Friday, May 19, 2017

Golden Eye...Real Time

Goldeneye is a James Bond book and movie. Unfortunately the movie starred a fake and horrific bond. The should be somewhere knitting instead of messing up James Bond, actor timothy "scarecrow and mrs king" dalton.

But more importantly for this post it was a game we played when i lived in EC. Indiana. We played multi player and picked a character and then just went running around the game gathering, weapons, ammo and everything to keep killing off everyone else.

That feeling of fighting everyone, me against everyone and everything on a constant war is especially how things have seen, felt and been.

The week is coming to a close thankfully. After looking at the silence and distance that was shown I had to nod my head. The craziness that has happened in so many aspects this week from work and on.  To making sure to support, help and manage the unexpected events that have happened with little one and others that have talked or shared with me.

Comfort, support and even importance have gained new purchase and meaning.

All I can do is laugh, tilt my head and grab my weapons as I defend against all comers. Close, unknown and in between.

Enjoy your weekend. i am sure there is plenty for you to get into

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Them and Their Solicitation

With a discussion about submissives and slaves being solicited by unwanted advances it made me think about the fake doms that solicit my submissives.

It is annoying that they have no respect. And it is a whole lot more annoying and detrimental when a submissive lets them do it and get away with it.  Like when you leave your submissive and the bitch ass shows up afterwards to see them. Or the constant shady operations of contact with them.

But as we discussed it is a submissive or slaves job to address these things appropriately. And as a Dominant I expect my submissive to be able to handle, address and remove these individuals.

In one case the bitch ass is friends with one and busy pursuing the other one and previously was in a former things ear as well.

As usual knowledge is key and people show you exactly what they are about by action and inaction.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Getting Older is Not for the Weak

It is funny when I wasn't taking care of myself I was and felt fine. When I started taking care of myself everything went to shit. lol

I should be like merle and try and find me someone to take care of me when I get old. But, umm hell no to that!  I need a woman that we gonna keep fucking, causing chaos and riding until we die decades down the road. That chick I can still smack her ass and say "Give it up you sexy bitch" when we are in our 90s.

The doctor visit didn't go as planned nor was it a bad experience. I will have to thank steve for recommending him to me. But he did give me more news on what was going on and all I could do was laugh and it to the list of things going on already. He was funny and personable which i like in my doctors along with knowledge and skill.

Made me think about how easy it was when I was younger. Days of no sleep and doing everything and all over the place. Now that has slowed down a tad bit. I am still on the go but not as full bore as i was before.

Taking care of yourself after you have been invincible is torture!

Oh well...

Time to armor up for the next episode. Coming to a theater near you soon

lmao

Monday, May 15, 2017

The Storm Within the StormWatch

I enjoyed watching Fifth Element at the theater yesterday. Would have been better with someone but that is life. (I will have to fix that)  Nothing like laughing at the tall, blue amazon singing opera and doing the p diddy remix to it. Or Bruce Willis' negotiating skills lol

The year has gone by fast it seems. I was asked what I was going to do for my birthday next month and I had to laugh because I had a plan but it had to get scrapped. So my answer was probably just stay to myself.  The original plan was the girls and Myself with plenty of debauchery, sadism and pleasure. Then I had to realize that wasn't going to work since they need their time to themselves.  So I will probably chill or figure something out and see folk separately at some point.

In the interaction and relating world I went back to old school me.  I stopped trying to make things happen and just STOPPED!  Let things play out how they are going to play out. There is no need to beat dead horses. Just toss them in the processor and keep it moving.  There were a few comments i think when all started to see a bit of difference but I am sure that was chalked up so whatever other reasons.

It has been an interesting transition. It hasn't not been completely old school because of adaptations and responsibilities currently. But it has taken on a darker path than before because of the few light side aspects. The pricks of cold tendrils that would have bothered me before because of love, emotion and feelings is not there or it just doesn't register anymore.  Hell, I know it is there because it is a part of me and since I am still the living dead it is still attached. lol

Heart...
yeah that thing is still attached
Mind...
still won't stop working dammit!
Ummm, I don't think there is anything else though. Yaayy!

Apparently once again I weathered the storms to become a worst storm. The distance led to the emptiness of calm.  Things organized and put into their assigned sections.  Dedication remains.

It is like internal cryogenic stasis. But that was the way that the "just let things happen," way goes.

