Okay I just watched the first episode of this new show Empire with Taraji P Henson. Now she is sexy as hell and I have been wanting to fuck her into a few comas and bring her back for more.
It has Terrance Howard and Malik Yoba in it as well. But it really seems like some housewives of garbage type of show. It is obviously geared towards females and gays from this first episode. And that is fine. But what is the actual plot and where is the content. So called bad bitch gets out of prison and wants what she thinks she is owed by the baby daddy when she went in.
So apparently this is going to be some hood type fantasy where black folks really don't handle business well and take things back to the streets as usual. Or never left the streets. Real black business owners and gangsta's don't run it messy like this. How the hell do you just let someone walk up unannounced into your board and company meeting?
I am going to try one more episode before i nail the coffin.
Agent Carter
Now I am not all that familiar with her character in comics besides knowing her name and she worked for SHIELD. But how in the hell is she getting this run? Once again I know that this is for the females to have their hero who can run around in 50s attire to beat and shoot people while being a spy. So with that said I love a good female hero. But where is a story line that will have and keep me interested. We get brief appearances of Howard Stark. Other than that there really is nothing else at all. She is trying to clear his name but we only get half hazard attempts at something interesting. The most interesting thing is that Jarvis is on here as the actual butler. Which makes for a brief respite. Another note to mention...the camera lens and the fact that she wears colors that stand out against the background and other characters make it interesting.
The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies
Now, I had bee waiting to see this and it did not disappoint at all. It was breathe taking. The scenery, action and details were overwhelming just like it should be. After reading the book this is an excellent rendition of the battle. This movie was decently close to the way the book was thankfully. The skillfulness of the combatants kept you trying to capture everything, while knowing you missed a bunch of stuff.
I will have to watch it again in a little while after writing this. lol
Quality entertainment is hard to find these days.
Thursday, January 08, 2015
Wednesday, January 07, 2015
Searching For The Perfect Beat
I have always sought something extraordinary. A woman, relationship that leaves me spent and craving. Lost on an astral plane of existence. Killing me with pleasure is what I want to be my ultimate end.
This search has brought me some hazmat relatinship situations and some very memorable I would love to repeat escapades. From those I dated, played with and my wife. Things have only gotten freakier and increasing the need for more and more. As I look back, now and forward though I wonder if it is just a lost cause. A pipe dream. As my sex drive and desire keeps increasing. There is no outlet for sex or my need to be ultimately sadistic. Last year I finally had a chance to let some of that out and I am even more addicted now. Wanton for the combination of orgasms and responses to the pain I inflict. Enjoying every last time she cums only to make her cum even more. Then to only overload her sensations to the point where she is lost in a haze.
I have kept them cumming past their point of comfort. To feed my need for that super stimulation. They thought it was about them until that barrier of their mind's comfort was destroyed and there was only my pleasure. Draining every last squirt from their body only to make them squirt from some unknown place again. I just keep saying feed me. Feed me what I need. Combine me flogging, tying, padding and caning them. My hunger is ferrocious now.
The results have not always been the best for them. For I have broken the ones that everyone else saw as the females that couldn't be broke. She don't tap out as I laugh at myself because I know she does. Because I have made them tap out and more. To the point when we showed up at swing parties that I had to promise not to make them do it in public. I like breaking the proclaimed boss, diva, superfemale. Makes me grin with enthusiasm.
Unfortunately this formula is broken. Wanting a relationship with a capable woman and sub/slave has become me trying to escape the labyrinth. Even though it has been told to me that I scare prospects off that may be interested in me. I stick to the fact that it weeds out the ones that can't cut it right off the bat. The frauds and ones that are not strong enough to be with or deal with me. I am closed off to those that can't accept and understand that I am just going to be me. I step up to the plate and let my intentions and wants be known. All I ask is to be real and be yourself. Don't fight what you feel, need and want. Dealing with females though that is a difficult task I have seen.
What do I want you ask? A Woman! One that can be stimulating in a multiple of ways. Loving, caring and understanding. Accept me and understand that I treat those I love and care about like the treasure that they are to me. But I don't give a second look at things outside of the circle. So I need them to focus on the glow that is us. She has to feed me sexually. From the many marathon sex sessions, to being my ultimate slut and whore. I want to be taken to the brink. Put me to sleep and make me tap out for once in my life. Kill me with pleasure. I want a woman that is mine and my sub/slave. The whole package in one. Give me the sexy ass woman with the relationship that can't be eclipsed!
After saying all this. I sit back and look at the brick wall with the razor wire still sitting in front of me. Wondering if a woman will have the mental stability and fortitude to join me in this journey and let's be the Legends that we are meant to be. It is hard when you have females that can't be themselves and feed you bullshit visions of themselves. Or the mental blocks that won't let them free themselves to live and love life.
As I sit here amid the rubble and obstacles I wonder what direction if any I can travel? Will I get the woman I seek? Or will I just have to stick with just some play things and let intimate things die peacefully.
