Spoken Word: Do You Know

Do You Know

The closeness I have felt with you

The reason why I

Opened up fully

Told you mind, heart and soul

From that first click

When the vibe solidified

I gave you all that is

Was this world of mine

Pure treasure

All that is me hidden behind

A titanium vault with no code

You hold

The comfort

Love and passion

Peace

These things that I need

That keep me alive and fine

Shelter from the storm of life

It is you

The key to no longer being

Feeling nothing

Don’t you know

How deeply

That you are a part of me

Wanted

Needed

Required

Attention and time

You don’t leave my mind

Just stand with me

Let me be your guide

As you reinforce a connection

With the simple  touch of

Your

Body

Soul

Mind

The intensity

You seen and felt

Is tribute to the meaning

The throne and championship belt

Is yours for the keeping

I just want

No need you to

Damn

Don’t you know

Don’t you understand

Or is it just me

And the apparent

Disconnect

I just want you to know

Show

And for us to flow

From the chocolatezeus collection  6/9/15  ©

Numb and Nonchalant

There are a few things that I need, like and want. When I find them I cherish them. Especially dealing with people.

Clmfort. Pleasure.  Fun and happiness derive from a lot of this.

This year these things have become WMDs against me.

My trips destroyed.  Every motion sent into a black hole. The one thing that woukd have allowed me to make it through all of this would have been spending my birthday with HQ. Even that is denied to me. The comfort and peace I would have had and found in those moments now merely a tortire device to send me further into my rage.

Thoughts and feelings have become nova cane numb. My outlook and demeanor unmoving.

As I sit and look. I can only see the now. Witness the pain. As what I cherish seems a pipe dream.

I see clearly how what I want, think and feel are solely my own. Making of my specialized downfall. I opened and encased myself in Pandora's box, a chines finger puzzle and the labyrinth all at the same time.

Broken and scarred. I had to merely analyze and rethink it all. The heart, mind and soul encased in carbonite. I already have the freezing thermal blindness. My sight was skewed and wrong.

As I change things to reflect what was wrong. I am reminded of the who I am and what life has me destined for.

Too bad I can't be mh own sin eater. I woukd have burst from being so full.

Oh well. It is what it is. Lesson taught.

Now I must rescind my previous visions and thoughts.

My heart given. My soul at the bottom of lebrea tar pit. Bathed in tar.

My mind broken like tbe rest of me from inside out.

But, I trained for this.  Just ha e to tame mhself again.

Leading.
Being.

The cards that I was dealt. Future Past marvel that I am still o. This side of

Last Moments and Meanings

I talked to Ru. I needed to. Something that would bring me some form of de escalation. She could hear the deal and said she was more concerned than normal. And I understand along with appreciate. She has been there for me time after time. And she will say I do the same but I discount that.

Right now I am sitting calmly in the blue, red and yellow flames that are burning me. This experience has really made me think and evaluate even more than my usual need 24 hours a day. And because of this I have to make changes and adjust accordingly so the way I am right now never occurs again.

I have allowed my age to deteriorate the things that have been my strengths and protected entities. Apparently I just have become slack and not as secure with each year. It is time for homeland security obviously.

The past is the past. You learn from it. When something happens again that is the same or similar then it is time for chaotic change.

And after feeling like this and everything showing me the disconnect with emotions, feelings, actions and relations. I realize it is time for upheaval.

I got the message!


Bring Out Your Dead!!!

Forbidden Solace

my heart
burnt to cold
blood long drained
soulless

captured
immortalized
as it reached for
the one thing that would
keep it whole

only to feel
realize
the death kneel
both heart and soul

realization
education

the price of being open
giving self to the void

left
crated
devoid

the key to peace
held in a black hole
as I remain a prisoner
of it's gravimetric hold

seeing the past and future
as the current
tears the fabric of me
my soul

a new empty
hole


from the angry chocolatezeus collection  6/6/15  (c)

The Joke of Happiness

oh yeah I am supposed to be happy and feel great.

