From the Recesses of Doomsday

I am the darkness, within the darkness that is the light. *let that marinate*

It is hard and frustrating to have purpose, direction and goal. Yet fight individuals that can share, journey with and are enemies of the goals. Yet, the war must continue.

Since I was young I have known what I wanted and required. Even though I had to learn and tweek things growing up. The base was already there.

There was no follow the blueprint of my family. There was only my blueprint. All that you want someone just like your mother was some damn nonsense to me. I wanted a woman that was sexy, strong, understanding and submissive. (a weird female type indeed)  I was not like my male parental unit at all. My concept of family was only my own. And my wife and others that I have loved have little similarity to the female parental unit besides cooking.

I have walked the darkness, while being the light for others since the beginning. To embrace my darkness fully once I got older and evolved into something even darker. Thoughts of having two subs/slaves, a wife that is a sub or any combination there of had not been in play then. Nor the strength of this need to give release to pain and pleasure that I have pent up inside of me.

Having been a late bloomer as they call it I saw things differently. And realized just how complicated a woman I needed. That sex appeal, intelligence, alpha female attitude combined with super freaky, kinkiness with a dark connection. The gates opened wide for me once I met my wife though. Because then it was a regular level of freakiness I could have and keep.  I wonder how much more intense would we have been if I was into bdsm fully back then.

Being a Dom has always been natural. Even before I took ownership of those actions. It brought me pleasure, joy and satisfaction. Like the times with Em when I would release her for play after denial sessions. The joy on her face and passion made me smile fully. Those moments solidified my joy, desire and dedication.

The thing that I have craved to find is that woman that can handle me fully. The one that can handle the forced orgasms and I can let the sadist I keep in check out in me. I have heard the comments about how they can take this and that. But I know what I keep in super max inside of me. So I flog, paddle and spank with attention to their safety as I should. But damn, a woman that I can let it all go would be Awesome!

Looking at the candidates, the interests and all. I just have to shake my head in wonder.

Will the only way I have the woman I need is to invoke

PROJECT BUILD A BITCH


Let me return to the fiery, congested storms of my mind

R & B Thinking

I have never been one to be deeply into the slow jams. To be honest if I wasn't with a woman then I don't normally listen to any R&B. lol

The use of lyrics and accompaniment to express the joy, pain, pleasure and hatred of love and relationships. So much to be said and yet so much of the same thing barely said in a different way.

I have to laugh now because my previous lack of social skills has led me to be extremely straight forward when it comes to relations. The same straight truth that scares and makes females wonder why is the same lie that they speak to themselves saying that they want to hear and know the truth. But they claim to want truth, honesty and straight forward. Yet, they cringe in the darkness. Hiding from themselves and the ability to live, love and be themselves.

So the labyrinth of love, their minds and actions remain.

So I say and show you I Love You. And you run away. Telling me that something has to be wrong. Trying to come up with any excuse to make it a pipe dream. No, I know what I want, need and decide on it. I am not afraid to give that love and caring effect to the ones I feel that for and with.

But still, I merely sit back and watch the death of relations and the epitaph of love.

Cue the eerie music and evil laughter.

I know how I feel

Analyzing and  application

Checked my list

It felt right

Common ground

Joined characteristics

Balanced so effectively

See

The sex is great

Conversation flows effortlessly

Twisted joviality

Checklist complete

Heart held open

My soul says

Soul mate found

Considering my affinity for music. *lol* This song is one I feel and definitely speaks volumes. 

Mind and Ink Lost in this Eastwood Flow

head bouncing

moving through the valley

nothing to grasp

whip in hand

needs calling

body craving

lost in this need for

ultimate sadistic release

slaps

chokes

restricted orgasmic tasks

beating with no mercy

the flow is

taken on it's own

as I am lost in it's undertow

just let me

let me 

let go

Video Thoughts of the Evening

This is the groove and move that I am in this moment. Feeling this song on so many levels right now. And always have loved it.

Me The Dom and Your Submission

I do not profess to be an expert or hold mass knowledge about being a dom or master. Being a dom came naturally for me. My eyes were opened to it by em and I had a better understanding to how I was.

Since then the journey has began in earnest. Becoming involved in the community. Attending Black Beat. Observation, analyzing and communication. Even through my search for a mentor I have learned many things.

The journey hasn't been easy. Even in my desire to start a poly house I realized the two subjects were not ready for that at all. So I took a step back and regrouped. Realized that I should start off with a sub or slave first and then see if there is someone else that will work out if I choose. But even finding one is a chore.