Crossroads
Land mines
and the abyss
This search has brought me some hazmat relatinship situations and some very memorable I would love to repeat escapades. From those I dated, played with and my wife. Things have only gotten freakier and increasing the need for more and more. As I look back, now and forward though I wonder if it is just a lost cause. A pipe dream. As my sex drive and desire keeps increasing. There is no outlet for sex or my need to be ultimately sadistic. Last year I finally had a chance to let some of that out and I am even more addicted now. Wanton for the combination of orgasms and responses to the pain I inflict. Enjoying every last time she cums only to make her cum even more. Then to only overload her sensations to the point where she is lost in a haze.
I have kept them cumming past their point of comfort. To feed my need for that super stimulation. They thought it was about them until that barrier of their mind's comfort was destroyed and there was only my pleasure. Draining every last squirt from their body only to make them squirt from some unknown place again. I just keep saying feed me. Feed me what I need. Combine me flogging, tying, padding and caning them. My hunger is ferrocious now.
The results have not always been the best for them. For I have broken the ones that everyone else saw as the females that couldn't be broke. She don't tap out as I laugh at myself because I know she does. Because I have made them tap out and more. To the point when we showed up at swing parties that I had to promise not to make them do it in public. I like breaking the proclaimed boss, diva, superfemale. Makes me grin with enthusiasm.
Unfortunately this formula is broken. Wanting a relationship with a capable woman and sub/slave has become me trying to escape the labyrinth. Even though it has been told to me that I scare prospects off that may be interested in me. I stick to the fact that it weeds out the ones that can't cut it right off the bat. The frauds and ones that are not strong enough to be with or deal with me. I am closed off to those that can't accept and understand that I am just going to be me. I step up to the plate and let my intentions and wants be known. All I ask is to be real and be yourself. Don't fight what you feel, need and want. Dealing with females though that is a difficult task I have seen.
What do I want you ask? A Woman! One that can be stimulating in a multiple of ways. Loving, caring and understanding. Accept me and understand that I treat those I love and care about like the treasure that they are to me. But I don't give a second look at things outside of the circle. So I need them to focus on the glow that is us. She has to feed me sexually. From the many marathon sex sessions, to being my ultimate slut and whore. I want to be taken to the brink. Put me to sleep and make me tap out for once in my life. Kill me with pleasure. I want a woman that is mine and my sub/slave. The whole package in one. Give me the sexy ass woman with the relationship that can't be eclipsed!
After saying all this. I sit back and look at the brick wall with the razor wire still sitting in front of me. Wondering if a woman will have the mental stability and fortitude to join me in this journey and let's be the Legends that we are meant to be. It is hard when you have females that can't be themselves and feed you bullshit visions of themselves. Or the mental blocks that won't let them free themselves to live and love life.
As I sit here amid the rubble and obstacles I wonder what direction if any I can travel? Will I get the woman I seek? Or will I just have to stick with just some play things and let intimate things die peacefully.
Crossroads
Land mines
and the abyss
From Holidays and Beyond!!
From the aftermath of:
- the holidays
- parental units
- relatives
- relationships and lack there of
- analysis
Comes the re-certified and reconstituted me.
Apocalypse: Crown of
Chaos
Tendrils of light
Encased by the all
encompassing
Hues of darkness
Light
Dark
Separate reigns
Held in my same hand
Lightning clashes
Tranquil wave
splashes
Simply put
I am the calm
As Hell is unleashed
Time
Beings
Fighting their life’s
fallacies
Both my enemy
My duty
To show and teach
Through the hatred
and fear
Of me
All hail
Be consumed
For in your
imprisonment
I will set you free
Chaos Reigns
That chaos is ME
From the
chocolatezeus collection 1/7/15 ©
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
2014 A Year In Another Universe
The last night of the year. I look back and even I have to really wonder about all the things that have happened this year.
This summer I traveled and had a good time. Adventures Zeus style. Plenty of laughter and enjoyment. Met someone I didn't even get along with at first. Interestingly enough that is the opposite now. I also had the curtain lifted on the fog and parlor tricks to me. Ultimate realization that I dearly miss my family.
I grew exponentially in my bdsm learning. Indulged and finally found some sadistic release. Found the relationship I would like to have and enjoy for eternity. Went to Black Beat and saw first hand the different aspects of individuals in the lifestyle and how they can be. The good, bad and ugly. It all helped me refine what I wanted and understand what I didn't need.
After having one of the worst years ever and horrid holiday memories. I realize that there had to be a quantum leap in being me. To not only regain the things that I have lost but to surge forward in a nuclear intensity.
From relationships, lack there of, and the one wanted. Made me realize how am just like Halo's Master Chief. Duty bound even when I disagree. The one that leaps in and fights to the teeth. Yet, vulnerable as I await my peace.
Into the void I leap.
Strapped to the teeth.
