful and supportive in a way that is specific quality.
And I understand the death of his wife very well. Even I have my moments of memory, reflection and things that spark it all, even this day. I miss a woman that made me very happy and wanted me to be happy, both when she was alive and when she died. And I know she is having a ball laughing at me now with the things that I am going through. *I feel like sticking my hands in the back of your jeans again* Even the similarities are eerie at times. But all of this is some Chocolate Doll fault anyway.
But regardless I will keep Rich in prayer and continue providing what support I can. Whether it is some laughter, one of my shared crazy experiences or simply picking at him.
What is needed will happen.
This was a moment into the caring and concerned part of me. We will return back to our regularly schedule Havoc after this.
If you didn't know my wife died 4 years ago. Instantly from a seizure from orgasms and I couldn't save her.
I mention the above because there is an older white guy that is a retired teacher that had his wife die a few months back. And he was trying to resusitate her like I was until the emts showed up and it didn't work. His name is Rich.
Rich and I conversate and laugh. We have joined in a bond because of losing our wives. His after many years together and mine after over 2 years. So when I saw that down look on his face the first time and the confusion I understood fully. That time when you are at a loss. Dealing with a part of you dying that you weren't expecting or ready to happen. The chaos that ensues while you don't have a moment to think through the fog that surrounds you and you breathe in is outlandish. People say and do things that make you want to murder them immediately.
So yesterday Rich came in to the shop and he broke down at the counter. It was something about a picture that he found in a drawer of his wife. it was short but it was a break down. And I totally understand and have been there plenty of times. Times where I have been driving and something reminded me of Chocolate Doll. And as Rich mentioned, certain things happen like his wife was sending a message. I have had that with Lil Red and the whole conversation about finding someone to be happy with after Chocolate Doll was gone instead of me staying to myself. There will be moments where you cry, get angry and or don't understand why.
Two very different individuals. But it is like God set in place me to be at the shop at this point in time to give support and guidance in a time where Rich needs it. And I am one that can understand it more closely than anyone else. So the Evil One is glad to help and be supportive to someone that needs it in a specific way. Helping him as much as I can from knowing the type of pain that he is going through is something else.
In this thing called life. Things like this is what makes life acceptable at times. The ability to be helpful and supportive in a way that is specific quality.
And I understand the death of his wife very well. Even I have my moments of memory, reflection and things that spark it all, even this day. I miss a woman that made me very happy and wanted me to be happy, both when she was alive and when she died. And I know she is having a ball laughing at me now with the things that I am going through. *I feel like sticking my hands in the back of your jeans again* Even the similarities are eerie at times. But all of this is some Chocolate Doll fault anyway.
But regardless I will keep Rich in prayer and continue providing what support I can. Whether it is some laughter, one of my shared crazy experiences or simply picking at him.
What is needed will happen.
This was a moment into the caring and concerned part of me. We will return back to our regularly schedule Havoc after this.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Combined Lifestyles and Lack of Fortitude
I am telling you up front. this is going to be long. Get your drink and snacks together now!
Well we are into another week. And as always my mind is in overdrive every second of the day and night. From my relationship, my relationships to everything that has to be accomplished and handled.
In 5 days I have traveled more than 2000 miles so I hear Ru Ru saying, "told your Road Warrior ass that you were not retired." So yeah this one time she was correct in that. But I am not going to say it unless she asks. lol
Rope class was cool. I watched because I was still worn out and I felt it while I was sitting there watching. Still wish I had someone to go there with me so I could practice on. But that is life. I found myself keeping myself awake.
Ok so this was the weekend I was going to the swing party in rdu. Even though the ex munchkin monkey is excommunicated before that point. I said I was going to go and so I did. I really wanted to go and show my fucking ass at them bitches. So I ended up going with the teenage dream to the party. With her as my slave. And I had no intention on sharing anything with anyone there. Plus I needed a playmate anyway so I can have some fun and release a little bit of energy.
Here is the thing about me and the swing lifestyle. I enjoyed it in the beginning because the people weren't fake ass, self serving monkeys. And unfortunately it is also linked to they were not just black folk. But in the beginning it was about meeting, socializing and not being cliquish and having a good time. After that point it was just about money and whoever was the stars and flavor of the moment. But I don't normally play at parties because I am just good ole me and nobody else. So I bring my sand to the beach so I get what I want and how I want. Fuck the rest.
So back to this weekends party. It was alright. A little cramped in the host room but oh well. The main host was flirtatious but i knew that from the first time I met her at that cookout and tattoo party last month or something. I finally saw what evil lyn (ex munchkin monkey's cousin) looked like outside of a car. She actually had a decent body and some titties and ass. I still think she is a transformer and is just part human, part car. lol I had nothing to say to the ex munchkin monkey taking the money at all. There were some of the regulars. One of the ninja turtle looking chicks. And that hershey chick that doesn't like me because of the red springs monkey bitch. So teenage dream and I were in the host room and it was time to dress down and the host came to get the females. I told her that teenage dream wouldnt' be playing. I know that she loves fresh, new pussy so I am sure that was a bit of a let down but she had plenty of other options.
There was a guy there that I had met at the cookout and tattoo party with his girlfriend who wanted to swap but something was nagging at me not to do that even though I didn't mind fucking his chick. And I remembered later why. He stayed on the phone that first time I met him arguing with his wife. And the girlfriend was pissed with him about it. Umm, no thanks to fucking drama that I didn't create.
