Choices and Techniques...My Dominant Mindset

Decisions have to be made as a Dom or even man in the vanilla world. I have always made those decisions regardless.

In my dating experience I have always been picky. Seeking and requiring the females that I was interested in be unique, dynamic and appealing to me. That means the females are a thin line between ideal and improbable. I like them weird and to stand out from the pack. They keep me interested.

So since I am picky it can be seen as an issue because I am not into everyone. Why yes I am a man and I think with more than just my dick! I like a woman over a female. One with intelligence, wit, sex appeal and super freaky.

But most of all it is about that connect. That vibe that I get between us. That is what has me move forward prominently and seek what I want. Throw caution to the wind and take a chance for the best of the best.

It is that caring, understanding and given submission that is only characteristic to our dynamic that holds meaning to me. The things that she can think and understand while knowing that her guidance, existence and security are the things that will be kept and maintained. Even in those moments where I am not doing things properly. She looks out for me. She holds that realm of oddity which is a foundation of our dynamic being who we are exclusively. Growing through each experience and interaction. Journeying down our path gaining strength.

See...
I found exactly what fits. What was wanted. A work in progress. A defined solution sitting in front of me. And I have learned and evolved so that this will be something prominent. But I still won't act like I have even reached the 1/4th way in this. I have somehow worked with patience and understanding through all of this. (miraculous to say the least) Honing talents, techniques, applications and skills regularly on this. Because this dynamic is not easy as the rest. When you deal with the eccentric it will definitely put your fortitude and resolve to the test.

I am happy with what I have. Each moment of confused misunderstanding and mental lament yields just how special and relevant that this relation is. Because there have been moments where I have done more than just scratch my head. lol

In closing I say this. I don't use others complete techniques and philosophies to make my dynamic. I know and have refined what it is that I seek and where things will lead to. Each Dom and Master have their own methods. Each with things that make their dynamic completely unique to them. And that is the way it is supposed to be. Tailor made to each specific family.

Whether single or poly. The same intesity and requirements will remain for me. Established dynamic with trust and applicable journey to the goal seen.

With that said

*you lack of faith is disturbing* in my Darth Vader voice

Current Mood Music

Spoken Word: Lost In Vapor Trails

Lost In Vapor Trails

I look to the sky

Where dark now pushes light

I see your smile

Bright

As the northern lights

The gleam

Resides

I slowly wave

Mind and soul

Pitted and decayed

Wondering

Which efflux

Is your path

To fun and adventure

Longing

Wishing

I was there

To share in

You and the experience

I stand

Beholden

Sad

Just glad

That you have this chance

To enjoy and be able to

Live and experience

Your smile

Now worldly

From the chocolatezeus collection  7/8/15  ©

Reconstruction and Renovation

I need to play. I need to look at a sexy body tied up in rope and me doing all kinds of things to that body. Alas...oh well. The playground is closed or not available until whenever.

Just getting back in. Solitude, water and solitude.

Well all of you are getting ready for or on vacations, trips and fun and all that. Have a good time and have plenty of fun, sex and everything for me.

*shooting up the ceiling*

3 am

it has been quiet.
not a word.
interesting

I guess I will try and lay down then

*tossing grenades*

Gym, Anger and Unbelievable Ass

So I was at the gym. I might as well break something while I break me and everything else. Even the older white guy asked me if I broke the machine.

But damn I went to the water fountain and there is this skinny white girl. Little titties (at least she wasn't boy looking flat chested). And I look down at her size 4 body and she got an AZZ!!! Fuck the dumb shit this little skrawny broad had a round, soft looking fucking ass. I immediately wanted to fuck her on the weight benches and all the equipment. Beat her pussy, mouth and ass to death. And then tie her to the dead lift rig and beat her to death with everything I could. Now I wanted a skinny little chick I would do one like that. At least have that ass or some great big ass titties. And it is known that no matter the race I have only started finding skinny broads attractive in the last few years. Before that I was never ever attracked to anyone below a size 12 basically.

I used the hydromassage and massage chair for the first time and i needed that. Put everything on maximum harshness so I can feel something. And the guys working there laughed at me because I was like let me try this stuff out so i can have some sense of something.

Well I guess i will fucking find something to eat. Then shower. Grab the knife, gun and machete and hit the streets.