I do know one thing. Beast mode will be let out even more as soon as the opportunity arrives for a unable to forget session.

And I am out this muthafucka!!


Sunday, May 14, 2017

Ghost Rider...the Pattern is Full

To say that things have been rough lately is like cotton candy compared to a brick to eat.

There were moments I actually wanted to seek comfort. Then I realized that there was no one there for that position and I resumed my post.

I make my desires, attentions, wants and all known. In direct fashion and up front. This comes at a high risk of negative response from them but well worth the cost. Because only the strong and suitable should be of interest and with me.  So, I will always be upfront and direct regardless of how they feel and think about it. Never will be someone cringing from the beginning because of their past, feelings and fears.

There have been some inquiries. While the interesting things are going on I am observing the rest. Looking at who they are communicating with and they are not. Who they are befriending and their positioning.

I had posted a pic and had a conversation about the aspects of what is important to someone and them showing that importance. Because as we discussed if there is not a show of importance that those involved understand and can view then things are not going to go well.  As was discussed it is not an every day or every hour thing. It is not about gifts or something else tangible either.  It is about that connection that you are supposed to have with those that you are relating to.

My desire and need for show of importance is always spoken of when I am in a relation with someone as well as the friends.  Of course in relationships the importance is shown differently than friends.

Regardless, reinforcement of having worth and importance is a prime directive.

Discussions about happiness have occured as usual. But the discussions are happening because their happiness is not mine or even defined similarly. What they see as how I need to be happy is their view and not what goes on in my life. Appreciate the concern about my happiness though. My happiness is based on things I express directly to each person individually.

Well sitting here in the tower overlooking everything. Looking at the pattern of distance and disconnection. The pattern of self destructive behavior. The actions out of the want and need to serve and please. Each one tasked to their own path. I merely await the way they take their path to see where things will lead.


Poetry...Chocolate Doll: the Blueprint of Motherhood

Chocolate Doll: The Blueprint of Motherhood



I watch each tear drop
Burning like molten lava down each cheek

Vision of our child
Held close to your ample bosom
Your presence and smile
So soothing

An expert at motherhood
Even without your own child

As I reach to touch both of your faces
To grasp the blissful energy that you both emit
That glow
That golden, bright
Glow

That vision stuck
From the time we discussed having children
To the moment when we knew the results
Even after it is dead and gone

Discussions
Ok disagreements
Of how to deal with our girl and our boy

Still we remained
The perfect tandem
Dynamic opposites
To raise children into greatness

Honestly it would have and was going to be
Mostly you
The nurturing, understanding supportive mother
While I was merely the overbearing father
Your motherhood keeping the scale balanced
Well, tipped to the side of functionality *lol*

You were
Mother earth
The crazy, sexy, cool mama
The comforter within their storm


So much love
Extraordinary compassion
Given so intimately
Even to those who were
Estranged to you

Children loved you
The parents adored you

And I wanted you to be
The mother of my children

No matter what
You held the title
Personified

Motherhood

What it is supposed to be
Look like
And all encompassing



From the chocolatezeus collection   5/14/17  ©

Thursday, May 11, 2017

A Black Man Living in Today's Terrordome

You can see this as a rant or whatever...

I am a black man
I wasn't supposed to live past 22.

I am an educated black man.
Was supposed to stick to poverty, drug selling and self destruction. 

Today are the days where everything is against me, as a black man.

  • government
  • society
  • blacks and african americans
  • black and african american females
  • related people
  • and so, so many more

Growing up as an air force brat gave me views of the world that most will never know especially black folks. Seeing different cultures and understanding more than just a neighorhood, state or conus. This also ostracized me for the exact same reasons. And then people wonder why there is that slave mentality description. Well it is because of maintained, learned and repeated behaviors. 

Being an intelligent black man with a degree just means that you are going to get assaulted from every angle. 

Intimidating people you interview, work with and come in contact with. Because you read, wear things other than urban wear and can have conversations on a level higher than a serf.

For example this harvard black student graduation thing. I don't see an issue with it because it is their right to organize and do something like that. They accomplished graduating which is a great testament. Especially at that school. And even though the white people talk about how the school will do anything they can for all of their students that get accepted there it is still a business as well as an elitist school. But because the black and african americans decide to do something different it is immediately red flagged. And if they say no one other than blacks and african americans can attend then the other people have a right to feel discriminated. But in life there is always discrimination. If you don't think so check the credit system and bureau and see how unequal things are. 