This brought to life the whole conversations and issues with swinging and bdsm that has been happening. I mean they are two different lifestyles and people are trying to combine the two. Like the ex munchkin monkey and the host had to get permisson from some guy but they are not his sub or slave. Go ahead and play that way if you choose to. Now I was a swinger before I came into bdsm. And I do combine the two. I combine them like I did last weekend. I went to a party and went back to my room to play. But I also know in true swinging there are relationships that are built and worked on as there are in bdsm. There isn't necessarily a hierarchy of course. But as in and out of both lifestyles and life you have those that want to pretend, play or just defraud the lifestyles and themselves. Nothing will stop the differing opinions on this subject.
Which brings me to a final subject. The actions of those that I once cared about and loved. Because once again I had to really consider just going all out and completely decimating another one instead of keeping her in limbo. Because I can't keep giving chances to show the importance of the relationship. I normally excommunicate immediately. But in my old age I gave some chances unfortunately over this last year. My mistake. Out of nostalgia and a past I gave these two a chance this year. Yeah, that worked real well. They couldn't speak up, tell the truth or say what were on their mind. But they want to act like everything is ok. No, it is not but then again maybe it is for you. For me you have made your choice in your exit strategy. And how do I always attempt to communicate with you and you never get the messages no matter what form I use? That is rather suspicious to me. Especially when I spend my time traveling. But that is apparently the concensus for humans today. I dont' have time to play games with jealous, insecure females that want to show and be extra crazy. With that said...you get what you choose.
Alright so I told you it was long. As I sit here watching wwe's night of champions and still laughing at how the first episode of Gotham didn't hook my interest yesterday. I am going to eat me some wings now and chill. Thinking about some Mr Wolf and Lil Red Time!
Well we are into another week. And as always my mind is in overdrive every second of the day and night. From my relationship, my relationships to everything that has to be accomplished and handled.
In 5 days I have traveled more than 2000 miles so I hear Ru Ru saying, "told your Road Warrior ass that you were not retired." So yeah this one time she was correct in that. But I am not going to say it unless she asks. lol
Rope class was cool. I watched because I was still worn out and I felt it while I was sitting there watching. Still wish I had someone to go there with me so I could practice on. But that is life. I found myself keeping myself awake.
Ok so this was the weekend I was going to the swing party in rdu. Even though the ex munchkin monkey is excommunicated before that point. I said I was going to go and so I did. I really wanted to go and show my fucking ass at them bitches. So I ended up going with the teenage dream to the party. With her as my slave. And I had no intention on sharing anything with anyone there. Plus I needed a playmate anyway so I can have some fun and release a little bit of energy.
Here is the thing about me and the swing lifestyle. I enjoyed it in the beginning because the people weren't fake ass, self serving monkeys. And unfortunately it is also linked to they were not just black folk. But in the beginning it was about meeting, socializing and not being cliquish and having a good time. After that point it was just about money and whoever was the stars and flavor of the moment. But I don't normally play at parties because I am just good ole me and nobody else. So I bring my sand to the beach so I get what I want and how I want. Fuck the rest.
So back to this weekends party. It was alright. A little cramped in the host room but oh well. The main host was flirtatious but i knew that from the first time I met her at that cookout and tattoo party last month or something. I finally saw what evil lyn (ex munchkin monkey's cousin) looked like outside of a car. She actually had a decent body and some titties and ass. I still think she is a transformer and is just part human, part car. lol I had nothing to say to the ex munchkin monkey taking the money at all. There were some of the regulars. One of the ninja turtle looking chicks. And that hershey chick that doesn't like me because of the red springs monkey bitch. So teenage dream and I were in the host room and it was time to dress down and the host came to get the females. I told her that teenage dream wouldnt' be playing. I know that she loves fresh, new pussy so I am sure that was a bit of a let down but she had plenty of other options.
There was a guy there that I had met at the cookout and tattoo party with his girlfriend who wanted to swap but something was nagging at me not to do that even though I didn't mind fucking his chick. And I remembered later why. He stayed on the phone that first time I met him arguing with his wife. And the girlfriend was pissed with him about it. Umm, no thanks to fucking drama that I didn't create.
This brought to life the whole conversations and issues with swinging and bdsm that has been happening. I mean they are two different lifestyles and people are trying to combine the two. Like the ex munchkin monkey and the host had to get permisson from some guy but they are not his sub or slave. Go ahead and play that way if you choose to. Now I was a swinger before I came into bdsm. And I do combine the two. I combine them like I did last weekend. I went to a party and went back to my room to play. But I also know in true swinging there are relationships that are built and worked on as there are in bdsm. There isn't necessarily a hierarchy of course. But as in and out of both lifestyles and life you have those that want to pretend, play or just defraud the lifestyles and themselves. Nothing will stop the differing opinions on this subject.
Which brings me to a final subject. The actions of those that I once cared about and loved. Because once again I had to really consider just going all out and completely decimating another one instead of keeping her in limbo. Because I can't keep giving chances to show the importance of the relationship. I normally excommunicate immediately. But in my old age I gave some chances unfortunately over this last year. My mistake. Out of nostalgia and a past I gave these two a chance this year. Yeah, that worked real well. They couldn't speak up, tell the truth or say what were on their mind. But they want to act like everything is ok. No, it is not but then again maybe it is for you. For me you have made your choice in your exit strategy. And how do I always attempt to communicate with you and you never get the messages no matter what form I use? That is rather suspicious to me. Especially when I spend my time traveling. But that is apparently the concensus for humans today. I dont' have time to play games with jealous, insecure females that want to show and be extra crazy. With that said...you get what you choose.
Alright so I told you it was long. As I sit here watching wwe's night of champions and still laughing at how the first episode of Gotham didn't hook my interest yesterday. I am going to eat me some wings now and chill. Thinking about some Mr Wolf and Lil Red Time!
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