My dynamic goal is long term relationship. Not a fly by night, fuck buddy to be bothered with when I get bored. Someone that is ready to explore, be who they are plus experience as we grow together. I have seen and heard these examples in my interactions with established doms and masters. That is what I seek.

1. Be able to be submissive and have that passion about serving 
2. Understand, educate and grow
3. Focus on our relationship and each other

I understand that battle that alpha females have with their desire for submission. The need to find themselves comfortable enough to release their desire and have it met completely. So we interview. Get to know each other. Decide if we fit.

I am intense, passionate, principled and much more. Those factors are the ones that will secure you, look out for you, encourage and take care of your needs. 

I approach the lifestyle, life and existing like the gladiator's salute.

STRENGTH AND HONOR!!

Modern Day George S Patton

George Patton was a general with the army during World War 2.  Known for hard, straight forward thoughts and actions. While standing out as weird, eccentric and mean. George constantly got in trouble for comments and actions.

I just had that light bulb moment as I sit here and watch Patton for the nth time. I love this movie. I never truly understood why until now. Tonight it all slapped me in the face. The correlation so eerie and prominent. My reprimands and demerit list runs long. Just like George's slap of the enlisted soldier and the trouble that he recieved from that. I receive repeatedly because of my demeanor and principles.

The importance to me is the focus and total concern for those I love and care about. Their security, life and happiness are important to me. So important to me that apparently I have become ostracized because of my principles. So be it. I will remain that battle within the storm.

This walk of mine can be a lonely one. For to remain a constant in an ever changing time is a battle against the forces of nature.

I guess I got jaded by those that understood how I am. How my strict and purposeful design honored them and our relationship. My wife, Ru and Munchkin have understood fully. My fault for over thinking that it was an understandable concept. It is most apparently mutually exclusive.

The next part of this war is to attempt the Battle of the Bulge. Time to armor up and push the enemy clear back to where they belong.

Salute to the last bullet, last battle of the last war! As I take the final long walk...Alone

Today Was A Good Day

I have be so thankful for the select few that are in my circle. They stand proud and loud. Even when they have to argue with me about helping me with something. This is why I am so protective, critical and serious about the relationships I have. We ride together until we no longer ride together.

The problem that the parental units caused is finally almost fixed and over with. And I am so thankful for it coming to a close. Now I can get back to Warp factor 10 in my life. It will be back to pushing the envelope at 10G's once again shortly.

Oh and now the parental units won't be coming until next week so I have a break in the severe headaches until then now.

But I really am glad that Twin and I are the way we are. She is the only one I say I love you to that I do that with that is a non romantic situation. The adventures of the Road Warriors has become things of great legends. She has proven to me why close relationships with understanding, communication and everything are of high importance.

I am just supremely thankful!

All Hail the merry Road Warriors!

Sitting here. In my own world. Upon my throne. Needing to crush the world again and send it into the negative zone.

It is always interesting how the ying and yang of life makes the world change. Well most definitely your world personally. Do you suffer in silence or grab every weapon and make war against existence? The choice is yours.

The stand out. I can only say that I always go against the norm. The stream that everyone swims in with great conformity. Within my constant fortress of solitude I find myself disconnected and observant of others.

It is me against the world. And the war continues on.

Upon My Island

I have always been the stand out in the crowd while also being the ghost who walks. The combination can be baffling. But here it goes: My thoughts, actions and feelings tend to spark as mean, unyielding and cold.  While I am not an attention seeker or one that has to be in the spotlight at all.

I am simplicity among the intricacies of craziness that occur daily in the world. I am there for those I love and care about and feel nothing for the multitudes that are not in my circle. It is the fundamental of being me. All of me. It has come under scrutiny and conflict very often. And at times it has perplexed me because it has been by someone I let in my circle and have wanted to be with. They can't seem to understand and focus on the fact that they are already safe within my bubble of security. Seems like the only ones that understood fully were my wife and Munchkin.

No man is an island is what they say. But when you walk the life of darkness amid the super nova of life's light. I have always been the maverick. Tucked away in plain sight. When you buck against the norm of society you become this island in the middle of their river. As they try to wash me away and bury me in their stupidity.

This has yielded strength and honor among the battleground. And I am thankful for that. It has purified me through the fires of hell. The brimstone and flames have elevated me.

I know I enjoy those that are allowed on my island. Hell I even wanted the two this year to be on my island. But I leave the choices up to them two. I don't make effort on what you don't want.

Sipping my drink. Letting my mind sink deep into the ocean of thoughts. It is where I remain lost.

*Salud*

In the Beats

Sitting here listening to Eminem and UTP. Lost in my angry black man music. It is where I find myself writing page after page of the things that need to be said and expressed. Filleting page after page with blood and sweat stains of intense mental interrogations.