When the parental units have cost me trips, my birthday, amsterdam and a pile of more stuff.

Remind me why and when happiness is supposed to happen? Because this is some fucking bullshit!

Nothing but anger and rage

Empty Vessel

a pure numbness
there is nothing left
a pile of hatred
burned into  white cinders

happiness
 a blocked wish
pipe dream to everything

plans destroyed
efforts dashed against black holes
corporal punishment
the result of laughter's hold

even Ru said something
is seriously wrong
your voice is low and cold

yet I am the one who needs
to be this beacon of smiles and grins
stained glass distortions

emptiness reigns
a thousand black holes
have engulfed my
heart, soul and living

rock bottom
dirty deeds

we are past the red line

everything is mega
empty


from the evil chocolatezeus collection  6/6/15  (c)

Messy Ass People And the Lifestyle

I am observant but in this last two years even I had to stop laughing at the monkeys and their activities in the lifestyle. Oh, it is not just bdsm but swinging also.

The Facade of Swinging

From the episode last year of chick talking about she fucked a guy she had agreed that she would leave alone because her so called girlfriend asked her to. But this chick and the guy fuck anyway behind the chick back. And then always hollering about we all family. *snicker* Yeah ok.

Don't worry, it doesn't just stop there. They make sure to take advantage of this guys s type every chance they get. Talking about how they love her and all that. When the only thing they are interested in is fucking her sir. And that is the only time she sees him. Of course she has low self esteem and stuff,, but they take advantage of that. But remember those words of love and family. It is sad but hey these are users. So you can't expect anything less.

Swinging means sharing and swapping within the confines of whatever rules couples may have. People really got it fucked up these days with their monkey ass shit. That is why I backed off from hanging out with any of them. Because there are only a few that are true and you can hang out with without the total and utter bullshit.

Thankful for real swingers.

Boisterous and Back Stabbing BDSM

The hot mess I have witnessed first hand in this has been the making of every soap opera.

As with swinging you have poly allegedly in use in dynamics. But it is basically pretend poly. I mean, if you have to creep around on your dom or with a dom that has other s types then you are merely pretending and keeping things messy.  There is no need for this creeping mess at all. And the funny part is when the s type that is creeping with the dom that has s types has so many issues with his s types. But smiling in their face and talking to them like everything is alright. Just messy and drama. Just keep it real. You don't like them and you want them gone.  So you keep fucking the dom and smiling in his s types faces. And as the dom you keep fucking the side chicks even though you can just get rid of your s types if they are not what you want and or simple do whoever you want and everyone knows about it.

Damn people just keep shit going and fucked up

Today's Apocalypse Training sponsored by Rage of an Angry Black Man

Well I hit the gym this morning. After the culmination of things this week and last night. I probably shouldn't have went to the gym today. I over did everything. I am in pain. And more pain than normal. I might have hurt something but fuck it. It will have to die and I will continue on.

lol I getting more eye opening revelations as the year progresses. And it really is looking like personally going old school again. 

lol I am going to do the gray area as people love to be in. But it will be attached to the old me.

Fuck it!

Unloading a clip in she ceiling.

On to the next Hellish episode

I NEED!!!

I need to fuck someone's brains out.
Flog, cane and paddle them until my inner self says "that is enough"

Fuck Kym Whitley, Kim Eternity, Carmen Hayes, Menaja and Jill Scott for starters. Until they are all passed out twice.

I need my fix to be feed to astronomical proportions now! The situation and answer to it are unfortunate.

and I still need to fuck Salt n Pepa until they are just melted piles. Especially Salt with her big ass titties and thickness.

I need to fuck and break someone. Basically

Cold Stone Living

Sin Eater
The Coldest Winter yet
heart set in concrete
burning in a brimstone set

ripped and torn flesh
skeleton and muscle
cleaved to a senewed
remnant

but Evil never rests
And the Death is merely
living

*evil laughter*
Apocalypse
the Alpha and Omega set!