Declaration of War
Lost in a year that
will live in
Infamy
Cauterized
Lycanthrope releases
Seething
I challenge the
future
We will battle for
eternity
My intensity
increased to
Super Saiyan times
ten
I take back and
ascend
Into the darker side
of me
Regaining and
surpassing
What use to be
Never again will
these memories
Be repeated
Giving all and
everything from here on back
Their eulogy
Battle cry
2015
Opens with this
Determined ferocity
No weapon forged will
stop me
For I am the ultimate
weapon
Let the
Carnage
Chaos
My breathing
Begin and increase
Ready or not
The battle is coming
From the
chocolatezeus collection 12/31/14 ©
Sunday, December 28, 2014
The House of Havoc!!!!
This year solidified a lot of things. Open my eyes to things and people I thought were real. So let's let the Borg free shall we!
There use to be individuals that were constants in my life. Ones that I looked out for and gave up for. Love and caring were second nature. Now, like the rest there is merely apathy. When you make our relationship a memory instead of a priority. Then I merely dismiss you and see you as something and some memories. And there was a surprise there for me. Because I never would have thought it until the discrepancies and all floated to the surface of our dead sea. Or when a friendship takes no relevance until you might remember that we were once friends and call out the blue again.
Relationships have always been mission impossible for me because females just can't seem to function, think and become a woman like they should be. With each encounter there was a diminished capacity for the probability of true relationships because of females and women being inept terribly. Step forward, explain what you want and are looking for. Slap them in the face with it. If I am feeling you tell you that and all. But that brutal honesty and truth are too much for them. Intensity and knowing what you want, while expressing it. Causes the fright and flight tendencies.
Even with BDSM. The things I have seen and experienced this year got me to seriously considering and thinking. The want for poly family. Having a sub/slave and all. In a supposedly more open lifestyle it is harder to find one suitable to start a relationship with. The only thing that is prevalent is the attitude of "just come play with me." So, I will just entertain that until I get bored with them being nothing. I looked forward to growing and establishing something of meaning....a relationship. Looking at the messy people and their so called relationships. Maybe this is the ultimate mission impossible situation. Full of facades, lies and unnecessary things.
I am captain caveman. A modern day chauvinist in this day and age. I lay it on the table if you are in my circle and you have all of me. Outside of my circle you will see and hear the tumbleweeds. So when I say just be yourself. Then that is what I mean. No need to fight for something that the other parts of the equation don't want to keep. Spouting words out of their mouth. While saying and showing nothing.
So looking back on 2014. I see two constants. Ru Ru and Munchkin for the year. HQ for allstar. It is what it is!
Messages heard.
Lessons learned
Assimilation occurred
Just have to sum up 2015 in the hook of Redman and Meth.....*Whatever Man!!!!
There use to be individuals that were constants in my life. Ones that I looked out for and gave up for. Love and caring were second nature. Now, like the rest there is merely apathy. When you make our relationship a memory instead of a priority. Then I merely dismiss you and see you as something and some memories. And there was a surprise there for me. Because I never would have thought it until the discrepancies and all floated to the surface of our dead sea. Or when a friendship takes no relevance until you might remember that we were once friends and call out the blue again.
Relationships have always been mission impossible for me because females just can't seem to function, think and become a woman like they should be. With each encounter there was a diminished capacity for the probability of true relationships because of females and women being inept terribly. Step forward, explain what you want and are looking for. Slap them in the face with it. If I am feeling you tell you that and all. But that brutal honesty and truth are too much for them. Intensity and knowing what you want, while expressing it. Causes the fright and flight tendencies.
Even with BDSM. The things I have seen and experienced this year got me to seriously considering and thinking. The want for poly family. Having a sub/slave and all. In a supposedly more open lifestyle it is harder to find one suitable to start a relationship with. The only thing that is prevalent is the attitude of "just come play with me." So, I will just entertain that until I get bored with them being nothing. I looked forward to growing and establishing something of meaning....a relationship. Looking at the messy people and their so called relationships. Maybe this is the ultimate mission impossible situation. Full of facades, lies and unnecessary things.
I am captain caveman. A modern day chauvinist in this day and age. I lay it on the table if you are in my circle and you have all of me. Outside of my circle you will see and hear the tumbleweeds. So when I say just be yourself. Then that is what I mean. No need to fight for something that the other parts of the equation don't want to keep. Spouting words out of their mouth. While saying and showing nothing.
So looking back on 2014. I see two constants. Ru Ru and Munchkin for the year. HQ for allstar. It is what it is!
Messages heard.
Lessons learned
Assimilation occurred
Just have to sum up 2015 in the hook of Redman and Meth.....*Whatever Man!!!!
Tuesday, December 09, 2014
Today's Anarchy of Relations
I have read and listened to the way relations are today. And all I can do is look wide eyed and shake my head.
Females want to have all the love and everything like they are in a marriage but want it to be not a relationship but a condition when they are in the mood.
Males that have no idea what being man is about. Thinking that pussy rules everything. Standard issue to stupidity.