Pray for the fucking humans today!!!!!

I Have Come To Destroy Heaven and Hell

Here at the gym.

I don't want to think or feel. Because there is no relief in sight.

I guess I need to kick shot off into bersrrkrr mode to deal with this. Flashbacks to someone getting kicked off train platforms to the tracks. Crushed humans beneath my presence.

My anger has gone beyond rage with everything that has been going on. And I had to realize how I could gain shelter from this aka the soliude of peace is not how it use to be. And there in is the problem for me. That thing that would calm my world war beast is not understood or has thr ability to see the ramification and applicable need. This is what I get from himan contact.

Hell has opened and the devil and demons better underdtand just how they need to fear me

Spoken Rage: Daemonite Fear of Me

Transmuted
Transfixxed

Bound in emotionless
expressiveness

Reached threshold of
union and dysfunction

Lycanthrope reaction
caused by lunar placement
overwhelming
rage

Seeking needed answer
for a question already
prevalent
understood

Flames
melting hellions
as I stand amid the brimstone
watching the flames
Processed avoidance

Flames stained
with essence of me
cringing
seeking a life line
as I cause the flames to
die

Spoken Word Impact: Masterpiece Theatre of the Mind

That need to fed. leads to me thinking about the next time and moment. Combinations of impact play and rope. The Beast finally being free to be. The things that have never been available to be shown, experienced and seen. The true and full sadist of me. I need to hurt you so badly.

Masterpiece Theatre of the Mind

I look at you

You feel my malicious intent

The evidence

That you are my whore tonight

My palm downward

You kneel

Prostate your

Nakedness

To me

You are my canvas

And my creative juices flow

Tonight’s masterpiece

In pain and markings

Are you my whore

She looks up at me

Answering with appropriate

Intensity

Her response too slow

The slap I place

Stings

We have just begin

Pulling her up by her hair

Dragging her to the table

Let us begin then

Rope binds

As I tighten

Into preventive position

As flesh bulges between

Each roped section

Reverence achieved

The sound of the cane

As my swing lights fire to her skin

Lashes mark my beginnings

Automated flinches

My teeth bite skin

Digging deep

Deep imprints

Left in your chocolate skin

My canvas gains

A basis

Floggers

Whirl as they pound

Rope and exposed skin

Raised chocolate

Braised like a

Jamaican black cake

My flow crescendos

As cane and paddle

Strike in their furious battle

My strokes bring forth

Twisted contortions

Writhing, raised proportions

As channeled pain

Caves the mental walls

Into released bliss

My bliss

Amid sounds of smack

Slap

Crack

My artwork

Handiwork

Here and present before me

I stand back

Marveled

Caught in my newest

Tormented piece

As I admire

Sit and drink

Admiring another

Masterpiece

From the chocolatezeus collection  6/29/15  ©

The Day After Another Year

A day after my birthday.

Moments pass. Time is marked.

I cant say much about this weekend. It happened. There was nothing spectacular or memorable this time. Merely the ticking of the second hand as it passes each mark.

I watched the moon leave it's mark upon me. The sunrise and sunset flow back and forth. Beast mode is out of control because of the moon and what has happened.

I was told I think too much and I need to stop doing that. And I agree. My mind never ceases. Question is...how do I do that?

This walk. This journey. The trip into the unknown.

A break must happen. An end around run. Making happen is the only goal. And as usual I will unleash hell!

Standing at the beginning. A greymalkin beginning. Alpha omega. Apocalypse beginning.

Still giving thanks. Messages assimilated. I won't pay for the same real estate twice like Patton said.

Celebration...maybe another decade

Entrance Into My Day

Another year turned. And unlike last year and previous years it wasn't filled with travel, fun and excitement or new adventures.

It was filled with contemplation, realization and just life. As I sat there all night among the waves on the beach. I just dealt with it all. Well, as best as possible right now. There is so much going on.

I am thankful for Ru and keeping me sane, functional and helping me even when I am stubborn. She has been a life saver and more over and over again.

I can't say that everything has been horrible. I found what I wanted and I have worked towards it. Seeking to cross that finish line. I have had a moment of peace, pleasure and enjoyment this year. (I am beyond in need of one of those again to try and get back to being able to maintain). But I did see that momentary glimpse of me smiling happily.