R&B doesn't relax me. It is the beat of some serious rap that makes me feel at home. So I can bob my head and  groove to the beat and lyrics.

As I sit here thinking about past and future. The beats are like salve to the wounds of thoughts that cascade through me. Unstoppable waves crashing against my core. My mind is like every interstate at rush hour at all times. Expect there is a constant amount of high speed, high volume pile ups of thoughts every moment of the day. So that is why there are so many sleepless nights.

Wondering if I had a crystal ball. Would I really want to know absolutely everything that would happen? Many thinks I would definitely want to know ahead of time. It would have kept me from the monkey bitch episodes. But then again as they say. You learned and grew from those experiences too.

I am at a serious crossroad. And I am not sure if there will be any further forward movement. It might be time to drop a pillbox and continue the fight on to Bastogne. With individuals and life I feel like Patton fighting his way across germany against every imaginable obstacle.

The Bright spot of the weekend

The bright spot was talking to my god daughter finally. She always makes me smile and feel good. Love her like my own daughter. Reminds me of when I was so gung ho about having children. Before the miscarriages and lies of females.

She is thankfully no longer in east chicago with her womb donor. She is in Ky with her father and his wife. A better place I would think and hope that e.c. most definitely. At least she has a better chance of living and growing than she did up there.

Her cute, smart little self does well for a child growing up in this day and age. Still on the honor roll. I am always proud of her. Hard to believe in 4 more years she will be graduating high school. I have to get some time with her before that happens.

Beats of the moment

Right now I feel like going somewhere and shooting off a lot of rounds to just let go of some stress. Decide whether or not to let go of what I want and transcend that desire to something else. Like more traveling. There wouldn't be nowhere as many issues that way.

Will there be another return to the Apocalypse Fortress of Solitude?
That is the question. No telling what the answer is.

Intensity and Imposition and the return from the Wilderness

As a Dom and man I employ a captain caveman mentality. Me and my club go for the frontal assault. The only difference is that I have way more advance communication skills. But As General George S Patton suggested when he made the statement "if they hate me then they are unified and it won't back fire". I use this with dating and interests with females. If I slap you in the face with what I want and require. Either you can bitch up and fold. Or you can step up to the plate and be acknowledged as a woman.

In any relationship I require strength and purpose. For as much as I give I require to be able to recieve as well. So these standards apply to girlfriend, wife, friends, best friend as well as sub/slave. Without these standards being kept I don't keep you around.

The Cabin Adventure

I went to the cabin trip to support my fellow Road Warrior. I didn't want anything happening to her or her flipping out on folks in the middle of nowhere. Arriving in atlanta was an adventure. From the over an hour long wait in the rental car line as they told everyone with reservations that they didn't have any more vehicles.  To going to tgif friday during a biker club party or something. Where candy decides to moleste the 20 year old young boy that was serving us. But damn there was some nice ass that me and the porn star were enjoying in there.

Upon reaching the cabin the silliness had already began. The mess with as my dawg called her the Tragedy was already in full swing. Calling herself mrs bones and wearing a shirt that said that. Later on finding out it was shirts that all said mrs bones instead of just one. lol At least my dawg wasn't goaded by this chicks commentary all weekend.

But what I don't understand at a swing party is the crazy notion that it's weird to walk around naked. Where is your open minded thinking? If you are unhappy with yourself and your image then keep it to yourself. But people's insecurities reign supreme as always. Between that and the amount of people you fuck at a SWING party coming into question is just Ultimately Stupid. You are a venue where you can have as much sex with as many as you choose but you want to be prudish about other's actions. Get the fuck out of here!

I took advantage of the time in the wilderness to relax, smoke cigars, eat and drink while being deep in thought. It was good to sit on the deck and look at nature during my meditations.

My meditations led me to streamlining things further. From the loss of friends, lovers and all becoming a necessary evil to have happen. It is time for more strength and quality relationships. No longer a party to the give the less qualified a chance. Either you are qualified or not to be in my world. And with that applied it has ended some long term relations recently. Couldn't be helped. Best friend and lover had to be placed in the distance until and if they decide to return to the fold properly.  The positive was that I strengthen what I got with my Dawg for the wonder twin powers that we share.