This whole unnecessary confusion because females can't be women and males can't be men. So much pretending and jockeying for position that it is all a quagmire of bullshit.
Yet, people wonder I have positioned myself where I don't take the nonsense and I am picky about it.
*shrug*
Let the apathy reign
Females want to have all the love and everything like they are in a marriage but want it to be not a relationship but a condition when they are in the mood.
Males that have no idea what being man is about. Thinking that pussy rules everything. Standard issue to stupidity.
This whole unnecessary confusion because females can't be women and males can't be men. So much pretending and jockeying for position that it is all a quagmire of bullshit.
Yet, people wonder I have positioned myself where I don't take the nonsense and I am picky about it.
*shrug*
Let the apathy reign
Sunday, December 07, 2014
Trustworthiness and Relationships
After listening to another dynamic discussion courtesy of Sir Mythos. I once again looked at the aspect of relationships and their applications to me.
One of the points Sir Mythos brought up was about each individual in a relationship or seeking one needing to be trustworthy and not looking for trust. It made so much sense. Because everyone has trust issues due to life experiences. But if you make it so or show that you are not trustworthy the relationship is dead regardless.
I applied this to those that I tell all things to and have become close to. My ride or die Ru Ru and I are the Road Warriors. Trust her with all things without a half a second thought. Munchkin and I can get our monkey slap and laugh on. The adventures solidified the love and trust that we have with each other. Shockingly I have come to deep trust with Lil Red. It is a shock because at this point in my life I am like the ivy league when it comes to those I choose to be bothered or involved with. And of course there is Auntie my only family left since my wife's death. She knows everything within reason. No need to give the christian lady a heart attack no matter how understanding she is. lol
Hell, I don't have trust or any relationships with the parental units or the ex best friend anymore. I don't ask for much but if you can't respect and ride with me. Then you are nothing to me.
My relationships evolved just like me. With emphasis on a two way relationship instead of a just me and you receive type of relationship. I had enough of those over my life and especially since my wife died. people tend to forget a relationship is work on both sides. Not just one or a do nothing and let things work itself out type of situation.
My desire for a bdsm relationship doesn't change of that. Wanting a slave or sub doesn't mean I am going to change the principles. So I have been evaluating things as usual. And I realize that findind someone for this type of relationship may not occur. I am fine with that. I will just do what others do and play and leave it at that. For many that is all that bdsm is. *shrug* I am a realist about situations. What I want is not necessarily anything else wants and I am fine with that.
As far as the love life. After almost cussing the parental units and the cousin out over that thanksgiving holiday mess. I realized just how far into the void I have gone from having a loving marriage and believing in love and relationships. To this point of absenteeism and isolation because of the meaning won't be the same for someone else like it is to me. I have wondered if miracles can happen more than once and then I look at things now and laugh. What I want is there but that is only my desire. No telling if there is anything there or reciprocation. It is all good things are assimilated as always.
People need to understand their relationships and either put forth effort or do nothing and face the results. The whining and complaining while you sit there stagnant and silly is comical. Make moves to betterment or shut the fuck up and enjoy your bereavement.
As for me I make my intention known. Show what relationship means to me. And leave the choice o what the other part of the relationship wants to do to them. I am not making anyone do anything or sway their thinking. I will merely mark them off as an associate.
Relationships
a lost dynamic
in this current climate
One of the points Sir Mythos brought up was about each individual in a relationship or seeking one needing to be trustworthy and not looking for trust. It made so much sense. Because everyone has trust issues due to life experiences. But if you make it so or show that you are not trustworthy the relationship is dead regardless.
I applied this to those that I tell all things to and have become close to. My ride or die Ru Ru and I are the Road Warriors. Trust her with all things without a half a second thought. Munchkin and I can get our monkey slap and laugh on. The adventures solidified the love and trust that we have with each other. Shockingly I have come to deep trust with Lil Red. It is a shock because at this point in my life I am like the ivy league when it comes to those I choose to be bothered or involved with. And of course there is Auntie my only family left since my wife's death. She knows everything within reason. No need to give the christian lady a heart attack no matter how understanding she is. lol
Hell, I don't have trust or any relationships with the parental units or the ex best friend anymore. I don't ask for much but if you can't respect and ride with me. Then you are nothing to me.
My relationships evolved just like me. With emphasis on a two way relationship instead of a just me and you receive type of relationship. I had enough of those over my life and especially since my wife died. people tend to forget a relationship is work on both sides. Not just one or a do nothing and let things work itself out type of situation.
My desire for a bdsm relationship doesn't change of that. Wanting a slave or sub doesn't mean I am going to change the principles. So I have been evaluating things as usual. And I realize that findind someone for this type of relationship may not occur. I am fine with that. I will just do what others do and play and leave it at that. For many that is all that bdsm is. *shrug* I am a realist about situations. What I want is not necessarily anything else wants and I am fine with that.