My actions have always been gung ho towards that goal that I want and I am passionate about. It has always worked out well. Now, there is doubt. There is apprehension. And I had to realize just how deeply it went.

I have always led. Whether I needed to use my booming voice and presence or my natural way of quietly effecting change and action. Never have I questioned my Dom and dominance.  It is difficult when you encounter something that doesn't work out the way it has though. I will always have those that are enveloped in my world covered with concern, support and guidance.

My journey has been one of pure hell lately. But as is my nature I journey on for I am the Valley of Death. What I looked for to comfort, console and give me respite wasn't there. And it perplexed me. Then I realized the difference. The factors of now instead of how it should be. Understanding came and I had to close off alot of things with me. It has brought about unknown and familiar territory at the same time. And some of that concerns me.

I am looking right at what I want. The thing that will make me happy and give me a better outlook towards the future and growth. And I have to laugh because it is right out of reach for me. Can see it and almost touch it. But it is laughing at me.

The key has been understanding. And I have come to more and more of that. But I am wondering if the adverse of that will come to pass.

I think I am going to stop rambling here for now and return to thinking.

But I am thankful for those that have recognized another year for me. And glad for the things that have made me smile, laugh, crave and be happy.

I think it is time to go sit back on the beach and do my Atlas rendition again.

The Color Oracle Test

http://www.astro.com/cgi/atxgen.cgi?btyp=cf

This was an interesting test. It actually is quite on point. A few things that don't fit me but that is cool. I am shocked how well it showed things concerning me.

Your General Disposition

 At the present time, your behavior is characterized by your need for inner peace. You are very saddened when you encounter difficulties in dealing with someone because for you, interpersonal harmony is a worthwhile ideal and the prerequisite for finding satisfaction and inner peace. To your sorrow, though, dissonance is an unavoidable ingredient of every human relationship.

Interpretation of the Colors You Find Most Pleasing

Of great importance to you now is...


...unwavering stability.

Regardless of difficulties, criticism or objections, you are determined not be dissuaded under any circumstances from the things you consider to be right. This strongly driven attitude masks an inner insecurity that probably stems from the fact that your faith in a person you are close to, in people in general or in the justness of fate has been seriously shaken. When you are beset by problems you say to yourself: Don't panic! I can get help from my...

You can ask yourself:

...joyful fulfillment of your desires.

It is very important to you to achieve what you are striving for and to experience the joyful fulfillment of your wishes. The thing that actually often compels you into action is your deep yearning for unadulterated, lasting happiness and inner peace. If you seek these things in the realm of material possessions, relationships and experiences, you will suffer disappointment over and over again. You believe you have the "magic formula" for achieving unadulterated happiness, namely...

You can ask yourself:

...a thorough solution to your problem.

You can see it is now time to get up on your hind legs. You want to carry out your plans carefully and thoroughly and not be diverted from them. You take your tasks seriously and are not satisfied with half-hearted solutions or superficial answers. On the contrary, you try to get to the bottom of things, and you seek a radical solution to your problems. In the face of your personal problems you also concentrate on...

...satisfying your needs undisturbed.

When daily stress takes a toll on your nerves, you prefer to retreat to a quiet place, to your comfortable home, your hobbies or the sweetness of doing nothing. This allows you to devote yourself, undisturbed by problems and worries, to the thing most important to you and which gives you satisfaction, to regenerate and to recharge your batteries. Your most marked need at present is...

...the wisdom to avoid risks.

You give careful thought to what you do and what you say to whom. You hide your emotions and objectives behind a friendly but inscrutable mask in order to protect yourself from unpleasant confrontations and criticism. Your caution and reserve can be a sign of intelligence but also an expression of underlying fears. It would do you good to reveal your emotions and fears to someone you feel very close to in order to break through the wall of mistrust that you have erected around yourself. When you are pressured by problems, your internal computer screen displays the recommendation...

...the pleasurable satisfaction of your desire for enjoyment.

An inner urge drives you to obtain the sensual enjoyments and pleasures that you now desire so much. You grab lustily at anything tasty that is on offer, and you are delighted when there is something good to drink with it. The other thing that can get you going is your hunger for sexual satisfaction. If someone tries to deny you this enjoyment, you can become aggressive and unpleasant.