In that BACDAFUCUP Mood

I am on that angry black man music.

Letting the pen maim and kill.
Immersed in the current situation fully

Giving and taking
The Last Ride!

Locked and loaded
Evil's Last stand


LoL
Yeah right!

Black Hole Slam

There was the beginning. Fun, excitement and anticipation. Now there is merely a matter of "it is what it is."

I have always been just me. The one that is strange, stands out and off. I always thought being your own person, an original was important. Making a distinction between those you held in high regard, esteem and connection and those that were simply the public.

Apparently being yourself is frowned up on and wrong when it comes to relationships. So I have been wrong from the start.  I am supposed to treat everyone nice like the willy wonka chocolate factory and then shove them out the airlocks. Fine.

Those that I love and I am close to are parts of me. Meaning they make me happy, sad and all that stuff. the things that the public won't get from me. I know what makes me happy and when. with these comments of I would be so much better if I am nicer to the humans going on. I am supposed to do for everyone and make everyone feel wonderful.

Being married really spoiled me. To thinking that a woman could understand, appreciate and accept that I treat them unlike others because of her place and meaning to me. That whatever way I interact with others was no where near as important. My wife understood, accepted and laughed about it many times. My happiness and being content is really simple. It is not complicated. Others make it complicated.

I make decisions that others choose to take time and forever or never to do. I analyze with my pros and cons and go from there with whether it is acceptable or not.  I have no problem working towards a future with getting to know and building things. But damn this day and age they want you to jump through a bunch of hoops for them.  I met my wife and a year later got engaged and then a year after that got married. I move with purpose and knowledge of what fits and what doesn't. Even when things surface later it is workable because the foundation.  And this intense purpose works for me when it is someone that I choose to be involved with permanently. When I really don't have any permanent feelings about them then who gives a damn.

I was on the event horizon last year. I moved away from the black hole. Now I seem to be sitting in the middle of it. The crux of the nonchalant, emptiness.

Things this year have really revealed themselves.  Threat level is at Alpha and response is at the Omega level.  This ebb and flow has been unbelievable.

Yeah, the phrase "it is what it is," sums up feelings, experiences, the year and all.

oh well fuck it

From the Valley of Death

Still a living hell here. Stressed, tired and no peace. And especially no way to get things done that need to be done while the parental units are around.

Lately has really made me thinking about missing my wife and someone that I can have that peace with. That person that buffers the humans from my wrath. And makes me laugh, calm down, think and feel the calm. It can be an intense position for a woman. But it is adventurous, entertaining, fun as well as educational.  That peace is what I really need right now. The thing I cherish with that special person and I am eternally grateful for their ability to provide that. Whether is is merely grabbing my hand and looking at me. Or fixing me a drinking. Or Giving me a kiss as they go read or watch a program. Those simple things keep me from using 5 Deathstars on the planet.

I am still angry, disappointed, agitated and stressed. I was supposed to be enjoying learning, energy and a first time experience. Instead of stupidity and disaster.

In this current situation I really wonder about the worth of Duty. Even though it is my core I really hate that I use it with the parental units. I do what I must even though I can't stand it.

I need a serious full fledged release in a Natural Disaster way right now. I need to fuck, suck, beat, torture and more. To release the Ultimate Dark Lord of Havoc.  It would greatly improve things. Including my disposition, health and the life expectancy of others.

Apocalypse Training is going. I am still dealing with the shock of doing it. I feel like a fucking health nazi now with working out and eating healthier. It just doesn't feel right or natural. But when evil ages I guess you have to deal with these changes as well. But, I have done decently. I haven't been to the letter but I have been at least half way there. More exercise than eating.

With my face and head hurting. I await the next episode of "This is Some Bullshit."  Till the next time folk.


As I lay in the valley of death. I fear no evil, for I am the Evil and evil fears!