As far as the love life. After almost cussing the parental units and the cousin out over that thanksgiving holiday mess. I realized just how far into the void I have gone from having a loving marriage and believing in love and relationships. To this point of absenteeism and isolation because of the meaning won't be the same for someone else like it is to me. I have wondered if miracles can happen more than once and then I look at things now and laugh. What I want is there but that is only my desire. No telling if there is anything there or reciprocation. It is all good things are assimilated as always.
People need to understand their relationships and either put forth effort or do nothing and face the results. The whining and complaining while you sit there stagnant and silly is comical. Make moves to betterment or shut the fuck up and enjoy your bereavement.
As for me I make my intention known. Show what relationship means to me. And leave the choice o what the other part of the relationship wants to do to them. I am not making anyone do anything or sway their thinking. I will merely mark them off as an associate.
Relationships
a lost dynamic
in this current climate
Saturday, December 06, 2014
Weight of the Multiverse
Enduring and survival have always been who I have been. Holding the wait of worlds upon myself so many times. For periods I cannot remember. My nickname Zeus came from my overwatch, protective nature. One of the few things I held onto from college days.
Now things have changed. Invulnerability has lessened. Maturity, evolution and change has come. I am still on Overwatch. I am just not as young and foolhardy as I once was.
I have been husband, man, counselor, protector and so much more. I realized that was part of my life from an early age. From the moments where I was the boy with no girlfriend and all the girls talking to me. Loved and hated for just being myself.
As we come to the here and now. The universe as well as myself has expounded. Things are not as simple as they use to be. The complications have grown and risen to all new heights. My nice guy persona died. Evolution allowed me to grow and become the Havoc that I was supposed to be.
Now I am known for cold, concise, uncompromising intensity. I'll be dat!! All of that look at things from others points of view is irrelevant for me when it is my principles that are most important. Their feelings, thoughts and views do not define me. Like I tell females. My switch is either on or off. There is no in between. I know what I want and need. Nor am I afraid to speak it and be specific about picking properly.
But my strength remains most evident when you move past that view and concern about everyone else. With me I will love and care for you until the end of existence unless you decide to destroy that or walk away. My circle is small and tight but those within get every aspect of me. My love is just as potent as my disconnect.
So when I seem indifferent. Or merely observe and don't use fake phrases like family and friends where it is not appropriate. You can truly understand. I laugh constantly at the lies people say when you talk them or are in a group and they are hollering out the lie that we are all family. Especially when I know how you betray and turn on your so called friends and family.
No matter. I hold this weight of all things upon me. Because it is my destiny. The loss of my family. And dealing with the parental units. To the apparent end of a loving destiny. Each day something else is added. It is part of my whole existence. Transmuted into my eternal damnation and endurance.
Now things have changed. Invulnerability has lessened. Maturity, evolution and change has come. I am still on Overwatch. I am just not as young and foolhardy as I once was.
I have been husband, man, counselor, protector and so much more. I realized that was part of my life from an early age. From the moments where I was the boy with no girlfriend and all the girls talking to me. Loved and hated for just being myself.
As we come to the here and now. The universe as well as myself has expounded. Things are not as simple as they use to be. The complications have grown and risen to all new heights. My nice guy persona died. Evolution allowed me to grow and become the Havoc that I was supposed to be.
Now I am known for cold, concise, uncompromising intensity. I'll be dat!! All of that look at things from others points of view is irrelevant for me when it is my principles that are most important. Their feelings, thoughts and views do not define me. Like I tell females. My switch is either on or off. There is no in between. I know what I want and need. Nor am I afraid to speak it and be specific about picking properly.
But my strength remains most evident when you move past that view and concern about everyone else. With me I will love and care for you until the end of existence unless you decide to destroy that or walk away. My circle is small and tight but those within get every aspect of me. My love is just as potent as my disconnect.
So when I seem indifferent. Or merely observe and don't use fake phrases like family and friends where it is not appropriate. You can truly understand. I laugh constantly at the lies people say when you talk them or are in a group and they are hollering out the lie that we are all family. Especially when I know how you betray and turn on your so called friends and family.
No matter. I hold this weight of all things upon me. Because it is my destiny. The loss of my family. And dealing with the parental units. To the apparent end of a loving destiny. Each day something else is added. It is part of my whole existence. Transmuted into my eternal damnation and endurance.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Me: The Bridge Too Far
I watch the mental informational analysis of me stroll through my mind every second. The ultimate multi thought pile up. Constant crashes and all.
I was married and I miss that. I loved being married. Being with someone that understand and accepts me. And loved me. All the things females are incapable of. Add to that my sadistic and increasing high sex drive. Then I have come to the top of the realm of impossibility.
So I have attempted to find a miracle. To actually find a woman. It is a completely devastating and losing battle. The type of female I am attracted to is a matter of hodgepodge of aggressive, anti natures with male mentalities and combative nature when it comes to being a female. They fight being a female while being able to enjoy being a female and the rewards. It basically is like stabbing the bull in the shoot 300 times and then jumping on to try to hold on for a second.