Interpretation of the Colors You Find Most Unpleasant

At the moment you feel most anxious due to your...

...fear of rejection.

You often feel isolated from other people by an invisible wall, and sometimes you get the creeping feeling that even the people you like don't really love you and possibly even reject you. On the other hand, you enjoy standing out from the crowd with your willfulness, unusual views and egocentric behavior. Your “distinctiveness trip” does win you attention, but not the warm-hearted affection you require. You get an uneasy feeling due to your...

Your unconscious advises you to:

...distressing relationship problems.

At the moment, you are more aware of your personal needs, worries and problems, and this makes contact with others more difficult. Your relationship difficulties make you all the sadder because, under the current conditions, you need loving attention more than usual. It would be easier for you to get what you need if you were better able to put yourself in the other person's shoes. You inwardly sigh over your...

Your unconscious advises you to:

...painful sense of loneliness.

Your need for loving company and tender physical contact is not being satisfied in the measure you would like. Your hunger for warm-hearted attention drives you to seek contact. Although you hold close association with a few people, when the interaction is over, you often feel lonely and left to your own devices. It saddens you to find so little understanding and responsiveness towards your needs and difficulties. Sometimes you feel sorry for yourself because of your...

...emotional sensitivity.

When you think about the difficulties you have to cope with, your mood is anything but rosy. You have to steel yourself against exhausting demands, you feel unfairly treated, or you are faced with some other impositions. You try to adopt a thick skin, but you get worked up all the same and have a tendency to make mountains out of molehills. At the moment, you are in quite bad spirits due to your...

...fear of misunderstanding.

You are fairly well convinced of your personal viewpoints, and you are certain that your needs, demands and plans are justified, but you fear others will show no understanding for them. In reality, you are often faced with misunderstanding, reserve or resistance because you are stubborn and a know-it-all. But you hardly let yourself be put off your stride. Other people show very little understanding for your...

...exhaustingly stressful situation.

The difficulties you are presently forced to deal with sometimes cause you distress and tax your energies. Instead of altering or leaving this situation, you heroically attempt to hold on and to act as if nothing were bothering you. In this way, you overextend yourself and become the victim of your own ambitious need to prove how strong you are.

Turning Point

Another year is about to be marked saturday. I am not happy about it because my plans were all dashed. The comfort, pleasure and peace I looked forward to is out of reach.  So basically I probably won't do a single thing this weekend. I did get the invite to Twin's bday party at Bill's. But I am horny and need of my fix and it is not there at all either. Well, it is what it is. And reinforces that rule of mine on expectations. *shrug* Lesson learned.

I need a deep tissue massage so badly right now to deal with the stress and dealing with everything that happened. I just need something to give. Get some reprise. But I will have to wait on that as well.

Oh and my King Sadist in me is really losing it. Past chomping at the bit in the need to finally let all the infliction of delicious pain out. I have been thinking and plotting how to use this energy on HQ. But that is on hold until whenever. I want to watch the reactions from flogging, tying them up in rope and me forcing each and every delicious orgasm and mental response. I especially ready to use the crucifixion tie and futimomo. I have been ready for those to be implemented to my demented pleasure since watching them demonstrate them at the rope classes here. It is going to be so titillating to have her prone and stuck in those positions so I can have my way with every inch of her body.

As a man I like to feel and see the reinforcement of relations with me. It makes me appreciate the person a whole lot more. Especially considering that I share with them all of me. Yes, I like the sexy pic sent to me to brighten my day. Calls, texts and thoughts of me keep me happy. I only ask for a few things to feed my attentive needs. Those little things make me smile and thankful for them being a part of me.

I have thought and discussed the joining of D/s relationship and having a relationship mixed together. it is not an easy thing. And honestly I am having a hard time feeling and figuring out the ways that will make things the best way possible. It doesn't change my goal and what I want though. It just says that it is not easy at all. But I want exactly what I want.

There have been some good things that have happened. Good discussion and realizations. At least I don't have to deal with absolutely everything being horrible.

I think I need some chocolate chip cookies to deal with this.

Enjoy. As I continue my mind's 20000 mph thinking