In society I am the violent, gang banging, imprisoned, impoverished black man. The one that will be shot out of fear, denied employment, loans and assistance out of fear as well as kept in a perpetual state of destruction and held down. 

Hell even the black and african american females have helped in this area to be against us as well. They attempt to emasculate, refute, subvert and be unsupportive just as the other individuals want them to be. Am I saying that all of them do it or that everyone should be treated the same way? No. But in their effort to be this feminist and all this other stuff they decided to join the "black man as an enemy" coalition apparently. 

Scenarios:
Come in for an interview and they have not seen you. The shock on their faces when they see a black man dressed in business attire speaking eloquently and having knowledge. They cringe as they do their shock and awe response.

Reading a book sitting on the bench in the park. A white person comes by and is shocked that I am reading an actual book.  Some black folk stroll up and their shock is that I am reading an actual physical book. "Why aren't you using a tablet, man?"

And one of my favorites.
"why are you talking to and hanging out with those white people? You are nothing but an uncle tom or uncle ruckus."


Bottomline I don't trust white, black, blue or perrywinkle. I do associate with those that I can interact with at a comfortable level as well as at different levels.  There things like networking, resources, friendships and more that have nothing to do with me being black. 

This is not a whine but a simple statement on the matter of fact way that things are. 

While you wave that flag of feministic energy don't use it to enslave the black man.
As you watch the news or hear other people talk negatively about the black man. That is not who the black man is. 

Or you are looking down on that black man because he has stepped outside of the boundaries that society, those of the same reason and other races have deemed his place. Then evaluate your complacency and fear. 

As a black man I am strong since I am hunted, exterminated and attempted to kept imprisoned. 
Intelligent, because I have stayed alive a lot longer than they expected us to live. 
Caring, because regardless of the attacks from both inside and outside our race and gender I continue to support, care for, nurture and love. 

The struggle is real!
The war is devastating!

As a Black Man I just fight on.

Wednesday, May 03, 2017

Simple Solutions

As I step back
Digest it all
Taste the decay

Blind
But all seeing
Withered
In living decay

I thank you
Appreciate you

For you have shown me
I experienced

These things
These times

Through

What you have done
What you have said
What you haven't done or said

You shed light on
The back then to now
So eloquently

A multitude of thanks
My profound appreciation

As the curtains drop

Emotions, feelings and thoughts
Congeal into
Apokalips

No predictions
Just the truth of the matter
The facts that have been in place
All this time

When effort and conversation
Aligns

I tip my hat to you
The most divine entrapment
Endevilment so divine

Through

Curves
Lips
Eyes

Devoured
Fed of my very
Deepest design

Salud

The coalition
Should give you
The Purple Heart

You left your mark

Now

It is time
Time for me to traverse
The apperature
Of alternate design

Love
Emotion
Relation
Intimacy

Traversed into

The void

Welcome to
The Funeral Pyre

Friday, April 28, 2017

When You No Longer Give a Fuck

You have loved
You have cared

Given and been supportive
Listened and consoled
Genuinely cared

Accept them as who and what they are
Gone through the good, the bad and the ugly

yet

they are distant, distracted and uninterested apparently in maintaining things
There interactions are minus one...you.

So what do you do?

Just don't give a fuck.
Demote them to the proper place in the universe
Bid them adieu

Learn from valuable lessons before they learn to take advantage of you

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

A study on poly relationships i participated in

I like to participate in research when it is something that is a part of me. So I participated in this one as well.

I had to say it definitely made me tilt my head and look a bit.

If it is applies to you then join in.


The Western Love Lab is looking for polyamorous individuals to participate in a study on relationship processes in polyamory. To be eligible for the study, you must:
• Identify or philosophically agree with polyamory
• Be at least 18 years of age
Participation involves completion of an online, anonymous questionnaire.
If interested, please follow the link to the survey: http://www.uwopolystudy.ca/
If you are not eligible to participate, please share this survey with anyone else you know who meets the call.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

My Silence vs the Impact



The words, "you rubbed off on me," are heard. More than once or twice and more than irregularly. And they have been good things received through my osmosis.