I normally break the so called aggressive boss bitches. I take who they are and break it down to the point of them having emotions that they fight to not allow. They then do something to make sure they get their own monkey bitch name. They come to hate me and fear the fact that I made them feel. I merely don't care about them after they violate.
Lately it really seems that all that there is left is dealing with females. The day of woman is apparently completely dead! They are now only a tool apparently. Something to fuck and hang out with to keep down the boredom and anger. And the fact that I just can't find a woman or a female to truly keep up with me and my needs only further compounds things. I am super horny and my sadistic tendencies are in overlord watch. It has been a long time of holding back. Wanting and needing full release.
That human style caring and feeling switch is off and might be permanent. My apathy has even shocked itself from the increased intensity. But with experience and life currently the only applicable way things could be is the OFF switch. The cold flow of space is all that seems to tether myself to the humans. And it gets colder and colder.
Settle for what it is right now? Females to fuck and let some of me out?
Continue to attempt to find what I need? The mission impossible and miracle.
Is it possible to find one that can even handle me? Be able to provide half of what I need? Or will I forever use the build a bitch program and keep putting a couple together to make half a woman.
I was married and I miss that. I loved being married. Being with someone that understand and accepts me. And loved me. All the things females are incapable of. Add to that my sadistic and increasing high sex drive. Then I have come to the top of the realm of impossibility.
So I have attempted to find a miracle. To actually find a woman. It is a completely devastating and losing battle. The type of female I am attracted to is a matter of hodgepodge of aggressive, anti natures with male mentalities and combative nature when it comes to being a female. They fight being a female while being able to enjoy being a female and the rewards. It basically is like stabbing the bull in the shoot 300 times and then jumping on to try to hold on for a second.
I normally break the so called aggressive boss bitches. I take who they are and break it down to the point of them having emotions that they fight to not allow. They then do something to make sure they get their own monkey bitch name. They come to hate me and fear the fact that I made them feel. I merely don't care about them after they violate.
Lately it really seems that all that there is left is dealing with females. The day of woman is apparently completely dead! They are now only a tool apparently. Something to fuck and hang out with to keep down the boredom and anger. And the fact that I just can't find a woman or a female to truly keep up with me and my needs only further compounds things. I am super horny and my sadistic tendencies are in overlord watch. It has been a long time of holding back. Wanting and needing full release.
That human style caring and feeling switch is off and might be permanent. My apathy has even shocked itself from the increased intensity. But with experience and life currently the only applicable way things could be is the OFF switch. The cold flow of space is all that seems to tether myself to the humans. And it gets colder and colder.
Settle for what it is right now? Females to fuck and let some of me out?
Continue to attempt to find what I need? The mission impossible and miracle.
Is it possible to find one that can even handle me? Be able to provide half of what I need? Or will I forever use the build a bitch program and keep putting a couple together to make half a woman.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
There And Never to Go Back Again...my journey
The ex best friend summed it up the best "I miss the old you."
Through the fire and brimstone I was forged to be better and stronger. That meant shedding the nice guy shell and evolving. Leaving behind the trappings that only kept me caught in simplistic, meaningless activity.
See, the romantic, Renaissance man died with hope and pipe dreams. The adventures of being the nice loving man led me to watch my funeral pyre burning. My transition from Luke Skywalker to a Super Darth Vader came at that moment. A ethereal and spiritual transference.
So, that person that the ex best friend said she misses. Grew up and became a man instead of a boy. Learning and applying the reality instead of dwelling in hope and what if equations.
Knowing what I want and not settling. My focus. Part of the things that have been seen as drastic changes. I am seen as combative and negatively endearing. But those that know me Ru Ru and Kay know that. I love just as hard as I am evil in all things. The things that humans cannot understand are simple living for me. The on and off switch is a constant thing. Cold or hot. Dead is anything in between.
Understanding, acceptance and focus are the relevant things. Those things that define intimacy at the cellular level with me. just like the cali girl constantly saying "you need to be nice to me." Drums up memories of stupid females and displays a need to control and change me. That won't be happening. I don't make a bunch of demands but one of the basics is do not try to change me. Talking about if your nicer it would make me happier and nicer. Umm, hell, fucking no. We are nothing and have nothing together so you gets absolutely nothing! Females figuring they are supposed to get quality treatment when they are nothing to me but regular humans that are breathing. If you are of interest then I tell you and show you until you fuck it up.
Like Bilbo Baggins said and sang at the end of the Hobbit. The Greatest Adventure is what I have led.
Through the fire and brimstone I was forged to be better and stronger. That meant shedding the nice guy shell and evolving. Leaving behind the trappings that only kept me caught in simplistic, meaningless activity.
See, the romantic, Renaissance man died with hope and pipe dreams. The adventures of being the nice loving man led me to watch my funeral pyre burning. My transition from Luke Skywalker to a Super Darth Vader came at that moment. A ethereal and spiritual transference.