The trip showed me why I am selective about the groups and people I associate with or party with. It is the main reason why I don't attend or associate with individuals from NC and the past parties. Just no need for the drama and issues. Which made me remember the drama about the chick that had been to a number of cabin parties deciding to call the police. Only to get removed by the police and left somewhere in town hours away from the nearest airport. Kind of hard to get back to good ole nyc when you are stuck. And to top it off a man goes down to help her and offer to drive her to the airport and she acts nasty about it. Dumb monkey bitch in action.

all in all besides the pat monkey bitch and about cursing her ugly ass out things were entertaining. Using my favorite word all weekend long YAHTZEE!!! Courtesy of Batman: Arkham Assylum assualt lol. Dawg kept looking at me shaking her head and laughing because I kept yelling it over and over. Especially when she was in her hours and hours of play time.

Intensity

I have been told I should give chances and not be so strict in my design for those that are interested or may be interested. From the ex best friend on to HQ. Reality is that I don't want the weakness and inconsistency that brings about. The lack of quality.

So I speak my mind, desires and wants. Gone are the days of indecisive and unfocused actions. And most females run scared because of that. But that is part of the weeding out process. Only the strong survive in this. And strength is what you need to be with me.

I know exactly the things that I want and need. And I am not afraid or ashamed to speak up, say and demand those things. If that causes many to run the other way and wither into obscurity. Then that was what needed to happen.

Even More Thoughts

I originally thought about a poly dynamic. But in seeing the situation in indviduals this summer I really better try to find one sub or slave that is at least able and focused first and foremost. As with any relationship *cue mission impossible theme music* there are a lot of statistics against you.

To find two females that fit the requirements of the relationship is like congress, the house of reps and the president all voting the same way. I see that now after the evaluation and observations that I have done over this summer. And I am thankful for the idea of it as well as the things that led me to make decisions about it.  Learning has definitely occured.

I have listened to Sir Strange, Koree and others talking about their poly relationships and they work wonderfully. And that is what I had wanted. Even thought the pieces were correct. Upon further evaluation I think that will be put on the counter for and if then statement than it occuring any time soon.

As usual I walk the valley of death. I fear no evil. For I am that evil that resides there.

Life....Times....Moments

The day started off rough. Getting to the airport only to find out I never got my id card back from the female at bank of america. So I couldn't get on my plane. Definitely couldn't come here to atlanta with no identification. So I had to run all the way to the other side of town back to the house and grab my passport. 

A definite rough start to the day.

Arrive here in ATL and wait for my road warrior twin. Only to end up standing at the car rental ticket counter for an hour. While they are saying they have no cars for the people that have reserved them. They come up with a car finally and we on the go. Only to have to go pick up the porn star. So as always when we get together. We are running. 

Rough patch number two of the day.

My road warrior twin and I have not really had time to hang out in years. We keep each other's back. We have had a time and adventure already and it has only been day one. We haven't even left for the cabin yet.

My mind is constantly filled with billions of things on the information highway. Some collide into other things or others are thankfully out of reach and understanding.  Either way it makes it hard for me to rest, relax and just be most of the time.

It has been said that I am intense and I have to agree with that. It simply is who and what I am. My mind and mouth speak. Mostly not in the benefit of humans at all.  I am complex, evil, mean and simplistic. As well as the kind, loving, caring romanticist. 

I have no problem telling her that I love her because I do. I also know that she may or may not be ready or available for any of that with me. Just the reality of free will. Gladly will give, support and be with her to fill her wants and needs. Be together as us and we instead of he and she. I see her interest and know there is something there. I just don't act like it is a sure thing. Because, it honestly isn't.

Would I like to get married again? Most definitely. Do I expect it? No! Society has created a lack of women and that there is death to relationships and marriage today.

Nor, do I expect everything to be simple and easy. Because it truly is not. The polar opposite.

I have learned to let emotions and rationality play the parts as a whole. To make decisions about who is right for me and everything. That passion and direction is that intesity that they feel and see.

I find my patience being tested through wait and see. It is not what I have wanted but I understand her point of view. I honestly want her as my woman, sub and service oriented one.  I want to be her dom and provide what she needs. while seeing her side that serves, and pleases.

Dom, my woman, subbie. 

Dynamic that I want at full strength.

Dancing To the Pussy Pounding Beat

I sit here. Entertained by the porn star fucking my road dawg. It is funny how my gender twin has ridiculous\s stamina when she is in the zone and her headspace. I have watched her put guys to sleep and out.

So here is my entertainment. I hyped things up so the porn star would want to fuck her because she needed it. And I needed quality entertainment. So I am happy as hell. he has been fucking and eating her for hours.

I have been dancing to the beat of their fucking. It is like enlightened aerobics. lol

So I am not hearing all that bullshit about her not being in shape or having endurance. lol

And all of this after a day of traveling and dealing with so much. Without any sleeps you continues crushing forward.

Entertainment at it's finest. But damn I am missing my own beat with HQ.