There is my Silence.
It denotes many things and is interpreted as many more.

In dating my silence can be seen as an affront. Or some form of force choke basically.

In D/s it is seen as I am not pleased, things were done wrong or a multitude of other interpretations.


In truth.  My silence is my own. It's uses are multifaceted. But I still understand and realize my impact.

When I am silent because the other person has decided to be distant and maintain their defensive posture.

When I silently observe things to get a better picture.

Or when silence is required for me to think, analyze and formulate a response.


Silence is a tool I use and deploy for many reasons. But it is also something that reminds me of differences in people. How the constant and upgraded armor of those that you are supposed to be close to happens. Or the difference in a moment where everything is taken out of context or just a smaller portion.


Impact:

I leave a mark. A very distinguished and unique mark upon those that I come in contact with. Especially those I have had a relation, relationship or dynamic with.

That mark is mental. One of the most difficult and invasive things for them to handle. It comes from my way of thinking, talking and doing.  The things I show through my existence.

Like little one has mentioned how she can't tell if I am happy, sad, angry or what with my tone and expression majority of the time. Even the cali thing mentioned about me having dry humor and not being able to read me.

Some of the marks I have left:
Balancing feeling and rational thinking
Focus
Passion
Living life fully
Adventure
Love and caring


These things don't come or are accepted easily, if at all.  These are the hard parts to deal with internally when it comes to interacting and being with me. I make you think and feel.  Through all that I am and what they think of me the simple fact remains.

I leave a crater
My mark

An Impact upon you

Monday, April 24, 2017

When Only the Hysterical Laughter is Left

I will help. Guide. Support.

Even when I have to do battle with you to do it.

But when you are not or don't do your part then there are consequences.

I have taken on mental charity cases that I shouldn't have. And I learned the folly of my ways. If they are really fucking fucked up then there is no hope for their ass. Leave them in the garbage ass city that they are from.

As I look at the pieces on the board all I can do is laugh and prepare for the Finishing Move that is to come.


Well true believers we will pick this up on ABM so we can keep it in it's proper place like everyone remains.

Back to this regularly scheduled program after this...

I Will Never Leave

This really said what needed to be said when the comment has been made about leaving them and being there. So here is some Rick Kelly to explain it.






"I'll Never Leave"

Shut up
I don't ever wanna hear you say that again
Baby, i'm not goin; nowhere
Look at me, you understand me?

What gave you the silly idea...that i'm about to leave,
Girl, who you be listenin' to...they must be crazy.
Look back and see our past and all the shit that we've been through,
I'll be damned if i'm gonna let this bull crap take me away from you.
Cause i've vowed to give my all and girl i'm a man of my word,
And on that word i'll stand tall..bein' without you sounds obserd.

So dry your weeping eyes..cause i'll be here by your side,
No need to doubt this guy..i'm in this for the long ride.

I will never leave, no
You don't have to worry, girl i'll be right there for you
I will never leave, no
Baby, can't you see that I was born to be with you
I will never leave, no
God put us together,nothing can't take that away
I will ne e ever leave, no
Now until forever i'll be with you the rest of my days

You never have to question..the love I have for you,
Girl, I will put my life..on bended knees for you.
Ask all my friends they'll tell you..you're all I talk about,
Even when I go to sleep you're the only one I dream about.
See i'm your picture, girl and baby you are my frame,
That's why I know our love will stay the same.

So dry your weeping eyes..weeping eyes girl i'm by your side,
Just trust me i'm that guy..i'm in it for the long ride.

I will never leave, no
You don't have to worry, girl i'll be right there for you
I will never leave, no
Baby, can't you see that I was born to be with you
I will never leave, no
God put us together,nothing can't take that away
I will ne e ever leave, no
Now until forever i'll be with you the rest of my days

Since the day that doctor took me out of the womb and spanked me,
Girl, I was born to be with you and the rest is history.
Generations and now i'm all grown up and you carry my seed,
Now we have flesh and blood with you I am in love.

For the rest of my life [2x]

We've been blessed with a love that's rare and i'm not goin' nowhere.

I will never leave, no
You don't have to worry, girl i'll be right there for you
I will never leave, no
Baby, can't you see that I was born to be with you
I will never leave, no
God put us together,nothing can't take that away
I will ne e ever leave, no
Now until forever i'll be with you the rest of my days