So, that person that the ex best friend said she misses. Grew up and became a man instead of a boy. Learning and applying the reality instead of dwelling in hope and what if equations.
Knowing what I want and not settling. My focus. Part of the things that have been seen as drastic changes. I am seen as combative and negatively endearing. But those that know me Ru Ru and Kay know that. I love just as hard as I am evil in all things. The things that humans cannot understand are simple living for me. The on and off switch is a constant thing. Cold or hot. Dead is anything in between.
Understanding, acceptance and focus are the relevant things. Those things that define intimacy at the cellular level with me. just like the cali girl constantly saying "you need to be nice to me." Drums up memories of stupid females and displays a need to control and change me. That won't be happening. I don't make a bunch of demands but one of the basics is do not try to change me. Talking about if your nicer it would make me happier and nicer. Umm, hell, fucking no. We are nothing and have nothing together so you gets absolutely nothing! Females figuring they are supposed to get quality treatment when they are nothing to me but regular humans that are breathing. If you are of interest then I tell you and show you until you fuck it up.
Like Bilbo Baggins said and sang at the end of the Hobbit. The Greatest Adventure is what I have led.
The Plight of BDSM
I don't claim total knowledge and experience. But I do know what I have learned and want.
Yet females like this fake domme tell me I am submissive to her because I asked her a question. Or the so called switch chick that I couldn't trust not to lie to herself. Trying to instruct and tell me to do things or trying to get their way. I merely laugh at their asses. They are funny to me. Even in my vanilla life I didn't allow that to happen. So what makes you think that you can try that since I have embraced myself completely? Both light and dark mingled and strengthened!
Revelations and understanding have been the theme this year without a doubt. Especially in this lifestyle and all relations. From slaves and subs that are supposedly trained in the traditional ways but actions and words convey the opposite in every way. All the lying and pretending. The use of the words love and family when they have no idea of the concept at all.
The unbridled desire transmuted into a reality check. That regardless of my gung ho attitude and need in this lifestyle. I have to force march through because I am dealing with humans in this equation. That desire to have a poly family. Hell to even have a sub and slave. Gave way to the reality that finding one is just like all relationships. A pure miracle that you are seeking.
I realize that I need this. That it is a part of me. One that has not been fed at all until recently. And I don't want to go forward without that part fulfilled. Yet, I want it filled permanently instead of putting together a bunch of temps. Yet, that may be the only way to be since the mental stability seems to be fleeting now in society.
So I will merely continue the vetting and interviewing with hopes of something. But not holding my breath for anything.
BDSM like everything concerning individuals is a miracle needle in a haystack kind of thing.
Yet females like this fake domme tell me I am submissive to her because I asked her a question. Or the so called switch chick that I couldn't trust not to lie to herself. Trying to instruct and tell me to do things or trying to get their way. I merely laugh at their asses. They are funny to me. Even in my vanilla life I didn't allow that to happen. So what makes you think that you can try that since I have embraced myself completely? Both light and dark mingled and strengthened!
Revelations and understanding have been the theme this year without a doubt. Especially in this lifestyle and all relations. From slaves and subs that are supposedly trained in the traditional ways but actions and words convey the opposite in every way. All the lying and pretending. The use of the words love and family when they have no idea of the concept at all.
The unbridled desire transmuted into a reality check. That regardless of my gung ho attitude and need in this lifestyle. I have to force march through because I am dealing with humans in this equation. That desire to have a poly family. Hell to even have a sub and slave. Gave way to the reality that finding one is just like all relationships. A pure miracle that you are seeking.
I realize that I need this. That it is a part of me. One that has not been fed at all until recently. And I don't want to go forward without that part fulfilled. Yet, I want it filled permanently instead of putting together a bunch of temps. Yet, that may be the only way to be since the mental stability seems to be fleeting now in society.
So I will merely continue the vetting and interviewing with hopes of something. But not holding my breath for anything.
BDSM like everything concerning individuals is a miracle needle in a haystack kind of thing.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Analyzed Projections
As always I analyze, scrutinize and attempt to summarize possibilities. NO, I am not a futurist or anything. It is just how I am made up.
Looking at things. I see the good possibility and know what I want and feel. But I know the reality when that forecast involves a human. Some good things happen and then evidence of this will probably lead to nothing shows up. Things are so tainted that there really is nothing to feel, hold onto or even consider working on.
This summer has brought out the microscope upon things. And everything has been cut down to the cellular structure. Unearthed things that I would never have known and truths behind the curtain.
Distance has become the ekg line of living. Disassociation a matter of autonomous living and growing rapidly in strength.
I look. See what I need and want. Staring back is a Noh Mask. Laughing, taunting and telling me that the goal cannot be obtained. Kishin forever there guarding, reminding and blocking.
Heart and blood have congealed. Leaving the nothingness of everything.
left in this outsider, other world apathy!
Looking at things. I see the good possibility and know what I want and feel. But I know the reality when that forecast involves a human. Some good things happen and then evidence of this will probably lead to nothing shows up. Things are so tainted that there really is nothing to feel, hold onto or even consider working on.
This summer has brought out the microscope upon things. And everything has been cut down to the cellular structure. Unearthed things that I would never have known and truths behind the curtain.
Distance has become the ekg line of living. Disassociation a matter of autonomous living and growing rapidly in strength.
I look. See what I need and want. Staring back is a Noh Mask. Laughing, taunting and telling me that the goal cannot be obtained. Kishin forever there guarding, reminding and blocking.
Heart and blood have congealed. Leaving the nothingness of everything.
left in this outsider, other world apathy!
Monday, November 10, 2014
Dripped In Darkness
I walked into the darkness. The place that I feared. Not because I was scared of what it would do to me. But my fear of how deep past that darkness I can and will enjoy going.
The sadistic side of me has been held in check for so long. Caged on 10 truck chains is where that beast has been and even after this has to remain. Remain until it can be let out on someone appropriately again.
Being a Dom you have to be careful about your playmate. Only time will truly show how they truly respond to and can handle things. And there was no need to cut corners and end up with them injured. So I slow walked the process with HQ. And even with Em I brought the process to a stop because I knew she wasn't going to be able to handle me fully out of my cage like that.
So I finally danced with myself, the devil in the dark, velvet midnight.
It was a relief. I found myself emmersed so easily into it. The love of nipples and titties became my portal into the transition. Relishing in the pain that I caused. The reaction of pain that she gave me. I watched as I saw the tears begin to flow. Turning me on more and inciting my internal flames. Nipples hard as I pinched, twisted and bit them. Squeezing and biting the titties all over. She was writhing and I wouldn't let it go. Each moment I tasted fully. When I finally asked her if she wanted me to stop after the tears were flowing she said yes and I stopped. But things had already begun and my engine was at warp speed.
I had already had my scene planned out but with everything that had happened thursday night and friday I didn't have all my tools with me. But still I made the best out of it.
And I had to get happy since I had a chance to play with rope and gain a little of practice in. I need to get longer rope next that is for sure. It was just sexy to see her naked there tied with her hands up. But she would have pulled that shower rod down after a while of enjoying the flogging. *but now i know to use the shower head instead (smiling)*.
So the flogging was continued on the bed. And I got practice and my delight in. Enjoying each strike of the flogger on her ass, legs and back. I had to work on not hitting the same spots in the beginning but I got better. I watched the marks of the tails on her ass cheeks and just smiled.
But I have to say that what I enjoyed the most and was the most sadistic for me was fucking her mouth while I hit her with the cane. Hearing her say I might bite you didnt matter. I just kept shoving my dick in her mouth and hitting her with the cane. Gagging and choking on my dick just made me harder.
Woooo!!! I am so glad I had this chance to let loose some and let the beast breathe.
The sadistic side of me has been held in check for so long. Caged on 10 truck chains is where that beast has been and even after this has to remain. Remain until it can be let out on someone appropriately again.
Being a Dom you have to be careful about your playmate. Only time will truly show how they truly respond to and can handle things. And there was no need to cut corners and end up with them injured. So I slow walked the process with HQ. And even with Em I brought the process to a stop because I knew she wasn't going to be able to handle me fully out of my cage like that.
So I finally danced with myself, the devil in the dark, velvet midnight.
It was a relief. I found myself emmersed so easily into it. The love of nipples and titties became my portal into the transition. Relishing in the pain that I caused. The reaction of pain that she gave me. I watched as I saw the tears begin to flow. Turning me on more and inciting my internal flames. Nipples hard as I pinched, twisted and bit them. Squeezing and biting the titties all over. She was writhing and I wouldn't let it go. Each moment I tasted fully. When I finally asked her if she wanted me to stop after the tears were flowing she said yes and I stopped. But things had already begun and my engine was at warp speed.
I had already had my scene planned out but with everything that had happened thursday night and friday I didn't have all my tools with me. But still I made the best out of it.
And I had to get happy since I had a chance to play with rope and gain a little of practice in. I need to get longer rope next that is for sure. It was just sexy to see her naked there tied with her hands up. But she would have pulled that shower rod down after a while of enjoying the flogging. *but now i know to use the shower head instead (smiling)*.
So the flogging was continued on the bed. And I got practice and my delight in. Enjoying each strike of the flogger on her ass, legs and back. I had to work on not hitting the same spots in the beginning but I got better. I watched the marks of the tails on her ass cheeks and just smiled.
But I have to say that what I enjoyed the most and was the most sadistic for me was fucking her mouth while I hit her with the cane. Hearing her say I might bite you didnt matter. I just kept shoving my dick in her mouth and hitting her with the cane. Gagging and choking on my dick just made me harder.
Woooo!!! I am so glad I had this chance to let loose some and let the beast breathe.
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